How do you know if it's time

[Elizabeth]

I have a 15 year old mixed breed dog. I think the time is coming when I'll have to put her down. She has had arthritis for years (has been taking Rimadyl) but now her back hips will just give way sometimes and has a difficult time of getting up. She's blind in one eye due to a tumor, and sometimes looses control of her bladder. Is it time? She is my first dog (had her since she was 3 montbs). How do you know?

[KYS]

Elizabeth,
Nobody can answer that question better
than you and your vet.
Sometimes we want to hold on to our
babies forwever, but in your heart,
you will know when the right times comes.
When she is in pain and her quality of
life in no longer their.

That is always a painful decision to make. :(

[TheAntiPam]

Many of the folks here at PetTalk have had to face the same question, Elizabeth, including me.

What I have learned is this: After it is all over, you may still have doubts. One day you'll think it was just the right thing to do. Other days, you will wonder if you did enough. At that point, talking with friends, family, and even PetTalk people will help.

For now, it is your job to give love and care. And when those cannot help any more, you'll find your answer.

[tatsxxx11]

Dear Elizabeth. That time, deciding when is the right time, is the hardest decision a furparent has to make. As has been said, the best thing to do is to talk with your vet, and most importantly, search your heart, and look into your baby's eyes. Usually it is they that will tell you with a
look that says to you that it's ok. I had to face the same question as you not that long ago. I know how difficult and painful it is. As Pam said, somehow, you will just know. Please give your beautiful baby a hug and kiss. You will both be in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Sandra

[RachelJ]

The question with no answer. I faced it twice. When you cry until you can't cry anymore. When it hurts so much to watch them fall down and not be able to get up. When the only time they are at peace is when they are sleeping. When they don't want to be petted or held or comforted. When you see fear and pain in their eyes. When they try so hard but cannot control their bodily functions. When you know there is no getting better. Then you still won't know for sure. So you just do the best that you can and understand that you can err on the side of waiting too long as well as acting too soon. You are the one who loves this being and you are the one who has to decide what is best. They wouldn't want it any other way. A decision made with love is the last gift that you have to give. And as the AntiPam said, you will have the doubts afterward. Please take care of yourself. I know how difficult and stressful these days are for you.

[3-greys-and-a-mutt]

Your pet will let you know. You will look into their eyes, and know that they have had enough.

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Elizabeth, what the others say is true. We lost our Schnauzer Kona last October, she was 14 and had arthritis, had cataracts, had lost control of her bladder and bowels. We also gave her Rimadyl to ease the pain. For a year she did well, even doing a little running with the other dogs. After that year it all went down hill. Since we got her as a puppy and she was my constant conpanion and I loved her so much, we would decide one day to take her, then we thought no not yet, we just couldn't bring ourselves to let her go. This went on for a while and one day we knew she was in pain and we were being selfish, we were thinking of ourselves instead of Kona and what was best for her. It was the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life, she just closed her eyes and went to sleep peacefully. One day looking into her eyes you will know.

[Pam]

Elizabeth...I ache for what you are going through now. It comes back all too vividly. Everyone has pretty much told you what I was going to say. I have had to do this 3 times in my life and my dogs were in their teens also when the decision was made. They gave me so much love and devotion and were so very pitiful in the end with so many ailments and not enough strength to fight much more. Yes, it is a horrible decision to have to make and one I do not want to have to make again for years and years and years! I do believe that on those final trips to the vet my dogs knew and I still saw nothing but love in their eyes along with the pain. I don't have a real answer other than to say that I agree that you will know and I believe your dog will know too.

[BayleeBoo]

I remember when I first got my dog, I looked at him sleeping and thought, the day I will have to put him down is far ahead. Put yourself in your dogs position. But I will tell you this.When you do decide, make sure you are right there with her, their hearing is the last thing to go, tell her you will love her for life and let her go peacefully. I also recommend having a friend drive you home, so you can have their support and confidence that you did the right thing. As others said, she will tell you when her time is up by the way she looks at you! Thats my best advice!
With Prayers and Love:
BayLee's Mommy
@---}]----------------
BayLee and I will think about you! :( :confused:

[AdoreMyDogs]

Elizabeth this is such a difficult question, and everyone is right, you must be the one to decide when your noble dog has lost her quality of life. When she is ready to go to dog heaven she will give you a look...it's not like any other look. There is a very loving yet serious look in their eyes, her face will tell you that she is ready, and that she will always love you. It is a look of somewhat of a plea, and a brave look, and a look full of love, and a look that shows obvious pains or discomfort, and humilation from the loss of bodly functions. It's that look that is branded in my mind from when I had to also make that decision with my yellow lab, Beener. Just listen to your heart, and notice the looks that your dog gives you, those are her hints that she is ready. They always know before we know. Dogs are very psychic and intuitave. This is a most painful and difficult decision and we all understand your pain. We have all felt it and understand completely how heart wrenching it is to make the final decision.

