Just venting, again...

[GoldenRetrLuver]

Yes, another venting thread...sorry.

I'm SO sick of everyone in my family just ragging on me.
My report came a few weeks ago, and lets just say I didn't get the best grades. I know I could try harder, and accepted punishment accordingly. I'm grounded for almost everything until the next Final report comes in, which is in about 17 weeks. I can handle that.
But, what I can't handle, are people still talking about it. Like my aunt. She IMs me, calls me, to just b*tch at me some more about it. It makes me feel worthless, like I can't amount to anything. I know she just wants the best for me, and wants me to succeed in life, but really I get it. Enough is enough. She has a step daughter, who is getting worser grades then I am, and yet she pays more attention to mine. I'm trying harder, studying more, and doing anything possible to boost a few of my grades up. It's my first year of high school, and it's really a lot different from last year, so I'm just learning everything.
Sometimes I just feel like everyone is trying to live their lives again through me, which isn't fair. I was talking to her today online, and we went on about what I want to be when I grow up. I'm not sure what I want anymore, and her response was "What?! Don't you want to be a vet? It's a fun job, you'll like it. Why are you not sure about it anymore?" GEEZ, it's my decision. Not yours.

UGH. I'm sorry to seem like such a downer all the time, but it piles up and becomes really stressful. :( I can't even go without thinking about it sometimes.

Thanks for listening...

[wolfie]

Ergh, I hate when people do that! x_x Adults think that it's caring when they ask about your grades and school and your future I guess, or maybe they are just remembering when they were young and deciding their future... But it can get annoying! It's like you have to be who everyone wants you to be, and live up to their expectations. But sometimes you just have to be yourself. :/

[wolfsoul]

Do I EVER know how you feel. My mom makes sure to bring up my grades all the time. It's always "How could you let it get this bad?" And they never seem to clue in, that by making me feel like cr*p, they're just making me hate school even more. She always tells me I'm stupid, and then when I tell her I get bad grades because I'm stupid, she says I'm not stupid I'm just lazy. Parents have a habit of contradicting themselves --- I think it's because they don't think we hear a word they say. Just try not to react to what they say. It's easier on you when you can pretend to yourself that you don't care what they say.

I'm hear if you need to talk; Think of spring as a way to start over. :)

On a happy note, I talked to my aunt about my trip to California! Read my lj! :)

[guster girl]

Have you tried talking to your aunt? It seems like you are ok with people talking about it, just not constantly. Just make a comment like......mmmm....."Hey, aunty. How would you feel if your boss at work kept telling you that you weren't doing your best, and, constantly reminding you, even though, you are aware and are attempting to change it, that you need to do better? It would get really old." I mean, it's one thing, if you are talked to and months down the line, you're still slacking or whatever. But, if you're aware of the situation and are doing your best to make it better, than people need to respect that and just help you if you need it. And, as far as what you want to do with your life, you have to first discover yourself and what you enjoy doing. If you're not 100% into it, you won't make a good vet, ya know? It's so wrong to do anything related to a career or your future because someone else wants you to. And, you're so young, you're supposed to change your mind and what you see your future as. I mean, really, every girl wants to be a veterinarian or something like a teacher or a ballerina when they're young. :) I wanted to be a vet until I realized how much I hated math. ha ha....Anyway, i hope they lay off a little.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

Thanks guys...
Really, it just makes me feel so stupid sometimes, I feel like crying. I'm not the smartest, and will never be the straight A student. I'm talking to her now and she asked "Okay, so you need to decide what you want to do with your life. Go into something with animals, or the computer. We'll have to talk about it later. "Okay..."
I don't know what to say to her. I'm 14 years old, by gosh. I still have a few years to decide what I want to do; and it should be ***MY*** decsions, not anyone elses. Just lay off about it. My parents don't even bug me this much about it, and I would think they would be the ones who would care the most.

[binka_nugget]

{{{HUGS}}} :( I hope things pick up for you.

Things at this age are really tough. I'm failing alot of my courses but I'm lucky (I guess) that my mom doesn't care. My aunt however, bugs me about my future and grades. She keeps telling me to hire her daughter's tutor when in reality, I can't afford to pay her prices. And when she asked what I wanted to be, I told her a dog trainer and she gave me this nasty look of disgust. Hey, I'd rather have a low paying job doing something I like rather than some office job that I KNOW I won't like. Don't worry..things will pick up for you eventually.

