The Hardest Decision

[aly]

I am posting this with a very heavy heart.

They say you will always know when it is "time" for your dog to cross over to Rainbow Bridge. I never knew if I believed that or not. I thought it was so hard to judge quality of life sometimes. I mean, who am I to decide another living thing's quality of life and make a decision based on that judgement that will either end or continue their life?

This morning I knew. This morning Peka told me that it is her time. Her life is not so much of a life anymore, but more of waiting for the end. Her health isn't good. It never has been good, but it is much worse. I touched her this morning lightly on her back and she screamed and ran from me. She hit the wall and then just layed down with her face in the corner of the room. She ................ ugh, I can't talk about this part anymore :(

I rescued her from the shelter after they left her sitting in a back room for SIX WEEKS waiting for her euthanasia time. She was not in good shape. The vet only gave her about a month to live. After she had been at my house for a short week, I took her to a followup vet visit. The vet hardly recognized her. She was doing a lot better, but still dying. Its been a year now and she's caused me so much stress, sadness, and pain. I've had to replace carpet because of her. We went through a long diaper stage. I stayed up with her all night several times when she had bad reactions to her medicine. I cry almost daily listening to her cough because of her heart problems. BUT I wouldn't change anything. I don't regret taking her. I originally took her just for a week, but the people who were supposed to take her backed out. It has definately been a major hinderance to me. But I would do it all over again. Peka got to see what its like to be loved and warm in a happy home. Even if the rest of her life was a living hell, at least she has known a home for the past year.

I am going to talk to the vet later today and make an appointment :(

I know some of you will think I'm awful for this, but I've decided that I can't be present when it happens. I really don't think it will make any difference to her. My vet is a sweet woman who will comfort her. Emotionally, I ... I just can't do it :( :( :( :( :( I know I will have to do it when it comes time for one of my animals. But since she won't ca ----- I don't know. Don't think I'm horrible, please :( :( :( :(

[jenluckenbach]

Bless you Aly. Peka DID know love even if it were only for 1 year. Your place in heaven is reserved and it will be right next to a rejuvinated, happy healthy Peka. It is YOU she will wait for at the RB.
{{{HUGS}}} and prayers during this hard time.

[Samantha Puppy]

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[Pam]

Aly, I don't think you could find a person on this planet who would feel you were a horrible person. You have given Peka so much more than just a place to live out her last months. You have shown her love and made a firm commitment, and kept it, to see her through it all until the end. Now that time is here and we all stand solidly behind you in however you feel comfortable carrying that out. There is no judging, not here, not amongst friends who understand. I wish for you peace as you make that call and a safe journey to the Bridge for Peka. My 4 poodles will be at the gate waiting to show her around. (((hugs)))

[Cinder & Smoke]

Originally posted by aly
I am posting this with a very heavy heart...

at least she has known a home for the past year.


Dear Aly ~

{{{Hugs}}} to You and Dear Peka...

Try to be strong, listen to Peka, and do what's best for her.

She's had the Best Year of her life with you;
you and she can remember that year forever.

Safe Trip to The Bridge, Dear Peka.

/s/ Phred

[Logan]

Aly, you have gone way above and beyond the call of duty, my friend. Peka has learned the meaning of real love with you. The only thing I would do differently than you is to be there. Because you will see her pass, with such a peacefullness that you can't even imagine. I would never tell you this if I hadn't experienced it myself with Kaycee. Either way, Peka will be ok, though, and she will enjoy eternal life, in a way that we can't even imagine.

I'm praying for strength, for you, and a peaceful passing for Peka.

Love,
Logan

[Aspen and Misty]

O Aly ::hugs::

Your post has touched me so deeply. The love you have for your Peka is so strong you are willing to put her quility of life before everything ::hugs::


You are the most wonderful person ever.
Ashley

[ramanth]

Oh Aly. :( *hugs to you and Peka*

I have never thought you horrible. Peka knew love and happiness from you when no one else would give it. She'll understand. I understand.

*HUGS*

[Cincy'sMom]

How could anyone think you horrible when you have give this speical girl an extra year of her life? ...and in a comfortable, loving home. A year, ago was nother time, but now, she is telling you it is. You hve done do much for her and shown her so much love, her cross to the bridge will be a happy one.

[carole]

Aly may you find the strength you need to help you through this very sad and difficult time.

Peka has had the best life you could give her, and now she will have a new life at RB, free from suffering and pain.

You are a wonderful person Aly and I feel for you so much at this awful time, I hope we at PT can help comfort you in your time of distress, take care and HUGE HUG to you and Peka.

[aly]

Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
How could anyone think you horrible when you have give this speical girl an extra year of her life? ...

Because I won't be in the room :(

I would be there if I thought she would care, but she never really cares or notices too much who is around her. She hates to be held and doesn't really like petting, its like she doesnt' know what it means.

I can't stop crying and I somehow have to go teach Dog Manners classes now.

[robinh]

Oh Aly, I'm so sorry! You have given this precious animal a wonderful year. I'll say it too, no one here would ever call you a bad person - you've done so much for Peka and for your other furbabies for us to ever call you that. And Peka would not call you that either - she loves you for what you gave her and for your pain at her passing.