I am so sorry for you. Here is a poem for you to read that I copied from a pet loss website.

When The Time Comes
-------------------

Lord, when the time comes please help me be strong
my furry friend is sick; something's terribly wrong
The vet checked her over; there's nothing he can do
I'm afraid soon I'll be sending her; home to You

Please take her back home; on the wings of a dove
into Your loving arms; up in heaven above
Take her to a meadow; where she can play and run free
under bright sunlight; among the green grass and trees

She's been a part of my life now; for so many years
I'll miss her so much; my eyes are filling with tears
Please give me the courage; to tell her good-bye
as I know she'll watch over me; through her loving eyes

I'll never forget her; I'll see her one day
tell her we'll meet at the Bridge; then we'll go play
I'll cherish the memories; of the time we both had
they'll put a smile on my face; then I won't feel as bad


John Quealy


P.S. please don't feel pressured to be there for the euthanasia. Do only what you are comfortable doing, your dog will love you whether you are there with her or not. Some people just can not handle that, it's OK if you can't. Please know that the vets will take good care of her, and she will be O.K.. I don't want you, or anyone else, to feel that they need to be there during the procedure. I was there with my lab, but the rest of my family could not face it. They were not ready to witness our beautiful friend take his last breath. I honor and bless their decision. I don't want anyone to feel guilty or feel that they have to do something they are not ready for. If you are afraid to witness it, or you simply don't think you can, please don't feel you must. It is so incredibly quick, the heart stops within seconds of the enjection, the beloved dogs don't have time to ponder and wonder where you are. It's over like that, and then they are with you in spirit...lovingly thanking you for the most unselfish gift.

[ August 01, 2001: Message edited by: AdoreMyDogs ]

[Sudilar]

Elizabeth, it is the hardest thing to do, but it will be the right thing. In 1996, I was going to take my Avalanche to send her to the Bridge, but she passed on during the night. Sometimes I still think that maybe I let her suffer a little longer than I should have, but I was hoping for recovery. By the time I decided to let her go, she already was deciding for herself. Good luck and be strong. My heart goes out to you.
Sue

[zippy-kat]

Elizabeth~

You and your precious dog are in my prayers. I can only echo the sentiment in the other members' words. I offer you this poem:

Look into Her Eyes
Look into her eyes.
They've seen years go by.
The intelligence and grace
Bring tears to your face.
Now as the decision rests,
You wonder what's best.
Her coat, once so shiny--
And now, she's so tiny.
She has depended on you
As the years have gone by
And right now she still does.
She knows what you do is out of love
And not inhumanity.
The trust she has in you
Is now shining through.
As she's drifting towards the end,
She rests a paw upon you to let you know
She was your friend until the end.

[BeeTrixPotter]

Elizabeth, My prayers are with you. I had to make the same horrible decision you are facing only 9 days ago. Our cock-a-poo at age of 16. Also had taken a turn for the worst. Artitist, diarrhea, and lost of bladder, and on the last days could not stand by himself, and he was refusing to eat, he would only drink. But his heart was beating so strongly. It was awful, to see him hang on. I looked deep into his eyes and told him his pain would be over soon, and he would be in a much better place. Just ask for direction and a sign. All things will be answered for you. My prayers are with you! And I know the answers will just come for you, just as they came for me. Take a deep breath and enjoy your time together. He will always be with you... :)

[Daisy's Mom]

BeeTrixPotter, I am so sorry about your cockapoo. My prayers and thoughts are with you!

[KayAnn]

I have never had to put a dog down, and i doubt i will ever be able to, (thats why cant ever be a vet), But what my neighbors have done befor is have someone do it for them. Someone to bring their dog to the vet. I think im going to have someone else bring SimSim to the vet, because i could never do that but, hopefully that wont be for a loooooooong time till that day comes.. Just remember, she lived a long happy life and you lead her threw it, and now it is her time.

[CoraNewf]

My husband Russell & I debated this for 6 months when Sadie was so sick. We decided that as long as she had quality of life, then the time had not come. Some of our well-meaning friends (politely and delicately) suggested from time to time, that maybe we should put her down. Yet we knew she wasn't ready. People might not understand, but that didn't matter... the only thing that did matter was our girl.

But Sadie for all her troubles was happy! Sure, she got frustrated at times, but she was happy. Especially when she was right by Russell's side... He was her Man... I'm surprised she tolerated my presence at times!!! ;)

She was a beautiful and sweet and SILLY girl. Then she became critically ill... and went to the Bridge on her own... I think that was her last gift to us... she spared us from having to make that decision.

