Why are some people so annoying and ignorant?!? :(

[Kirsten]

I'm so mad right now! :mad:

These days, I'm sitting at home and feel pretty useless and helpless due to a dislocated back, and I'm pain and I cannot do much. 'Cause I've been a bit bored that way, I invited my mother and her fiancé for a coffee, I thought it would be nice to have some company.

Big mistake! When they arrived, Reinhold, my mother's fiancé, obviously found it funny to get Lily startled; he entered the room by saying "boooo" - and it must have scared her, because she ran into another room and was hiding behind the cat tree (usually only Luna does that, and only when I'm vaccuum cleaning). Lily has never been scared of anything or anyone so far, and I got really mad when I saw that, believe me, I was close to asking them to leave! :(

When Lily finally came back into my room, she was hiding under the bed as long as my mother and Reinhold were here.

What makes me especially angry is that I have already told them in the past that I don't want my kitties to be teased, but my wish has been totally ignored. They just don't get my point, that I don't want my cats to experience anything bad.

And Lily is such a friendly and trustful little girl, so far she was greeting everybody who came to our place, and she sniffed their faces and acted friendly and curious. So I don't want her to expect anything bad from visitors.

I don't think I'll invite my mother's fiancé again, and needless to say, I was in a very bad mood for the rest of their visit!

Kirsten

[catnapper]

Grrr... Why not return the favor? Next time you go over to HIS house, pretend to go to the restroom, only run around to another room (say the kitchen) and wait for him to enter the room - then jump out and yell BOOOOO.

Now, some serious advice. Based on your previous posts about your mther, she has no regard for your girls. I'm sure you've tried to get ther to see your affection for them, but its apparently fallen on dear ears. I'm so sorry. Is thee anybody thats is friend or family that also loves their pets that could talk to your mom on your behalf? Perhaps if she hears the same thing from someone else she'll be more understanding.

For some reason, people find it funny to scare animals. I can't imagine what the excitement is. Oh goodie, they can show dominance over the animals... big stud he is, spooking a loving kitten.

Thank goodness that my mom understands my love of my animals!

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

What a horrible thing to do to poor Lily.

As he doesn't listen I just wouldn't invite him back again - and I make sure your mum knows why!

I am the same - there are people who are not welcome in my house because they don't treat Ally and Connor nicely.

In my opinion it's just like having kids - you want whats best for them, and if someone isn't nice to them you shouldn't have to put up with them visiting!

(((HUGS)))) - hope your back feels better soon. Have you tried a nice loooong soak in a bubble bath - does wonders for body and soul!

[Barbara]

Kirsten, I am sorry to hear that your back hurts again so badly. And I am sorry to hear that your mom and her bf don't take seriously what you say. I can't understand the dumb jokes about cats some people make and I can't understand people who taunt animals in the zoo, or try to scare a kitten (why can't he scare someone his size?)

On the other hand I am sure Lily will learn whom to avoid. You want to make sure that your little girls doesn't experience anything bad - but no parent, whether of skinkids and furkids can make that possible.

I think Lily up to now is socialized very well and that will be her basic behavior against others. It won't be changed by a single bad experience.

Give her some nosekissies from me.

[catcrazylady]

Kirsten I think that is just awful!!! My mother is an animal lover but I can relate with the bf thing. We have been through many and it is awkward when you really don't want them in your house. What he did is not only mean to Lily but it is disrespectful to you. He knows how you feel about her and that is why he did it. I truly don't think it had anything to do with Lily. For some reason some of my mom's bf's have also wanted to show some type of power. It's like your a little kid again and they think there is nothing you can do about it. They know you don't want to have problems with your mom so they take advantage of that.
If you confront him he will say your acting silly because he didn't hurt the cat but was only playing. He will try to make you look like the nut. My mother is currently married to man similar to this now. He is husband #6 so I don't know how long he will be around. He has never done anything like that to my cats but he has made comments that he knows will get a rise out of me. It is all about control. He is a control freak. At least once a month he pushes me to see how far he can go. Thankfully for me this current guy has stopped right at my snapping point. He knows it and I know it. It's like a game that they play and you have to stay one step ahead all the time. I finally quit playing and tell him exactly how I feel right there on the spot.
I wish you the best of luck. I'm sorry to ramble but you hit a nerve for me with this subject.http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/mad.gif

On a happier note...I hope your back feels better real soon. Sending PT prayers that you will have a quick recovery!!
http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/biggrin.gif

[Laura's Babies]

I don't have anyone in my house that treats my babies bad and never have. Just a sly comment from them like "The only good cat, is a dead cat" and they are not invited back. If someone came in and deliberately was mean, they would be asked to leave on the spot. That guy is a JERK and having his fun at your cats expense. Anyone who is mean to a animal will eventually treat humans the same way so stay as far away from him as you can!