I wish we could help you with your pain, but just know that we are there with you as you have been with us at our worst times.

:(

[Cincy'sMom]

Originally posted by aly
Because I won't be in the room :(

I would be there if I thought she would care, but she never really cares or notices too much who is around her. She hates to be held and doesn't really like petting, its like she doesnt' know what it means.

I can't stop crying and I somehow have to go teach Dog Manners classes now.

Only you know Peka, Aly and know what is best for her. If she doesn't need you in the room, no one can fault you for that. Her passing will be peaceful, the stress will be on you. Don't put yourself though it.

You gave her so much in life, and that is what is important. You gave her a year of love, and kindness. Just because you won't be in the room physically, doesn't mean you won't be with her mentally, and she will know that.

[joycenalex]

{{{aly}}} i understand how hard this is. yes, my darling duke told me that it was time. i could see it in his eyes and the way he moved. he was ready to go. no one has the right to judge you for your choice to stay or not. i stayed, my mom, had to leave the room, your decision will be the right one for you and peka. your vet can let you see her after her spirit has left for the rainbow bridge, you can stay with her for awhile and talk to her. i felt a sense of sadness for myself, then a great joy when i realizied that duke could run and play again and he would never hurt, ever. you have given peka a great gift and she knows it. {{{aly}}}. love

[ChrisH]

Oh, Aly, so sad.:( Big Hugs to you and Peka.

You are both are in my thoughts and prayers.

[delidog]

Oh Dear Aly,
My heart goes out to you...You are making a Brave,Selfless decision.....You gave her last year...of Quality and love in her life..Even if she did not know how to accept it....

GodSpeed Dear Peka...You have Many friends waiting to help you cross The Rainbow Bridge Safely...You will feel lots of Love and Pets there also....
Aly, You have done all you can...You Gave her what No other Human was willing to.....

Rest EasySweet Peka

[lovemyshiba]

Oh Aly:(

What a life she had. Thank God she had her last wonderful year with you, learning what love was, and how to be with a family.
She loves you, I am sure, and she will wait for you at the Bridge.

If you cannot be in the room, that is your decision--I'm not sure if I could either-I don't even want to think about it.

God Bless you Aly, and dear sweet Peka, may she be in peace, and free of pain at the Rainbow Bridge.

{{{hugs to you and beautiful Peka girl}}}}

[Kater]

Originally posted by aly
I would be there if I thought she would care, but she never really cares or notices too much who is around her. She hates to be held and doesn't really like petting, its like she doesnt' know what it means.

I feel like you have answered your own question and justified your actions--- being on the outside of things we cannot possibly understand and cannot accurately "judge." I trust that you will do the right thing, just like giving Peka a chance to know *LOVE* was the right thing!
No one could ever not like you Aly! It's impossible!!!
(((((HUGS))))) during this difficult time.

[wolf_Q]

Aly, I'm so sorry to hear about Peka. :( It was a wonderful thing for you to take her and show her all the love she didn't have. Have a safe trip to the bridge, Peka.

We're facing the same thing with Smokey. I'm not sure when, some days he seems really bad and other days he seems to be getting better. :(

[primabella]

*HUGS* Aly. :(

You must do what is best for Peka. She appreciates that. And I'm sure she is very thankful for giving her such a wonderful life with you.

Have fun at the Bridge sweet Peka.

Amy, I'll be praying for Smokey. :(

[dukedogsmom]

Well, you've got us all in tears. We don't think you're horrible for not staying with her. I couldn't take my cat when it was his time. My mom had to do it. I had been with my cat before that one and it is very hard. I'm sure Peka knows how much you
love and care for her. I know it must be horrible to see her in this condition. Would your vet come to your house? Mine does for nothing extra. That might make it easier on you. Also, do you have any pics? I would like to see her. I hope you will feel better soon. I know it's a horribly difficult time for you. Let your other furry angels comfort you.

[slick]

Aly, please know that I'm crying for you and Peka right now. I can't even imagine how hard this last year must have been on you. Bless you for giving Peka a wonderful home for the past year and I know that she knows you love her. She obviously wants to be pain-free and the only way that can happen is if she makes the quiet journey. You did the best you could. RIP sweet Peka. Please watch for Toshie and Trixie. They will show you around your new home and would love to be your friend.

Do not feel guilty for not wanting to be there for the journey and I certainly can't pass judgment. You do what's best for you and Peka.

Hugs and love to you

[clara4457]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I admire you tremendously for taking Peka into your home and heart and allowing her to live her last days in comfort and love.

[zippy-kat]

Aly, I read this before I went to class and then sat there and cried the whole way through. My heart absolutely aches for you, friend.

When Sophie was little and it seemed we were at the vets' office every other day, I prayed that if she were to pass that I wouldn't be there. (Often, if going "naturally," bunnies scream as/when they pass.) She pulled through and I was blessed to share my home with the lil' spitfire for just over two years.

