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View Full Version : Remember that guy I was having problems with at work??



Tonya
01-03-2004, 09:49 PM
Remember the guy who was crazy, ADD, sexual towards me? Well he had an extreme blow up today. I just don't know what to do anymore aside from get a lawyer. It was so ugly. I've never gotten into a fighting match like I did today. He actually shoved me to the ground. I could have had his job right there, but I lost my temper, got up, and hit him back. I don't know what is going to happen. I might lose my job. I wasn't going to mention it to you all, but I'm so sick over it.

It all started because he's been getting copies of my jobs, following me, and making sure that I am in route....So today, I politely told him that it was none of his business and not to worry about me. I got up and went into the bathroom. He mistaked the sound of the bathroom door closing as the office door...he thought I was gone. He totally started going off about me. I can't even repeat the things that he said about me in PT. I was called things that I've never been called before. I listened for a good 10 minutes....trying to calm myself down and walk away. I couldn't do it. I confronted him.

I know this message is scattered. I don't know why I'm even posting it. Don't know that I'm asking for sympathy or advice...I'm just really really really stressed right now. This guy is killing me. I love my job...but I don't want to be known as the "ball buster". I try so hard to get along with the guys.

dukedogsmom
01-03-2004, 09:54 PM
I would have been fuming and I can't say what I would have done but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have hit him back. I would have called the police. I guess you're lucky he didn't because you both could have ended up in jail. At least, you could here. It sounds to me like he's stalking you. And with people like that, little pieces of paper(restraining order or such) I'm afraid don't do much good. Is there any way you can get transferred away from him? And I think you've been documenting all this, right? Now is the time to show it to your supervisors. I wouldn't have let it go this far.

green_chameleon_girl
01-03-2004, 10:00 PM
He hit you first and you just used self defense. He is a man you are a woman.. If anyone HE should loose his job. Any man who hits a woman makes me sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad:

Tonya
01-03-2004, 10:03 PM
I'll find out what happens to me on Monday. We have 4 guys at our office on "final warning" because of confrontations with this jerk. I'll be the 5th person....go figure.

You are totally right, Dukesdog. I've never had a man lay his hands on me though, it put me into shock. I lost it. If I could have maintained myself, I would totally have his job and his life. But I went into defense mode instead, unfortunatly. I was in such disbelief, that I came up swinging.

Tonya
01-03-2004, 10:04 PM
I must say, though....lol....See that smile in the Dog General pics? That's hours after the fight....GAWD, I've wanted to tell that guy what I really truly think of him for years! Felt kind of good! But once the adrenaline went away hours later, I was like "Oh crap! What'd I do!"

Karen
01-03-2004, 10:19 PM
Were there witnesses? At least to his "rant" it seems like there were. Let this be the final straw. Is there a fenmale supervisor or higher-up? If so, ask to meet with her and your boss at the same time, just to have a balance.

Him striking you is workplace violence. It will only escalate from there. We do not want to see your office on CNN like other workplace violence has been.

You will not be seen as a "ball-buster" because you are one of 5! This is serious, the man needs help. Mental illness is still illness, he's about as "disabled" as someone injured and in a wheelchair would be considered. I do not think he will ever thank you, but surely this should be the last straw for the company, and he'll be put off on disability/counseling.

wolfsoul
01-03-2004, 10:19 PM
I think you should talk to your boss. This guy caused physical harm to you first, which is practically an invitation to sue him. Plus, I'm assuming that he probably pushed your chest area. There's another thing; sexual harrassment. Either way, you could sue him blind. Your boss might also feel threatened, because since this guy is an employee, the company is also liable to be sued. Talk to your boss and tell him that you want this guy penalized.

tikeyas_mom
01-03-2004, 10:27 PM
you should talk to your boss asap, you shouldent be treated this way :mad:, that guy should loose his job.

Tonya
01-03-2004, 10:47 PM
There were witnesses...two of them...If I would have walked away when he pushed me down, I would have been ok...But I snapped after that. Hopefully they'll look at it as self-defense...but I was totally in the wrong at that point.

Tonya
01-03-2004, 10:49 PM
BTW, no female bosses. In fact, I'm the only female within hundreds of men in the region.

Karen
01-03-2004, 10:50 PM
You weren't totally wrong, don't think of it that way (even if you feel it deep inside!) By hitting back you may have prevented yourself from further violence. And you already feel bad enough - shelve that and go forward in righteous (but controlled) anger.

