Need your thoughts, suggestions and support on this

[jazzcat]

I made the mistake of hanging around the adoption center when I took the blankets I made for the cats. The lady who runs the rescue's adoption center at the pet store knows me well since I've adopted two cats from her over the past year and half. Anyway, after playing in the cat room with several of the cats I was going to leave but Nancy wanted to show me a kitten. She's about 12 weeks old but looks a little big for that age, solid white with one blue eye and one gold eye and she probably has Siamese in her. She was rescued from a kill shelter this weekend. Nancy got her out and handed her to me and it was love at first sight. The kitten, named Selena, just purred the whole time and loved the attention. She tried to wrap her arms around my neck and finally went to sleep with her head on my shoulder. I've never had a cat or kitten do that!

I wanted to bring her home so badly but there are obstacles, mainly my husband. Nancy suggested I foster her for a little while in hopes that my husband will fall in love too and I can keep her. My husband was very clear after I got Scout that there are to be no more.

As far as fostering her my other problem is this, my mother is in poor health and in fact may be in congestive heart failure. I'm taking her to her cardiologist tomorrow morning and fully expect the dr. to admit her to the hospital. I help take care of my parents (my Dad has Dementia and early signs of Alzheimer's) and if my mom goes in the hospital I'll really have no time for a kitten.

I told Nancy this was based on "Ifs". If my mom is okay and doesn't go in the hospital and if the kitten is still available once I know what's going on with my parents and if my husband says it's okay then I would love to foster her for a week or so just to let her exercise and play. Yes, I hope it would turn into an adoption too.:D

So what do you guys think? Would another female cat cause havoc in the house? Do you think it would make Ripley start spraying things? Do you think I would have way too much feline estrogen in this house and Scout and Jazz would fight with the kitty? Do you think I've got too much on my plate right now to deal with adapting a new kitty to the household? How can I convince my husband? Help!!

I'm so confused. All I know is I want my mom to be okay and I want that kitten!!!

[Kirsten]

OMG, that sounds complicated!

First of all, I'm sorry to hear your parents are dealing with these health problems. If your mom really has to go to hopital and you have to care for your dad, I really think there's not enough time left for a foster kitten, especially when your husband doesn't support you.

But I can see you want that kitten so bad, and it would be so great if you could give her a permanent home. Would Nancy keep it for you as long as you have to care for your parents?

As far as your question about the other cats' reaction goes... I guess there's only one way to find out - bring her home!

I'm sorry, I know, I'm no help here! :o

Kirsten

[Lallypop11]

It sounds like you had a strong connection with that cute kitten. Most people end up with the cats they have by some sort of fate, they KNOW that they are supposed to have the cat somehow. How did you decide you were going to keep the first 2? I say foster the cat and see how it interacts with your cats and husband. Your husband should be respectful of your feelings and how strongly you felt about the cat. One more cat doesn't make that much difference, I should know :) As you see, I have twins (we had them first) and we rescued Lucky from the side of the road afterwards and we weren't planning on keeping him but here he is with us almost a year later. We have 2 boys and a girl so the dynamic in your house would be different. You can never tell though, unless you try. My opinion is that I think you had a strong bond with the cat and most people say that their cats picked THEM. It sounds like she picked you and is just waiting for you to figure out a way to make her part of your life :D

[catnapper]

I am so sorry to hear about your mother! My dad was sick this past fall with heart problems... so I know how scared you must be. Do your parents live with you, or do you just go over to their home and help care for them? It really does seem as if you've got so much going on, and you must be feeling as if life is spinning out of control.

I have no opinion on whether or not to "go for it" in regards to the kitten, only that if it is meant to be, she will be available once you are ready to bring her home. If she finds another home, then she wasn't meant for you. In the meantime, take care of yourself too! Please let us know what happens to your mom!

[jazzcat]

Originally posted by catnapper
I am so sorry to hear about your mother! My dad was sick this past fall with heart problems... so I know how scared you must be. Do your parents live with you, or do you just go over to their home and help care for them? It really does seem as if you've got so much going on, and you must be feeling as if life is spinning out of control.

I have no opinion on whether or not to "go for it" in regards to the kitten, only that if it is meant to be, she will be available once you are ready to bring her home. If she finds another home, then she wasn't meant for you. In the meantime, take care of yourself too! Please let us know what happens to your mom!

Thanks. My parents live at their house which is 45 minute drive one way so I spend a lot of time on the road. Last fall we hired someone to help. She works 4 days a week for 4-5 hours each day helping my parents with meals, laundry and companionship especially for my father. It's been a great relief for me to have the extra help since I'm not nearby. On top of all that my mother fractured 7 of her vertebrae last Feb. and was bed bound for about 6 months. She is now up with the help of a walker but only leaves the house for doctor visits, and that is in a wheelchair. BTW, my parents are 79 and 81 years old - they had me late in life cause I'm just 36.

I do have a lot on me right now so this probably isn't the best time but I feel really drawn to this kitten and like Lallypop said I feel like she has picked me.

Catnapper - I probably should take your theory of if its meant to be she will be there when I am ready. She is so adorable that I'm sure she'll get adopted quickly.

