Tired of people making me feel bad about Lily

[Kirsten]

Sorry, but I have to vent a bit!

Seems since I have planned to get Lily, people start making me feel bad about it.

Not only that my mother and her fiancé have told me from her first pictures she was ugly and unfriendly (which I have mentioned here before), people keep telling me how hard it would be to travel when you have to cats (actually I can't see their point because 1. I don't travel much 2. I would have to find a cat sitter anyway 3. IMO it's even more comfortable for cats to be left alone when they have company). Okay, vet bills, food and litter x 2 is another thing, but I will make it somehow.

People here (not everyone, but a few never seems to get tired of it) keep criticizing me for being "overprotective" with my cats and find it overcareful that I don't let my cats sit in open windows or leave them alone with burning candles. Or that I've banned toxic plants from my place and take the cats to the vet when they show signs of illness. I'm often told not too follow "the American standards" too much and to keep in mind a cat is a cat and has nine lives. Meanwhile I refuse to discuss things like this with these people, it's nothing but wasted energy and time. But it's also disappointing.

Latest example: I talked to a friend (the one who usually calls me overprotective) on the phone and told her that Lily is allowed to go outside now by her current owners and that I'm worried about that (see topic here (http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?s=&threadid=30602). When I told her that, her reply was like "Well, If I were you, I wouldn't take her anymore now. WQould be too cruel and heartless to keep her indoors now that she knows the outside world. Is there any possibility your friends can keep her?"

Can you believe that? I have asked my friends (those who Lily still lives with) to keep her indoors, my wish was ignored, and now I'm told it would be selfish of me to take her now??? I'm so very disappointed about everything! Instead of looking forward to Lily, everyone seems to want to ruin it for me, just as if it's not meant to be! :(

Kirsten

[apcrs5122]

People can be so rude. I don't know how to put the words I want into comfort, but I just want you to know that all of us are here for you, and want you to do what you want, and what will be best for Lily.

I still think that she is beautiful, and I know how you feel about protecting your cats. Cleo and Phoebe can't go outside, and they can't sit in open window, either. We take them to the vet when they get sick, even though money is getting tight.

I think that you need to do what feels right for you, but I believe that Lily should be your cat.

[PayItForward]

Just because you care for someone (friend or family), it doesn't follow that their opinion is right.

I lost a friend last year because she decided out of the blue that SHE FELT that my loving partner was not right for me. When asked to make a choice he WON and I learnt the above lesson. Friends can be wrong.

I was told by my cat loving (in the singular) mother that my house would smell bad with three cats. Recently she commented that she was surprised the trays didn't smell (My tip add baking soda sprinkled in the bottom of the trays before adding litter).
Family can be wrong.

We only have one life and who cares if others disaprove. As long as we are not hurting anyone else, we should be free to life life as we choose to.

I don't talk to my work people, friends & family about my cats, they don't understand. I save my cat talk for Stevie and PT people. :D

Lily belongs with you and Luna. Ignore those who critise.

Personally I don't think friends who tease you about your care of your cat deserve to hear about her.
Post more photos here. Luna is one pretty cat I for one could not read enough about her.

[Uabassoon]

I don't talk to my work people, friends & family about my cats, they don't understand. I save my cat talk for Stevie and PT people.

I agree here, I never talk to my family about my cats. They always end up getting mad at me for having them (and that's because my parents only think I have one cat). I never even told them that I got a second cat because I knew my mom would just lecture me. When I was getting ready to move she kept trying to tell me that I should get rid of my cat because the $100 pet deposit was just too expenisve and wasn't worth it. And she complains about how the money spent on food, vet bills..etc could be better spent on other things. So I've learned never to talk about my cats when we speak.

[PayItForward]

Originally posted by Kirsten
...people keep telling me how hard it would be to travel when you have to cats...
What a silly comment, I would have laughted out loud. Have they not heard of Pet sitters & catteries.



....criticizing me for being "overprotective" with my cats and find it overcareful that I don't let my cats sit in open windows or leave them alone with burning candles. Or that I've banned toxic plants from my place and take the cats to the vet when they show signs of illness.
Life is risk but you don't take silly risks. You set a cat's lifestyle to an acceptable risk level. I wouldn't have toxic plants in the house, or lit candles etc. (I do let them sit on the low living room window but it is very low and my cats are inside/outside)
And who would let their cats suffer, all pets should be taken to the vets at any sign of problems :mad: some people


I'm so very disappointed about everything! Instead of looking forward to Lily, everyone seems to want to ruin it for me, just as if it's not meant to be! :(
It is meant to be. :D Luna needs her sister.
Be happy with your online PT friends, we'll help you celebrate young Lily's arrival & introduction with Luna.

[shais_mom]

*sigh*
What is the world without pet lovers? :(
I work with a couple ladies who are farm wives and don't have indoor pets and the other day I was talking about the dog park and the one acted like I was nuts. Kept saying "dog park ha ha'' under her breath, I was getting a little perturbed.
All I can tell you is ignore them, I know it is hard. My parents don't have animals indoors, (or at all) but they love my dog(s), and the tolerate Kylie. :) And they don't question me taking Keegan and Kylie to the vet, they might not understand what is wrong with them, but they trust my judgement that they need to go. When Keegan was sick on Friday, they called me 3 times within 15 minutes to see how she was. :p
I know you have had problems with your friends before, you can't tell me you are the only one in your country that believes what you do! I refuse to believe it! Is your mom just set in her ways?
I guess if it bothers you enough then I would tell them that this is what I am doing and this is the way it is going to be! Like or Leave it.

