Horrible Tragedy Today

[aly]

One of my black kittens died and I can't handle this. I don't know what happened :( They were all fine this morning. I came home this afternoon and he was just laying there :( The others are still acting normal and I had them checked at the shelter clinic and they said the kittens looked really good. I also tested them for FIV again and it was negative.

I don't know what happened :( I feel just utterly awful. This has been one of the hardest days of my life because it was so unexpected. I've never had to pick up a body before :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[lizbud]

Oh, that poor kitten.:( :(

I wonder if it could have been a genetic problem? Did the
kitten have a name yet? Poor little thing.:(

[PayItForward]

What a horrible thing to happen, poor baby kitten rest in peace. :(

Sadly it was the kittens fate to be returned to the bridge after such a short time.

Thinking of you at this difficult time and sending {{{Hugs}}} to you.

[Cinder & Smoke]

:(

So Sorry, Aly.

Safe Trip to the Bridge,
and Rest In Peace, Lil Black Kitty...

/s/ :( Phred

[aly]

They don't have official names yet but I call them alll by temporary names until I decide for sure. I called this one Shadow because he was ALWAYS right there with me. When all the kittens would play, he'd just be purring away on my lap or neck :( :( :( :( I was so bonded to him. I never noticed him acting different other than he didn't want to play, just be held. Everyone is telling me it was probably something heart related or genetic, but I think they are only telling me that so I won't think its my fault (which I do) :( I don't know what I did wrong but I think I must've done something. I'm so sad and I can't stop crying. I don't know how to pull myself together.

I've been so bad at taking pictures lately because I've just been so busy trying to take care of all the fosters. I feel awful I don't have recent pics of him. I'll try to get some of the others when I feel better :(

[PayItForward]

Originally posted by aly
I don't know what I did wrong but I think I must've done something.
Sometimes cats just die. :(

You did nothing wrong, this kit had no signs of illness, sadly his time was up. :(

Rest in Peace sweet Shadow...Keep a close eye on your foster mum, she is missing you so badly.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Aly, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Please don't blame yourself. I'm sure you've done everything right for this little kitten and it's just something that couldn't be prevented. RIP sweet little Shadow. At least he knew what love was before he passed on.

[Steffi N]

Poor dear baby. Please take comfort in that he was able to know a lot of love in his short time. {{Hugs}}

[momofcats]

I don't know much about your situation with fosters...but I am sure it wasn't anything you did wrong. Genetics.:(

Remember, no matter how sad it is for you, he is in a better, peaceful place now.

He loved you and knew you loved him. You gave him a happy home during his short life here and all that cuddling he did showed how much he loved you and knew you loved him.

[slick]

Aly, I believe that all things happen for a reason. I'm sure you did nothing to wrong. God must have needed Shadow from some special purpose. Hugs to you and I pray that the pain will subside.

RIP Shadow and have fun at the RB. Please watch over Aly for us.

[sirrahbed]

:( :( :( ((((((((((((Aly)))))))))
I am so sorry to hear about this baby kitten dying. It must have been horrible to come home to find this out. I am just so sad for you. I can tell you feel guilty and try to find a reason:( :( This is normal but not reality. All you describe about this sweet little animal proves he was happy and well cared for. All those cuddles and hugs! Just so painful to deal with right now.:( :(

[catcrazylady]

How very sad for little Shadow but most of all for you Aly.http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/frown.gif
Shadow is happy and having a wonderful time with all the RB kitties. You are left behind to grieve. You can't feel guilty because if you were doing something wrong then the other kittens wouldn't be ok. I felt the same way when I lost two kittens but I know that I gave all that I knew how to give. The pain will get better with time and you will find peace in knowing that he had a wonderful life with you. So many babies die without love and care. Shadow had a great life full of love. I don't think any of us can ask for more in whatever time we spend here on earth.
Thank you for caring for a precious baby for his short visit here.

{{{HUGS}}} Good thoughts and prayers from me and my nine.

