Advice please on unfaithful cats - what to do when their cat moves in with you

[Dudley]

Hi cat lovers of the world. We have a dilemna and a very awkward situation with our neighbour. One of their cats, Friendly-Puss we call him, has moved in with us and has no interest in going to his home. She rents the house in our street for a year and doesn't want to have the cats mess up the house so the two cats live in the garage except for coming in for a few hours when she eventually gets home from work. Her son adores the cats. She goes away every other weekend and the boy goes to his father. Even on nights when it's freezing cold the poor mites have to sleep in the garage. They often have no human contact for days. One cat is shy but Friendly-Puss loves company and warmth.

We cat sat for them (I organised a cat sit exchange - 4 neighbours in the street became members after a leaflet drop - so we can always find someone to cat sit while we're on holiday., found out he was banished to the garage and started to let Friendly-Puss in when it was very cold. He would run in to everyone's house anyway even before they got in the door. I now understand why he was so desperate to get in for some warmin' and cuddlin'.

I would keep going outside to look for her car and then eject Friendly-Puss so he could go to his own home, but there was no way for him to let him know he was there. I even the knocked the door a few times for him. I thought she'd pop round to get him as I told her he was following Dudley, our cat, through the cat flap when it didn't snap shut on the magnet. One week Friendly-Puss stopped wandering back to his old house at feeding times completely. We thought it stange that she didn't look for him and concluded she seemed really busy at work, with her new relationship, going away every other weekend etc. but I felt sorry for her son who is obviously very much attached to the cat. I knocked on her door with a xmas card and she told me they'd lost Friendly-Puss. I said "No, you haven't. He's asleep on my sofa - I'll go get him". But he refused to go in their house, ran away from her and kept following me. My husband tried to take him over later but the same thing happened. He ran out of his house. If I took him out of out house he just ran to the first neighbour who arrived home and went in with them rather than his owners.

We changed the cat flap because another cat was eating all the food when it hadn't snapped shut. It worked better but Friendly-Puss banged at it all night and scratched it badly, not that we care. He then worked out how to get in using brute force. He's a very strong cat for his size - must go secretly to a cat gym ;-)

I tried taking him ouside but he'd just come back in again. He's incredibly tenacious. Then when it got freezing cold again how could we kick him out knowing he had no-one at home most probably or even if he did he couldn't get in. He tries to get in with other neighbours if we send him out rather than get home.

We haven't told her that he now forces his way in. We just came back from a week's holiday in Florida and the other neighbour who cat sat said he was in our house every day. His owner didn't reply to my last text message and I don't know what to do. It was so embarrassing last time we spoke because they thought they'd lost him (funny they never asked us if he was in our place when they knew he was a frequent visitor), he wouldn't go in to their house and I felt so guilty. She said to throw him out and I did but he either came back or went to another neighbour's house. When it's real cold I feel awful kicking him out and when we're asleep or away he's coming in anyway so we just let him do whatever and feed him too now.

I don't want another cat despite him being well behaved, almost dog like obedient except for staying out and cute as hell. We'd like to emigrate one day and are happy having just Dudley who gets on with Friendly-Puss but likes to be the only cat in our life and really is our baby through and through. My ideal would be to temporarily give him the home he needs and then when she buys a place next year with cat flap he moves with them. I think she wants me to keep him out but it's tough a because he keeps coming back like a boomerang and I feel sorry for him lonely and cold. He seems to have had enough of trying to get attention and warmth from his owners and I think he'll just take up residence elsewhere if we don't contninue. I don't feel like I can talk to her even. Help - what's your advice?

[Cataholic]

Hi and welcome to PT! What a story. I can see the bind you are in. However, I am prolly going to say what you don't want to hear. Keep Friendly puss! He obviously prefers your house, and the company of Dudley, to his own. While I feel sorry for the young boy, offer to let him come over whenever he is around. As young kids are, he may grow out of his infactuation with the kitty.

I think FP has made the decision you can't...and remember, if he IS going to a secret cat gym...he might be able to beat you up if you keep locking him out of 'his' home...:D

Best of luck with your ultimate decision. Hope you stick around here and pester us with pics of both of your kitties...he he he.

[nodgeness]

Though I'm not in your shoes but because I am a kitty/cat lover. I would give the cat the attention he/she needs. I have two cats now who picked me to be the owner or should I say own me! Looks like this cat has picked you :-)
Maybe your neighbor isn't an animal person....meaning maybe she doesn't understand that animals need affection. Some people just view animals as JUST ANOTHER ANIMAL(she might be that type). I can tell you are not that type & so can that cat who has picked you! I know her child loves that cat & maybe you can work out something where the cat becomes yours ( if you want that) & the kid can come visit when he wants to.???? Hope that helps a little, but i doubt it does.