Just saw the "no female bosses" part, well, at least make sure there is someone else in there with you so you feel you have some support. (Besides me standing behind you in spirit, and my Mom shouting down support from heaven, etc.)

Tonya
01-03-2004, 11:01 PM
Thanks, Karen. I've already had several phone calls tonight from guys supporting me. Dave seems to be the only person in the world who thinks he's right.

G.P.girl
01-03-2004, 11:34 PM
Originally posted by wolfsoul
I think you should talk to your boss. This guy caused physical harm to you first, which is practically an invitation to sue him. Plus, I'm assuming that he probably pushed your chest area. There's another thing; sexual harrassment. Either way, you could sue him blind. Your boss might also feel threatened, because since this guy is an employee, the company is also liable to be sued. Talk to your boss and tell him that you want this guy penalized.
good point.
i would have hit him back so hard:mad: i can't believ he actually pushed you though:eek: i mean i'm all for men and woman equal rights adn stuff but any man who hits a woman...:mad: i'd knock him out:mad: i would sue the heck out of him too.he would be paying for every little thing that he ever said to me.:mad: :mad: :mad: people like that just make me so mad!

trayi52
01-04-2004, 12:19 AM
Okay, first that is awful that a man would actually fight with a woman. My grandmother always said a man that would hit a woman would not hit another man, in other words she meant he was chicken manure.

Now the next thing, did it feel slugging that craphead?? Did you give him a nice black eye? Was he shocked that little you had the jewls to come up fighting?;)

I don't see how you could lose your job for something that he started it.

Willie

Tonya
01-04-2004, 06:15 AM
Lol, Willie....You saw my smile in those pics in dog general. It felt really good to give him a piece of my mind too. You know how when you get really upset with someone and you kind of dream of all the things you'd love to say to them? But you don't have the nerve to in real life? -Well I said all those things! lol.

Like the guys at work said "What a real @#$& to have the gall to shove a woman and then turn around and call the boss." Apparently he made himself sound like the victim...I'm not worried about the bosses knowing who started it. There are plenty of witness and plenty of other confrontations that he's been in. I haven't been in a single confrontation in the 6 years I've been there. I am just concerned that they are going to discipline me on how I reacted.

It's 4 am now...I've been laying in bed all night thinking about this. I finally gave up and got out of bed since I have to work today.

I swear, if they discipline me for finally standing up for myself...I'm getting a lawyer. I'm taking them down for each and every little thing that has happened to me in the past six years. I've had it.

PayItForward
01-04-2004, 06:46 AM
Originally posted by Tonya
I swear, if they discipline me for finally standing up for myself...I'm getting a lawyer. I'm taking them down for each and every little thing that has happened to me in the past six years. I've had it.
If they try and discipline you, I would definately get a lawyer and sue them for every penny you can get.

If you can't get him relocated/fired, would it be worth looking for another job to get away from this situation.

I used to be in a bad situation at work for a year (few years back now) and at the time I didn't think the stress got to me at all but the relief I felt when I finally left. It was like loseing a big load, I had not realised I was carrying.

I an just worrying about the amount of stress this job is putting you under. Whatever happens good luck.

gini
01-04-2004, 09:31 PM
It is now 7:30 PM west coast time.......a whole day has passed......I am hoping that you are alright.

Do you have any access to a Human Resources person?

I would go as high as you possibly can in discussing this.

A word of caution though, this guy sounds like a real nut case.
I would talk to all of the guys that you feel will stand by you and tell them of your concern.

You might think about making a journal of all of the events that led up to him shoving you to the ground, your reaction, and all of the things that he said in front of other people about you.

This might come in handy later.

Most of all, I hope that something is done to rectify this situation. It sounds as though you are at the breaking point.

Tonya
01-05-2004, 07:59 AM
Well, the boss will be in this morning. I'm sure asset protection, the company lawyers and all those other jerks will be there too. I'm bringing my journal and some cards that Dave has given me in the past.

BTW, Dave called me yesterday. I guess it dawned on him finally that he's in hot water. He said that we wanted to move on...that his "sense of humor got out of whack." I was up on a telephone pole in a customer's backyard (and boy does sound travel, I'll save that story for later.)...and I couldn't help it...I was practically yelling into the phone..."Your sense of humor?! Sense of humor?! You are real &@#@ hilarious! Forgiving you, now that's real funny. Piss off." I realized after I hung up that anyone could of heard...but I didn't see anyone around. whew.

