Goodbye Bella

[amanion]

Hi Everyone - This is really hard to write, so I will keep it short. It was clear that Bella would never walk again, but that wasn't the problem. She was well and strong in herself, enjoying her food, and all that. But she started to have panic attacks when I couldn't be near her. When I held her in my arms she would snuggle in and sigh as if it was the only place she felt safe and comfortable. She would also be happy in her basket next to me as I worked, or on the couch if I watched tv. But even if I was in another room she would fret, and if I had to go out and couldn't take her, she would yelp and cry and wet herself and bite at her basket and wouldn't be comforted. When I got home and picked up she would shiver and cry in my arms for ages. I had go away for 3 days, and I couln't possibly take her - I had to fly and stay in college and teach. I have 2 more of these weekends coming up, and quite a lot of other teaching. And her eyes were tired. It stressed her so much to not just be able to get up and follow me like she used to.

It was very gentle - the vet gave her a preliminary shot in a dead part of her leg, and she just went to sleep in my arms, with her eyes looking in to mine.

I took her out to Dangar's Falls which is a national park (protected) area, very beautiful. I buried her under a tree, and put a pile of rocks over her. The land can never be sold or altered, so I will be able to visit her any time.

Thank you all so much for your support and caring,and for sending me emails and giving Bella your hearts - it kept us going. Even when I couldn't get in touch, I knew you were there.


Alison

[This message has been edited by amanion (edited February 12, 2001).]

[Pam]

Oh Alison when I read the title of your post I felt the tears start. Your caring and devotion to Bella has to be the most beautiful love story I have read between a person and their dog. You have written so bravely through all of your posts and even in this post I see your strength, but more importantly I see your love and compassion. You, and only you, could judge when the time had come. My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you right now. I know that Bella is once again able to run and play and you have given her that gift. I picture her playing right now with my 4 poodles who are also at the Rainbow Bridge. Thank you so much for telling your story. It was such a precious one.

[Karen]

Our hearts go out to you, for what had to have been a painful time, and not an easy decision. We know Bella will always be with you, curled up in a carner of your heart.

[lhg0962]

Alison,
I know your decision was a hard one for you to make, but you obviously knew it was the right thing to do for Bella, and for yourself.
I just can't tell you how sorry I am that you both had to endure this painful experience.
Please know that you have been in our thoughts and prayers. Every day will get a little easier for you, and Bella is healthy and happy again in her new life. My Kaycee was waiting for her, with her healthy heart and loving spirit.
Best wishes for you, Alison.
Logan

[This message has been edited by lhg0962 (edited February 12, 2001).]

[carrie]

Alison,
I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Bella had the best of all things in her life and it is a tragedy it was cut short in such a terrible way. Please take comfort that not only did you do your best to facilitate a recovery but that you had the courage and love to know when that was out of reach. You have been in my thoughts so often and will remain so,
with the greatest respect, Carrie.

[tatsxxx11]

Dear Alison

I am so incredibly heartsick to hear of the passing of little Bella. Both you and the beautiful Bella are two of the bravest souls I have ever met. And the memory of the deep love and devotion you and sweet Bella had for each other will remain with me forever. I know she frolicks in a place of beauty now, whole and happy again. My Jing and all our furkids are there with her now, showing her the way. You and Bella will always share a special place in heart and my thoughts. Bella was a most beautiful girl who lived to know the incredible joy of sharing a truly pure love. With much love, Sandra

[KYS]

Alison,

I am sitting here reading your post
with tears. I am so sorry about Bella.
You did more for Bella than most owners would have done. We were all
praying/hoping for the best. You made the most selfless decission by letting go.
She is in a happier place now.
So very sorry.

[RachelJ]

Alison, I cried today as I read your post, not because Bella is gone, but because the bitter/sweet saga of her life in a way represents the very best and the very worst of what owning a dog is all about. The best is seen in the years you shared together, the devotion she gave you, the trust she placed in you, the love you showed in your valiant battle for her recovery, the devotion you gave which went above and beyond what so many of us could have provided in your situation. The worst in how she was so violently injured and how you had to watch her suffering and how your time together was cut short, and how painful it was to make the decision that had to be made to let her go. I cried for you, I cried for Bella, and I cried for my two departed ones. I know that you will have a heavy heart for a while, but know that you were the most valiant of caretakers. This poem is printed in another location on this board, but it bears repeating for Bella.

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this - the last battle - can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please let me go.
Take me to where my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close - we two - these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Author Unknown

[This message has been edited by RachelJ (edited February 12, 2001).]

[Genia]

Allison, I so sorry...Sleep well, sweet Bella. When you wake you won't be frightened anymore, you will be able walk, run, and be a happy, free-spirited little girl once again.

[sammi]

I am also so sorry for your loss. You really loved your little Bella and the decision was a hard one for you to make but, you loved her so much you were able to set her free. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that everyone on this BB cares.

[jackiesdaisy1935]

So sorry to hear about Bella, I cried when I read your story. Maybe this will help a little

Treasured Friend

I lost a treasured friend today
The little dog who used to lay
Her gentle head upon my knee
And share her silent thoughts with me...
She'll come no longer to my call
Retrieve no more her favorite ball
A voice far greater than my own
Has called her to His golden throne.