[luckies4me]

Welcome to Pet Talk! :D


I agree. You should keep him. I repsonded to your post in the thread I made, and I really feel that this cat has chosen you, and you are obviously smitten with him. ;) It's hard when there is a child involved, but the boy can at least come visit him.

[Dudley]

Thank you for your replies and especially the humor which made me feel heaps better. If we do the ostrich head in the sand thing he will end up living with us. She's not fighting to have him back at all so why should we bother.

I will definitely put up a pic of him. He's got a sticky out lower lip, short whiskas and wiry fur on the back of his neck so he's very characterful. Friendly-Puss's real name is Scooby. In the mean time here's a pic of Dudley and his late sister Penelope. They were lovely together for the firdst 6 months then Dudley was an absolute monster to her - we were so stressed by her being ousted from the house by him and becoming more introvert we said we'd never have 2 cats again. It's miraculous for us that Duds and Scoob get on together so well except for when Scoob makes the mistake of sleeping in a Dudley place and gets bitten until he moves.

I look forward to reading other replies.

[nodgeness]

What a great picture!
You have been picked to be owned by F.P.! I'm glad both cats get along. Keeping this one will keep you from having to one day introduce a new one :-) Duds prolly misses his sister & likes having another cat around.

[luckies4me]

Cataholic, have you seen this pic yet!!!! :D Look at the beautiful tuxes! What a cute pic, can't wait to see more!


By the way, you will be addicted to pet talk very soon, muahahaha! LOL :p

[Cataholic]

GOOD GOSH! What a PICTURE! I am in LOVE! I am sorry to hear of Penelope's passing. :(

The picture of Penelope and Dudley reminds me of Allie and Dakky, siblings of mine (who, by the way, are the LEAST friendly towards one another...go figure, eh?)
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid47/p702d8652a0c2afc220fc6a231f9fb39f/fcc5e7e9.jpg

[Cataholic]

But, I wanted everyone to see your beautiful picture! This is Dudley and RB Penelope.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid97/pb1ba05b3bca03b3a6950be62cfda53f2/fa124333.jpg

[RedHedd]

Welcome to PT! There is no higher honor in life than to be chosen by a cat to be their purrson. You are SO blessed!

It doesn't sound like Scooby's current mom really wants him (or the other cat - you did say there were two cats, right?) I'm sorry there's a child involved, but as others have stated, letting him visit sounds like a good arrangement if it works for you.

I do hope you decide to give Scooby the home he's decided to claim as his. Once again, welcome to PT and please more pics! :D

[PayItForward]

Dudley, welcome to Pet Talk :D

I would not normally recommend feeding/taking in someone else's cat but IMO anyone who keeps their cat in the garage/outside with no access to the inside, does not deserve to own a pet.

I would try and decide whether you will keep Scooby forever or if you want to rehome him.

Either way, I would tell his offical owner that you'll be keeping him/rehoming him, it is only fair to be upfront. It doesn't sound like she actually wanted him.
Any idea how she came to have Scooby ?


PS. Just because Dudley didn't get on with his sister doesn't mean he wants to be a single cat all his life.

PPS. When you emigrate, Dudley and Scooby can share a travelling cage, two can travel as cheaply as one, so don't worry about that cost.
-----------------------
EDIT I just reread your post, she has got two cats in the garage. In that case if you intend on keeping Scooby, could you ask for the other cat too and get her rehomed. I don't like the idea on one shy cat on her own in the garage :(
Or if you want to rehome Scooter, again you could rehome them both.

Do you need a list of local no-kill shelters ?

[cutie_chica]

Welcome to PT!! Sounds like a kitty choose you to be thier pet! lol, Tell the boy he can come and see the kitty when he wants. Its a honor to be choosen by a kitty :)

[Karen]

You have been chosen.

Do not fight destiny!

The will of a cat is as changeable
and as unceasing aswind in the mountains.
Better try to resist the coming of day
than to try to change a cat's mind.

You have been chosen.

And the two cats get along -

It must be fate.

The child, dear boy,
Can visit, right?
And at least he will know
His beloved cat is safe.

Easier to fight the changing of the tide
Than to change the whim of a cat.

You have been chosen.

Why fight it?

[bisi.cat]

Hi Dudley welcome to Pet Talk...you've chosen the right place...just like FriendlyPuss has chosen the right home!!!:) :) :)

I think it's really a good sign that Dudley accepts FP...maybe he's telling you to do so as well...

The neighbor doesn't seem to care lots about her cats, even when you've informed her that FP stayed with you for some time...I say there are always ways to negotiate about this with your neighbor...and who amongst us humans was ever able to force a cat into something he/she doesn't want...they always make up their OWN MIND!!! You better live with that idea...
:D :D :D

[Dudley]

I just had to show you what this little guy who stole our hearts looks like. I think the last pic was too big so I hope this one will come out okay. I loved the pic of the 2 tuxs in the box. My husband and I are just nuts for cats. Notice Dudley's huge tail. It's fabulous. He's fabulous. They look real grumpy in these pics because they wanted food not photography. I used stills from my DV camera so I could get the pics up quickly so sorry for the quality.

