Uggh...vent...

[wolfsoul]

I'm so incredibly sick and tired of how my mother deals with my dad.

She's always complaining that he doesn't pay child support. And apparently it's up to ME to make sure he does! She makes a list of demands and tells me to email my dad and get him to give me whatever it is I need. And when it takes forever for him to email me back, or he doesn't give me what I need, she completely takes it out on me, like it's my fault!

She says that I obviously don't understand how money works, because I keep trying to explain to her that he doesn't have very much money, and he can't afford to spend every last bit on me. We do fairly well without his money anyways. And I'm afraid that if I keep bugging him for stuff, he won't give me his car that he is supposed to be giving me in the spring.

Yeah, maybe I'd like some money so that I can do things, but I don't want to have to be the b*tch. If she wants the money so bad, she should email him herself and then she can't scream at me when she "can't" afford to pay for me. If I'm the cause of all her financial problems, than maybe she should have thought of a better method of birth control, and everyone would be alot happier.

God, she was screaming at me yesterday because I emailed my dad last week about buying me a bus pass and some stuff I need for school, and he still hasn't emailed me back. I don't exactly know how that's my fault. I didn't know that I really cared about it, but when she was yelling at me, and I was defending him, I actually started to cry.

She always says she's going to sue him, like she's threatening me or something. Well I really don't care at this point, because I just want to stay out of it. I know that if she does go to a lawyer and work everything out, they'll probably want her to sue for 13 years worth of child support, since he was only with me for the first 3 years. And I know if that happens, my dad will quit all of his assets and declare bankruptcy. That way, we don't get ANY of his money!

I'm tired of being the friggin go-between. Thank God I'm moving out next year. If she hates paying for me so much, then she should just stop paying for me. I'll starve, but hey, atleast she'll be saving up a few bucks for herself, and atleast my dad won't have to hear me ask for more money...Why don't we ALL live in a world free of responsibility, oh joy.

I'm trying hard to find a job right now. I was going to use it to save up money for college...but atleast it'll be just one sad person out of three instead of three sad people.

[K9soul]

That really does not sound fair at all for you to be put in that position. It is not your responsibility at all to make sure your Dad pays his support IMO.

My parents were divorced since I was a baby and my dad didn't want to see me or have anything to do with me after that. Mom moved out of Florida to Colorado when I was still a baby so I really have no memory of him. But at one point later on he was made to pay child support. It was $100 a month and when I was old enough and responsible, Mom gave the check over to me totally each month in order to get things I needed and sometimes maybe something I wanted. I used it mostly for clothes and necessities. I have always really respected that she did that, though I'm sure some kids wouldn't have been so responsible with it :p.

She worked for Child Support Enforcement though for many years, and if the other parent was not paying support, they were supposed to report it to the Child Support office who would then take legal action if necessary. You, or even your Mom, should not have to work directly with your father to get him to pay. :(

I'm sorry to hear you are in such a stressful situation and it just has to make you feel really down and out. I wish the best for you and hope you are able to get out of that situation soon.

[wolfsoul]

Thanks for replying. :) I talked to my mom about what would happen if my dad did start paying regulary, and she did say that I'd get a small portion of the money. You have no idea how happy that would make me --- I'm obsesseively collecting things to use on my puppy (that I won't even be getting until spring 2006! :o ). My mom just said she'll talk to her friend who is a social worker, and maybe they can work something out...

[K9soul]

I hope the social worker is able to do something then. I don't know about your laws there but in Missouri, where I lived at the time, they were pretty strict about child support. If the parent didn't pay it or refused, he/she could go to jail, or they could contact their employer and have the money just withheld from their paycheck.

When I was in college, one summer I worked as an intern there too where my Mom worked. It was pretty interesting, although all I was doing was archiving old files and stuff :p

About the check, Mom started handing it over to me when I was about 16 I think. We agreed she would just let it be my responsibility to get clothes I needed or gas for the car and so on.

[catnapper]

Your mom is completely wrong here. This is a matter between her and your dad. If he is not paying the minimal support dictated by the court, then she can contact her case worker and see what steps she needs to take to get him to pay the arrears. If the money she wants is above and beyond what is spelled out in the divorce/child support papers, then too darn bad for her, because he doesn't have to pay.

I am a step-mother of three kids and their mother is supposed to pay child support... we never see it. Their mother is over $20,000 behind in payments. As your mom how she'd feel if your dad never paid. She might appreciate what he does do.

The problem with reporting his delinquency to CS (If he is delinquent, rather than habitually late) is that they can toss him in jail. If he's in jail, then she gets NO money.

She can opt to take him back to court - but she then runs the risk of them re-evaluating the amount he owes and could determine that his financial situation has changed and make him pay less.

Also, in most states, its a law that a CS case can be re-evaluated every 3 or 4 years to determine if the amount paid monthly is appropriate for the parent on both sides.

I'm sorry that you are being thrown into the middle of this. Good luck!:)

[wolfsoul]

Thanks for your replies, and all of that info catnapper. :) I'll be sure to talk to my mom about it. I hope we can get something worked out. I'm tired of having to bug my dad for money. Even though he's a jerk for not paying, I still feel bad when I nag. If we had his phone number, my mom might just call him. I emailed him and asked for his number but he hasn't emailed me back. And now hotmail isn't even working, so I can't even get his email if he did send it! It's just so frustrating.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

Oh, I'm sorry Jordan. I think it's wrong of your mom to have you "talk" for her. All you have to do is move over here to Cali, and I'll adopt you! ;)

Best of Luck with everything. I'm here if you need to talk. :)

[moosmom]

Jordan,

Catnapper is right. You mother is wrong to get you involved. This is between your Dad and her. She is not being fair to you sticking you in the middle of all this. She is asking you to take sides and it's not right. If she has a problem with ANYTHING relating to your Dad, she should either consult the social worker or her attorney, and leave you out of it.

Child support is exactly what it says, money to go towards the support of the child. Food, clothing, rent, medical bills should be paid out of it. It is for HER pleasure or entertainment. I hope she knows this.