STOOOPID one liners [Archive]

Ally Cat's Mommy

11-05-2003, 07:57 AM

I heard this on the radio today. I don't know why, but I got a real giggle from it.

Who else has any good (or bad) one-liners to share?

Here's mine:

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

"Dam":rolleyes: :rolleyes:

slick

11-05-2003, 09:35 AM

**groan**

I've posted this before and no one ever gets it, but I love it.

A termite walks into the bar and says "where's the bar tender."

Ally Cat's Mommy

11-05-2003, 10:23 AM

*snort*

Now THAT'S a good one Slick!

(We are obviously on a different wavelength):rolleyes:

ILoveReptiles

11-05-2003, 10:55 AM

Slik - I get it. Funny!

cali

11-05-2003, 11:04 AM

3 men walk into a bar. you would think the other 2 would have learned.

:p

Ally Cat's Mommy

11-05-2003, 12:11 PM

Good one, Cali!!!!:D

aly

11-05-2003, 03:05 PM

Originally posted by slick
**groan**

I've posted this before and no one ever gets it, but I love it.

A termite walks into the bar and says "where's the bar tender."

Ok, I feel stupid because I don't get it.

Twisterdog

11-05-2003, 03:30 PM

Ok, I feel stupid because I don't get it.

Termites eat wood.

The termite wants to know which part of the wooden bar is tender, so it can eat it.

Where is the bar tender?

:p

slick

11-05-2003, 03:33 PM

OK Twisterdog beat me to it.

Please don't feel stupid. It's not your fault, it's just my weird sense of humour. I'll shut up now.

G.P.girl

11-05-2003, 04:41 PM

Originally posted by cali
3 men walk into a bar. you would think the other 2 would have learned.

:p

haha . iget it. i think these are really funny and i know a bunch of good ones but i can never think of them when i need tto:( . oh well i'm sure i'll think of one soon:D

Twisterdog

11-05-2003, 04:56 PM

I've posted this before and no one ever gets it, but I love it.

This isn't exactly a one-liner, but slick's comment above made me think of this joke. I, too, love this joke and no one ever gets it. Actually, I use this joke as the litmus test for men ... if he gets it, he might be potential date material. If he stares at me like a deer in the headlights, it's hasta la vista, baby. ;)

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

:D :D :D

Rottieluver45

11-05-2003, 05:14 PM

I have a joke thing!!!!!

What do you call a boomerang that doesn`t come back?

A stick!!! LOL!! I feel stoooopid!!

What do you call a hotdog that you`ve eaten all the meat out of?

A Hallow-weenie!! LOL

slick

11-05-2003, 05:34 PM

Originally posted by Twisterdog
Actually, I use this joke as the litmus test for men ... if he gets it, he might be potential date material. If he stares at me like a deer in the headlights, it's hasta la vista, baby. ;)

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

:D :D :D

**snort** **snort** :D :D :D

I'll have to remember that next time I have a date....whenever that might be.

Cookiebaker

11-05-2003, 05:37 PM

My co-worker just told me this one today (I hope it's not offensive!!!)

Q:How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb???

A:You wanna go for a bike ride??

:p

popcornbird

11-05-2003, 05:40 PM

A joke my brother used to say when he was little........:rolleyes:

What kind of diet are those big fat wrestlers on......*his words* :o

A *See-Food* diet! :eek: :rolleyes:

He used to say this when he was like 7 or 8..........and my parents told me about it. I was much too young to remember.

carole

11-05-2003, 06:19 PM

What do policeman say if an expensive mirror goes missing?

We'll look into it.:D

carole

11-05-2003, 06:21 PM

he he these are my daughters jokes from school.

What did the man do when his hand fell off?

He went to the secondhand shop.

Cincy'sMom

11-05-2003, 06:22 PM

Guy takes his lizard into a bar. bartender ask the lizard's name.

"Tiny", he replies.

"Why's that?" asks the bartender.

"Cause he's my newt!"

