My mom is driving me insane!!!!!!!!!

[luckies4me]

I really don't know why some people have to be so stupid sometimes! :mad:


Anyways, I was all happy to go down to California and now my mom says she does not want me there because she does not want anyone around her at all if she has to go through chemo etc. Which means now I will not be able to see my dad, or brothers and sister, or my nephew or my grandpa, nothing all because of this. It's so stupid. If you had cancer why would you want to be alone? It should be the opposite, if she does have cancer she will die, because that is how my mom is, she is a stubborn lady, very stubborn. So what is she going to do if she has cancer, kick Denny and my younger brother and sister out because she wants to be alone? :rolleyes: So not most likely I will not be able to go to California because that is where I would stay if I went and there is no way in hell I would go and be all alone, with no transportation and have to spend hundreds of dollars on hotels and food and everything. It would cost me a few thousand dollars. Sorry to rant but people just drive me crazy!

[micki76]

She’s having a knee jerk reaction to a VERY scary time in her life. I understand her reaction; I had the same type. I just wanted to be alone in my misery. She will most likely changer her mind at some point and welcome you to California. Just be patient. It’s a very scary thing to contemplate for her and I’m sure a part of it is that she doesn’t want people to see her weak and sick.

[luckies4me]

I am trying so hard not to cry right now. What is she wants to be alone the WHOLE time? It's not much fun talking to a dead person. And what about Dylan, I would rather us go now before she started any kind of treatment so he could see her normal instead of sick, or worse, dead.

[Tonya]

My grandmother was the same way; especially when she started losing her hair. Just let her you know that you are there for her.

[dukedogsmom]

Talk to RobiLee about it. I'm sure she will be able to help you understand a little bit more about it.

[RobiLee]

Hello Luckies4me,

I'm sitting here trying to figure out what kind of advice I can give you. I wish I had some kind of magic words to make everything alright for you. I know how tough this is for you. Cancer is a very scary thing. Not only for the paitient but also for the family. I know that when I was first diagnosed I also withdrew from my family. I can't really explain why. I think I felt like I needed to deal with it myself first before I could let any one in. I was not like this with my husband, just the people outside the house. My parents and my sister mostly. I also think part of me just did not want to be a bother to people. I know that is silly, but when you go through this you go through tons of emotions. Even feeling guilty that you are sick and causing so many people to worry. My sister was very understanding about this, but I think my parents were very hurt by it. They wanted so badly to help me. To do anything at all to help and it drove them crazy. I also realized that with everything that was going on I was starting to sink into a depression. Maybe this is something that is happening with your mom. I spoke to my doctor about it and was told that it was perfectly normal for what I was going through. I started taking anti-depressants and that seemed to help me quite a bit. Not to say that there weren't times when I didn't just sit down and sob. I had quite a few good sobbing sessions. As a matter of fact I just had one last Thursday. When I started my radiation I also found out about a support/education group. I asked my parents to come along with me and I think this did a lot of good for us. I don't know why I'm going on like this. I hope you are getting some kind of understanding out of this. Maybe your mom just needs some time to take things in and figure out what is going to happen. Maybe she is also having some kind of depression. I'm not for sure what her situation is. Was she just recently diagnosed? What kind of cancer does she have? Maybe you could PM me and fill me in on the details. It might just help you to talk about it and I can be a really good listener. Try not to be too upset with your mom. Just let her know that you are there for her when she needs you. Call her everday if it makes you feel better so you can keep reminding her that you can help if she needs you. Try not to be hurt or offended if she does not ask for help. It could just be her way of dealing with things.

Take Care and please PM me if you feel up to talking about it. I care!

Hugs.....Robin

[carole]

Luckies4me, I know this must be very difficult for you right now, and you just cannot understand where she is coming from, everyone reacts differently, I did not experience this with my mother, so I don't know how to advice you, except to say HANG ON IN THERE, as others have said she may change her mind.

Now stop all this talk about dying, Cancer does not mean death, and besides nothing has been diagnosed yet, so try and think postively.

It is an odd reaction, to me, but until we have walked in those shoes, none of us know how we will react.
From what other's say it is normal.

It is hard to be supportive if she is withdrawing from you, but do the best you can, remember she is in a terrible state right now, very scared, and she NEEDS YOU., whether she thinks it or not, you may just have to be the forceful one here, if she does not change her mind, and say Mom I am coming to see you and help you out and that is that.

[wolfsoul]

Maybe she just doesn't want you to see her in her state?

I hope that everything works out. It would be terrible if Dylan didn't even get to see her. Maybe you can make plans to have a picnic or some other family arrangement that she doesn't attend?

