I'm totally losing it!!!!! :(

[NoahsMommy]

You guys. Please offer me some advice. I don't know what to do. Eight cats is too many for me to take care of, and is about 7 too many for David to "deal" with. :( :mad:

Phoebe is peeing all over our freaking apartment. She's now residing in her cage in our closet because she can't stop peeing everywhere. All the boxes are totally clean and in safe, quiet areas. I have two Feliway plug-ins in a 850 sq ft apartment. I add Rescue Remedy to their water daily.

My latest plan was to make sure NOTHING is on the floor for her to mark, pee, whatever the reason she's doing it for. And this morning woke up to her peeing on our bed, ON DAVID!!

Before she was in the closet, we had her in the bathroom for the morning after the bed incident. She was crying and David totally blew up at me. I don't know what to do. I'll take my cats over stupid David anytime. But what really made me mad was that he pounded on the door while she was crying and yelled "Shut up you stupid cat!!!" She's a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What gives anyone the right to act like that toward a baby? I don't think she knows what she's doing, she's an animal.

What do I do? I think we'll need to just find homes for Samson (formally Emma) and Phoebe now. Its just too much and I don't think its fair to our other cats. I've been saying that for a while now, but its hard with their eye condition, trusting someone to care as much as I do. We'll keep them until after they're recovered from their surgery, but now David's freaking about that too. Aparently he's been quite resentful of the cats taking up my time and our $$....that's a whole other story.

I'm so sorry to unload all this on the internet. I don't have anyone else to talk to where he wont hear me. Or...people that will understand what my cats mean to me.

I've stressed myself out so much, I have to go take a stupid vicodin. :(

What do I do? Any ideas on how to make her stop peeing? David's annoyed he has to hear her cry in the closet too. :rolleyes:

[cutie_chica]

Well, I only had this problem once, and it was when I went away for a weekend and left my Princess with my boyfriend for a week after I returned she left a "prize" for me everyday on my pillow. I think cats do it to rebel, maybe there are to many cats for her, and she feels like she isnt getting enough attention? I would Imagine having 8 cats is a hard job. I only have 3 and Its hard for me! Good luck! Keep me posted on how you kitties are doing!

[Barbara]

Kelly I just came here and read it and I am so terribly sorry. I don't have any advice - just a lack of experience here. Eight kitties may be too much.

I know I have seen David with the cats before and he seemed close to them. So maybe he's just a bit overwhelmed by the problems at the moment -and men can take less than women.

I send my thoughts out to you.

[Pam]

Kelly I am so sorry to hear you being so stressed. I am afraid I have no advice to offer, having only ever had 2 cats. I am hoping Jen will see this thread and offer some suggestions. (((hugs)))

[NoahsMommy]

Thank you for your kind words.

Barbara...I 100% agree that men cannot handle anywhere near as much. I know its not fair to him if the cats are causing him problems if it was me who brought them home. I'm so frustrated...they get so much attention and love, they all do, it seems like its my full-time job. I guess, maybe Phoebe just needs to be in a home with less or no other cats. :(

Pam,
Thank you for your hugs.

[Cataholic]

Kelly,
I don't have the magic solution to stop the peeing, but, hopefully you realize this IS a temporary situation. I know with Binx, there have been more than one time where I said, "That's it! I can't take it anymore. Too many animals, too many problems." It does pass. I would confine Phoebe to a crate, with a box, for awhile. I know Jen L had this problem, and I forget how many weeks she did it with her kitty. Then, obviously, you have to address the issue with David. Either he stays with you, and deals with the fact you have cats, or he doesn't. It isn't fair to you for him to accept it sometimes, and then be resentful others. You could have a far worse 'problem' then being too compassionate about cats. Please hang in there.
Johanna

[jenluckenbach]

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry!!!!!!!

Has Phoebe been doing this all along, or has this come up since the spay surgery?

Believe me........I have had many times when I was ready to just "sell all the cats!!!" I cry and bring myself close to hyper ventilating. Too many......too much.......too expensive........too time consuming......... Then I think of their alternatives. A cage at a shelter. A new home that may (or may NOT) understand their idiosyncracies. A room at a no-kill shelter where there are usually far too many cats and far too little time for proper affection. At a home that would keep them outside only. DEAD. None of these things seem fair, to them or to me. I'd never forgive myself. Now don't get me wrong, proper re-homing is often a good thing, it is what the fostering is all about, but to just give up those who you prominsed to love and care for should not be done lightly.

