Oxymorons anyone?

[jonza]

oxymoron (âk-si-'mör-ân) n. a combination of contradictory or incongruous words.


Originally posted by Miss Meow
"Schwarzenegger, a moderate Republican, ..."
Isn't that an oxymoron? ;)

This reminded that I rather like oxymorons. Anybody else got any good ones?

I found this on the CIA site recently: “The George Bush Center for Intelligence”

Or how about:
“Business Ethics” and “Corporate Responsibility”

… and there are signs, such as “Guaranteed used cars”.
(Nice to know there’s NO chance of getting a new one.)

I also liked the billboard on the motorway which said “Brake and clutch parts”.

Any more? Better perhaps?

[TheAntiPam]

The traffic sign "Slow Children Ahead". Where do the fast ones cross?

[Edwina's Secretary]

Last night we went to our favorite Italian restaurant.... one of the specials was...

Half Baked Chicken Vesuvio

Now I don't like my meat well done but.....

[jenluckenbach]

Oxymorons are always AWFULLY GOOD to hear.

[AmberLee]

There was a great triple one I heard a few years ago, but I only remember two of the three parts. It (supposedly) was about a house for sale --

This fine home is a little big and pretty ugly now, but with fix-up and some paint...

[primabella]

My friend showed me this, but I'm not sure if it would be considered an oxymoron.

There was a sign that said, 'ENTRANCE ONLY. DO NOT ENTER'.

:p

[tatsxxx11]

Hmmm...working vacation
healthy tan
silent scream
alone together

[iceyshiver21]

Smart little idiot

[micki76]

I just saw a commercial for the Best of Cher!

[kohala]

Corporate Ethics
followed closely by Government Intelligence

[apcrs5122]

I don't know if you would consider this an oxymoron, but I saw this sign on the doors of Walmart once:


'Open 24 hrs, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Closed on Christmas':rolleyes: :p

[krazyaboutkatz]

How about this one: JUMBO shrimp :D

[Miss Meow]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
Last night we went to our favorite Italian restaurant.... one of the specials was...

Half Baked Chicken Vesuvio

Now I don't like my meat well done but.....

Gives me the mental image of a slightly insane chicken that explodes on the plate! :eek:

Oxymoron: airline food :)

[tomkatzid]

Black light??

Clearly misunderstood

Freezer burn

And Lucy's all time favorite saying to Charlie Brown:
Good grief .............

[dukedogsmom]

For me, happily married

[jonza]

Then there’s the Bill Gates classic: Microsoft Works (Almost exactly!)

… and I‘m sure I have a cd somewhere which states that it is an Original Copy, Recorded Live, but I don’t have an exact estimate on that.

I also found some collective nouns:
A stack of librarians
An amalgamation of metallurgists
A shower of meteorologists
A whinge of Poms (by an Australian I'm afraid)
A body of Pathologists

… and here's an intelligent conclusion:
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the houseon the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate."
The Biologist: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If exactly one person now enters the house then it will be empty again."

[Pam]

Originally posted by jonza

… and I‘m sure I have a cd somewhere which states that it is an Original Copy, Recorded Live, but I don’t have an exact estimate on that.

:D :D

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Microsoft Works.

:rolleyes:

[Cataholic]

A deafening silence...

[gini]

The one I have always liked is the sign for time-shares for sale.

"Interval Living"

uh, what do you do the rest of the time?

[kohala]

:rolleyes:
Must be tax free, but once again, that would be if it were new and improved and your only choice.

[slick]

What was I thinking?? I've been calling a few stupid people I work with "oxymorons". I guess I'll have to go back and take the test again.

[jonza]

I think these have been posted before, but still funny:

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - Al Gore, VP

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
another" - George Bush, US President

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country," - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," - Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

[RICHARD]

oh oh oh!!!

just saw the thread..


pickled beets???

and the latest 'fashion food' here in LALA LAND...



grape tomatoes:eek:

[tomkatzid]

Good one Richard:p

[tomkatzid]

Rap Music

[Pam]

Originally posted by tomkatzid
Rap Music

Great one, Tomkatzid! :p

[Edwina's Secretary]

I just spoke with someone who said they sent camping last weekend. Slept on the ground in a comfortable sleeping bag.

Now that's an oxymoron to me!

[Randi]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
I just spoke with someone who said they sent camping last weekend. Slept on the ground in a comfortable sleeping bag.

Now that's an oxymoron to me!
:D :D :D To me too!

[mugsy]

The one I always say to Mike just to make him mad since he was in intelligence in the Army.....military intelligence.

My description of Frederick Douglass in one of my papers....literate slave

how about hardly unique? Does that count since there are no degrees of uniqueness???

[isis]

My sister made this one up:A clean dirty car.:D

[isis]

My sister made this one up:A clean dirty car.:D

[isis]

Oops sorry!:p

[kohala]

It was the title of a show I noticed while "surfing" - reminded me of this thread:



Joan Rivers Beauty






GAK

[TheAntiPam]

From a clothing catalog:

New Vintage Fashions!


Huh???:confused:

[wolflady]

Originally posted by tomkatzid
Rap Music

LOL LOL ;) That is almost exactly what I was thinking! Now, then...put on your plastic glasses and read the software documentation. I agree, it can be pretty ugly, but hey...I'm legally drunk right now! :rolleyes: :p

[tomkatzid]

act naturally :eek:

[kohala]

Pet Cat





(As mine tells me what to do next:D )

[RICHARD]

genuine reproduction!

[kohala]

Holy War

[Tonya]

Calm child.

[Tonya]

For me, happily married

You need a hug, Dukedogsmom! ((((((((hugs)))))))))

[jonza]

These aren't actual oxymorons, just some funny signs.

Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

Sign in a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs.

Outside a disco:
Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales:
The town hall is closed until opening. It will remain closed after being opened.
Open tomorrow.

Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car .

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Anyone leaving their garments here for More than 30 days will be disposed of.

Sign in a Laundromat:
Automatic washing machines, please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In an office:
Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken.

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

[gini]

With apologies to everyone who likes this stuff, including Jen's cats.

Velveeta Cheese

[Randi]

Here's one more... Fox News.