I'm upset

[K9soul]

I had an argument with my husband earlier. Tasha has always been allowed to curl up in this one particular old chair for a long time now. When I sit to read (one of my favorite pastimes), she happily curls up in "her" chair and sleeps or just watches me, etc. I know how much she treasures her little spot..

But this morning my husband decided "no dogs on any furniture". I don't think he understands how confusing it is to let a dog do something for so long and then suddenly decide it's off limits. Not only that, but it was something me and Tasha shared that meant a lot to us. I tried to explain all this to him but once he gets something in his head he's like a brick wall.

Then at the end, Tasha who was kinda upset at the arguing jumped up in her chair where she feels secure.. and my husband yelled at her to get off. It nearly brought me to tears to see her look of confusion.

I'm just not sure how to handle this situation :(

[Tonya]

I know how you feel, K9. About the only thing that my husband and I ever argue about are the dogs. He grew up in a household where they had NO pets. Pets were disgusting and dirty and a waste of time. He is just now starting to truly love animals. But boy, if they do something wrong, #*() hits the ceiling. I hope you two can find a compromise. Like perhaps she is only allowed on that chair. And maybe put a throw on it. I wound up buying dog beds, so my dogs can lie on something next to us. They aren't allowed on the couch, but I'm just happy they are allowed in the house without him complaining finally.

[bluekat]

Blueberry always sits and sleeps on one of our chairs too, like its his chair. So I know how you feel, I would hate it if my parents decide he wouldn't be allowed on there anymore.
Sorry, but I don't really have any advice for you. :( Try to explain to your husband that Tasha will not understand if you just suddenly tell her that she can't do something that she's been doing for so long. She will just get really confused.
I hope you find a way to solve the problem soon.
Good luck!:)

[K9soul]

Tonya, that's how my husband and I are as well. I can't even remember the last time we had an argument, but when we do it often has to do with the dogs.

He grew up with a dog around but it was a dog not a "kid" and it was not allowed on furniture at all. He loves the dogs and he even calls himself "daddy" to them, but he tends to get moody about the dog hair and doggy "smell" (which either I'm too used to or doesn't bother me).

Well, after calming down a bit, I'm figuring the easiest way is to set up something just for her to lay on out there. I've seen those cheap foam chairs in places like walmart before that are like for college dorm rooms and such. If I got something like that with a soft blankie over it and designated it as her place it'd probably be easy for her to make the transition.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

I know how you feel. My dad was like that, when my dogs wanted to get on the furniture. Fortunatley, he lost that fight. ;) My mom and I ganged up on him, and now they're allowed on the furniture. :)

Hope you find a way to solve the problem....Good Luck!

[micki76]

Originally posted by K9soul

But this morning my husband decided "no dogs on any furniture". I don't think he understands how confusing it is to let a dog do something for so long and then suddenly decide it's off limits. Not only that, but it was something me and Tasha shared that meant a lot to us. I tried to explain all this to him but once he gets something in his head he's like a brick wall.


Please don't be offended, but is he your husband or your father? I mean, my husband and I make decisions together. He does not tell me the law and I obey. I don't tell him the law and he obeys either. We work out situations and make the rules together. One of us couldn't just arbitrarily say "No more dogs on the furniture" and even expect the other to do it.

[K9soul]

Most of the time he is not like that and we do make most decisions together or at least check with each other but sometimes he just gets totally decided on something and he will act this way. He loves the dogs dearly but he still worries about things a lot more than me such as the dog hair on furniture and dog smell on things.

I could keep fighting on this situation and he'd eventually give up but I really don't think it's worth the strife it would cause. I know inside it would hurt him that I would put the dog ahead of his feelings on this particular thing. Under the surface he's a very sensitive person.

[micki76]

Originally posted by K9soul
He loves the dogs dearly but he still worries about things a lot more than me such as the dog hair on furniture and dog smell on things.
I could keep fighting on this situation and he'd eventually give up but I really don't think it's worth the strife it would cause. I know inside it would hurt him that I would put the dog ahead of his feelings on this particular thing. Under the surface he's a very sensitive person.

Yeah, Michael used to be like that, too. He didn't like the doggy smell or the hair on everything. But after 8 years, he's given up and he doesn't smell it or see it anymore. :)

[K9soul]

David is generally fine about things till he decides to start vacuuming and cleaning where the dogs spend the most time. Outwardly you can't see a lot but emptying the vacuum chamber makes him get all discouraged at seeing 'all that hair'. So generally I just try to be the one to clean up the doggie areas so he doesn't notice it so much :p.