In your shoes I'd start with Emma. IF the surgeon wants him, let him go. It would be in his best interest.
Then work with Phoebe. Figure out why or how it can be solved.
And talk with David. Tell him you agree, it might be too many and it IS nasty to have to clean up all the time and it's terribly expensive but life is not always perfect. If you gave birth to a child who continually had serious problems, you would not just send him away. you'd find ways to deal with it.

Hope things calm down soon, and talk to your vet about Phoebe. There IS help out there.

[Cincy'sMom]

I'm sorry things are so stressful for you right now :( And I know how much you love and care about Phoebe and Samson, but you have to do what is best for your family...the other cats willnotice your strss and won't be as happy. If you think things willg etbetter andit can work, then by all means go for it. But if it isn't going to work, I'm sure you will find them great homes. Is the vet (or was it vet tech?) still intersted?

Good Luck! I hope everything works out for the best for all involved

[NoahsMommy]

Jen,

I swear you live in my head!!! EXACTLY...everything that you said....EXACTLY. That's what's been going through my head. We can't give up on them, there is a reason we have them. If we didn't, I just know they'd be put to sleep with their eye condition.

I really, really hope the surgeon still wants Emma/Samson. Gosh, if she doesn't...I don't even know where to start. :( Customers are always calling for kittens, so I guess that would be a good way. At least I'd still get to keep tabs on them.

As far as David. This whole thing has more than showed me that he needs to mature GREATLY before we even consider something like kids. He is such a drama queen when he finds out. :rolleyes: Could you imagine how he'd react if it was a child??

Phoebe has always peed on that lambswool stuff they put in kitty beds. So, I keep those type outside in the enclosure and have only that slick surface cat beds in the house. The morning of her spay, she peed in one of the new beds I just bought so I washed it out, sprayed it with Frebreeze and took her in. (At the vet, she will only use her litter box.)

Last night, David found her scratching on top of a plastic grocery bag. She peed in that. I also caught her inside their new toy box, peeing all inside it. I had thought I smelled cat pee in it the morning of her spay, but figured it was just the cat bed. Turns out that has been a favorite spot too!!! :( This morning, I was cutting out coupons and she peed on the paper!

David even said that if she doesn't stop peeing, we'll have to put her down! Yea...that went over quite well, I told him I'd put him down first!!!! :mad:

[Kater]

I'm so sorry, Kelly. :( ((((HUGS))))

It seems to me that the more kitties you try to integrate into one home the exponentially harder it becomes to add one more with totally "smooth sailing." I agree with Cataholic that this is most likely a temporary problem but it will probably take a lot of diligence and time to work through (none of which I doubt you would happily give your kitties!)

However, David's immaturity may make that quite difficult. :mad:

I think you need to think of your original kitties (the 6) and yourself (especially your health!) first and try to get these two into a new environment. Are there any rescue orgs or no-kill shelters that you would trust with Samson & Phoebe? What if you offered to pay for their expenses until they were adopted, that could offer as incentive for the groups to take them. I think sometimes rescue groups have willing caretakers but just not enough money to take on additional rescues. That’s really the only idea I have right now but if I think of any more I will PM you.

And if David has a problem with that (the money) then tell him when you took on the responsibility of these kittens that you always intended to keep your promise to them and get them better lives and loving homes. You take your commitments seriously and can diligently work to push through the bad times as well as celebrating the good. Perhaps you could even add that you’d appreciate it if he took his commitments as seriously. (No, you don’t have to say any of that, that’s just what I would say. ;) )

More ((((HUGS)))) to you, sweet Kelly. Again, I’m so sorry that so much &%^# is going on right now.

[NoahsMommy]

You all are so sweet. Thank you so much for being here for me...I can't tell you how much better you've all made me feel.

Johanna,
Thank you for your support. I know this shall pass. I have to remember that.

Kate,
You are such a sweetie. Thank you so much for your reassuring words and wonderful ideas! I'll call my TNR contact today. :)

Jen...or anyone who knows. I just fed the cats. I put Samson and Phoebe into the bathroom to eat (like always, so they eat their food and the older cats leave them alone). They are still in there, but I don't know if I should allow Phoebe to play for a few moments. Will that make it harder to keep her in her cage/crate? Will it have an adverse effect? Or, will keeping her in the cage be worse?

[NoahsMommy]

OK....I feel the need to give David a tiny bit of an excuse for being mad (that's all, he's allowed to be mad at this, but nothing else)...

