GGGRRRR Parents!

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Sheesh - I guess I am living proof that you are never to old to get upset by your mother!

We have been living in Bahrain for three years, and have gone back EVERY Christmas. I phone my folks once a month, plus birthdays etc, and it's always a LONG and EXPENSIVE phone call. My folks phone for our birthdays. (Have forgotton our Anniversary two years running).

When we left South Africa my In-laws bought a computer and a web cam so they could stay in touch, so we chat online two or three times a week.

My Mum talks to my Mum-In_law and then complains that they never hear from us. The first year I was back, we set up a Yahoo account for them, took them down to the local internet cafe etc (they ARE both computer litterate - they both retired within the last 2 years, and both used PCs every day when they were working). They NEVER once logged on and sent an email.

Last year we BOUGHT THEM A LAPTOP - so all they had to do was sign up with an ISP..... Did they???? Nope!!!

Their excuse - it looks "ugly" set up in the study, and it's too much trouble to take it in and out of the cupboard!

Now their satellite TV provider offers a TV-based email service. They are doing a special offer at the moment - for around $15 they will come to your house, set up all the software you need on your TV decoder, and GIVE you a wirelesss keyboard etc to type your emails and send them from your TV. So I text my Mum on her Mobile phone and tell her about it. Her response "That could be the way to go, but we're not ready yet"

Now I know my entire holiday in December will be dominated by her trying to spend every second with me, and making me feel guilty that we are still not back in SA (Bearing in mind that when we moved from Scotland, she only went back twice in 10 years - the rest of us not at all - and the next time I saw my cousins etc was 15 years later when I could pay for my own ticket!


Sorry to rant, but it's like my Mother is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips. (And being an only child does not make it any easier)!!!

We paid 30% towards the cost of their retirement home (they wanted to upgrade to a "better" neighborhood and couldn't afford it, so we gave them the money); plus we have a holiday house on a golf estate which they use at least once a month (they go for a long weekend). Last time I spoke to my Mum I said to her "will I be able to borrow your car when I'm there in December" (it's a 1992 Toyota), and she says "I dont really want anyone driving it, because I am thinking of selling it".

It all feels so one-sided and unfair, but if I confront her about it she just has a "breakdown" then my dad begs ME to apologise!

[Vio&Juni]

What can I say? Nothing. But I am here to listen :)

[popcornbird]

Oh boy! Don't you just hate when such things happen in the family?

You know that I have so much family (aunts/uncles/cousins) out of the country, in other parts of the world. I try to keep in touch with most of them, but there's only one that I will actually get a reply from everytime I write to her, and then there's another who replies a month late..........but she still replies. Now the rest, they could care less if I emailed them to begin with. :rolleyes: When I don't get a response, obviously, there's no point in writing again.......right? My other cousins live in the same area my cousin *who responds to me* lives, so they see/talk to her often, and she tells them about my emails and how we're doing etc. Later, when I talk to them on the phone *again WE are making the phone call.......which I don't mind, but it should go both ways*, and they ask me, why do you ALWAYS email this cousin, and not us? *sigh* If I'm going to email and get no response, I'd rather not email at all........you know? I told them that she always responds, yet I fail to get a response from them and obviously have nothing left to say, until I get that *long waited* response. They insist they're too busy to stay long at the computer, but promise to email me anyway (which they never do). I mean, if they don't want to email.........fine........but don't complain that I email my other cousin who DOES want to email me! It just gets so frustrating! It just gets so frustrating, when you're told to do something, by a person who never does it themself. :p

[stacwase]

I understand your frustration. I wish there was something I could say/do to help you feel better! "Holidays will be over soon?"

[RobiLee]

Geesh...I don't even know what to say. Hang in there! Families sure are good at doing the whole guilt trip thing. We are all here when you need to vent.

Robin :)

[Edwina's Secretary]

I keep trying to have Walton family gatherings when my family is more like the Adams family. Last Christmas at my house I took my parent's car to the gym. Afterwards my buddies from the gym and I got together for a little holiday cheer. I am the youngest. The hostess was 78. When I returned home my mother was standing on MY back porch waiting for me. She chastised me for being out so late (9:00!) :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[emily_the_spoiled]

I have no great words of wisdom for you on dealing with your parents. Just know that you are not alone on this one. If it will give you a laugh I will tell you the most recent story about my parents...(and it doesn't even involve a holiday).

I recently accepted a position working in downtown Washington DC (for a non-profit group). My mother has always been rather paranoid about me living in the USA. About a month after accepting the position I received a phone call from her. She told me that my brother had a "dream" about me and I would need to make myself "disappear" because something I did at work triggered people to watch my home. Needless to say this raised more than a few issues between us, but I tried to ignore the idea and let it drop. Unfortunately she did not and about two weeks later she offered me money to have a false set of documents created (and she even had a name picked out for me).