Thanks for the support guys!!!

[jenluckenbach]

So what do you guys think? Do you really have to ask what I think?

Would another female cat cause havoc in the house? I have 5 females among my 15 and 5 females in my foster room

Do you think it would make Ripley start spraying things? Possibly. Has he done that for other new additions to the family?

Do you think I would have way too much feline estrogen in this house and Scout and Jazz would fight with the kitty? They could fight with a male as easily as a female, or get along with a female as well as a male. I think it depends on the NEW cat's personality.


Do you think I've got too much on my plate right now to deal with adapting a new kitty to the household? Only YOU know this. Each person has their own threshold for dealing with situations.

How can I convince my husband? You don't! He'll deal with it if he loves you, trust me.

I am sorry to hear about your parent's. That is hard to handle sometimes.

subtle hint: MY all white cat is the light of my life! I'd have a dozen all white cats if I were to start over. ;)

[moosmom]

Jazzcat,

I've said it before and I'll say it again...

WHAT'S ONE MORE POOP IN THE BOX???

Bring her home, with the understanding that you are only fostering her. It's only a matter of time before hubby falls head over heals in love with her. Then, keep her. THE END ;) ;)

BTW, cats with odd color eyes, especially white cats (and blue eyes) can turn out to be deaf.

[cutie_chica]

Sorry to hear about your parents. My god and many angels be with them and get well :) Now about that little fur ball!! WHats one more kitty gonna hurt? Maybe you need a new baby :D

[shais_mom]

First off let me express my sympathy for your parent's health. I can't imagine how hard that is. My grandpa had dementia and it was sooooo hard on my mom and her siblings.
I think you should wait until how your mom is doing and pray about it. I will be praying for you and keep your family in my thoughts.

[kimlovescats]

May God bless you and your parents ... I know this is an extremely difficult time for you.

Follow your heart, and do what you truly feel will bring you the most peace. My best advice .... ask God for His direction! ;)


(((HUGS)))

[IttyBittyKitty]

Originally posted by jenluckenbach
So what do you guys think? Do you really have to ask what I think?

How can I convince my husband? You don't! He'll deal with it if he loves you, trust me.
;)

Hehe, Jen you've really got it covered

(Meezer crosses are great kitties btw :P )

[carole]

Gosh you really do have a lot on your plate to deal with, I can well understand how much you want this adorable kitten, been there myself, for me it was a financial decision, I just simply cannot afford another cat, no matter how much I would dearly love one.

Maybe it would be best to wait a while and see how things go with your mother, if she is meant to be your's she will be, it is so hard when your heart strings are being tugged so hard, I know the feeling.

I am sorry your parents are ill, and I hope your mother will improve, you are young and it is a lot to cope with, my thoughts are with you and I hope you get your kitten in the near future.

Positive vibes being sent your way . TAKE CARE!!!:)

[catcrazylady]

Bless your heart!! I'm sorry to hear that you have so much to take on with BOTH parents at the same time. Being a caregiver can be so stressful and exhausting mentally as well as physically. My prayers are with you and your parents.

Now for this kitten! Only you know if you will have time to make introductions and meet the needs of a kitten. It could go very smoothly or it could be one of those "Tons of Patience Required" situations. IMO...foster the kitty and see how it goes. If transitions are easy then you wouldn't have to have an added pressure worrying about that. You may get the kitten home and find that this is just not the right time in your life to deal with it. You would still be doing something great by fostering until adoption.
This baby may be exactly what you need in your life right now. Lord knows that kittens bring smiles, all out laughter, and lots of love.:D :D http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/biggrin.gif
Don't worry about hubby...they somehow seem to adjust.http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/biggrin.gif
Good luck and no matter what you decide it will be the right thing in the end.
http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/smile.gif

[bisi.cat]

I am so sorry that I've missed this post, because we have been infected by a trojan for the last two days...
I know you've written about your parents in another thread before (at least it was a hint on their situation) and I am sorry your mom is seriously ill now and can't take care of your father...one of my friend's dad has dementia, too and it's a fulltime job for her to take care of him...
So {{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you to have enough strength...

As for the cat, I think you already know deep inside what would be the best in your current situation...I know it's always hard to go to a shelter and see all those unwanted beauties and I feel always bad when I returned home without taking one in.
If you decide to take the new kitten in I wish you the best of luck, if you decide against it, because of your current situation and maybe because of Ripley, Scout and Jazz, try not to take it to hard...we cannot help them all and it's your very personal decision how many cats are meant to share your life...you've already taken in three wonderful cats and also Disney, you've started to help the cats with sewing blankets, you've made already plenty of cats happy...
:) :) :)

Whatever you and your family will decide on this I wish you the "Best of Luck" and listen to your gut feeling!!!

[catland]

OK - a little of the disenting view here.

First, why does your husband not want another kitty? The expense? The hassle? The space? I think its important to know because you are asking him to make a possible 15-20 year commitment and he should have some say in the issue. Is he concerned that you'll spend more time with the kitty and less time with him?

With that in mind, fostering might be a good alternative, providing you allow him to have a say once the kitty adjusts to your household.