In years' past, we've had other pets.... and someone said, "Your Pet will let you know"... and in my heart of hearts, I believe that to be true.

The most important thing to remember is... make the most of each and every minute. Stay in today... enjoy today.... love your dog today.... Tomorrow will take care of it self!

Elizabeth, you're in my thoughts and prayers.... Hang in there.... treasure these days...

Annie

[ August 09, 2001: Message edited by: Annie Milliron ]

[thelmalu99]

Dear Elizabeth,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I went through the same thing a few weeks ago with my cat, Charlie. He was diagnosed with Feline Leukemia back in January. At the time, he was a happy, "healthy", bouncing kitten and there was no way I was going to put him down then. I totally agree with everything that Annie said-as long as he had quality of life, I was going to give him all of the love I could and a safe home. A few weeks ago, though, he became very, very ill. He was obviously in a great deal of pain. Putting Charlie to sleep was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but my consolation is that I gave him the very best I could for as long as he was with me and I didn't allow him to suffer unnecessarily. It was one of those things: I just knew. I believe that you will know too.

The wonderful people here at Pet Talk helped me through that very difficult time and rejoiced with me when I adopted two more babies. If you would like to read those threads, they are: Charlie's Sick, Charlie's Gone and New Babies in Cat Health and Cat General.

Please know that you and your puppy are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thelma

[ August 09, 2001: Message edited by: thelmalu99 ]

[Sudilar]

The same message holds true for me, too. Someday Killian will be taken over by his liver disease and when that day comes (I hope it is far, far in the future) I will have to depend on this wonderful BB to help me ease him on his way because I know that it will be almost impossible for me to do. I said before that I think I let Avalanche hang on a little too long because of hope for a recovery that did not happen. Wolf (my first GSD) escaped death the first time. He was to be put down on a Monday and he recovered on the Sunday to live 6 more months to pass on his own. I was hoping beyond hope for my poor Avie for that reprieve too. I should have let her go a few days sooner. Because of Wolf's first recovery, then peaceful passing, there will always be doubt in my mind...what if....what if.... Hang in and try to be strong. I know how hard it is. You must think of your pet and save her from suffering. I know that this is easier said than done.
My heart is with you.
Sue

[ August 09, 2001: Message edited by: Sudilar ]

[Elizabeth]

Thank you all so very much for your kind words, prayers, poems, and thoughts. They meant a great deal to me. You've helped so much. I was feeling kind of pressured by my husband to have her put down, and also by family members when they come to visit. But I now know that while the time is approaching, it won't be today or tomorrow, and it will be mine and Foxy's decision, no one elses. Thanks again.

[Daisy's Mom]

Elizabeth, don't you let anyone but Foxy tell you when it's time. Hopefully that time will not be for a long, long while. And when that inevitable time does come, you know where to come for support :)

[lizbud]

Something happened with my dog Buddy two
weeks ago, that brought this subject back to my
mind and made it seem like a very real possibility
that I would some day soon have to make this same
decision for Bud.
The weekend before last Buddy showed difficulity
walking, was very unsteady going around the yard,
and would slip & look very unsteady in the house.
He moaned & groaned the whole weekend, whenever
he got up or laided down.I had to help him back up
the steps after every potty break. He acted miserable,
and looked it too. I increased his meds, didn't help.
The vet saw him 2/12 and added another pain RX
changed his food to Hills Prescription diet r/d. Bud has
had hip displasia and has arthritis now in hips & spine.
The vet says he will do a lot better when the weather
warms up. The added pain meds do help for now, but
I can almost see "the time" coming and I hate it !!!

[AdoreMyDogs]

Oh Liz, I am deeply saddened. I am absolutely heartbroken. Sometimes I wish they would never grow old. It's so beautiful and precious to see them blossom from a bouncy puppy, to an adolesent who likes to destroy, to a well behaved adult, and then finally, to a calm and peaceful old age. It's beautiful to see the transistion from a hyper pup to the sophicaticated adult that graces you with their presence.

You have done everything you possibly could for Bud...more then most owners do. I know how much Bud loves you and i know how much you love Bud. I so much wish that he would not ever get older and develop signs of pain, but it's one of those horrible necessary evils of welcoming a dog into your life...one day you will have to say the most heartbreaking goodbye and make the dreaded appointment. I ache for you. I am so sorry that you are having to think about this, but I know you will do the right thing when the time comes that makes Bud's quality of life poor.