Tonya
01-05-2004, 12:16 PM
I put an extra thread on it...Don't know why, not thinking straight. Both of us got suspended pending investigation.

trayi52
01-05-2004, 12:44 PM
Tonya, that really sucks!!

Tonya
01-05-2004, 01:18 PM
One witness said "I was there, but didn't hear or see anything." The other told the entire truth. My dad is a union steward at my company, but I don't use him since he's my father and all...but I just talked to him. His point of view made me feel better. He says that they can't smoke Dave without first suspending us both during the investigation process. That is simply proving that they didn't jump to conclusions, they took their time investigating before they fired him. He says I should just hold tight and keep my mouth shut; that I'll probably get my money back from my suspension. He says I should think of it as a vacation on the company's expense.

HoRsELUvR
01-05-2004, 02:14 PM
I hope that they will realize that you are not the one at fault here.You dont deserve to be treated like that.Its not really your fault that you felt like retaliating when he hit you.He shouldnt have bothered you in the first place, he knew what he was getting into. Let us know how things work out.

ramanth
01-05-2004, 02:24 PM
Fingers crossed for the best Tonya!

gini
01-05-2004, 02:50 PM
I hope that your Dad is right!!

RICHARD
01-05-2004, 02:57 PM
As a long time union guy.....


don't talk to him or anyone else about this....
Don't take calls from co-workers and as bad as this sounds ...don't count on eyewitness accounts to bolster your arguement...

People get 'spinal disease' pretty often....



Gini

Daddy knows best.

;)


Not going to wish you 'good luck'...you need luck playing the lotto, this is your lively hood...

the truth will come out.

Go get em.

Tonya
01-05-2004, 04:30 PM
Thanks, all. I just took a long, hard nap. I hadn't slept well the past few nights. I feel better. Whatever happens, happens.

Miss Meow
01-05-2004, 08:14 PM
Originally posted by RICHARD
As a long time union guy.....


don't talk to him or anyone else about this....
Don't take calls from co-workers and as bad as this sounds ...don't count on eyewitness accounts to bolster your arguement...

...

I agree totally. I'd keep quiet to reduce rumours and any chance that he can weasel his way out of this by approaching you. I know the situation looks awful now, but this is a real chance for him to lose his job and for you to get some peace of mind (and some sleep :))

All the best, I hope it works out in your favour {{{fingers crossed}}}

Tonya
01-06-2004, 02:57 PM
Well, the boss and union steward just called me. They said that the investigation is still pending, and that I'm still suspended. They'll call me again at 4pm tomorrow. (Wednesday.)

gini
01-06-2004, 03:12 PM
I suggest that you take another long hard and well deserved nap today - and hopefully enjoy your time off.

I'll continue to send good "vibes" your way that this gets resolved in your favor!

Tonya
01-07-2004, 07:47 PM
Ok, the boss called me tonight. He says that I can come back to work tomorrow. We'll have a meeting and he'll let me know what they decided.

I got many calls today from my co-workers supporting me. I sure love those guys! (With an exception of one. :rolleyes: )

Please have me in your thoughts and/or prayers. I really don't want to have this turn out to be a huge escalation if I don't have to. Thank you!

G.P.girl
01-07-2004, 07:53 PM
Good luck!!:)

AmberLee
01-07-2004, 08:07 PM
Holding you and this situation in my prayers.

joycenalex
01-08-2004, 06:40 AM
tonya, i'm hoping to read better news today

ramanth
01-08-2004, 08:06 AM
Hugs and Luck! :D

stacwase
01-08-2004, 09:56 AM
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. If I were you, I wouldn't chicken out. Have you seen your company's sexual harassment policy? Have you gone through the proper channels and filed a complaint against him? If I were you I'd do it. Tell your whole story - about him stalking you etc. Then if your company doesn't support you or do the right thing, you can sue the heck out of them.

By the way - did you hit him hard? Did you leave a mark? I hope you gave him a great big black eye.

You could have had him arrested for assault. You weren't the first one to get physical - you were just defending yourself.

What a jerk. Is this guy really high up in th e ranks or something? Why are so many people on final notice because of him? If the company had any brains at all they'd see that he's the instigator and get rid of him.

Tonya
01-08-2004, 10:42 AM
The reason why he has gotten away with so much is because he used to be management, and he is a snitch.

I am on final warning for using explicit language. The next time I sneeze, I am terminated. I'm in a freakin construction yard...and the first person that they've ever disciplined for language is a girl?!

He's on final warning for violence in the workplace.

I took two days off to find a good lawyer.

