Please help!

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

I don't know what to do anymore. Ally and Connors constant "bickering" escalated into a full blown cat fight this morning. Not even a spray bottle could separate them! It took us ages to get them apart, and put them in separate rooms, then when I allowed them together in the same room again the were fine.

The problem is that my husband is losing patience with them. He says he is fed up with them fighting all the time. (They carry on really late at night and early in the morning, so they wake him up). This morning he was so cross he said he will get rid of them if I don't sort them out. I begged him not to mak me get rid of them, but in the long term if the situation does not improve I will have to look at re-homing Connor. This is breaking my heart, and I am crying as I write this:( It will be next to impossible to find a home for Connor here - especially with his deafness. Most people here only like persians and other pedigree cats, and the majority are outdoor/indoor, which is totally out of the question for a deaf cat!

Ally is actually the cause of 90% of the trouble. She teases and smacks Connor until he loses his temper and fights back. My nerves are at breaking point with this whole situation, I just want to cry every time I think about it.

Ally is also being very aggressive with me. When I was petting her on the weekend she attacked my wrist and hand very badly - she grabbed with her claws and bit really hard. The puncture wounds are very deep, and it took about 15 minutes to get the bleeding under control. I have been to the doctor, and am not able to move my hand properly - the Doctor has given me antibiotics and painkillers. (Of course this has just served to upset my husband even more - unfortunately she "attacked" me in front of him, otherwise I would not have told him :rolleyes: She seems to be showing "misplaced aggression" - I am worried sick that the next time it will be one of the kids.

Feliway is not available here, and will take a couple of weeks to get here if I order it off the web.

Would Rescue Remedy help? (I THINK it may be available here). What is the dosage?

Please help - I dont want to have to re-home Connor. I just cry every time I think about this mess.

[NoahsMommy]

Oh no! :( I'm so sorry to hear things aren't doing that great with Ally and Conner. :(

Rescue Remedy should help. I put three drops in their mouth, twice a day.

Gosh, I hope they cool out so you can keep both of them.

[aly]

I can go get you some Feliway if you want but I'm not sure how long it will take for the package to arrive.

I'm sorry you're going through all this. I pray it will work out :(

[CatDad]

I wish I had soemthing for you, but the experience that I have with multiple cats is Bob and Joey. The worst that they done in a year is ignore each other. So in other words I am of almost no help:(

One thing does come to mind, since it is Ally being the agressor could it be that something has changed or that she thinks have changed. One of reason that I can imagine would cause her to become an agreesor to even you is a real or percived change in her environemnt.

Also, along with the Rescue Remedy, I think I read something about a drug that Jen uses and the NoahsMommy used on Noah. I think it was an anti-anxiety drug, called Clomicalm. That may be a last line of defense.

I know aly offered, and I would too be more then willing to go and get you something and ship it to you. Just let me know.

Last, but not least, I am sending prayers that you find a resolution. Also prayers and thoughts of comfort to you, the fur kids, and your family. Also a big long distance hug to you.:)
{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}

Please keep us updated and feel free to post and ask for support or rant which ever will help the most. I do it.;)

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Thanks everyone. I have been close to tears all day at work. I have found a lady here in Bahrain who has Feliway (they do not allow homeopathic medicines here, so NO pharmacy has Rescue Remedy). She is charging me over $60 for the plug-in, but at this point I don't care! I am going to buy one now then go home and plug it in! I'll let you know what happens!

[bisi.cat]

First of all, be assured you will not have to return Connor to the shelter...just imagine what is going on with the cats right now:
Cats do not have a constant order like dogs, rather they have involved a certain place and time schedule also, that means if it is okay for Connor to be in a certain place in the morning it is not acceptable for him to be there in the afternoon.
Ally tries to show that she's the top cat, that's because she uses the same litter box like Connor, cats outside always mark on other cats' scent and feces to clearly show them, this is my place at this time!!!

I think the main problem is not aggression, but Connor's deafness...is it that he often doesn't react to Ally...she may get angry because of his non reaction and jumps on him and Connor is scared (who wouldn't at such a sudden attack!)...

Your cats seem to be alright after such a fight, and they even be together again without showing signs of fear or aggression...I think their problem is only related to reaction and non-reaction...
and I guess they are even more scared when suddenly the humans interfere and become nervous, too...