[jenluckenbach]

I am so sorry Aly, but you know that it was NOT your fault. That baby could not have been in better hands! These things DO happen and the more animals that pass through your life, the more likely it is to happen, but that kitten had a special bond with you, so it hurts, but he was better off being with you than being without you. Now go give those other kitties some extra loving and have a good cry. :( and then give them some MORE loving. {{{{HUGS}}}}

[Karen]

Aly, it was not your fault. Don't think for a minute longer that it was. Because of you, his brief life had ,ore love and joy in it than many a cat who lives to a ripe old age gets. And just think, whenever there is light, there he'll be - your Shadow forever.

[Rottieluver45]

Aly I`m sooo sorry!


Don`t think it`s your fault cause it`s not!! I`m sorry!

(((Hugs)))
RIP Shadow

[Pam]

Oh Aly, I understand very well some of the feelings you are feeling right now. One day back in 1996 I went off to work thinking all was well in my household. When I came home that night my beloved Whitney (8 yr. old standard poodle) was dead on my sofa. :( The vet assumed it was a heart attack since she had been just fine, but offered to do an autopsy. I declined because I couldn't bear to do that to her. Sometimes I wish I had though because I have such guilt about her death, especially since I was not with her at the time she died and never had a clue that anything was wrong. An autopsy might help to answer some of your questions but of course it is something you would need to feel comfortable with. (((hugs)))

[kuhio98]

I'm so sorry about your little kitty. Please don't feel guilty. I'm sure it was nothing you did. Cats are really good at hiding things until it's too late. I guess it's the "Law of the Jungle". Never show a weakness. Thanks to you Shadow had much love and attention during his short visit. I hope that gives you some comfort.

[Baby Leila]

Aly, I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry!!!!!!!!!!!! I know how painful it is. The same thing happen to me once but the more you blame yourself the worst the pain becomes. I suggest you take a good long cry and give the other kitties some extra cuddling and loving!

[jazzcat]

Aly I'm so sorry!!!!

[Miss Meow]

Aly, I'm so sorry about little Shadow. You're a wonderful carer, and I'm sure there's nothing you could have done differently. He'll be up at the Rainbow Bridge, looking after his siblings from above. {{{hugs}}}

[CatDad]

RIP Shadow, may your trip to the rainbow bridge be happy and have fun with all of our babies that are already there.

There is not much more I can add except to reiterate the fact that it was not your fault. I know that it does not feel that way at this time, but hopefully you will realize it in time. There is also the fact that Shadow knew more love in his short life than alot of kitties ever know. Thank you for that.

Sending prayers for realization and comfort to you. Also, sending a big{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}} to you and the rest of the babies.

Please write again if you want, sometimes sharing helps. I will continue to believe in you, until you can again believe in yourself.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

RIP Shadow.
May your trip to the RB be fast and quick.
Play hard at the RB and think of your loving mom EVERY day.

[Cookiebaker]

Aly, I'm so sorry!! :( Shadow lived and passed on knowing nothing but your love.

Rest in peace, sweet Shadow. Have fun playing at the RB.

{{Hugs}}

[wolf_Q]

{{{{HUGS}}}} Aly, I'm so sorry. :( I can't imagine what you are feeling right now. Please know that it was not your fault. Maybe heaven just needed another angel. :(

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Aly, please don't blame yourself! You gave that kitten such a wonderful life, full of love, for the short time it was with you. Shadow went to the RB knowing how it feels to be loved and held! He will be waiting for you there.

(((HUGS)))

Julie

[Kfamr]

Oh, Aly.....
I really don't know what to say....
Please accept my "virtual" hugs.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
:( :( :(

[tomkatzid]

Aly, we were very sorry to hear about Shadow. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Tom and Katz

[trayi52]

aly
I am sure it wasn't anything you done, sometimes these babies just don't make it, so please don't blame yourself, I know how that feels, I lost one of my Chihuahuas when she was giving birth, I blamed myself for that, because I had wanted to have her spayed, puppies and all. after she died having them, I really felt guilty. She was my first Chihuahua, and she was my sweet little angel, it has been over 10 years, but you know I still miss her very much. Things just happen sometimes, and there is nothing we can do. I am so sorry to see and hear how much you are hurting right now, I hope you feel better soon.