Corinna
01-08-2004, 10:52 AM
I think the lawyer is a good idea. I grew up in a place where I was the only girl in the pack 12 guys. I know its hard to remain a "lady" . But maybe they want you to so your not as threating seeningly to some of your customers.
Not saying I agree or like it but I 've been in that type of situation once I hated it but what can you do abiout that.
But you can do something about the Jerk and his inapprpate behavior. I would go after him not the company as that could get you fired . Maybe just a call from a lawyer may shock him and make him realise he's way over the line.
What does hubby say about all this?

lizbud
01-08-2004, 11:01 AM
Tonya,

I wish you luck with this. It must be very stressful for you &
your family.

I will tell you one thing, if that incident had happened here
where I work, both individuals would have been immediately
terminated. End of story.:( Indiana is an "at will" state. Anyone
can be let go at any time (or, at the will of the employer) If you
had not retaliated (easy for me to say, I know) your case would
have been much stronger & you probably could have sued him
in civil court as well as press charges in criminal court for assault.

I don't work in a union enviroment, so I really don't know much
about how much they can help in this case. I'd listen to your Dad's
advice I guess. Good Luck.

Tonya
01-08-2004, 04:09 PM
I know, I've thought about it a million times since the incident. If I would have walked away, I would have had his job. I guess hindsight is always 20/20. It was just so shocking to have someone, especially just some co-worker say those things to me and put his hands on me. I'd already had so much hostility built up inside of me from all the things he'd done.

My hubby wants to kill him. lol. (Not literally, don't worry!) I talked to my union for a while today. They've given me phone numbers and avenues to get started. I actually kept the cards from a few months back when he was sexually harrassing me, so I do have hard proof. I also have quite a few co-workers that are going to vouch for the things he's said and done in the past.

What a mess!

On, the brighter side, all the guys at work had taken up a collection for me. (My suspension was unpaid, and we're all trying to save money right now for the strike in April.) There was $300 in a card that said "Cheer up!" and all the guys had signed it. They felt my suspension was wrongful since this guy has antagonized so many people.

G.P.girl
01-08-2004, 04:59 PM
Awww how sweet of them!

Corinna
01-08-2004, 05:14 PM
I'm glad to hear they all care in your shop. I would fallow the union advice .
Glad to hear hubby is angry would hate for him to be one of those deal with it yourself kind of guys. It means you;'ll havee good support. Prayers going out to you , glad you kept the evedents to get him. go for it girl.

joycenalex
01-08-2004, 06:11 PM
tonya, how long does a "final warning" stay active or stay in your file? if you're clean from any infractions for a year does it go away?

Tonya
01-08-2004, 07:20 PM
They said it is indeffinate; it doesn't go away.

Tonya
01-21-2004, 05:43 PM
Just an update...I've made so many dang threads on this whole issue.

They interviewed everyone at work yesterday. Apparently people were willing to talk because they suspended the guy pending termination. I was worried that people would just want to stay out of it.

My union steward couldn't give me much info. She just said that they told him that he had an unpaid suspension pending investigation of Sexual Harrassment and Violence in the Workplace. She says they did tell him that it was me bringing on the charges, but they didn't give him any additional information. She said that the investigation will probably last two to three weeks.

trayi52
01-21-2004, 06:52 PM
Tonya, I just wonder how they conduct this investagation? How do they collect the information they need? Just curious.

Tonya
01-21-2004, 08:15 PM
They didn't tell me...but here is what they have in their hands:

A copy of my journal that I've kept the past few years.
Copies for private messages
Copies of cards from him
Various statements from myself

Interviews from about 75 people (Whom I believe 90% said something negative about him.)

Also, all of his previous history from other violence in the workplace, etc... incidences over the past 25 years.

They are also interviewing people from my class. (We took a class together.) They are also interviewing my dad (he works for the company). And other employees that have worked with him in the past at other places.

stacwase
01-21-2004, 08:22 PM
Sounds like you're going to win this one, don't you think! Keep up the good work. I can't believe they've kept him on this long.

Tonya
01-21-2004, 08:38 PM
That's how the company lawyer feels too. He can't believe with this guy's history that he hadn't been contacted sooner. I won't be surprised if management doesn't get into trouble too.

He seemed to be upset when we has questioning me with the fact that no management was present that day we got into the fight. He said "You mean to tell me, that with the recent tension and aggressive work environment, you management asked you all to come in on a Saturday without them present?" I answered "Yes." He then said "Do you feel that if management was present, the argument wouldn't have escalated?" "Yes."