CamCamPup33
08-18-2003, 01:17 PM
Okay i know this happened more than a while ago but i realized i never posted to you guys nor expressed my feelings about what happened the day of the veiwing.. When i saw my aunt (with skin cancer) for the last time.. I dont care if anyone doesnt reply back i just need to get this guilt and sadness of my chest.. and i think if i get it off i will feel alot better about it..
If was cold and muggy inside of the funeral home, everyone was sitting or standing near the casket (sp). I knew i couldnt get up the bravery to go yet, not alone. Everyone was sounding happy as if nothing happened and it was just some bar b q or something.. I was expecting my aunt to come around the corner and ask if i needed anything, but as long as i waited i knew she wouldnt come.. My parents were crying.. So was my aunt donna.. She was bad.. So was my dad. I mean they grew up with her.. She is only my great aunt but i loved her just the same.. I felt cold in the funeral home.. It smelled of flowers and something damp.. I didnt think i could take it anymore inside there.. Didn't anyone know that as my aunt lay helplessly in her casket everyone is just laughing and talking enjoying the day? As i walked out to the patio i spotted my grandma.. My aunt's sister, my dad's mom.. i walked over and sat on the rocking chair and she just sat there.. I did the same.. Why her? why did she go? We went back inside and she asked me if i wanted to say hi to aunt linda.. I said okay and she took me over to the casket.. There she lay..So motionless.. So lifeless.. Saddness began to fill over me and i couldnt stand there anymore.. I took one last look at her.. I saw her neck wasnt moving as it normally would.. She looked so skinny as normal and she had a wig on.. The thing i noticed most was her hands.. They were one on top of the other, just there.. Her casket was beautiful.. It was pink bedding with purple and blue lights shining down.. I am really gonna miss her.. She had her thin necklace on with a cross.. She is really happy now.. She doesnt have to struggle to live.. I tried to hole in my tears for as long as possible but i got teary eyed.. I didnt want anyone to see.. so i tried to stop as soon as possible.. My grandpa wanted a drink and we had some in the car from the trip so me and my dad went to go get one.. it was real hard on him i could tell.. I asked him if he was gonna say bye to aunt linda and he said he couldn't, he said he would rather look at her smiling and happy the motionless and just looking unhappy. He said aunt linda knew how he feeled about that stuff and she knew he remembered her how he wanted.. The next day was the real funeral.. We were back at the cold damp and muggy place again.. Flowers on each side of the room.. Cluttered.. i see her now moved to a different place.. More visable for me to see when i sit.. so i moved.. And then they stuffed us into this little room. Where the closed the casket.. All i could hear were sobs.. And people taking tissues from the little boxes.. I swear they had like 20 tissues.. And then i noticed my sister, aunt and unlce all over by the casket.. They knew they would never see her face again.. And thats when the funeral began.. The funeral home was packed.. She was a special lady.. All the songs they played werent helping the matter at all.. i just gave up from being the strong one and broke down.. No one noticed but i did.. I just wish she was still here, being happy and smiling like she used to.. Sorry to bore you but im feeling so much better... I miss you aunt linda..
If was cold and muggy inside of the funeral home, everyone was sitting or standing near the casket (sp). I knew i couldnt get up the bravery to go yet, not alone. Everyone was sounding happy as if nothing happened and it was just some bar b q or something.. I was expecting my aunt to come around the corner and ask if i needed anything, but as long as i waited i knew she wouldnt come.. My parents were crying.. So was my aunt donna.. She was bad.. So was my dad. I mean they grew up with her.. She is only my great aunt but i loved her just the same.. I felt cold in the funeral home.. It smelled of flowers and something damp.. I didnt think i could take it anymore inside there.. Didn't anyone know that as my aunt lay helplessly in her casket everyone is just laughing and talking enjoying the day? As i walked out to the patio i spotted my grandma.. My aunt's sister, my dad's mom.. i walked over and sat on the rocking chair and she just sat there.. I did the same.. Why her? why did she go? We went back inside and she asked me if i wanted to say hi to aunt linda.. I said okay and she took me over to the casket.. There she lay..So motionless.. So lifeless.. Saddness began to fill over me and i couldnt stand there anymore.. I took one last look at her.. I saw her neck wasnt moving as it normally would.. She looked so skinny as normal and she had a wig on.. The thing i noticed most was her hands.. They were one on top of the other, just there.. Her casket was beautiful.. It was pink bedding with purple and blue lights shining down.. I am really gonna miss her.. She had her thin necklace on with a cross.. She is really happy now.. She doesnt have to struggle to live.. I tried to hole in my tears for as long as possible but i got teary eyed.. I didnt want anyone to see.. so i tried to stop as soon as possible.. My grandpa wanted a drink and we had some in the car from the trip so me and my dad went to go get one.. it was real hard on him i could tell.. I asked him if he was gonna say bye to aunt linda and he said he couldn't, he said he would rather look at her smiling and happy the motionless and just looking unhappy. He said aunt linda knew how he feeled about that stuff and she knew he remembered her how he wanted.. The next day was the real funeral.. We were back at the cold damp and muggy place again.. Flowers on each side of the room.. Cluttered.. i see her now moved to a different place.. More visable for me to see when i sit.. so i moved.. And then they stuffed us into this little room. Where the closed the casket.. All i could hear were sobs.. And people taking tissues from the little boxes.. I swear they had like 20 tissues.. And then i noticed my sister, aunt and unlce all over by the casket.. They knew they would never see her face again.. And thats when the funeral began.. The funeral home was packed.. She was a special lady.. All the songs they played werent helping the matter at all.. i just gave up from being the strong one and broke down.. No one noticed but i did.. I just wish she was still here, being happy and smiling like she used to.. Sorry to bore you but im feeling so much better... I miss you aunt linda..