Although my eyes are filled with tears,
I thank Him for the happy years
He let her spend down here with me
And for her love and loyalty.
When it is time for me to go
And join her there, this much I know...
I shall not fear the transient dark
For she will greet me with her bark.

Jackie

[Pam]

Just beautiful Jackie! Wish I had that to read when my babies went to the Rainbow Bridge. It says it all!

[Stenograsaurus]

So sorry to hear about Bella. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that she is no longer in pain. The following website has many links that might help you in coping with your tragic loss. http://www.geocities.com/~olelo/shelties/untilwemeetagain.html

Bella, I hope you're enjoying the use of your legs again. Run pain free, little one. You deserve it.

[Stenograsaurus]

Allison,
I just found this poem and thought of you and Bella.


From a Grateful Dog

You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner till the end.
Please, understand just what this gift
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it, too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To grant me this appeal.
Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever-faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
... a strong dog once again.

[AdoreMyDogs]

Alison,

I am so sorry about Bella. Although she did not deserve that unfortunate experience that left her lame, she sure was lucky to have you as a friend/companion/owner/caregiver. You really went above and beyond for that sweet little dog. I have so much respect for you because of that. You gave her the best last months she could have asked for.

I hope you are finding peace with her passing. Bless you for holding her close to you in her last moments, that's also not easy but it was the kindest thing for her.

I know that my gentle yellow lab, Beener, is up in heaven happily showing her where all the good places to run and play are and where the best water holes to swim in and the best toys to play with are http://PetoftheDay.com/talk/smile.gif My Beener and all of the other dog angels will take good care of Bella.

[amanion]

I know you are all right, and your words are comforting, but I miss her so much. Sometimes I forget she is even gone, and then it hits me. When I was upset, she use to lick me and fuss over me as if I was her puppy and she had to look after me. She loved going for walks and little adventures on her own. She was a greedy pig, and once she buried a whole sausage in my bed. It was her heart's desire to catch the pet rats, and she use to sit and eyeball them hopefully for hours. She also used to chase the cat when she thought no-one was looking. She loved being close to me more than anything. I can't see any sense in the whole stupid mess at all.

[Daisy's Mom]

Alison I am so, so sorry. I followed your story from the start and I really thought Bella would be okay. I cried when I read your post... what a shock. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. All our thoughts and prayers are with you, and little Bella is up there now, watching over you, runnin' around and having a grand ol' time!

[Pam]

Alison it's going to be rough going for a while now. I remember how I felt when my last two poodles died. It's funny the things that you remember about them.....little cute things that pop into your mind....and then the tears start again. I was just talking about Whitney, my standard poodle, the other day and I felt myself starting to fill up and it's been over 4 yrs. My heart goes out to you because you and Bella put up such a fight and it's still probably very hard to believe that Bella did not win. We share your grief. Maybe that helps a little.

[ownerof3dogs]

I don't know what to say others than I am so sorry.

[Sudilar]

Alison, I am so sorry for your loss. Bella was so lucky to have you. You were wonderful to her. My thoughts are with you.

Sue

[amanion]

It does help to know that everyone is there, and all the poems and wishes are so beautiful.

She was so special, of all the dogs I have known and owned - cute dogs and funny dogs and naughty dogs and beautiful dogs. Bella was a wise dog with a gentle loving brave heart, and she was my true friend. It helps to be able to tell you about her.

[Karen]

Originally posted by amanion:
I can't see any sense in the whole stupid mess at all.

What sense is there in anything
When life throws us off track?
The sense that only reflection finds
When your heart and mind look back.

Bella's love taught you
Your worthiness to be loved

Her pain made you look beyond yourself
Her need made your own needs pale
And you focused on giving, just giving to her

Her injuries taught you tenderness
Her struggle taught you to hope
Her endurance taught you, unknowingly
To never give up, never give in, have faith

Her love for you, most of all
Taught you what is most important
That that bond between hearts
Will never be severed

And in her death, Bella taught you
You can hold on to the best of her,
In your heart, but let the pain and sorrow go

You are stronger now,
though your heart may protest
feeling itself battered and sore
But the love she taught you day by day
Will win over pain, every day, more and more.

Sometimes good can be born out of sorrow
Like wildflowers from the ashes of fire.

[tatsxxx11]

Dear Alison. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you, and of course beautiful Bella. I've always found that after a time, people expect you to have "gotten over it." That we often are left to hold our saddness inside fearing others will not understand how deeply we still grieve and feel our loss. You are such a special person, and I can only imagine how you must miss your precious girl. Please know that tonight I am thinking of you, and hold you always in my heart and prayers. Sandra

[amanion]

Thank you Sandra - that was lovely, and I do miss her so much. And thanks Karen - I guess I was sounding a little bitter. I've had a lot of loss in one way or another over the last few years, and this one hit hard. But you have to be open to the good as well as the bad, I guess.

Alison

[blueruby]

Alison,
I am very sorry about Bella. I bet Bella had a great time with you. I really have nothing more to say except that I am very sorry about Bella.

[Meow101]

I'm crying right now, that is so sad. I know you'll really miss her, but at least she died in peace, and now she is probably playing with the other kittys at Rainbow Bridge, her leg restored.
Best wishes, and my thoughts are with you.
-Meow101