[lizbud]

It seems to me you're getting ahead of yourself here. Your
mom has not even be diagnosed with cancer yet. has she? It's
easy to get carried away with "what ifs" when someone's under
stress. Why don't you try to take this a day at a time before you
both drive each other "insane".

[carole]

Luckies4me I would just like to re-inforce what lizbud had to say, it is natural that you mother fears the worse, and you as well, but remember quite often these findings are not even cancer, and if so, the prognosis can be good depending on how early it its caught.

I know exactly how you feel, everything runs through your mind, the first thing that hit me was OMG I could actually loose my mother, but luckily this was not the case.

Try and re-assure your mother if you can, even by telling her the things people have told you here, and stay positive, everyone is praying and sending their love to you and hoping for a good outcome.

Take care and pm anytime ok.

[luckies4me]

Thank you everyone. I know that she has yet to be diagnosed (RobiLee, possible breast cancer :() but it's so very hard when she keeps telling me that she for sure has it and all this other stuff. I will try my hardest to stay positive. Thanks again everyone..........although I may need a reminder once in awhile.


Moosmom, thank you so much. As soon as I get a calling card I will for sure take you up on your offer! My PM service is not working...

[luckies4me]

You know what's scary though? A few months ago my right breast had started to feel very tender. Shortly after that I had a strange knumbing sensation sort of like what happens when your breastfeeding and your milk starts flowing and you get that tingling feeling, only it lasted a long time. Well it went away and about a week ago, right before my mother told me this my pain in my right breast came back. It's so painful I cannot touch it without it bugging me, and I have been going without a bra ever since. I used to have very painful breast before I had my period each month, but about a year before I got pregnant with Dylan I no longer had soar breasts. Do you think that maybe my period breast soreness is coming back? The only thing is that my period is not due for another week and a half. I routinely do a self breast exam and there are no obvious lumps but I do not know how effectly I do the exam.

Now after hearing this from my mother it has put near fear into me. I know it's probably nothing, but I am going to make a doctors appointment anyway. Anyone have any idea what this could be?

[Kater]

Luckies,

Maybe you have the same problem Kimmy/Ramanth is dealing with ---- fibrocystic breasts. This seems pretty likely since you've also mentioned that you are plagued by Endometriosis.
See her recent thread here: http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=35190

Try not to worry too much! I hope everything goes well at your appointment! (HUGS)

[luckies4me]

Hrmm, that's what my mom says she has. I wonder if it can be passed down? That's one thing my mom says she has going for her, is that she has fibercystic breasts, and is hoping it is that and not cancer. Lets hope!

Thanks for the link, I will go check it out. :) It would suck if it had to do with my period, because that means I would have it everymonth. :rolleyes:

[luckies4me]

Yikes! After reading this I guess it does have to do with your period. :rolleyes:


"BINGO!

Doc says that's likely what it is.

For people that don't know what that is... my little take home sheet says:
"Breasts that are 'fibrocystic' have an exaggerated response to the hormonal fluctuations of the menstrual cycle. After ovulation, 1-2 weeks before the period, the breast develop cysts, retain fluid, and enlarge. They may also become tender and sometiems very painful. The pain can radiate into the axilla (the armpit) or even into the shoulder area."

And there's your medical insight for the day.

I'm such a hormonal mess from my Endo, being on this and that.... *bleah!* It's not even that time of the month for me and because of meds, it won't be for another 3 months! Oiy... oiy... (lol!!! Too much info.. I'm sure. sorry!) "

And after Moosmoms response about reducing her breasts teaspoon by teaspoon perhaps I should go see a doc. But why would only one boob hurt much more than the other? I didn't know you had it that long before your period, as I thought they would be tender only right before but I guess not. I am going to go do some research right now. :) Thanks Kater!

[luckies4me]

Hrmm, it says that fibrocystic breasts can lead to breast disease, but after reading this I am more confident that my mom will have just these bumps and not cancer, however the thought that it can lead to cancer is scary.

The article also made mention that not wearing a bra can help, which for me it has since I haven't been wearing a bra unless I go out, it's just too painful. It also says that women who wear bras longer have an increased risk of breast cancer than women who don't wear bras that often.

http://www.all-natural.com/fibrocys.html

[cubby31682]

My mother had breast cancer when I was 14 years old. I remember taking every other day off of school to help her. I had to give her a bath, I had to help her to go potty, make dinner, clean the house. All the things I never thought I would have to do. It took my teenage hood away from me. But I would do it all over again. 6 months after she was better from her breast cancer, she got skin cancer. The skin cancer didn't affect her as bad.

I do breast exams every months. I have been to the doctor for several lumps, I have had ultra sounds, and asperations done. I had to start going to the doctor for lumps when I was almost 15. It is almost a monthly visit, either the lump I had got bigger or it would get sore. When I find a good doctor in my area, I plan on getting a breast cancer cells test done to make sure I will not have to fully walk in her shoes.