Then, we had the last tummy episode. (And, now I'm really sobbing. :( ) My prayers were answered, I was not with her. Do I regret it? Yes and no. I've always wondered who/where/and when was her last human contact? Were they gentle to her? Did they talk to her? What did they say? I know her passing wasn't peaceful as the vet commented, "He heard a commotion from the back..." I don't regret being there for a selfish reason... *I* couldn't have handled hearing her like that. I do regret not extensively considering having her pts; it would've been much more peaceful. But she had improved so much that last day I saw her.....

I'm crying so hard I can't even finish typing all I had intended to say.... if you are on AIM tonight -and feel like having company- I'll chat with you then. God bless you, Aly, I think you're doing the right thing for YOU *and* Peka.

{hugs}

[Candy16]

Aly, you are anything but a horrible person. It is a selfless act to end Peka's suffering when she can't make the decision for herself. She will be forever grateful, and you can rest assured that you will see her again, painfree forevermore. God bless you now and know that we are all here for you both.

[Crikit]

Aly, I don't know what to say other then you're doing the right thing helping Peka this way. You truely are one of the heroes of pet talk. I'll be on later if you want to talk, if not you'll still be in my thoughts.

[Karen]

Peka, sweetheart, when you get to the Rainbow Bridge, look there for my mom, okay? She'll be the short lady with brown curly hair who is busy passing out biscuits and hugs. You tell her we sent you to see her - she understands how sometimes being the shortest one can be hard, and that a girl has to be strong. but a long sickness even gets the best of the strong girls. You hang out near Mom, okay?

Aly, dear girl, no one will think any less of you. Sending you a good, strong hug from me, and a bunny nudge from Miss Hoppy.

[carole]

Aly please don't feel bad because you cannot be with Peka , I don't think I could either, infact when I had my budgies and mice put to sleep because they were too ill, I could not face it either.

You will be there with her in spirit, believe me.

HUGS.

[mugsy]

Peka,

Please give Smokey, Lady, Butterscotch, Dudley, and Ryu a hug and kiss from their Mom and Dad and tell them we miss them greatly. Your foster mom will miss you terribly too. May you be pain free from now on...you deserve it.

Molly

Aly, my thoughts and prayers will be with you and Peka.

[Tonya]

Aly, I am so sorry to hear that! Don't feel bad, you are doing the right thing. She'll be waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge. I know how you feel, I couldn't be present when we put Rosco down either.

[gini]

Aly, I am going to try to put this into another perspective for you, so that you are not so hard on yourself.

My father passed away in 1988. He was very ill for several months and was in a convalescent home. I went to see him every day. Most days he knew me, but some days he didn't know anyone. I used to stand by his bed and ask God to take him - right then - so I could know he was at peace and also be there for him.

It was not to be. My father passed away at 5:00 AM on Thanksgiving morning.

Does my father blame me because no one was there? Does he love me any less because I wasn't there at the moment of his passing? I don't believe either is true.

He passed away knowing how much I loved him, knowing all of the loving things I did for him over the years, taking with him all of the memories of my childhood and ridiculous things I did.

A spiritual bond isn't about "one moment" - it takes a long time to develop - and Peka took that spiritual bond with her.

She does not blame you, but loves you for being the incredible unique person that would even dream of taking her home and providing her a loving and caring home.

I know, it isn't the same - a human passing naturally and your making the decision for Peka - but there is such a bigger picture here than just whether you were there at the end.

I reach out and give you the biggest hug for being such a dear and caring person. Look in the mirror and you will see a very special person who did all that she could in a short year to make Peka's life better, happier and filled with love.

[RubyMutt]

:( I'm so sorry, Aly. I don't see how anyone could think you are a horrible person after you brought Peka into your family and gave her a year of love. My heart is breaking for you :(

After nearly a year of battling with cancer my senior miniature schnauzer, Muffy, eventually got to the point where she was in so much pain she wouldn't/couldn't move, didn't like to be petted... it breaks my heart thinking about her. We made the decision to have her put down. Although it was a very difficult decision to make at the time, now I don't regret it at all, she wasn't herself anymore & she was suffering terribly. I know she's happy and pain free at the RB now and I'm sure she'll show Peka around when she gets there.

You will be in my thoughts, Aly

[aly]

Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate all of your heartfelt replies and have been reading them all, clinging to every word. I don't know what I'd do without you all.

I have 2 wonderful friends who each said they would stay with Peka as she crosses over. I am so very grateful for this and I am going to take at least one of my friends up on the offer.

Peka did get to know happiness while she was with me. Even though she's not affectionate and doesn't like to play, she's still had happy moments. I remember when she used to jump around excited to see me come home :( It was quite a feat for her to jump around considering the condition I got her in. But, she's ... not the same anymore ... and, I know its time :( :(

Sweet Peka

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid54/p874a03406a0abd89d4304fb33216f653/fc839ad1.jpg

[Nomilynn]

Aly.. my heart is with you, just like yours will be there with Peka. Sometimes, it's not physical presence that counts, and Peka knows.