He's a neat freak about some things and then sloppy/messy about other things.

[Amber]

Im know how you feel..My dad doesnt like it when Katie is on the couch either. But when he isnt home me and my mom allow her to be on their. Katie has learned the *routine* when dad is home its off the couch. But when she knows he is not home she likes to hop on!!

[Twisterdog]

Please don't be offended, but is he your husband or your father? I mean, my husband and I make decisions together. He does not tell me the law and I obey. I don't tell him the law and he obeys either. We work out situations and make the rules together. One of us couldn't just arbitrarily say "No more dogs on the furniture" and even expect the other to do it.

My thoughts exactly.

Have you explained to him exactly what you said to us? That it is confusing for your dog, that it is a special time you two share, etc.? Perhaps suggest putting an old blanket over the chair, and washing it often? Or some other compromise?

[lv4dogs]

Sorry I have no advice you want to hear, but that is one of the reasons I am now single! LOL My dogs & I are both happier!
Anyways, yes it should be a 1/2-1/2 decision that both agree on, & yes it's confusing to the dog, Your hubby should understand, maybe he was just in a bad mood that day?
Like Amber said the dog can learn to know the diference (thats what I did to my dogs on the bed when my ex was not at home LOL)
I've got tons of dog beds around my house from when I was w/ ex, they are a great alternative (although rarely used now, haha)

[stacwase]

Sometimes my husband attempts to put his foot down about things too! ROFLOL! Sometimes I just let him think that he got his way, rather than fighting with him. "Oh, no, honey - Jake NEVER gets on the couch!" "Oh, I agree 100%!" What he doesn't know won't hurt him. ;)

[Tonya]

Wow, K9. It sounds like we are married to the same man. I'm a clean person, but I will sleep perfectly fine with dishes in the sink after a long day. Mike on the other hand, can't even sit down for dinner until the cooking dishes are done. The jerk can come out in Mike when it comes to the animals. I have a housekeeper who comes every few weeks, and I do the cleaning in between. But, once every blue moon, Mike will decide to clean. All of a sudden he thinks he is God. He has to report every hair and paw print that he cleaned up and how disgusting our house is. I think in marriage you have to pick your battles...if that is the one thing that bothers Mike, I have to somewhat let him have his way. I feel blessed enough that he's grown to love them and allow them in the house. For the most part I just let him gripe and promise to wipe their feet before they come in and brush them more and whatnot. Everyonce in a while he'll talk about how they are to big to come into the house. That is when I put my foot down and get mean back. lol.

[Tonya]

Well, after calming down a bit, I'm figuring the easiest way is to set up something just for her to lay on out there. I've seen those cheap foam chairs in places like walmart before that are like for college dorm rooms and such. If I got something like that with a soft blankie over it and designated it as her place it'd probably be easy for her to make the transition.

That sounds like a great idea.

Also, I know this idea wouldn't fly in my house...but I had a friend who picked up an ugly recliner at a thrift shop. It was his dog's chair in the living room. :)

[amoore]

I hope you good luck in changing your husbands mind . It would be hard to explain to your dog such a change . Maybe if you have a heart to heart talk with your husband he will , change his mind . My husband was raised with the same kind of dogless home , but has come to enjoy our dogs as much as i do .:)
I hope you and your husband can work it out ,so you all can be happy .:)

[catnapper]

My dad was always like that. mom and I thought "whats the difference? She up on the furniture when we're not around anyway!" My dad didn't understand that if you let a dog up on the bed, they see that as an ok to get up on everything. So after she was used to sitting on anything, he ran around shoooing her off everything,. Stupid and a fight he won't win.

My dad came up to visit me after I got married (my Nicki moved with me, after a short custody battle with my mom. LOL) Dad sat down on the couch and Nicki followed suit to sit next to him. He started shooing her off and I said, "This is my house and she's allowed up." I knew my husband was THE ONE when I first met his dog and she jumped up next to me on the chair.

What I want to know is: Who has he been talking to to bring him to this grand decision? Somebody probably told him what a heinous thing it is to have pets on the furniture!

Sometime men get these things in their heads and refuse to give in - my husband does too. Well, if I'm honest, I do the same thing so its not just men!