Yeah we worry about the other cat in the cold garage too - I'm going to work up the courage to speak to the lady but I don't think she's going to want to give them up as she sees it as temporary until she buys her own house. My brother lost his/our cat at age 17 to cancer just before Xmas and I was thinking Scooby could be a perfect replacement but he has chosen us after all and cats hate moving so I wouldn't do that to him.

Scooby came with the other cat from a shelter where they were to be homed together. Apparently when Scooby is not around the other cat Scully stops hiding and is more cuddly but with him around he stole centre stage and whipped her butt. One of the reasons I let Scooby in was to give his sister a bit of spot light time remembering how miserable life for our late Penelope was with Dudley attacking her if she stepped out of the kitchen. We tried everything, even wasted money on a cat psychologist and the situation got so desperate we had decided they'd have happier lives living apart but we couldn't bear to decide which one to rehome. And now these two guys get on fine with the odd territorial spat. Dudley got worse with Penelope as time went by so we make it clear in tiny ways to both cats that Dudley is number one (psychologist said it's natural to have an order in the cat world) and I don't want to take full ownership until I feel happy Dudley won't terrorise Scoobs until he stays away of his own accord in any case.

We do feel honoured to be chosen by him altho he does the rounds with anyone who'll let him in - he's a real lap cat and does what you tell him to almost like a dog. I swear he understands English. He uses the scratching posts too.

Lots of love to all you cat lovers.

[Dudley]

oops - why won't my images show?

[jenluckenbach]

WELCOME

I think you already know your answer. Scooby not only was meant to be with you but his own sibling cat as well as your Dudley know this fact already. Cats choose their people and it is not to be taken lightly. Cats will be stubborn and whether you realize it or not, this is YOUR cat. So pick him up, give him a hug and say "welcome home, baby".

[catmandu]

I have the same problem , with Cats , that are neglected , and prefer the Found Cat Hotel. It is a dilemma , whether to feed ,or ignore them. But I feed as they seem to need it.

[Cataholic]

Dudley,
To post on PT, you have to first put the photo on a public domain, like www.Imagestation.com. There are others, but, that is the one I use, and am familar with. You can't just post photos from your computer to PT...

To learn how...go here....
http://207.44.135.130/talk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7406&highlight=phreds+tutorial+posting

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid97/p369f3fc6245a97a96dcf03936e6d2218/fa11cfd9.jpg

[kittenwhiskerz]

This kitty chose you. That's that as far as the kitty is concerned. I have dealt with it both ways. Long ago we had a big beautiful, longhaired kitty named "Clarence" (what was I thinking). Back then I hadn't gained the mature sense that you kept your cats INSIDE. Well, even though he was spoiled, had access into the house all the time, and was greatly loved, he found an elderly lady down the street that he fell in love with. We tried bringing him home several times, but he wanted to be with her, so we let him go.
Then more recently we had a neighbors elderly cat move in with us. She was very old and they didn't provid a warm place for her. We were honest with them about it of course, there were children too, they agreed to let her stay.
It just goes both ways and the welfare and happiness of the cat is the most important.
Good luck! :) Darrolanne from CA

[kimlovescats]

Welcome to Pet Talk ... I too love Tuxies ... and your two are very handsome indeed!

I agree that this kitty has chosen you, and I seriously hope you will consider making him a permanent family member!;)

[Dudley]

Many thanks Cataholic for help with the pics and the kind words

[catcrazylady]

Welcome Dudley!! They are both beautiful kitties! I don't think I have to say much because
1) It has already been said
2) FP has already made the decision for you!!!http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/biggrin.gif

Just a short little story...There was this WONDERFUL kitty that belonged to my neighbor. His name was Bubba and he too was left outside. Whenever we went outside on our porch he would come running! He would wrap paws around your neck and drool like crazy when you loved on him. I so desperately wanted to let Bubba in but we were fairly new to the neighborhood and I didn't want to offend my neighbor. As I got to know her I realized that she would have gladly given him to me just so he could be indoors and well loved. She brought home so many lost kitties and put them outside. She offered food, vet care and a garage full of straw but little else.
A week went by and I hadn't seen Bubba so I went to my neighbor to ask about him. She said he had just disappeared! My heart broke!! Now we will never know if someone wonderful or cruel picked him up. Was he hit by a car, or did some wild animal get him. I still think about him today and it has been over two years!
I only tell you this because this could happen to you if FP doesn't find a loving home soon. He is begging for someone to love him and let him be an inside kitty.
I say give it your best shot with the neighbor and keep this adorable kitty!!:D :D http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/biggrin.gif

Looking forward to more pictures and stories about your kittie'S http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/wink.gif