Love to you and Peka,
Naomi

[shais_mom]

Oh Aly, I am so sorry.
I am praying for stregnth for you.
I can totally understand why you couldn't be in the room with her. You knew her best and it seems as tho it is the best for the both of you.
I was with Shaianne when she died, and am so glad that I was b/c I would have never ever ever forgiven myself had I come home and she passed in her crate. But those are COMPLETELY different situations. :(
I KNOW that she will wait for you at Rainbow Bridge along with your beloved Desi.
Godspeed to the Bridge Peka, Shaianne sweetie, keep an eye on her until her mom can get there, a long time down the road.
:(
{{hugs to Aly}}

[Miss Meow]

Aly, I'm thinking of you and Peka {{{hugs}}}. Your love is with Peka whether you are in the room or not, and she'll know that.

[Cookiebaker]

Aly, you are the sweetest, most caring person! Peka knows the love you have given her for the longest time. What a beautiful dog she was, and that's how she would want you to remember her.

{{Peka & Aly}} We'll certainly be keeping you in our thoughts during this difficult time!!

[Aspen and Misty]

Of Aly, she is absolutly Breath taking ::wipes tears::


::hugs:: to you Aly


Ash

[cloverfdx]

oh aly i am so sorry*hugs*

it is comforting to know that one of your friends will be with peka at the time, and by no means are you a horrible person, the love and care you have given lil peka in the last year is wonderfull.

sweet dreams Peka *hugs*

[pitc9]

God Bless you!! You did a wonderful job! She now knows what it's like to be loved..... something she never knew before, and had it not been for you, she would have died never knowing, even though she never acted like she cared, or knew what it ment to be loved, that's irrelevant.... the fact it that you loved her is all that matters!
As for not being with her..... don't feel bad, you'll always be with her!!

[Linda York]

:( Aly, prayers and good thoughts be with you. Your Peka knows how very much you love her. BIG HUG We'll all be thinking of you. God Bless.
:(

[Albea]

I add my voice to all the other ones who told you not to think for a minute that you are a horrible person. If we are always saying that any decisions we make should be for the welfare of our pets, you are the one who knows now it's time to let her go on her way to the Rainbow Bridge because you love her.
You made the last year of her life a happy one, and while she plays, without any more pain, at the Bridge she'll remember that.
I had to make the same decision for my first Golden because her cancer had taken over her body and I could not stay with her either. I was alone and was afraid the vet would have to pick me up from the floor if I'd stayed.
I'll be thinking of you and sending many loving thoughts your way.
Have a safe trip, darling Peka...

[Cinder & Smoke]

Dear Aly ~

Our Thoughts and Prayers are with You and Peka today.

God will Bless you :) for sending Angel Peka to Him.

/s/ Phred

[Cataholic]

Dear Aly,
Words can't say enough how awful I feel for you and Peka. She knows, like we know, her health and well being is first in your mind. Go easy, sweet Peka, and wait for mommy at RB!
Hugs,
Johanna

[aly]

Her appointment is 5pm Friday.

Don't know what else to dsay. I don't think I'm strong enough to g o through this. I don't know if 'I'm doing the right thing anymore.

[slick]

If you look to your heart and to Peka, the answer will come. I believe that if Peka does not have quality of life, then you are doing the right thing. We love you and are here for you at this difficult time. For now, just be with Peka as much as you can and know that she loves you too, in her own way.

[Sudilar]

Aly, it is time. You know it, Peka knows it, God knows it. Since you love her best, you must be the one to set her free, BECAUSE you love her. As you've described, Peka's quality of life has failed. No matter how much we hate for that to happen, it still does. That's life.... and sadly, death. You have given Peka, in the the short time that you've had her, the love of a lifetime! If it weren't for you, she would have never known love. She may act aloof because she never knew love before you came along and never learned how to accept it and give it back. Maybe she doesn't like to be held because she hurts. In her way, she loves you very much and knows you love her.
It is time now. If you cannot be with her, she will not fault you. Being present at the final moments takes an unbearable amount of strength that sometimes just can't be suffered. She will still love you. It doesn't mean that you love her less. No one blames you. Don't ever think that anyone does.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and Peka tomorrow. Soon she will be painfree and running with the best of them at the PetTalk area of Rainbow Bridge. Hugs.

[KYS]

My thoughts and heart are with you.



{{{Hugs}}}

Karen

[Logan]

Aly, hold your head up high and love that girl to the last possible minute. She may not be Reese or Loli in her disposition, but you have extended her life and given her as much love as she has probably ever experienced. That's a lot, my friend.

And you are being courageous and keeping Peka in the forefront by making this decision. I'm just sorry that one or more of us can't be there with you.

Logan

[Cinder & Smoke]

Dear Aly ~

We'll ALL be there with You, and Dear Peka, on Friday.

Not able to give you both a physical {Hug};
but we'll be with you in Spirit...

Be strong Aly, and KNOW that you're doing what's best for Peka.

Safe Trip to The Bridge, Dear Peka!

/s/ Phred

[delidog]

Godspeed,Dear Peka!!!!
You have known The Greatest Kind of Love...The Selfless acts of Aly...You know this Sweet Peka....Have a Safe Trip OverThe Bridge...And Run Pain Free with all of Our Dear Departed Ones!!!
Peka and Aly,You are in our Prayers

[aly]

I dont know if I can do this :(

[wolf_Q]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{ALY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[Stenograsaurus]

Oh, Aly, I am so sorry you are going through this. It is hard. My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

[Sudilar]

Originally posted by aly
I dont know if I can do this :(

Aly, I COULDN'T do it for Avalanche, but I guess I should have. I was waiting for that "miracle" that didn't happen.