[catmandu]

some people , sadly feel Big , by scaring and hurting Animals. But it makes them Small , and Petty! There just seems to be a general lack of mannners , these days , and that is a shame!

[Kirsten]

Good to talk to people who feel the same way! :)

I think it's true that he wants to tease me in the first place, and then he finds it funny when I get mad (which I did, of course). It's disrespectful to me, that's one thing, but when my cats are used respectively misused for these stupid jokes, I'm getting really mad.

catcrazylady, I know exactly what you mean, my mother and Reinhold are the same! They're like "well, nothing has happened to the cat" and then they try to make me feel like an idiot to get mad over that.

My mother knows how much I love my girls, and she knows they mean the world to me, and she likes animals as well, but she never accepted the way I chose to live (rather with cats than with husband and kids). She'll never really respect my decision (and "decision" doesn't mean that I say consequently "no" to a boyfriend, it's just that I'm not looking and that I'm content to live on my own). But my mother is different, she cannot be alone, so I guess I'll always be a mystery to her. LOL I think being so "different" has a lot to do with the problems we have with each other.

Anyway, thanks for the get well wishes for my back! I've dislocated it big time yesterday when I was sneezing (!!). I saw the physiotherapist this morning but the treatment wasn't really successful. I'll go back to her on Wednesday, that's when I have my next appointment. Unfortunately, I don't have a real bathing tub, only a small one in which you can sit, and that's not very comfortable.
As long as I can sit or lie on the bed, it's not too painful, it's just that I can't stand or walk. Doing my housework these days is a bit problematic... :)

Thanks for listering,
Kirsten

[kimlovescats]

:mad: :mad: :mad: This man is a total JERK!!!!!! Plus, I would tell my mom OFF if she said anything disrespectful about my cats! My answer would be to NEVER invite either of them back over again. Your cats are your family, and THEY live with you ... NOT your "guests"!!! :mad:

OK.... I feel a bit better now! :rolleyes:

Hope your back gets better soon! ;)

[moosmom]

That made my blood boil!!! :mad: :mad: Sounds like your mother has such low self-esteem that she NEEDS a man in her life. And a JERK of a man at that!

I'd invite friends over next time. At least THEY know how you feel and respect your wishes.

Hope you're feeling better REAL soon!!

[Corinna]

I have a never wavering rule at my house you mistreat my critters you are asked to leave then and there andasked to never return. If its a group (as yours was) all are asked to leave,they either learn or they don't really give a s**t about me and my feelings. My brother grew up knowing I'm this way and for about 2 months as a teen he wasn't allowed to visit my daughter couse he almost hit (with his car ) one of my dogs. He came flying in the drive not looking, he said later after the 2 months and aplosing his ears hurt for about 4 hours . I really laid in to him and pulled the coil out of his car and threw it in to a pig pen, he had to walk to the parts place and by another one. (I am a little less hostile now) We finally told my mom about this a year ago she wondered what had happened as he slowed down in there drive too.

[emily_the_spoiled]

Kirsten, I am sorry that your mother and her bf are such ignorant jerks. I understand that you don't want to fight with them, but it is not healthy for you, your back, or the girls when you feel angry and disrespected. I would consider not inviting them back into my house if I were in your situation. The rule in my household is that I must respect you before you are even let across the threshold and if you harm or scare my little family that is the last time you are permitted across the threshold. Your home is a reflection of yourself and your safe place, do not let these people destroy that.

Next time maybe invite some friends over (besides friends are usually better than family any day ;) )

Cheryl

[Edwina's Secretary]

I have this same problem with my sister's husband. He insists on picking Edwina up by the scruff of her neck..."as the momma cat does." He is not my favorite person anyway so I tell him she is grown...not a kitten...and please don't do it. Edwina expresses her opinion but I have seen her get in his lap when he is sitting in my chair...:rolleyes:

In any case, they are here...once, maybe twice a year. And...she is my sister.

[PayItForward]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
[B]He insists on picking Edwina up by the scruff of her neck..."as the momma cat does." He is not my favorite person anyway so I tell him she is grown...not a kitten...and please don't do it. B]
Poor Lily & Edwina and a big {{{hug}}} for Kirsten, I hope your back gets better soon.

I though picking up adult cats by scruffing could hurt ?

I'm not talking about scruffing a cat you are holdng to medicate him/her but actually lifting them up by the scruff without supporting their bottom ?

[Catsnclay]

These are the kind of people that LOVE pulling your strings......and apparently they do it very well :mad:

You need to prepare yourself for the next time they visit (if you ever choose to do that). Do NOT let them get to you, no matter what. Pretty soon there will be no more "fun" in it and (hopefully) it will stop.

If you do invite them back, place the kitties in another room so they won't even see them. I know that's hard to do because it is the kitties house too, but if they have nothing to pick on, then they won't pick at all!