Phoebe did pee and poop on his softball bag and glove. :(

[shais_mom]

Wow, Kelly! You poor thing!!!
Sounds like you have been thru the ringer this weekend!!!
I think the best thing would be to rehome Phoebe and Samson. I know you love them with all your heart but it sounds as tho Phoebe has some 'issues'. That, yes can be worked thru and I know you are more then willing to do it, but it sounds as tho you might not be getting the support you would need now. Would the eye doctor consider taking both of them? You can give the whole kitten speel as to at least they would have someone else to grow up with and play with type thing.
As for David, hmmmmmmm, I am not quite sure what to say. Yes he has a reason to be angry and vent. And sometimes even tho you know it doesn't do any good to yell at something b/c they don't understand, doesn't make you any less angry. I probably would have blown my top also. Sometimes you just have to have temper tantrums, I guess, and it seems as tho things are coming to a head in your household. :( And the good thing is that Phoebe was on the other side of the door. And noone got hurt, just pi$$ed off.
I am going to step out on a limb here and be the 'bad cop' and say, I for one have been worried about you since you took in these (adorable) kitties. Money issues are none of my business, but I am more afraid of the fact, of your apt manager if you get 'caught', having the extra cats. :(
I know that multiple cat households can thrive and flourish, as it is successfully being down countless places here in PetTalkville alone, and I know that the people that have replied to you can offer you more and better advice then I can. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and offering support if you so desire. I am only a PM away!
{{hugs to you}}

[catcrazylady]

I'm so so so sorry that your having such a hard time! It will pass and it will get better! It is stressful to care for so many furbabies and especially when you have one that wants to pee everywhere!Maybe David needed to blow off some steam and he will feel differently in the morning. Sometimes you just have to let go and it sounds like he didhttp://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/smile.gif The holidays add more financial stress and maybe that made him think about how much the kitties cost. I really bet things look better in the morning.
I have no idea what else you can do to get Phoebe to stop peeing everywhere. We all know the trouble little Katie has caused for her family. We are going through a similar situation right now because I haven't gotten the two youngest boys fixed yet. They are marking things and we all know how that smells!!http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/tongue.gif My husband knows that we can't get them to the vet due to work hours and money until after the first of the year. He only lost his patience once and this is what I did. Maybe this will make you smile. He went to bed one night before me so by the time I got there he was already asleep. I crawled in under the covers and landed right in a big wet pee spot!!http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/eek.gif Instead of waking him up and changing the sheets I got up took a shower and then went to sleep in the recliner!! I let him sleep all night under the pi$$y blanket and I felt so much better for doing that!http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/biggrin.gif That was my way of getting even!! Fortunately my husband is very patient and kind and loves the cats very much. He just occasionally has enough, but sometimes it is overwhelming for us all!
I know you have talked to the vet about Phoebe and I suppose there wasn't any advice that would help?

[jenluckenbach]

When I had to cage re-train Jim and Sterling, the vet recommended that they stay in there without outside roaming priveledges. BUT when I told her that Jim was terribly stressesd in the cage (noisy as all get out!!!) she said then allow them supervised visits outside the cage, but keep close tabs on them. So use that as your judgement as to whether to allow Phoebe time out or not.

[aly]

Kelly, we need to talk on AIM. I'm in a very, very similar boat with 8 cats and 5 dogs. Also dealing with pancreatitis, mange, and some other minor illnesses among them.

Anyway, I want to talk to you so pm a time or something when you can be on.

Hang in there!

[catcrazylady]

One more thing...I will be saying prayers that this is all resolved soon. You love your babies, and you love your husband. We feel the need to protect the furbabies at all costs so you don't even get the chance to express your frustration over Phoebe's peeing problem because you don't want to anger him. A lot of us totally understand! I hope you feel better soon.
Prayers and HUGS are on the way!!

[popcornbird]

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry to hear about this! I too, am hoping it is only temporary, and that she'll stop this behavior soon. I can't exactly blame David for being upset. I know I would be too, and I LOVE cats! We all get frustrated at times, and sometimes take the anger out on those we shouldn't, unintentionally. Hang in there! You have such a big heart to take so many needy kitties in, and I'm sure God will help! Tell David to be patient, and not get too upset. I know it must be hard to handle so many animals in a small apartment. I know I wouldn't be able to do that. You're amazing that you have taken so many kitties, while living in a small home. Obviously, you do this out of your love and care for them. Good luck! You'll be in my prayers! I wish I could be any help, but I haven't had much kitty experience in my life yet, so I don't know what to say, other than I'll be praying for you! {{{hugs}}} Please don't let this get in the way of the relationship between you and your husband. Hopefully you can both discuss and find a good solution, that's best for both of you, as well as the kitties. He did accept the fact that you got the kitties in the first place, so I think he should be more accepting of them than he is. If he wasn't ready, he shouldn't have allowed you to add to the kitty herd in the first place. :( I'm sure there will be a way out.