I think Ally has to learn that Connor is deaf and it's not him being mean, but it's just simply that he can't hear and Connor still has to learn Ally's complex rights at the house.
Just play a lot with them together and talk to them often, maybe then Ally gets a clue about Connors reactions.

Although a cat often doesn't calm down immediately after an attack, sometimes they are so excited that it takes quite a time until they've calmed down. Both cats seem not to understand each others cat's reactions, like:
"Hey Connor's in my place! Get out of there NOW!"
"Hey that guy doesn't listen!"
So Ally jumps on him and Connor being scared doesn't understand it at all and reacts with defence, wondering "Hey, what have I done???"

There are two very good books about it, I've recommened them here already a few times. Please, give it a try!!!
Is your cat crazy? by John Wright
and
The cat who cried for help by Nicholas Dodman

I know your cats will learn to understand each other!!!

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Bisi.cat, you have brought some very interesting ideas into my head! Thanks for the great advice. I am very over-emotional about the entire situation at the moment. Also the fact that my husband is NOT patient with them is making me more tense.

I will try to get hold of those books and read them ASAP!

I have plugged in the Feliway diffuser - does anyone have an idea how long it will take to "kick in"? I have put it in the kitchen, as this is where they spend more of their time, and also where their food is.

I also spoke to another vet today (she is the one who saved Connor when the shelter rescued him - she fixed up his little stumpy tail etc), and she said that if the Feliway doesn't work, we can take them for hormone injections. I've never heard of this before - have any of you tried it????

Thanks to all of you for supporting me through this - you are all great, and I am so grateful for all my friends here at Pet Talk - I don't know how I would cope with this without your help!

(((HUGS))))

Julie

[jenluckenbach]

I am so sorry this is happening, but I think Bisi.cat has hit the nail on the head. Time alone might iron problems out. The natural remedies might also help, but feel free to ask your vet for prescriptions if he feels it would be helpful. I will not only pray that things will work themselves out, I wll also pray for patience on your husbands part. Some things in life take time, and the end results are worth the wait.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Is dried catnip available? I have read that catnip, a stimulant when smelled, is a calmative when eaten. I feed dried catnip to Edwina while she and Eddie were adjusting and it did seem to calm her a bit.

I hope it gets better.

(BTW...here the plug in was $40+ so don't feel that bad!)

[Lallypop11]

I'm so sorry you are having problems with Ally and Connor, how long ago did you introduce him? It takes a while for cats to get used to each other, especially starting with a single female. They are the ones with the most attitude, however introducing a male is the easiest as opposed to introducing a female, so you have that on your side. Ally is used to being the queen of the castle and has what we call "sibling rivalry". She was used to getting all the attention and not having to share. This new situation has caused her obvious stress and I agree that Connor's deafness is why the introduction is taking longer to calm down. Their fights sound pretty serious and there is no doubt in my mind that Ally biting you was because of Connor, that anger was directed at him, not you. :( I have heard of Prozac for cats, and perhaps Ally needs that to help her through the introduction. My advice would be to buy the feliway and make sure you give Ally the attention she desires so she doesn't get AS jealous. Also, perhaps she would like her own litter box and food dish? She sounds like a princess and as long as she continues to be treated like one I think she'll be happy and will eventually have to come to terms with Connor. Keep them separated for now and supervise a daily visit, try to see what actions upset her and cause her behavior, then try to adjust according to that. Also, if your husband loves you, he needs to be understanding of your cat situation, threatening you will not help anyone's situation! Don't back down, you have a say in your pets life too! Regroup and try again, there IS a way, you just have to find what works best for your babies. Good luck! :D

[Cataholic]

OH, Julie! How awful. With your husband so close to the edge, that just can't help things, can it?

Try to look LONG term...like three months...and know that ALL of us can stand MOST things if we know it is short term. That is what it will be here, short term. If things weren't ever going to work out, they would be at each other nearly constantly. bisi.cat really addressed some very valid points. Keep those in mind. Also, try spoiling Ally, nearly to the point of exclsusion. Ally may feel her order threatened, within the house, and with you. Is she treating your husband and children the same?

Good luck, hang in there.
Johanna

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Thanks again everyone! I have plugged the Feliway diffuser in, so we will see how that helps!