Kendra

11-05-2003, 06:23 PM

This one took me a while to get:

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

:D

G.P.girl

11-05-2003, 06:58 PM

Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
Guy takes his lizard into a bar. bartender ask the lizard's name.

"Tiny", he replies.

"Why's that?" asks the bartender.

"Cause he's my newt!"
ummm...i don't get it....i hate not getting jokes cuz then i feel stoopid.

GoldenRetrLuver

11-05-2003, 07:10 PM

Nobody ever gets this one lol :p

A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.

Tonya

11-05-2003, 07:31 PM

lmao!

Cincy'sMom

11-05-2003, 09:53 PM

Originally posted by G.P.girl
ummm...i don't get it....i hate not getting jokes cuz then i feel stoopid.

I had to readit a few time when I first read it in a book...read my newt as one word...maybe that will help :)

G.P.girl

11-05-2003, 10:08 PM

Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
I had to readit a few time when I first read it in a book...read my newt as one word...maybe that will help :)
i feel really stoopid now because i still don't get it...

ILoveMyAbbyGirl

11-05-2003, 10:14 PM

Originally posted by G.P.girl
i feel really stoopid now because i still don't get it...

Me either...? :confused:

Shelteez2

11-05-2003, 10:14 PM

Originally posted by G.P.girl
i feel really stoopid now because i still don't get it...

It's a play on words. Minute (prnounced my-newt) means tiny :)

slleipnir

11-05-2003, 10:56 PM

Originally posted by Twisterdog
This isn't exactly a one-liner, but slick's comment above made me think of this joke. I, too, love this joke and no one ever gets it. Actually, I use this joke as the litmus test for men ... if he gets it, he might be potential date material. If he stares at me like a deer in the headlights, it's hasta la vista, baby. ;)

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

:D :D :D

hah! It took a minute or 2, but I get it! :D:D I like that one lol

Twisterdog

11-05-2003, 11:52 PM

Originally posted by Cookiebaker
My co-worker just told me this one today (I hope it's not offensive!!!)

Q:How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb???

A:You wanna go for a bike ride??

:p

ROTF ..... that's hilarious ... and soooo true! ;)

G.P.girl

11-06-2003, 08:47 AM

Originally posted by Shelteez2
It's a play on words. Minute (prnounced my-newt) means tiny :)

well i sorta got that... but i'd never really heard somebody use minute to describe tiny...oh well...:) it sure took me long enough

ok heres one...
Q: What do you get if a piano falls down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor

Pam

11-06-2003, 09:34 AM

My dad used to say this when we would pass a cemetery:
"You know people are just dying to get in there!"

slick

11-06-2003, 11:16 AM

Originally posted by Pam
My dad used to say this when we would pass a cemetery:
"You know people are just dying to get in there!"

:D :D :D My Dad used to say the exact same thing.......RIP

He always used to say "I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong". Of course he was joking.

trayi52

11-09-2003, 01:16 PM

A. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

B. A carrot.
:confused:

Cookiebaker

11-09-2003, 01:25 PM

Originally posted by trayi52
A. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?

B. A carrot.
:confused:
:D hahhah I dunno why, I found that funny!!!! :D

Tonya

11-09-2003, 01:43 PM

My co-worker just told me this one today (I hope it's not offensive!!!)

Q:How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb???

A:You wanna go for a bike ride??

My son has ADD, yet that so isn't offensive! I think it is hilarious because it is so true!

My radio station that I listen to has "Worse Joke Wednesdays". The worse joke wins a prize. I can't remember any off the top of my head right now.

trayi52

11-11-2003, 09:46 PM

Q: How do you keep a person from drowning?

A: Take your foot off their head!

mahayana

11-14-2003, 05:35 PM

not really a one liner, but pet talkers would get it.

I was reading an article about how some places have confusing signs on their women's and men's restrooms.

One place had a picture of an Irish Setter on one door, English Pointer on the other.

Which one would you go in?