[wolfsoul]

Originally posted by binka_nugget
And when she asked what I wanted to be, I told her a dog trainer and she gave me this nasty look of disgust. Hey, I'd rather have a low paying job doing something I like rather than some office job that I KNOW I won't like.
What happened to your overpricing plan?!;)

[binka_nugget]

Originally posted by GoldenRetrLuver
Thanks guys...
Really, it just makes me feel so stupid sometimes, I feel like crying. I'm not the smartest, and will never be the straight A student. I'm talking to her now and she asked "Okay, so you need to decide what you want to do with your life. Go into something with animals, or the computer. We'll have to talk about it later. "Okay..."
I don't know what to say to her. I'm 14 years old, by gosh. I still have a few years to decide what I want to do; and it should be ***MY*** decsions, not anyone elses. Just lay off about it. My parents don't even bug me this much about it, and I would think they would be the ones who would care the most.

:( I hate it when people try to tell you to decide now. It's like they all stress that if you don't choose what you want to do by the time you graduate, that's the end of your life and you have no other choice. NOT TRUE. Lots of my friends still haven't decided what to do and our counsellor stresses that they have time to decide after high school. It's not the end of it anyways, it's only the beginning. There are always night classes if you decide to go into something else that requires a course that you never took in highschool. Don't listen to her..you have plenty of time to find something you like. Our counsellor told us that the average person changes careers 6 times in their life. You don't need to choose one solid career for the rest of your life at your age.

[slleipnir]

I kinda know how you feel..in a sense anyway. My dad will compair me to my brother or the other way around. Sometimes if I don't understand a problem he'll call my brother in for him to do it (or the other way around..depending) and it makes me and him feel like crap..like why can't you be like your brother or something. It's so annoying. I never did amazingly in high school either. I thought it was sooo boring. My dad never really pounded on me for not doing as well as I could have, but he never said anything if I did well either. Basically 'You could have done better'

Try not to let it get to you, I'm sure everything will work out fine sooner or later :X Did you try telling them how it makes you feel?

[binka_nugget]

Originally posted by wolfsoul
What happened to your overpricing plan?!;)

LOL!!! Oh right, hahaha..my plan to overcharge by 10X as much and teach in the wealthiest part of Vancouver. LOL! Like that'll ever happen.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

Originally posted by slleipnir
I kinda know how you feel..in a sense anyway. My dad will compair me to my brother or the other way around.

OMgosh, I can't believe I forgot to mention that. That's just the straw that broke the camel's back.
I get compared to my sister ALL the time. She just started middle school, and is getting very good grades. "Look at your sister. She obviously tries harder." Yeah great, just make me feel stupid some more. It's not like I get enough of it anyway. My sister, Jenny, though is nice about it. She sticks up for me lol. (she's 11 ;)) All I say to them is "Wait until she gets in my place...."

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by GoldenRetrLuver
I was talking to her today online, and we went on about what I want to be when I grow up. I'm not sure what I want anymore, and her response was "What?! Don't you want to be a vet? It's a fun job, you'll like it. Why are you not sure about it anymore?" GEEZ, it's my decision. Not yours.



Oh don't you just HATE that? One of my aunts is exactly the same way. Ever since I was in 7th grade, she's been nagging me of what I want to be when I grow up, and insisting that I be a doctor, like her. :rolleyes: I cannot tell you how much it annoyed me. First of all, she lives in England, and I live in the US. I don't see her more than once in a few years for a few days or weeks. I'm not close enough to her to talk so freely about such matters, let alone get a lecture from her about me becoming a doctor, something that I definitely, do NOT want as my profession.

On top of that, her daughter, who happens to be exactly the same age as me, and in the same grade, is dying to be a doctor and working towards it. For some reason, her mother wants me to be just like her. Whenever we visit them, I'm there for a few days, and all my aunt and cousin talk about is becoming a doctor, and blah blah blah. I don't want to be a doctor. Its not my interest. Its not something I have ever wanted to be. If my cousin wants to be one, good for her. My parents are not pressuring her into doing something she doesn't want to do. Why does my aunt feel the need to pressure me, and make me feel like a total loser? I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. It just isn't something she needs to worry about. Its my life, my education. I have decided what I want, with my own choice, and I don't need anyone trying to change my decision. What someone wants to be is no one else's business. They can ask, they can suggest........I don't mind, but when they insist and want MY life's decisions to be made by THEM, I mind big time. It hurts to be compared to others.

I have always gotten good grades throughout my school years. I don't look down on anyone who gets lower grades than me. I don't want to be given others' examples, nor do I want others to give their children my example (which my friends tell me their parents do.......and I don't like it!) :rolleyes: Everyone tries their best. We are all different, and will always be different. There's no need to push youngsters into trying to being someone they aren't. It affects their personality in a negative way. It isn't good for them, and their elders should be aware of that.