[K9soul]

He has to report every hair and paw print that he cleaned up and how disgusting our house is.

OMG does that sound familiar! LOL. Basically he's totally fine with the dogs and the things that come with having dogs until he goes to cleaning upstairs (where they spend most of their time). Apparently that morning he decided to vacuum the living room and that chair while I was still in bed. Otherwise, usually when he starts cleaning upstairs I run up and grab whatever it is and say "I'll do that!"

So anyway, got up and was having my coffee and I noticed the living room all dusted/cleaned and thought "uh oh." Then he says "I don't want Tasha on that chair anymore, you wouldn't believe all the dog hair on there, and the chair smelled. It was horrible" blah blah.

But like I said, aside from those times, we get along so perfectly. We both love nature and bird watching and gardening. We both love the dogs too, it's just he's more reserved in what he wants to allow them to do in the house.

For now, I just brought her bed out for her to lay on and put a basket in the chair so she just couldn't jump on it. I don't want to have to scold her for getting up there, I'd rather she just got accustomed to laying somewhere else. As you can see on the pictures I took last night, she seemed content enough to doze on her bed. :)

[amoore]

Im glad you found a way to not have to scold your baby . sounds like you are working it out ,so your family will all be happy :D .

[Shelteez2]

Originally posted by catnapper
My dad didn't understand that if you let a dog up on the bed, they see that as an ok to get up on everything. \

I have to disagree. Dogs can easily learn which items of furniture are okay for them to get up on and which pieces aren't.
My aunt had a dog that wasn't allowed up on the furniture, but was allowed on the foot of the bed in the mornings on weekends. She learned that routine very well.

[Shelteez2]

Originally posted by K9soul
For now, I just brought her bed out for her to lay on and put a basket in the chair so she just couldn't jump on it. I don't want to have to scold her for getting up there, I'd rather she just got accustomed to laying somewhere else. As you can see on the pictures I took last night, she seemed content enough to doze on her bed. :)

Another option, which I think someone mentioned, is to get an old doggy blanket and put it on the chair. I used to babysit 2 dogs that weren't allowed on the furniture unless their blanket was on it. So when you wanted special cuddle times you just took the blanket and spread it out over the couch and they would hop up. Dogs can learn at any age, you just have to be consistent, no scolding involved *S*

[Tonya]

Otherwise, usually when he starts cleaning upstairs I run up and grab whatever it is and say "I'll do that!"

OMG! That's me! I get stressed when I see him start cleaning.

[K9karen]

:eek: I swear I'll never complain again about doing all the cleaning myself! :p My mom's not been well, my brother is useless so if they see dog hair or pawmarks, if they want it cleaned immediately, they are welcome to grab the Electrolux and do a sweep or 2. If not, 2 tears in a bucket, it'll have to wait til I have the time or feel like it..altho I do force myself to vacuum once a week "just in case". I'm not a neat freak but the house is liveable and decent and our 4 walls will be around a lot longer than we willl! Besides, no outfit is complete without dog hair!!!!!

[sabies]

I have to disagree. Dogs can easily learn which items of furniture are okay for them to get up on and which pieces aren't.

I totally agree that dogs can learn which furniture is ok. Could a possible compromise be Tasha gets to keep her chair and that's the only furniture she sleeps on? Putting a blanket on the chair should make it an even easier compromise for your husband to agree with. Your husband doesn't have to understand how you feel about the dog but he does have to respect how you feel.

[trayi52]

K9soul, I totally understand where you are coming from on this one, though my husband don't like dogs at all, and I mean not even a little bit, and micki76, it only took eight years? Well I have been married for 33 years, and my hubby is still the same with my dogs, and even worse about my cats. He hates cats with a passion. And yes he is the announcer in the family if the house doesn't smell right. He came from a family that didn't have pets of any kind. I had a Doberman that thought she was supposed to sleep where she wanted to, I never could break her, I mean she knew she wasn't supposed to be on the furniture, but when we were not around, she would sneak and get on the furniture, and then hit the floor when she heard us coming. lol.
She died a few years back, and I have a Rottweiler now, and from the time she was a puppy, I didn't allow her on the furniture at all, and she does pretty good. She don't get on the furniture, of course she thinks she is a "lap puppy" and tries to sit in my lap.
But I am glad you are solving your problem. I have been working on my "problem" for 33 years, gee I might solve my problem in another 33 years. Who knows, it could happen!:D :)