Look into Peka's eyes.....look at her actions........ She will tell you.

Our hearts and souls are with you today. If you feel that you can not, then don't. What do the doctors say??

[zippy-kat]

((Aly & Peka))

[aly]

The vets support my decision. They say she is really sick, but I am the only one who can measure her quality of life since I am the one who lives with her.

Peka's eyes are sad and she just doesn't seem to have a life anymore. She still walks around fine and loves to eat. But .. when I look into her eyes ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :(

She does sleep in her own pee and some other weird things.

If I don't go through with it, it will be for selfish reasons I'm afraid. I think I need to make myself. The vet techs and vets where I'm taking her are very dear people. I didn't go to sleep last night and my eyes are burning from crying.

[aly]

I feel like slashing my own tires for an excuse not to be able to go :(

[lbaker]

Aly, just as you can see the pain in Peka's eyes don't you think Reece, Lolly and Peka too, can see the pain in YOUR eyes :( Step up, do what you have to do then sit with your other babies and let them comfort you as only they can do. We love you.

[gini]

And more hugs for you Aly!

[aly]

6 more hours :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[Samantha Puppy]

Aly, you can't do this to yourself, it's only making it 100x more difficult for you. You are doing the right thing... go read your first post in this thread. That is no way for a dog to go on. It is Peka's time... as hard as that may be, it is her time. She owes a lot to you and in her own special way, loves you and thanks you for it. But now it's time for her to go on to a place where she's happy and without any pain...

Let her go, Aly...

(((((((((((((((((((((Aly)))))))))))))))))))))))

[PayItForward]

Aly sending so many {{{{hugs}}}} your way.

I didn't make it to the vet room when we had Caramel put to sleep. Steve took him on his own, I just held Milly, George close to me and wept.

It is sad to know that Peka's time has come to the end but you are doing the right thing.

You are giving the last loving gift any owner can give a beloved pet....dignified death.

Peka knows you love her (excuse me being blunt) but it will make no difference to her if you are there in the room with her or not. She will drift painlessly to sleep and onto the Bridge.

Do not feel guilty, feel proud of the difference you made to her life.

Bless you for your kind heart & loving nature.

If not for you, Peka would have had a very different life.

[jazzcat]

Aly, I am so sorry. Please don't torture yourself like this. Know that you are doing the right thing, the best thing for Peka.

I went through the same thing with my beloved RB Pepper - a black toy poodle. He was so sick and I kept him on painkillers for longer than I should have (mainly to wait till my mother got back from a trip to Germany so she could say goodbye). Anyway, I remember waiting that day as the hours went by till the appointment. I almost went insane and made myself miserable. Don't do it to yourself.

I'm sending you all the hugs and support I can. You are a wonderful person and this is just another way you can help Peka.

[slick]

Aly, if I could magically fly down to you and be there I would. I guess 5pm your time is 3pm my time, so I will say a silent prayer for you and Peka at that time.

Hugs to you.

luv

[stacwase]

Gosh - of course you're not horrible! You did a wonderful and selfless thing by taking her in and providing her with a loving home during her final days. If you can't be there when she goes to sleep, then that's completely understandable.

How are you doing now?

[aly]

I'm not doing too well. I don't handle death well. Adnd I've never had to make this decision and its killing me. I keep going back and forth.

One of my friends who I always confide in when Peka has problems called me and siad it is harder on me than it is on her and that sometimes death is the best thing. i think her words are sort of sinking in and i know what i have to do.

i'm glad i have my foster puppies to come home to. they help me. even thoguh i'm bringing peka's life to an end, the puppies are 2 lives that i helped bring into this world since they were a day old.

skylar is also glued to my side. my own dogs are staying with my parents right now so i can concentrate on peka without stressing my dogs out. they're both too sensitive and they hate it when i'm upset.

slick - your prayer will mean the world to me . i need all the strength and prayers i can get. peka is the strong one . she's such a fighter. i think she will be happy to be at lpeace. i hope :(

[Samantha Puppy]

Originally posted by aly
i need all the strength and prayers i can get. peka is the strong one . she's such a fighter. i think she will be happy to be at lpeace. i hope :( You and Peka are both in my prayers. Tonight, Samantha and I will say one together.

And you're right - Peka will be so happy once she's at peace... you've got all the PTers with pets who have passed sending messages to them to help Peka out and I know they will. I'll even let Rags know (died in 1993). I'm not good with death either and I know I'll be a total basketcase when Samantha's time comes, but just know that all the PTers here are supporting you and you have lots of love and kindness surrounding you. God bless you for what you did, Aly. You truly are very special.