I did not take the money or have documents made, but our family holidays get even more "interesting" when we are all in the same house :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[2kitties]

It's a universal problem. The older we get, the more things stay the same.

[slick]

Originally posted by 2kitties
It's a universal problem. The older we get, the more things stay the same.
And the scary part is, the older you get, the more you turn into your mother :eek: :eek:

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
I keep trying to have Walton family gatherings when my family is more like the Adams family. - this really gave me a giggle. I can see I am going to spend Christmas day humming the Adams Family theme quietly in my head!

Sarah, you Party Animal !!! Arriving home at 9PM - what WERE you THINKING!!!!

Thanks guys for listening to me rant and rave! I can't really think of any solution to the problem - my Father's approach seems to be "anything for a quiet life" - maybe I should just follow his lead and take the path of least resistance (in other words do what Mommy tells me!!!)

My husband says me and my Mum should be locked in a room and not let out until we have worked through all this stuff. I sarcastically reminded him that we are only going to be in S Africa for two weeks;)

[Corinna]

Excuse me "do what she stells you"!!! are you Ray and is her name Marie? I had the problem for a time between hubbys folks and mine. Where is christmas going to be, I just told them both I need to start myn own family traditon if they want to come visit I give them, each, a day when we would be there as a faimly all day. If that day doesn't work oh well . It solved 15 years of my kids feeling like Christmas was nothing but a hated time of the year. You get grumbles the 1st year but stick to it and the next year the get on board for the time with you.

[IttyBittyKitty]

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I moved away from home over three years ago - 1,000 kilometres away from my parental home. My parents are divorced, and my Dad is no problem, but Mum ... well, not her exactly. Her idiotic boyfriend seems to be very good at ruining things.

I do NOT get along with him. He's a nice enough guy, but I object to the way he treats her (like one would treat a discarded toenail). Mum reckons that he's treating her better now, but everyone hates him so I think she's just saying that ...

He really hates me for some reason. When Mum and I are together (cmon, no more than twice or three times a year) he gets really JEALOUS because, naturally, she focusses all her attention on me for that time. So, he picks fights to attract attention back to him and makes my visits very unpleasant. I have not been back to Canberra for Christmas since 2001. And do not intend to. IT WAS NASTY.

What's even worse, is when he deigns to let her come here, he tries to make sure he spends the least amount of time with me as possible. He did it once by insisting that they stay on the Gold Coast which is an hour out of Brisbane. Planned on late notice so I couldn't get much time off work. Then he whinged when I added an extra day that resulted in them having to see me off at the bus station at an early hour the next morning so I could get to work. Shock. Horror.

And, this September, they came to Queensland (the State I live in) and DID NOT EVEN COME TO BRISBANE.

For Christmas this year, they are coming up here. I told Mum that it would be best to get leave for the two weeks leading up to Christmas to make it easier to get it approved. She says yes, and I get my leave approved. Then there is a change of plan, oh no, we're going to come up the week before Christmas and leave a week later. So, I get my leave changed. Then the plan is to only stay in Brisbane for a week, then they are vanishing off to the Sunshine Coast for the second week (again about an hour out of Brisbane). I have the leave, but I CAN'T LEAVE MY CATS FOR A WEEK TO SATISFY HIS IDIOTIC WHIM NOT TO BE AROUND ME. Pixel, in particular, would be TRAUMATISED by being locked up in a kennel for a week, and Randi would be very upset if we went away as he is very close to us.

And now they are only staying with me for THREE DAYS because Mum wants to stay at a friends.

REALLY NAUGHTY EXPLETIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would have gone down to Canberra more, but I've only just got a job that pays holiday pay PLUS Keith is just too much to deal with *sigh*....he really is a ... another naughty expletive, sorry.

Thanks for listening to MY rant, everyone. Ally, you have my UTMOST SYMPATHY.

[Rachel]

It seems to me you have gone way above what could be expected in an effort to keep in touch and be a good daughter. If your mother is anything like mine was, whatever you do will not be good enough and there are other daughters who treat their mothers much better.

The only thing I could suggest is to copy and paste some of the information that you email to your in-laws and print it out in a letter to your folks. Don't expect an answer, just send the letters. It will be less expensive than trying to call and you will not have to get upset by whatever comments she may make in talking with her.

You are a good and caring daughter and for you to have helped with their retirement home is outstanding. I personally absolve you of any guilt that you are feeling. ;)

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Thanks for listening to me guys! My friends on PT are the greatest!!!


((((GROUP HUG))))))


Julie