My mom felt bad for having her 2 kids have to give her a bath, having to get her dress, having to drain her tubes. She had a complete mistectomy (sp?) When I first found out she had cancer, I slipped into a deep depression. On my mothers side of the family we have a very strong breast cancer history. Ever mother and daughter on my moms side of the family has had breast cancer. For me it is a personal goal for me not to get it. Hence the reason I will be getting a cells test done. If I was you I would get one done as well. Just to be on the safe side.

Katie

P.S. Sorry to make this sound like a rant but it has been a very long time since I have gone into details about it.

[emily_the_spoiled]

luckies4me, when I was first diagnosed with cancer I withdrew from almost everyone in my life. It was a time for me to "digest" the information and make some decisions. Even though it is hurtful to you, your mother is doing what many people do in the same circumstances.

If you would like Dylan to get to know her, maybe supply her with a tape machine and some tapes. Then ask her to read stories into the tapes and send them up to you. That way you can play the tapes for Dylan and he will start to get to know her.

From what you are describing of your symptoms you likely have fibrocystic breasts. They will start to hurt when you ovulate, which is actually about 2 weeks before your period starts. For women who have migraines they are likely to occur at this time also. There are ways to lessen the pain through taking oral contraceptives., so you might want to talk with your MD about this.

If you have any questions please PM me and I would be more than happy to answer them.

Cheryl

[luckies4me]

Well the Endometriosis makes me have bad periods as well as pain while I am ovulating as well, and yesterday night I started to get those sharp painful pains down there, so I guess I am ovulating. I just thought it weird that my breast soreness went away and then came back. But you know, for the past two weeks I have been drinking a lot of Dr. Pepper so I think I will stop doing that until my period comes.


Thanks to everyone who helped me see my moms point of view. It really helps. It just sucks that we are supposed to visit for Christmas, and if she is sick then that most likely won't happen. :( But now that I know more about this Fibrocystic stuff I think that might be all my mom has, at least I sure pray that is all it is. Thanks everyone for your support. :)

[carole]

You may find as you are worrying about this BC with your mother, you will be more aware of the breast pain than ever, I myself experienced this, I am not saying its not real because IT IS, but during the time my mother was going through the Breast Cancer, these problems were so noticable, now that I am more relaxed and have had my first mammogram CLEARED, I no longer seem to be having the problem. The mind is a very powerful thing.

Our hormones are continually changing, and things we did not experience before we now do, mine are going haywire at my age, and everything is continually changing for me.

There does seem to be a link between taking the contraceptive pill for more than ten yrs, and BC, if you have a family history, you should choose the lower estrogen type pills, I believe, of course your health provider is the best one to ask about this, but luckies4me, you are young and if it turns out to be BC, then you should ask about this with your doctor.

Of course nothing has been proved with these links 100 per cent yet, but I strongly believe there could be a connection, my own mother was on CPill for over ten yrs, and in those days, the pills were not as good as today, pretty potent stuff.

I think the Bra link has not been proved enough to warrant me going bra-less yet.!!

A lot of women experience Breast Pain, and that can be quite normal, so don't worry too much, its is often just cyclic as you mention.

My mother has fibrocystic breasts, but in actual fact the breast that did not have the cancer always gave her pain, the other was painfree.

Hope this all helps, to re-assure you, and let us know when your mother finds out her results.

[luckies4me]

Well I'm sure the pain will go away once my period comes. :) Last month was actually more painful with nipple soreness as well. It actually feels a tad bit better today.


Yes I can't wait to know because the waiting it driving me crazy!

[carole]

I Sure can empathise with you, I know the waiting is terrible, was like that for me with my recent worries with Melissa, its the fear of the unkown, at least when you find out, then you know what you are dealing with, now you are just up in the air.

I feel for ya girl, really I do, HUGS and my best wishes for everything to be OK.

[luckies4me]

Well yes it was my stupid period, my awful awful time of the month because now my breasts feel fine, although I ache so bad and my uterus feels like it's turning into hamburger. I just barely got out of bed but an hour ago because it just hurts. My whole body aches but esepecially my legs, and then of course the terrible cramps in my belly. I can't wait to finally have my surgery! My health insurance papers are going out today, I can't take it anymore. I have Vicadin here for the pain, as well as Ibuprofen 800mg but they both make me sick to my stomach when I take them. So in a little while I am just going to take a nice warm bath and see if that helps. I do feel a little better though now that I have eaten.


And for those of you who don't know, if you put your cat on your stomach during cramps it helps a lot. Both the gentle pressure and the warmth of their body helps so much. I took Cheetah in the room with me today and she was my little doctor and helps so much, especially with her little purrs. :)