[Aimyloo]

AHHH! It is torture....I went through this recently myself... hardest thing i have EVER EVER EVER x10000000 done in my life. I really didnt think I would live through it, but here I am today, to say that you will. She will live on in your memory, accomplishing what all dogs, I believe, are put here to do...and thats to capture the heart of one special person...and in HER life, that one person was you. Feel honored that your path's crossed and you were privlaged with her prescence for the time you were.
***Hugs*** to you... it WILL be okay.
Email me if you like... im at work right now, but check email regularly. [email protected].

Im really trying not to break down here at work.

Believe me, believe all of us that have been through it, we KNOW.

[ChrisH]

Oh, Aly, I so feel for you, I know how heartbreakingly hard it is. Take courage and let Peka go dear lady, and know that all of us are sending many prayers and much love for you and Peka on this sad day.
Hugs
Chris

[Stenograsaurus]

The waiting is torture. I remember setting the time when making the appointment. I remember how hard it was leading up to that time. I remember staring at the clock and thinking, only so many hours left. I also remember feeling a little bit of relief when it was done. I had some closure and could begin to grieve.

My heart goes out to you. I will pray for your strength during this difficult time. And remember, we're all here for you.

[zippy-kat]

Aly, does Peka have a favorite food or a favorite activity? In these last few hours, maybe you could let her relish in her favorites. I think (for Sara at least) skritches, walks, tennis balls, and food are equated to love. Maybe let her gorge herself in the usual "limited" foods, ie ham, turkey, whatever her treats are. Pet her beyond belief and maybe take her for a walk (if she's up to it).I'm sure you're already doing some of these, but if not, just a suggestion.

{{love & prayers for you both}}

[anna_66]

I've just seen this thread & I can't help but cry:(
I don't blame you for your decision. You've been
a wonderful friend to her for the last year of her
life. I can't imagine that she could have been
happier with anyone else.
I will be thinking of you and Peka as she journies
to the RB.
{{{{{HUGS}}}} To you Aly

[micki76]

Aly, If you need me call me. I mean it. I understand how you're feeling.
I hope it's ok with you, I asked my Dad to meet Peka there and show her the ropes. He loved dogs and will warmly welcome her and keep her with him until the day you're tired and ready to go home, too. :)

[Cincy'sMom]

I know the time is near...just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and Peka.

[slick]

Originally posted by micki76
I hope it's ok with you, I asked my Dad to meet Peka there and show her the ropes. He loved dogs and will warmly welcome her and keep her with him until the day you're tired and ready to go home, too. :)
I was doing OK until I read this. Now I'm crying for you, Micki, and Peka. A little over a half an hour to go. My prayers have started.

[binka_nugget]

:( I'll be praying for you both. Be strong aly and please know that you let her life become the fullest. You showed her love and compassion.

*HUGS*

Peka, when you get there, remember that your mommy loves you very much. Say hi to all those pet talk pups who've passed on.

[Sudilar]

My heart is with Peka and you, aly.

[zippy-kat]

{{{{{{{{{Aly & Peka}}}}}}}}}}

[Cheshirekatt]

Please don't feel badly about not staying with her. Some people just can't be there when it happens and that's ok.

Personally I stay with my critters, but Chris cannot. It's too hard for him and that's fine.

Take care of yourself and we're all here for you. Sweet Peka had a whole long year with you and that's a loooong time for a puppers.

[slick]

Dear Lord
Please help Peka as she passes to the RB and please reach down and give comfort to Aly whom we love and cherish. Help stop the hurt and give Aly and Peka the peace they deserve.
Amen.

[Cookiebaker]

{{{Aly & Peka}}}

[slick]

Aly, I've been waiting around here at work for an update but I guess you are too heartbroken to post. I don't blame you. I pray that God will dry your tears and I'll look for a post on Monday.

Take care.

luv

[aly]

I am just now calming down enough to post. This has been one of the hardest days of my life. I tried to stay with Peka, but I started crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Then I had to stop 3 times on the 10 minute drive home to throw up. When I got home, I started just saying Peka's name and crying so hard. Her stuff is still all around the house. I should have cleaned that up before I left, but I couldn't. And I still can't.

The puppies aren't helping me like I thought they would. My friend said she'd babysit them, but then she went out of town. I want to see my dogs. I'm still too upset though and I'll totally freak them out.

I took Peka for a walk in the park. I cut off several locks of her hair and spread them around the ground there since she loves to walk around there. I mean she loved to :( :( :( :( :( ........... I also saved a lock of hair so I can frame it with a picture. Then we went to McDonalds and she had french fries, a cheeseburger, and strawberry milkshake. She really loved the milkshake. I also got her some chicken nuggets which she ate in the room at the vet.

I went alone. I didn't have either of my friends come since the vet who she saw is a very sweet, comforting woman. Peka wouldn't have recognized either of my friends anyway. A receptionist and 2 vet techs assured me they would stay in the room also. It was REALLY nice of them because usually its just the vet and one tech. I talked to the vet for awhile first to be sure I was doing the right thing. She really helped me so much. She agreed that this was the humane thing to do. She said there were several things we could try to keep her alive, but she would most likely still be suffering.