As wonderful as that kitty is, and I know this is going to sound a little harsh, its much easier to find a new pet than it is to find a new husband.:eek:

Finally, I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It starts to get scary as our parent's health starts to fail.

[catnapper]

Jazz, I had the most realistic dream last night... I dreamt that we went to the shelter and adopted a little white girl kitty. It wasn't til I was long awake that I realized the kitten in my dream was yours! I even remember coming home, adding her to my siggy and starting a new thread announcing my new kitty!

Your post somehow has affected me because even though my parents are still young (mom was very young to have me, and my step father is younger than she is) but my parents mean the world to me. I saw my step-father's dad die of Alztheimer's three years ago and it was heartbreaking, so I know the long road ahead of you. My step-father got sick 6 months ago and never got anybetter, so after a few tests in the hospital, they found out he has a heart condition as a result of the virus that gave him a cold - the virus weakened his heart muscle and he will be on heart meds the rest of his life. Its so hard to be there for someone and then have to deal with the stresses of everyday life on top of that.

PS: My husband gave me no arguement over taking her home, he just knew it was inevitable and fell in love with her. In true life, I know that he'd kick and scream, then deal with it!;)

[jazzcat]

Thanks for the support and advice everyone. It really does help to have people who understand listen.

Good news on my mother, she is not in congestive heart failure at this time but the dr. is at a loss for her swelling and fluid retention. She has gained 15 pounds in water weight in less than three weeks. He said her heart size has not changed and her lungs and chest are clear plus her pace maker is working perfectly so he is going to increase her diuretic a to try to get rid of the excess fluid, especially around her heart. It was very good news seeing how I had packed her bag expecting him to admit her to the hospital today. To top if off, she felt so much better today that we went to her favorite restaurant for lunch and she walked all the way in on her walker - Yeah!!!!

As for the kitten I've thought and prayed on this and I know it is not the best time. I know that adorable little girl will get a home quickly so I will try not stress too much about not getting her. Anyway, I'm going to be adding to my care another four legged addition. This may sound insane but we are probably getting a dog for my Dad. He had really bonded with his neigbor's dogs and spent many an hour with those dogs (female beagles) until they were tragically killed two weeks ago - a terrible story. He's been very upset about it and has expressed wanting another - which our neighbors still have the parents and the brother of the females. So we've decided to ask the neighbors for the brother which I'm sure they'll be glad to give to Dad. I plan to post about him on the Dog side when we get this worked out. For now I will be getting estimates on a fence and having it installed before we bring him over. My entire family believes the dog will be a good focus for Dad and when the time comes that Dad can't keep him I or my sister who lives a couple hours away will take him.

Thanks again everyone!

[CatDad]

Ok, my advice is mute at this point, however that is a good thing. I am happy that you made a decision that you can live with at this time and did not push yourself. It really does sound like you have a full plate at this time. I hope the little girl finds a good home soon, from your description it sounds like she will.:)

I am happy to hear that the news from the doctor it good, even if it is a little puzzling. I hope that they find the answer soon.

Congratulations on the new puppy for your parents. I personally believe that animals are a great idea and will help them.

Prayers for your mom and dad. Also for you and your family.

[jenluckenbach]

I am glad your mom is ok. And I must say that I believe a dog is good therapy, but may I ask, do you think your dad can handle the care of a dog? That would be my only concern, otherwise it is a great idea! :) Sorry you are not getting the kitten, but you are correct, that one should be able to get a home quickly.

[sirrahbed]

Take care Lori - sounds like you have made wise decisions. There is a future time for a kitten if that is to be...I am also sorry to hear you are dealing with aging parents. I have been there and it is SO HARD. My mom also had Alhzheimers and it is CRUEL disease. Glad to hear your mom seems to be doing better! Hope a dog will be therapy for your dad, as well. :) The dementia patients respond so well to animals although the actual care will fall to another - you?

[kimlovescats]

It sounds like you have reached a comfortable decision .... and I support you 100%. Thank God that your Mom is not in heart failure, and what a BLESSING that she was able to walk herself in to her favorite restaurant! Can't wait to hear how excited Dad is with his new dog! Please keep us posted and hugs to you and your parents from me! ;)

[lovemyshiba]

I'm sorry you couldn't get this kitty, but it sounds like you made the right decision for you and your family.
I'm glad your mom is feeling better--great news!!!!

Did I read your post correctly?? A BEAGLE??!!!!!
Your dad will love him!!!!
I can't wait to see pictures!!!!!

Your family will be in my prayers!!

[jazzcat]

Thanks for the support everyone!!

I think the dog will be great therapy for my dad too. He so loved the female beagles. They were kind of wild and he worked for hours at a time till they learned to trust him and would eat from his hands. They would come to only him. The brother that we are getting isn't as wild and already eats from my hands and trusts both dad and me.

I've promised to take on the responsibilities of the dog - getting everything he needs. vet care and more. We have a lady who helps care for my parents and she has promised to take care of the dog too. She thinks the dog is a wonderful idea. My dad's disease is not so advanced right now that he can't care for the dog and with so many others helping it should not be a problem.