[PayItForward]

Oh Kelly, I am so sorry things are not going well :(

I agree that it would be best to rehome Emma if the eye surgeon still wants him.

I don't know what to suggest about Phoebe, I believe in fate, if you are meant to keep her you will, else a new home will be found. Good Luck either way.

Re...David, I need to repeat Cataholic's quote.


Originally posted by Cataholic
Either he stays with you, and deals with the fact you have cats, or he doesn't. It isn't fair to you for him to accept it sometimes, and then be resentful others. You could have a far worse 'problem' then being too compassionate about cats.

As David allowed you to adopt these cats, this is a commitment you both made together. The time to object to any cat, was pre-adoption not now.

In light of your current situation, I spoke to Steve about our cats (As I have a tendancy to be very stubborn at times)

When I asked his about whether we agreed about the adoption of our cats. He said "Well, you didn't want Bramble, at first" Which is true, not that I would be without her now.

I know Steve wasn't 100% behind adopting Sandy, he thought Sandy would remain very angry (which is funny considering that Sandy prefers him to me.)

But at the shelter I said it was his decision because if I get run over tomorrow, I didn't want Sandy to end up at another shelter :(

David, has to realise that these cats are family and need to be treated as such. But I am sure he spoke those words out of anger, as when you post about him, he comes across as jointly caring for your cats ?

We are here, if you need to talk.. Sending Prayers and positive thoughts your way. :)

[NoahsMommy]

Things are much better now. Phoebe is still in the closet for when we aren't able to keep an eagle eye on her, but is now sleeping on our now freshly washed quilt next to David on the couch.

We've cleaned the entire apartment so she wont find anything other than the carpet and couch to pee on. Something she hasn't (and I doubt she will) attempted.

All their toys are drying on the counter tops, awaiting some more Frebreeze tomorrow morning. All cats are asleep after a marathon playing session. ;)

We've decided its best to rehome the babies after their surgery. We'll begin looking for homes now, but wont let them go anywhere until they are healed.

We're going to ask the eye surgeon if she still wants Samson at his next appointment in two weeks. And....see if she wants Phoebe as well. I know that once she see's her, she'll fall in love with her too.

I have a huge request. Please, please, please pray that whatever homes arise, that they are perfect for these little ones. It'll rip my heart out when we have to hand them over, but its necessary. I want my quiet, clean home back, as well as my totally happy kitties.

David apoligized for his unkind words and for being grumpy. Now that I've calmed down and have finally eaten, I know that if I were him, I'd be pretty mad too. His softball bag, equipment and glove were covered in pee...and we'll have to buy him a new glove as soon as we can.

Anyway, thanks for being her for me with your kind words and advice. :) You are all better than family, you're my PT friends.

Love you all!!!

[Christiansmommy]

I am glad to hear, most importantly, that you and your husband have "made up", and have an understanding now. It can be a very stressful situation having a pet mess in the house. I know, we are just about done potty training Dale, but it was a hard few months with him and it stressed my husband and I out on more than one occasion.

I know how hard it is to have to rehome a pet also. But if i had never rehomed Gabe, he never would have had the chance to live out the rest of his life with Greamer and Miley (and mommy SAS), the best things to happen to him...he would have missed out on it...Knowing that your cats will find great homes (b/c you will be careful of who you adopt them out to)...you and your husbands relationship can heal a little, which is most important out of all of this, in my opinion...so just know that rehoming does sound like the best thing for your entire family...which matters most...and maybe their next family can keep in touch with you and send updates, so you can know (how i had the luck in knowing about Gabe)...how they are, and how perfect their new homes are for them. I think everything will work out fine...and all parties included will be content. (((((HUGS)))))

[shais_mom]

I also wanted to add just in case anyone thinks, that I am NOT condoning his anger or temper tantrum or pounding on the door. But I am glad that he has apologized and things are better.
Good luck and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[CatDad]

Kelly I am happy to hear that things have calmed down a little and that you and David have patched things up.

I wish had had something that would make it all work, but I don't. I just wanted to offer my support to you.

Prayers and good thoughts for you David and the kitties.:)

[Kater]

Sounds like a bunch of good news, Kelly!

Won't the surgeon be surprised to find out that Emma ...is really Samson the boy-kat! Heeheehee! :cool:

I'm thinking you should tell her....

"Well, I know you were interested in adopting little girl-kat Emma, however, this kitty turned out to be Samson the boy-kat...but we don't want you cheated out of a sweet girl-kat so Samson comes as a package deal with his adorable sister Phoebe!" :o

It just might work! :p

Praying (HARD!) that the best of homes will be found for these delightful darlings!