When I got in the car with Peka, there was a song on. I'd never heard it before. The lyrics sort of stuck in my head. I came home and searched for the song. Its called How do you Talk to an Angel? by the Heights. I sort of took the song as a sign that I was doing the right thing. Here are the lyrics:

I see her voice
Inside my mind
I know her face by heart
Heaven and earth are moving in my soul
And I dont know where to start
Tell me tell me the words to define
The way I feel about someone so fine.
How do you talk to an angel?
How do you hold her close to where you are?
How do you talk to an angel?
It's like tryin' to catch a falling star
At night I dream and she is there
And I can feel her in the air
Tell me tell me the words to define
The way I feel about someone so fine.
How do you talk to an angel?
How do you hold her close to where you are?
How do you talk to an angel?
It's like tryin' to catch a falling star.

That song will forever break my heart and remind me of my girl. Another sign I got was at McDonalds. The toy in the Happy Meal was a princess and I always call Peka Princess. She was dressed in pink which was Peka's color. I don't know why I think that was a good sign. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better and grasping for straws.

I can't believe I went through with it. I didn't want to. I wanted my car to get stolen. I wanted to lose my keys. I wanted Peka to be a young dog again starting her life over. I don't know how I did it. I only did it because I don't want her to be unhappy or suffer.

At the park, I told her I loved her and that I considered her mine now, and not a foster.

She was happy in the last hours. I know she loved me. I could always tell. She would ............. nevermind, I can't talk about it right now :(

When I got home, I went to the park and found some of her hair. I put my hand on it and said a prayer and told her I loved her. I hope that my Dessi is up there showing her the ropes right now. I told Dessi to be nice to her.

[binka_nugget]

Aly, you have no idea how much I admire you for going through with this. It takes alot of strength and I have nothing but admiration for you. You did the right thing. We're all here for you..

[Cinder & Smoke]

Dear Aly ~

You did just fine.

Safe Trip, Peka.
Rest In Eternal Peace.

She's at Peace now, Aly.
No pain, no suffering...

Just a lot of wonderful Memories of Momma Aly.

Now it Your turn to remember the Fun Times with Peka.

{{{Hugs}}} Aly.

/s/ Phred

[tikeyas_mom]

I am soo sorry to hear that !!






why isnt peka in your sig??? does anyone have a pic of peka?? I would love to see her.

[aly]

Originally posted by tikeyas_mom
I am soo sorry to hear that !!






why isnt peka in your sig??? does anyone have a pic of peka?? I would love to see her.

She's not in my sig because I was pretty much considering her a foster. The shelter technically signed her over to me after I had her for a few months though. I still considered her a foster as a protection for me basically. She's always been sick and dying. I was afraid to call her my own and get even more attached to her. I know that sounds so stupid and ignorant of me. I can't explain it. I was afraid to put her in my sig because I never knew when she'd die. It was really scary for me. It really weighed heavy on my soul for the past year. I feel just awful.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid54/p874a03406a0abd89d4304fb33216f653/fc839ad1.jpg

[zippy-kat]

TM, if you'd read the entire thread, there's a picture of Peka on page 3.






Aly,
Bless you for all you've done. Peka knows you loved her, you said so yourself. You had two wonderful signs to show you it was time, so don't ever doubt yourself.
I'm sure Peka's free of pain and running happily at the rainbow bridge.

{{hugs}}

[anna_66]

You did the right thing Aly. Now your sweet girl is happy at the bridge:)

What a wonderful last day you gave her. I'm sure she knew how much she was loved.

More {{{HUGS}}} for you.

[momofcats]

Aly,

My heart goes out to you. I read through what you have gone through and I couldn't do it without crying. As hard as it was, you did the right thing. You gave Peka a wonderful year and tried to ease her pain, but now she is in a happy place without suffering and surrounded by love.

[Cincy'sMom]

I know it wasn't the easy thing, but the right thing isn't always. Peka is peacful now, romping and playing at the bridge. I'm sure if she could she would have said thank you for a wonderful last year and showing her what love is.

{{{HUGS}}}

[Aimyloo]

I am SO sorry for the lost of your friend. :(

I cried at work reading this thread! I felt, and feel your pain. Just wanted to let you know I was still thinking about you...

:)

[Cataholic]

Aly, I am thinking of you tonight with nothing but love and admiration for your complete devotion to Peka. May we all be so loved and thought of when our time is near.
Hugs,
Johanna

[joycenalex]

{{{aly}}} i knew that when duke closed his eyes here, he'd open them at the bridge in just seconds and he'd be free and young and healthy and he could run and play. peka is now having all that too, hugs to you brave lady. joyce

[gini]

Oh, Aly, Aly, Aly..........I know how you feel. I have been there and it hurts so much. I remember the snot was running from my nose and I just didn't care.......I was crying so hard.

But a pet that I had loved so dearly was gone. This precious boy, Magic was now gone. But he had been in pain and he was suffering so much and his quality of life was completely gone. I was able to see him now peaceful and safe and across the Bridge.

I didn't stop crying for a long time.....but I was upset about MY loss, not his peacefulness. He had given me everything he possibly could in gratitude for taking him into my home - a stray that just showed up.

I don't have the right words.........but you did the right thing for Peka and she will always be a part of you and she will never forget you.

God love you!