:)
Willie

[popcornbird]

Oh no! :( :( :( Im sooooooooo sorry! :( How so very sad!

It is NOT your fault. It was just the kitten's time, and no matter what you would've done, it was the cat's time and she would've gone no matter what.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. :(

[Kirsten]

I'm very sorry to hear about this! :( Poor little Shadow! :(


When all the kittens would play, he'd just be purring away on my lap or neck

This sounds cute but I can't help but wonder why he wasn't playing with his siblings. Maybe, like someone suggested, a genetic problem or a heart disease. It's sad, but it happens. :(

For the short time Shadow was here on earth, he was loved and cared for, and I'm sure he knows that. But I know, this is no comfort for you at the moment because it's just too sad...

Kirsten

[K & L]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. It sounds like you've done everything right. Apparently there was just something wrong with this little guy. Hugs your way.

Oh, i feel so sorry about your loss. Please don't blame this on yourself; little Shadow had a prefect home at your place, and now she is playing with allour RB-cats at the Rainbow bridge!!

RIP, sweet Shadow!!

[IttyBittyKitty]

Originally posted by jenluckenbach
I am so sorry Aly, but you know that it was NOT your fault. That baby could not have been in better hands! These things DO happen and the more animals that pass through your life, the more likely it is to happen, but that kitten had a special bond with you, so it hurts, but he was better off being with you than being without you. Now go give those other kitties some extra loving and have a good cry. :( and then give them some MORE loving. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Jen, you couldn't have said it better! Aly, my cat had kittens when I was about fifteen and there was this little guy who suddenly got sick and died. The other kittens, and momma cat, all had the flu so it was probably related to that. It was one of the most awful things to happen to me, to hold this kitty in my arms while he died. But, at least he knew love in his final moments. Shadow, too, had more love in the short time he was with you than many cats have in their entire lives.

Hugs to you, Aly, you are a wonderful person!

[ChrisH]

Oh, Aly, I am so sorry.:( {{hugs}}

Rest in peace little Shadow.

[Tonya]

Aly, I know it is hard, but don't let it get you down. Everything and everyone dies eventually. We all have our times. Think about how many animals that you have saved. You've saved so many lives. A few are going to go occasionally. I really commend you for what you do. You have such a huge heart.

[Barbara]

Aly I am so sorry. I am sure you did everything right. But sometimes we cannot stop the way of things.

RIP little Shadow.

[aly]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I am still not doing well. This has been the first foster I lost unexpectedly. I have only lost 2 others but those were due to birth defects and health problems and they were lost at the vet. My friend told me it was the law of averages and it was bound to happen sometime because I foster so much. I just don't get why it had to happen to him :( :( :(

I posted some pics of the others:

http://207.44.135.130/talk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=37508

[catmandu]

You dide nothing wrong! It was just that it was Shadows time , ad God neede a little Black Kitten , for a special job.At least when he passed on , he was a beloved pet and not a stray! Bless You!

[lynnestankard]

Aly I'm so sorry. Please don't blame yourself - you did nothing wrong, only loved him too much.
Sending hugs {{{{{{{Aly}}}}}} across the miles and keeping a little black kitten in my thoughts - RIP little one, you'll be well cared for by all our RB furbabes. xxx

Lynne

[Russian Blue]

:( We cannot understand why some die early and others do not.

I'm so sorry for the loss of this little one. Please don't feel guilty when you gave him love and comfort. You were the best thing for him & your life was enriched with knowing this little soul for the short time on this earth.


RIP Shadow.

[shais_mom]

So sorry Aly.
Hugs to you.

[Prairie Purrs]

I'm very, very sorry. Since he went so suddenly, I can't think of anything you could have done. Like everyone else has said, little Shadow lived a happy life with you, loved and well cared for. You're a saint for devoting so much of yourself to the rescue and care of so many kitties.