Better yet, don't invite them over for a very long time........hopefully that will get the message to them :D


Gosh, I sure hope your back gets to feeling better. I have a bad back too, so I kind of know what you are going through. :rolleyes:

[Twink]

Kirsten, I sympathize with you soooooo much on this point. There’s nothing in the world more frustrating. What gives him the right to come into YOUR home and treat YOUR cat with disrespect? Poor Lily girl. Think about it. If you went to HIS house and deliberately broke a lamp or something, he’d think you were terrible. But he sees nothing wrong with coming to your place and causing your trusting, loving kitty to fear…in effect, “breaking” her personality. But to him it’s all good fun! :mad: :mad:

I was surprised to see this thread when I came here today, because I was going to post a similar one of my own. But now, I think I’ll just add my woes here, if you don’t mind.

My in-laws came to visit us on Saturday. I have a 7 year old sister-in-law (who is the BEST! ), and she loooooves kitties. Of course, she’s 7, so she’s not very good at relating to them. But guess what? SHE’S not the problem! Rizzo (my wonderful, laid-back fuzzy guy) puts up with her pretty well. At least, he lets her pet him and “play” with him (she thinks she’s playing…I think he thinks she’s out to frustrate the heck out of him!). We (her mom and I) watch, and try to coach her on how to play nice with a cat. (“Don’t chase him, Sarah.” “You should let him catch the toy every once in a while.” “Rizzo needs a break, Sarah.” “Honey, you can’t boss a cat around. It just doesn’t work!”) I have a picture of her trying to hold him, which is the funniest thing. Rizzo’s so big, you can’t see the child behind the cat! We figure this is a good experience for Rizz, since sooner or later, we’re going to have children.

But like I said, she’s not the problem. Guess who is? My 26-year-old brother-in-law!!! And he lives in town, so we see him often. He’s worse with Rizzo when he has an audience, though. EVERY time he comes over, he bolts straight for the cat, picks him up, flips him upside down and holds him like a baby. Startling for Rizzo, of course, but we hold him like that often, so he usually settles down and actually purrs for him after a bit. So, not quite a problem there. But it doesn’t end there. He tickles him. He sticks his finger in his face/mouth. The other day, he put Rizzo’s head in his mouth!!! And then started blowing on his face. He chases him. He wrestles with him (we do NOT want our cat to learn to play rough). He teases him in every way he can think of. And the worst part is that he will NOT listen to me when I tell him to stop. He acts like I’m not even in the room. The only thing he’ll acknowledge hearing is if I say Rizzo is not feeling well or hurt or something. Then he’ll put him down. But otherwise, it’s like since HE thinks that I’m being silly and overprotective, he doesn’t have to listen to me and he’s free to do whatever he wants to MY cat! It makes me so mad and helpless and frustrated that I don’t know what to do with myself. I actually resorted to violence the other day. Rizzo was taking a break from playing with Sarah and was trying to eat (a good sign that he wasn’t yet TOO stressed!), and Kevin crawled up and started pretending to eat Rizzo’s food, thereby taking up most of Rizz’s feeding space with his big head. I told him to knock it off b/c the cat needed SOME normality in his day, and anyway, Sarah was sitting right there and I wasn’t letting her bother Rizz while he was eating. So I didn’t want big brother setting a bad example. As usual, he pretended not to hear me. I’d had enough. So, I, uh…*cough*…kicked him in a place that presented itself for kicking while he was in that hands-and-knees posture. Not hard enough, though, as he still didn’t move. I threatened to ban him from our apartment (which I CAN’T do, really. Him being my husband’s brother and all), asked him who he thought he was, told him he had no right to maltreat my cat, and walked off b/c I couldn’t take it any more. Overheard this conversation:

Sarah: She yelled at you.
Kevin: Yeah.
Sarah: That’s ‘cause you were bad to her cat.

I love my little sister.

I think what I’m going to do is to put Rizz in our bedroom with his stuff and shut the door every time Kevin comes over. It’s better to do that than have his subjected to extreme jerkdom.

Kirsten, since it’s entirely your call, I think NOT inviting your mom’s fiancé over again is a wonderful idea. Give Lily kisses from me, and make as many rude gestures in the general direction of your mom’s fiancé as you like.
:)

[Kirsten]

Thanks everyone! You're right, it's probably the best to not invite him anymore.

When Lily was younger, he once picked her up by her neck - as happened to poor Edwina. I told him that only the mother cats are allowed to do that, and that it hurts otherwise. Okay, I know that many people do not know this, but that moment he has realized how protective I am over my cats, and I guess for that reason he's using my cats now to tease me.

Twink, I'm so sorry to hear about that and I can understand so well how you must feel about it. Poor Rizzo! Why is your brother doing this to him? Putting his head into his mouth sounds almost abusive to me (sorry to say that, but I really can't understand why people are doing this!). Sounds like your brother feels he has a very close relationship to Rizz, but after all, it's not his cat. And I guess it's better he does not have his own cat. Not easy to understand some people's acting... :confused:

Kirsten