I have tried catnip - Ally quite likes to eat it, so I'll give her some tonight and see if it helps.

I don't think it's a problem with sharing anything specific - just the whole house in general :rolleyes: Ally has her own bed(s); food and water bowls and litter box, I have tried not to make her "give up" any of her special things - for instance there is a chair with a fluffy cushion and a great view of the birdies, where she always naps during the day, but Connor also fancies the same spot, so I bought another chair and identical cushion, and placed it a bit further along the window. She also still lies on my lap, whilst Connor will normally lie next to me, as he can't seem to get comfortable on my lap! Things have been quieter so far today, although there is still plenty of time for trouble before bedtime!

If the feliway doesn't work the vet wants to try Hormone injections. I haven't been able to find much about this on the net - have any of you tried this?

(((HUGS))) to you all for all the support - you are keeping me sane at the moment.

[catmandu]

The thing that i would try , is to completey sepeperate hem , the slowly reintroduce them. It seems as though Connor is misiterpretting the Lily Cats attempts at Play. Patience , as I still have Cat Fights!

[Prairie Purrs]

I've had to use the separate-and-reintroduce strategy with Hagrid and Bob. They were best friends as kittens, but after their trip to the vet for neutering, Hagrid went after poor Bob in a serious way! It didn't help that Bob (a former feral) was completely traumatized from the vet visit.

I kept them apart for several weeks until Bob calmed down and got used to me again. He and Hagrid are back to being best buddies--they often walk side-by-side, kind of leaning against each other. :)

The Feliway should help. I've never heard of using hormone injections--I'd be a little worried about possible side effects.

You might try telling your husband that cats tend to react to household stress, and that things would likely go better if he would be more patient.

[PayItForward]

Originally posted by catmandu
The thing that i would try , is to completey sepeperate hem , the slowly reintroduce them. It seems as though Connor is misiterpretting the Lily Cats attempts at Play. Patience , as I still have Cat Fights!
I agree with Catmandu, I would seperate them completely for a week or two and start again.....very slowly.

This will give Ally time to recover and lessen her stress.

Tell your hubby it can take upto 6 months for cats to settle in to a new home, more if the cats are inside only (makes them more clingly to their home)

Fingers and paws crossed here, thinking of Ally & Conner

In the meantime enjoy a glass of wine and try to relax.

PS. I have heard that Feliway take several days to work totally but I haven't actually used it myself.

[catlady1945]

Our second oldest cat despises our youngest one. We are forced to keep them separated. The youngest sleeps by herself in a separate room. When they are out, she is always being attacked. Some cats just don't like each other and if you want to keep them both, probably the only solution is to keep them apart.

[catlady1945]

Forgot to mention - ours have hated each other for 8 years, so.....

[emily_the_spoiled]

I am sorry to read about the problems you are having with Ally and Connor. Over the past year I have taken in a number of foster cats (from military personnel). The first time this happened Emily definitely was NOT impressed with me (and let me know it). It took us about 4 months to reach a compromise in the house that everyone could live with. I made sure that all the cats had their "special" place where they could go and no other cats would bother them. I also provided lots of loving (and kitty treats). But everyonce in awhile she would still bat at them (even though she was half their size). I figured that as long as no blood and limited amounts of fur where on the floor (and they could tolerate each other), I was doing okay.

But the most important part was just time, time and more time...

[Tonya]

I am very sorry to hear that, Ally. I don't really have any experience, but it sounds like everyone else gave some good advice. Ron and Raven dislike eachother also, but no one has gotten injured from the fights yet.

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm so sorry to hear about this Julie.:( I don't have anything else to offer you except some cyberhugs and prayers that everything will work out in the end. Prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way. I sure hope that your husband can become more patient because it can take many months for cats to like each other.

My Storm and Cirrus don't get along either but luckily Cirrus is so afraid of Storm that he hides so no real fights break out. He only hisses and growls at Storm. I've learned to live with it and try not to interfere too much. Good luck Julie and please take care of yourself. {{{{HUGS}}}}

[popcornbird]

I only just read this thread now. :( I don't have much advice, but I'll be praying that everything works out. You do have a nice big house. Is it possible to keep them seperate.........or is that something you wouldn't want to do?

Good luck!

:(