[zippy-kat]

"You say that all you have left are memories but this is not so. You see, when I took leave of my earthly body I left a little something behind for you. You can't touch it, hold it or examine it, for what I left behind is far too uninhibited for confinement. I left in your tender care a piece of my soul. ... I love you too much to have left you with nothing but memories that tend to fade and grow cloudy as the years go by. I love you too much to have vanished without a trace. How selfish it would be of me to remove love and light from your life.

Aly, please read this site: A Place For Us -by Terri Onorato (http://www.angelbluemist.com/aplaceforus.html)

It's the one I go back to when I miss a RB baby.

{{hugs}}

[shais_mom]

One that I think of often when I miss Shaianne is



Loved Dogs never Die.

[Miss Meow]

Aly, I don't know what to say except my heart is breaking with you. It's an awful part of life when doing the right thing hurts so much. Peka will be thanking you from the Rainbow Bridge for giving her life and knowing when she had enough.

[popcornbird]

Oh dear. :(:(:( I missed this thread Aly, and now my heart is broken in a million pieces. I just don't know what to say. :(:( Peka was so precious and you gave her the best last year in life that anyone could offer. I know this must be so very hard on you, but you did the right thing. :(:(

{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

[PayItForward]

Rest in Peace sweet Peka. Enjoy your new life on the Bridge .

(PS. If you could keep sending signs to tell your meowmie you are fine, we would all be grateful)

[ChrisH]

Oh, Aly, You have done the hardest, most painful thing, with real love and bravery and set your sweet girl free, and I know it hurts so bad. I know that hurt because I have felt it too, many times, too many. Hold on tight, brave lady. You loved Peka and she loved you, and love is the only treasure that will never pass away, or grow old, or fade. She will always be there in that piece of your heart reserved especially for her.

Rest in peace dear Peka.

{{{Hugs}}}

Chris

[lbaker]

Aly my friend, I hope that we at PetTalk have provided a little light in your darkness... now go get Reece & Lolly and hug those blackie pups & Skyler and let life begin anew. An oldie but a goodie, "this is the first day in the rest of your life". I pray it's a good start for you. I also hope that doesn't sound cold or harsh :( you know how much I care I hope.

[cloverfdx]

ohh aly *hugs* my heart is breaking with you :( you gave peka the best 12 months of her life and bless you for that.

God speed dear Peka, sweet dreams

[lovemyshiba]

{{{Aly}}}

Rest In Peace, Dear sweet Peka, for you are pain free now. You have known the best year of your life with sweet Aly, keep an eye on her, and wait for her to come see you someday.


Aly, I know it is hard, but you did do the right thing. Peka knows that, and we all know that. You did the best thing for her--giving her a wonderful year of her life, with love she may never have known, and set her free when it was time.

[Aspen and Misty]

O Aly :::hugs::


I can't stop crying. your post remind me of when I lost my one and only baby boy. The pain you go through is horific and although they say it does ge easier, it is hard for a long time. I'm still waiting for the "it gets earier" part to happen. ::hugs:: Aly, you are a wonderful mom. Peka knows how much you love her, she couldn't have asked for anyone better.

And Aly. You are a GREAT mom. Don't you ever think diffrent.


Ash

[Albea]

Dear Aly:

This poem says better than I could ever express in my own words how much Peka thanks you for all the love you gave her in her last year, and how much she thanks you for letting her go to the Bridge.
She'll always be with you...
Hugs...

FROM FRIEND TO FRIEND

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.
Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
...a young dog once again.

In Memory of Asta, Feb. 1997
(c) Karen Clouston

[Samantha Puppy]

<wiping tears away> Aly, you are an angel. Peka knows that and is very happy not being in pain any longer. Bless you and Peka... I know this wasn't easy.

:(

RIP, sweet Peka.

[Sudilar]

So very sorry for your great loss of Peka. She will live on in your heart forever. Hugs.

[Pam]

Aly I am so sorry. I have been where you are now several times and it hurts so much. Just cling to Reece, Lolly and Shiloh and those adorable little babies who still need you so much. Peka understands and she is at peace and without pain. (((hugs)))

[ramanth]

*HUGS* to you Aly.

[slick]

Aly, I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better and take away the hurt. Please know that we are all crying with you and share your sorrow.

RIP Peka and say hi to Toshie. Hugs to you Aly for going through with this. You are stronger than you know.

[Little_Bit]

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.

[Rachel]

Oh, Aly, I am so sorry that you had to make that final decision for Peka. Only those of us who have had to do that can understand how terribly hard it is both before and after. As others have said, you gave Peka so much in this last year...more love, more care, more consideration than I believe many humans receive in their waning years. You are an Angel of Mercy. Peka knew you loved her deeply. As for not staying with her during the actual transition, I also am one who could not do that with either of my two RB girls. Like you I felt just awful about my failure to *be there*, but I just couldn't imagine seeing the life drain from the ones I loved so deeply. I too would not have been able to breath. Although I certainly wished I would have had the strenghth to stay, I recognize my own personal limitations. If presented with the opportunity to go back and do it differently, I still wouldn't be able to stay. I doubt my two judge me for the last minute of their life, but for our lifetime together.