[Miss Meow]

Kelly, I'm all worn out just from reading this thread, so I can only imagine how drained you are. Hugs to you, David and the kitties.

From what I have read, re-homing Samson and Phoebe sounds like the most sensible option. Phoebe is using her bladder and bowel to lash out in her own way because she isn't happy, and your home situation is being affected. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is, so I'll send you as many positive thoughts as I have and hope they help the little ones when it's time for them to be re-homed.

I know what it's like with your husband, am going through something similar at times when the pups are being right devils. I feel sometimes that maybe I pressured Shane into getting dogs, or we took the step too early, or 100 other guilty thoughts, but I have learned to tell him to pull his head in, shut up and go for a walk until he cools off. Animals behave in certain ways for a reason, and us getting angry doesn't do a damn thing to help ... send me a PM or e-m if you want to chat, OK?

[krazyaboutkatz]

Kelly, I'm glad to hear that you and David have made up. I also think that rehoming Phoebe and Emma is the best solution for everyone. I know it'll be hard but I'm sure everything will work out in the end. Hopefully the eye surgeon will be able to adopt both kittens. Please take care and know that we're always here for you. {{{HUGS}}}

[Nomilynn]

Kelly I'm so sorry to hear about all this :( It sounds like Bassett, when she gets in a bad mood - she shows her displeasure by peeing in/on things as well. Are you sure it isn't health related? If it was, that would make things SO much easier on you both.

I don't really have any advice, just know I'm praying for you guys :)

Naomi

[bisi.cat]

It made me so sad that I've found this thread this morning...
As being a one cat household I can't offer any advice, but be sure you (two-legged and four-legged) are all kept in my prayers...

I know we women often get very emotional about our cats and their needs, sometimes too emtotional for the men (husbands) to bear it...I guess it was just an overreaction with David...and I am glad to read that you've talked about it and came to a solution...
Whatever you've decided about your felines it will be to their best...there are always ups and downs in every relationship, but you can stand every test when you talk about it and find a solution together!!!

Sending best wishes and {{{{{HUGS}}}}} ,

Sabine

[lynnestankard]

Oh Kelly - I've just read through the whole thread and I feel as if I've been through a wringer. What you've been through is just too stressing for words.
I'm pleased you and David have made up, being angry isn't going to help the situation one bit. Men seem to lash out verbally very quickly without being aware of the hurt they do us.
I'm sure the answer is getting Emma/Samson and Phobeb re-homed.
As I was reading through I kept thinking of Gabe and his lovely, happy move to Graemer and Miley - maybe, just maybe your two babies weren't meant to stay with you for always.
I know it's been a hard time for you, the furbabies and David - so {{{Hugs}}} and nose kissies are flying over the miles to you all.xxxx

Lynne

[cutie_chica]

Im glad to hear that your kitties are doing better. And Im sure your little kitties will find a great home! Who can resist a fluffly little furball with 4 legs? :)

[Pam]

Kelly, what wonderful news! Gosh I was glad to read your update this morning. Sometimes stress can cause people to say things they don't really mean and I think that David's and your "stress-o-meters" have probably been pegged lately! :) I think Robyn made a good point regarding Gabe. Successful re-homing can happen and you might still be able to keep in touch with your kitties' new owners such as she was able to do with Sallyanne. Remember Sallyanne's Bengal, TiTi? Well she gets updates from his new human every now and then. In fact just today she e-mailed me an update. Sometimes re-homing is the best thing although seems very painful at the time. ((((hugs)))) Fingers, paws and claws crossed for the bestest forever homes for your two.

[kimlovescats]

I'm just now reading this thread, and boy was I relieved to see that things are now going better!

Trust me, I do know exactly how you and David have been feeling! Like Jen, I have had plenty of times when I was overwhelmed and thinking I'm going to have to find homes for ALL but one of my cats. Then I say, but I can't give up so and so, or so and so, or, or, or..... and before I know it, they are all staying, and I'm so grateful I didn't give ANY of them up!!!! :D

Yes, there are times when I say, I wish my house didn't smell like a litter box .... I wish there wasn't always hair and litter trails, and such all over the place. But then I imagine an immaculate home with NO KITTIES!!!????? :confused: What kind of life would that be????? I would be totally lost without my kitties .... they bring me so much joy, and THEY are my purpose for living each and every day!

Fortunately, my hubby loves them just as I do ... and he generally own stresses when I do .... then we both get back on track together!

Hang in there, we all understand and love you!!!

((((HUGS)))));)

[Felicia's Mom]

Have never had more than 2 cats at one time, so I can't offer any advice.
I'll just pray that if you re-home any it will be to the right home.