Being a friend or being taken advantage of?

[Chinadoll]

My friend of whom I've been knowing since 3rd grade made me supremely pi$$ed this morning. Her car got impounded last week. Not only did she not have the registration, but she didn't have the insurance on her. Well, when the cop ran the plates, the registration wasn't in her name because when she bought the car, the crooked title transfer place took the money and never processed the paper work. Well, the cop impounded the car because he didn't know what was going on with it.

She is just so irresponsible. She now has the insurance...and I know it's not her fault the the Title company is crooked but... To get her car out of impound she has to meet with the special investigator handling the case. Evidently, she's not the only person the Title company screwed.

She was suppossed to go this morning with her friend Andy who loaned her the money for the car in the first place to get this all straighted out. Her and Andy fought this morning and she showed up at my house this morning as I was leaving for work begging for help. She wanted to borrow my car, drop me off at work and go to the DMV to meet this investigator.

Well, the car is not in my name. It's in my Grandmother's and I'm on her policy...there was no way I could let her drive my car. So she has me between a rock and a hard place this morning. She took a cab to my house...I'm leaving for work and she says she doesn't know what to do.

So I sucked it up, called my work and said I'd be late and drove the freaking 45 minutes out of my way to this DMV where she needs to be this morning.

I'm pissed that she didn't figure out how she was getting there last night. It was just irresponsible to assume that Andy could take her this morning and that I would take pity on her and take her. And none of this would have happenned in the first place if she would have just followed up on the registration. It doesn't take months for them to send the paper work to you.

My mother said she took advantage. I think it was just wrong of her to show up on my doorstep this morning...or am I wrong and freinds help each other out when in need or is it simply a case of her being irresponsible?

My boss isn't too pleased that I called in this morning. He's not mad, but I know he's not happy. For the most part work is flexible that's why I knew I could do it, but it wasn't the best idea. So normally I get to leave early on Fridays, but now I feel obligated to stay and work later to make up for how late I was this morning. I was only 45 mins. late...which was a blessing considering I'd thought I'd be 2 hours late, but still.

Sorry this isn't very coherent. I'm still ticked. One of my other friends told me not to feel bad about being angry...basically if a friend asks for help they should be understanding and know the help will come when it's convenient for the one giving the help not according to the schedule of the one asking for help. What do y'all think?

[2kitties]

Don't feel bad, you were just doing the best you could in a bad situation. Yes, she probably took advantage of you. But, you're obviously a kind person.

My advice is to put your foot down and feel good that you helped her today. Now she is on her own. You can't be expected to help her out of all her jams, especially if it risks your job. Just cut her off.

[Karen]

I'd sit her down and talk to her, explain that you feel taken advantage of - if she could take a cab to your place, why not take one to the DMV? Hope she's learned her lesson, and will act more resposibly next time.

[catland]

Has she taken advantage of you in the past, or was this the first time? I know that desparate people resort to desparate measures and they don't always think of how their actions impact others. You were absolutely right in not loaning her your car and you were extremely generous in giving her a ride.

You should let her know that this was a one-time favor, that you cannot risk losing your job over this type of matter.

[Chinadoll]

Thanks. I know I need to talk to her. I was just to ticked off this morning to have a coherent conversation. She didn't take a cab because I don't think she can afford one all the way out to the DMV that she had to go to. It took me about 45 minutes to get there(would have been a very expensive cab ride, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes)..not sure how long it took to get back downtown to work because I*ducks head* put the pedal to the medal. Not the brightest idea I know, but I so wanted to get back to work.

This will never happen again. If she ever shows up like that again, she's just going to have to understand that I have a normal 9 to 5 job (well really 8:30 to 5) that I will not risk losing. Work is so flexible and understanding and I do not want to take advantage of that.

*sigh*

What a day. Maybe I should have Richard fix me a drink! :p :p

[slick]

Originally posted by Chinadoll
What a day. Maybe I should have Richard fix me a drink! :p :p
Make your way to Dick's Place and I'm sure he'll be happy to oblige.

Sorry you've had a such a rotten day. I don't have many friends and the ones I have certainly would not do something like that. I agree that a "heart to heart" wouldn't do any harm. Good luck.

[dukedogsmom]

I say you've maybe bailed her out before? There's a difference between friend and user and she's surely crossed it. Next time she comes to you, just say NO. I know it's hard but she's got to learn, also.

[iceyshiver21]

I'm sure somewhere along the way i have been used...buts its a nice feeling to know that my true friends feel they can always depend on me no matter what. I'd give her a little more time to get her actions straight and just remeber she owes you one...someday you may need that.

[Tonya]

Maybe your friend and my friend should hook up. They can pity themselves together.

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=32651 :D

[RICHARD]

i draw the line at known and unknown emergencies....

hey, you blew up your engine?

i'll be there in 10 minutes!!

hey your car was impounded because you were irresponsible????

Leave your sob story at the beep, call you later on!
thanks and have a nice day!

[Barbara]

I'm with Richard here. Her car got impounded because she didn't get it organized the right way. And not calling you or other friends before showing up is also quite desorganized.

It's nice of you that you gave her the ride. And it's ok if it's just one time. But if she normally acts that way she cannot expect other people to solve her problems.

[Chinadoll]

Thanks everyone. I was so ticked off that day. I think Richard hit the nail on the head.

[emily_the_spoiled]

I guess this is a rather stupid question, but I have spent time in New Orleans and they have public transportation there. Is she too "good" for the bus or the trolley?

[Chinadoll]

I love taking the Street Cars(that's what we call them instead of trolleys ;) ) but I know they only go in very limited parts of New Orleans. I have no idea if the busses go from Metairie all the way out to the East, but now that I think about it..she probably could have taken the bus with a few transfers and gotten much closer then could have caught a cab. Hindsight is always 20/20.

[emily_the_spoiled]

Well now you have a suggestion for the next time she tries something like this. (Because I promise you that she will try again.) You pay good money in your taxes for public transit so you might as well use it ;)