I'm sorry you're so frustrated right now Julie. I know how you feel, in a way. Hugs to you, and feel free to vent to me any time. After all, we are venting buddies, right? ;)

[CathyBogart]

I know exactly how you feel! My parents always resort to comparing me to my sister. "Your sister gets straight A's, blah blah blah" My dad rags on me for being stuck in a community college. My mom also gives me flak about "You should be a veeeeeet", even though I've explained to her that I can't stand most people who think they're intelligent enough to keep pets! (Which is why I love this place...the people here actually ARE!)

Just keep at it, and ignore the people who give you a hard time.

[catnapper]

Well, as a parent, its concern. If your grades were mostly low Cs and Ds, then baby, you're gonna hear it til finals come. sorry.:(

But if you're primarily pulling all Cs and they're concerned about your typical Bs or As faltering, then simply bring home reports, tests, and quizzes to show them proof that you're picking your grades back up. Believe me, all parents have heard, "I'll de better next quarter/semester" and when the next report cards came, the grades were just as low.

Also, your never mentioned whether or not you're involved in activities (cheerleading, chess club, soccer, you name it) Studies have shown and proven that students involved in clubs or sports average a solid grade higher than those not... so your C would be a B. I myslef know that I'm much more lenient on a low C grade when I know my kid's schedule of waking up at 5:15 to run, come back home and get ready for school, go to school, go to the track team's practice, come home, do homework, go to bed at 10:00. If he pulled the grades he currently has and wasn't living that schedule everyday, I think he'd be having my foot permanently implanted in his backside. :) Nothing annoys a parent more than seeing their kid involved in watching tv, playing on the internet, and talking on the phone... and wasting that time doing all of those activities instead of hitting the books.

All this coming from the other side - a parent. I hope it helps you! Good luck... I know you can do it!

PS: Parents do understand that Freshman year is shockingly different. We know that teacher's demands have suddenly increased. We also know that its hard to handle the pressure, but we are only preparing you for the pressures that are only going to increase as you progress throughout highschool and college (except your high school senior year: that's a joke. you can basically sleep through that one:D )

[K9soul]

I think it's fine that they are concerned, but I think by constantly harping on you and grinding it into you, they lower your confidence and self esteem, and that's so very damaging. Just like when we train our dogs, they do so much better with encouragement and positive reinforcement, than with punishment and lots of scolding. I still perform a LOT better under those circumstances than negative ones. Too much negativity, and after awhile you feel like throwing up your hands and feeling "what's the use."

I was very very fortunate to have a Mom that would show concern if I had a bad grade, but didn't make me feel awful for it. I grew up an only child with a single Mom, and she made it a point to be understanding and easy to approach. I can't thank her enough for that now.

When I was a lot younger, like in grade school, she'd offer incentives to succeed. Some people would say this is bribing, but I totally disagree. Incentive is totally different than bribing IMO. It gave me a goal to work for that was more tangible than a letter on a report card. Like she'd say 'if you get good grades (which was mostly A's or B's), we'll throw a pizza party for you and your friends at the end of the semester." It worked a LOT better, than say if she had said "If you dont get good grades, you'll be grounded."

As I got older and the grades themselves started becoming more important to me, I worked more for myself, and I also really looked forward to the praise and pride my mom would show when I brought home good grades. I began sharing more of my individual test scores and such, and when I failed something, well I wasn't afraid to tell her. And she would do everything she could to help me out in a harder project or class.

Try not to feel down on yourself Julie. Have you told your parents or aunt how they are making you feel? The more defeated a person is, the more it's hard to muster the will to pull out of it. I would hate to find out I was making my child feel defeated and lower in self esteem. Perhaps you could try to talk to them about this.

I wish I could help you out more somehow, but do try to maintain confidence in yourself. You know you can do better, so just try your best and do better, but for yourself, not for your family.

Give your pups a hug, and revel in the fact that they know you are always the most special and wonderful person there is! :)

*hugs*

[Moose]

I'm so sorry, Jules. :( I know how awful that can be. My brother is a couple years older than me, and so we went through high school, middle school, and elementary school together. Elementary school was no big deal, man...those were the days. ;) Anyway, middle school came along and things weren't too awful...but at the time, my parents thought I could have done much better...after all, my brother did well. :rolleyes:

Lucky me, high school wasn't much better. Let's just say I did okay, but I could have done quite a bit better. My brother was always on the high honor roll, he was the quarterback on the football team and a varsity basketball starter. Me? I got by with B's and occasionally a couple A's, I played a few sports...but I wasn't a team "star" by any means.