[trayi52]

It is so soon that I am done for,
I wonder what I was begun for.
So maybe it was to give you the love you needed. It had a purpose, just have to figure it out. Again sorry for your loss.

[aly]

I took in a new foster baby today and she is helping me heal. I felt the need to help another little life since one was lost under my care :(

My new foster is a d-o-g though (I won't say that word around your cats :) )

[Kirsten]

May the new foster puppy help you a bit to ease your pain.

Please don't blame yourself for losing Shadow, I'm sure you did nothing wrong! It was just one of these terrible things that sometimes happen (which alone is hard enough to deal with), but it wasn't your fault!

Kirsten

[NoahsMommy]

Poor Aly. :( :( :( :( :(

I wish I could make you feel better about Shadow. Its already been said, but I know in my heart you are the best person to have taken these fosters in.

You are an angel to these little ones...God gave him you to love him when he needed it before his journey to the bridge.

:)

[Steffi N]

I'm glad you are able to help another baby and that she is helping you heal.

[rg_girlca]

Oh Aly my heart aches for you. I'm so sorry for your loss of little Shadow. What can I say that others haven't already, except that obviously something was wrong with him that you couldn't see on the outside.
May the loving memories comfort you and help you overcome the pain.

Rest in Peace Sweetie.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Oh Aly, I'm so sorry to hear this. :(

I agree that it was absolutely nothing you did at all. I would think the poor thing had something wrong with him right from the beginning because of how he didn't play like the others. But what's most important is that this adorable little creature knew love before he was called to RB.

I know it's hard, but think of all the ones you've saved, and your new puppy foster, and hopefully that will ease you through this tough time.

RIP little Shadow. :(

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Once upon a time in heaven there was a tiny black kitten named, Shadow. God loved Shadow very much but Shadow wanted to come to earth and learn what it was like to be loved by a special human.
God said, "I can only let you go for a short time because I will miss you so much. Do you still want to go?"
"Yes, please!" Shadow's eyes glowed.

So he was born and came to live with Aly.

Way too soon God called him home.
"Well, Shadow. Did you find love? Was it worth it?"

Shadow purred and peeked over a cloud at his earth home, "Yes, Sir! I found tons of love! I think every kitten should experience such love!"

God and Shadow both smiled.

[2kitties]

aw aly surely you can't blame yourself for Shadow's death. Sometimes kittens just can't stick around, it's too hard. Shadow is at the bridge and he was lucky to have someone who tried.

[sirrahbed]

Aly - still thinking about you. I am so amazed at all the love and support that has been poured out here. What a wonderful place this is! Please let us know how you are doing OK?:)

[BastetsMum]

Thoughts go out from Bastet and myself to you and the kittens Aly.

[aly]

I need major help getting over this :( Things only got worse tonight when I was at the shelter and found a dead puppy :( :( :( :( :( :(

Does anybody have any advice to get these images out of my head?

[luckies4me]

Is it possible he could have choked on something, like a toy or string? Did they do an autopsy to see what the cause of death was? I am so sorry you lost Shadow but I don't think it was anything you did wrong. Unforunately these things happen. I hope you feel better soon. I think you may need a break Aly. These things can take a toll. Maybe take a week off at the shelter and focus on yourself and your pets/fosters already in your care. You need time for youself too, time to heal. Please, just please make sure you take care of yourself too.

[aly]

I don't know :( I only had very safe toys in there for them, but I guess anything is possible. He could have eaten something while they were running around the house with me then got a blockage :( We didn't do an autopsy. I know I should've, but I was out of my mind with shock and grief. I took his body to the shelter and ran in there crying so hard. They sort of just took his body for me and took care of it since I was so upset.

[Cookiebaker]

Originally posted by aly


Does anybody have any advice to get these images out of my head?

Aly, I'm so sorry for your heart break. I'm crying with you right now.

Go bury your heart in Reece & Lolly and let them soothe you. The best part of dogs is that they never tell secrets ~ you can tell them anything, and all they do is UNDERSTAND!!