May peace be with you and Bud as the days go by. Please, please come to us for help when the time does come and you have to make some decisions. No one should be without full and complete support during one of the most difficult things ever. I will be praying SO hard that Bud begins to feel better again. Please know that I ache for you and I will be thinking about you and sweet Bud.

Love,

Leslie

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Liz that same thing happened to us. We had a Senior Schnauzer, Kona. At the time she was 15 (last year) We knew she was getting worse, arthritis, glucoma etc. We knew but could not bring ourselves to face it. We took her to the Vet and he gave her rimadyl (spelling?) and for eight months to a year she did well, even went down the stairs and slowly ran with the other two dogs. After that she started to fail, layed down all the time, lost control of her bodily functions, still we could not face it. We would say, maybe next week. That went on for a couple of more months, then one day we both cried and knew it was time. She was in pain and we were being selfish trying to keep her with us.
We didn't want to lose her. The day came and we took her down to our Vet and Don held her when she went to sleep. That has been the most difficult day in my life ever.I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that you and Buddy will know when the time comes.
You will think of Buddy no matter how much it hurts you. I hope this has helped you a little. Hugs and kisses to sweet Buddy.
Jackie

[Sudilar]

Oh, Liz, I'm so sorry that you have to be thinking of this. I, too, know that I may have to think about it in the near future. ( They say that 2 yrs. with liver disease is an average. Killi was diagnosed last year.) You will know when the time comes. It will be the hardest thing you have to do for the one you love so much, but it will be something you MUST do for Bud's sake. I hope that you still have a long, long time with Bud. I'm praying that the meds and the nice weather will give him relief. We're here if you need us. Our hearts are with you!!

[sabies]

As many have suggested - look into your pet's eyes. My last dog Candy, a cock-a-poo, had to be held up when she went to the bathroom towards the end. She still didn't look sad or have pain in her eyes til one day and that's when I decided it was time - she passed away on the way to the vet.

Sorry this is a tough time for you :(

[sasvermont]

Elizabeth, I know that this time has to be difficult for you. Everyone needs to do what is good for them. I, on three ocassions, have had to put pets down. Each time, I held them when the Vet gave the injection to sedate them and would wait for the final injection, just to be with them. Each time I cried my little heart out, but felt good that I was there when they closed their eyes for the last time. You will know when you pet is suffering too much. I took my pets in early, to elimate a bitter and painful end, and that made me feel good about it. I didn't want them to suffer. My last pet was put down one year ago and I still think about her and have lots of pictures of her around. She didn't have to suffer too long. She had cancer of the tongue and was unable to eat or drink - I gave her water with an eye dropper until I found of the test results, then scheduled her for a Sat. trip to the Vet. I cried for days before and days after. It is the humane thing to do, but very difficult. I just know you will know when it is time. Good luck. Be strong.

[lizbud]

Thank you Sasvermont, although I am not the original
Elizabeth who started this thread, my given name is
Elizabeth and I felt that you were speaking directly
to me about my dearly beloved companion Buddy...
Your thoughts about this mean a lot to me. I can't
tell how much... Learning to accept "the time" is a
heartbreaking event for us humans who are left
behind to morn their passing.
My dog Buddy will be nine yrs old in March and has
had health problems since he was a pup.An early surgery
at 1yr old for his hip problems gave him more years to
enjoy life(and me to enjoy him). But time catches up with
us all. When Buddy was a younger boy (6 yrs ago), I had
to be treated for Breast Cancer. Through the post-op
of surgery, chemo & radiation treatments Buddy was
my encouragement to get better. Times when I came
home after a chemo treatment and had only the energy
to get to the nearest armchair , sit & fall asleep. Bud
somehow knew how I felt, and although an active pup,
would simply lie down by my chair & wait for me to
gather strength to feed him & take him outside.
Buddy & I have shared so much together, I would
hate to lose him but I will not let him linger or suffer
when "the time" comes.

Thank you Leslie, Jackie, Sue, & others who have offered
their thoughts & kind words about this...

[Gio]

Sorry I did not post before. I know too well how hard this decision is.

If I only could I would keep my pets with me forever, but I can't bear to see them suffer. When they are in pain, keeping them longer with me would be just for myself and I would not do them any favours. My cat Gigio was so frail the last few days it broke my heart to see him like that. I believe that sometimes they stay longer just for the love they feel for us. I am convinved that one of my pets was hanging on her last few days because we were not able to let her go, then one day we noticed how hard it was on her, told her that she could go if she wanted to, she died peacefully less than an hour after that. I know it's so hard, gosh I'm crying now...

[Sudilar]

Now I'm crying......thinking of Avalanche.....sigh. I know she held on for me. She was the guardian to the end. I should have set her free a few days sooner.......