Naturally, my parents ragged on me all the time..."Your brother did this...your brother did that." They never really seemed to understand how much it bothered me and how awful it made me feel...and not to mention, how different my brother and I were. It took me until junior year to confront them about it. After talking to them though, they stopped. Granted, it might not really be that easy...but hey, it worked. :)

Maybe you could try talking to them.

If push comes to shove, tell your aunt to shove it up her...you know where I'm going with that one. ;):p

...and just remember, no one here would ever compare you to anyone. We are all always here to talk and offer shoulders to cry on. :) And hey, you've always got Daisy and Molly too. :)

[Logan]

I think grades, especially the ones that are lower than expected, are a personal thing, between the kid and their parents. I can't imagine sharing "bad" news with a relative and having them contact my daughter directly about it! :eek: I'm the mother of a 13 year old 7th grader. She does beautifully in school, but even when she does bring that unusual bad grade home, we work through it here, without bringing outsiders into it!

Julie, you can do exactly what is expected, without all the interference from outsiders. You are a smart girl, and I just know it from reading all that you have to say right here! Take your time to concentrate on your school work, ignore outside comments, and prove to yourself that you can do it!!! I know you can!!!!

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by Logan
I think grades, especially the ones that are lower than expected, are a personal thing, between the kid and their parents. I can't imagine sharing "bad" news with a relative and having them contact my daughter directly about it! :eek:

I *so* agree with that! Our grades/report cards/etc. never went beyond the walls of our house.........whether they were good, ok, or bad.....they were always ONLY between us and our parents.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

Thanks for all the responses, guys. I appreciate it. :)
I probably made my grades seem worse than they actually are. I did not fail any classes. If I did....then I deserve all the punishment/ragging I get, esspecially since I know I can do better. :p
My parents aren't the ones that keep ragging me about it. Of course they were pissed in the beginning, and after a two hour lecture they stopped. I understand that grades are important, but IMO they don't determine everything.
Lol, over here if I do anything that causes my parents to become upset, the word gets out. My MOM esspecially. My dad doesn't think it's anyone else's business what I'm doing, but knowing the blabbermouth my mom is, word gets out fast. So....I have to be extra careful what I do, if my mom's around. I also just hate it, because then if she mentions to one of my friends/family members, it makes me out to be the bad guy.
I've tried talking to my aunt about it, but I'm one of those people who hates to have people angry at her. My aunt just says "It's never too early to know what you want to be." True, but does that mean I have to decide this instant?!? NO. I love animals, but that doesn't mean I have, or want to become a vet. I've considered it before, but I'm learning about the other options you can take besides a vet.

[*LabLoverKEB*]

I hear ya! I feel you, too! I know how you feel, Julie! It sucks, doesn't it? If you ever need to talk, I'm there! By the way, cute siggy!:)

[catnapper]

Oh, I forgot to mention: you don't have to know what you want to be. Most people don't until their senior year (many even into college.)

I myself had the dream of being an interior designer since 8th grade. I worked my butt off in school and in a job so that I could afford to go to the college I wanted. So I graduated with this dream diploma, worked nearly ten years as an interior designer. You know what? I HATE it. No amount of money will ever convince me to go back to it. I'll help out friends and family - and love that... because its the "fun" part of being a designer. I refuse to work full time at it for Mr & Mrs don't-know-what-they-want-but-it-better-be-cheap.

The moral of my story is, no matter how early or late you decide what you want to do doesn't matter because eventually you'll end up doing what you love. Most peole I know start out in one major or career and then change mid-stream. My husband was an accountant and is now a history teacher. My kids will announce that they want to be a teacher, then its an X-ray tech, then its a park ranger. Thing is that you can imagine yourself in all of these jobs without commiting yourself to them at all. Thats the fun part of being young.

[K9soul]

I second that catnapper! I had a lot of changes in ideas of what I wanted to do, even when I started college. I contemplated changing majors and experimented with different classes and so on. I actually ended up doing something that I never planned on, but I do enjoy it, because it fits my lifestyle best.

My Mom switched careers in her 40s to something she never thought she'd do too. It all just depends on what your life is like at the time, and what happens to fit your lifestyle. Sometimes something can seem really fun looking from the outside, but turn out to be really stressful or not what it seemed when you get into it.

Julie, I remember being constantly told I should be a vet too because I loved animals. For some reason that is the first profession that comes to a lot of people's minds that involves animals, but there are sure a lot more out there. I knew I was way too sensitive to take that road, I could not deal with seeing and dealing with all a vet has to deal with.