Not much help am I!? ;)

[Prairie Purrs]

Would these people leave a small child in a room with easy-open bottles of toxic chemicals within reach? Would they tell you, "Oh, let the kid lean out the fourth-story window. What's the harm?"

What people who don't care about animals fail to understand is that many of us love our pets like children. To us, words like "Why worry--it's just a cat," are as harsh as if they'd said "You should let your child play with knives." Pets are family. And anyone who is insensitive enough to criticize someone else for loving and caring for a pet, and keeping that pet out of danger, is a very cruel person indeed.

[K & L]

They can only make you feel bad if YOU let them! You're doing the right thing for both you and Lily. Ignore these people. Don't talk to them about your cats, it's obvious they're ignorant when it comes to owning one. You do what is best for you and Lily and forget what they say. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....I have this problem at work. They think it's funny to try and upset you. Please don't let them do this to you.

[moosmom]

You're doing what is right for you and the cats. It's no one else's business. PERIOD!!

I get alot of crap from my family about how many cats I have (7 plus 1 foster cat). But you can walk into my apartment and not know I have 8 cats.

I used to worry about what other people thought. Now I really don't care. I do what is right for me and my furbabies.

Good luck and stay strong. ;)

[lizbud]

As K & L said "They can only make you feel bad if YOU let them!" That's very true, but it must be very sad and disappointing for you when you cannot share your pride & joy
with some friends or family members. It's probably best to try
hard to ignore them or let them tell you how to live or care for
the kitties. I did read your other posts(with pics of Lily) and I
think she is beautiful & will make a lovely, contented inside cat.
I share the worry about her being outside now because of the
diseases she could come in contact with while outside. Hope the
time flies till you'll be able to take her home with you & Luna.:)

[jenluckenbach]

PLEASE don't let this type of person ruin YOUR life. If I listened to what other people told me I'd not have had 20 years marriage under my belt (Because Charlie was not "good enough"). I'd definitely not have my wonderful cat family (because I should "let some of them die off so I can get down to a decent numner"). Shall I go on?

I know how dissapointing it is to not be able to talk to your own friends and family about certain aspects of your life, but you NEED to choose who to discuss what, with. My mom would listen to cats stories on a daily basis. When she passed I was left with no one to talk to about my cats who would really appreciate it the way she did. A sad reality, but better than hearing OVER & OVER again "That is what happens when you have too many cats!" (my co-workers answer to ALL my problems in life)

WE WILL LISTEN. And what more do you need?

[aly]

Don't you pay attention to those people! You get your kitten and be happy! Keep her safe, and indoors. Overprotective is a GOOD thing! I hover over my animals like a hawk too. It will not be cruel to keep her inside. She's still a baby and hasn't been outside too much, right? I'm sure she'll adjust just fine!

[BastetsMum]

Silly people. Here I am with Bastet sitting on my lap cleaning herself and I wouldn't have my life any other way.

If I listened to my friends I would be married to a drug addict, alcoholic who likes to beat women. If I listened to my family, I would be home at my parents place on 100 acres doing nothing with my time. People can be dumb.

It is your life and you do with it what you please. We are only here once.

I love hearing about luna and lilly. Lilly to me sounds like a gorgeous kitty and I would love to hear all about her again and again ....

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

As long as YOU know you are doing what is best for Lily, who cares what anyone else thinks?

You know in your heart what is the right thing to do / the right way to care for and protect them etc.

I have also learned the hard way to be VERY discerning about who I discuss Ally with. People who do not have the same "mindset" about cats can be very cruel without intending to.

My Mum doesn't even talk about Ally, unless I bring her up, but my Mum-In-Law closes all her emails with "Give Ally-Cat a big kiss from Grannie" :)

I think Lily will be very lucky to have a caring Meowmie like you!

[IttyBittyKitty]

Originally posted by BastetsMum
Silly people. Here I am with Bastet sitting on my lap cleaning herself and I wouldn't have my life any other way.

If I listened to my friends I would be married to a drug addict, alcoholic who likes to beat women. If I listened to my family, I would be home at my parents place on 100 acres doing nothing with my time. People can be dumb.

It is your life and you do with it what you please. We are only here once.

I love hearing about luna and lilly. Lilly to me sounds like a gorgeous kitty and I would love to hear all about her again and again ....

Good on you Bastets Mum!

One thing I learnt by moving interstate at 18 was that I make my own decisions, and that my family are welcomed to their opinions, but my life is just that ... mine ... to do with what I wish. My sound judgement has proven to my family that they need not interfere anyway, and they do not.

I am also lucky that my family know that I love cats. Hard not to, as I have adored them since I was a wee tot!

Kirsten, I agree with everyone else here - you need not feel bad about Lily. Your friends and family have very misguided ideas about being cruel. For one thing, it is far better to be overprotective about your cats than it is to be lackadaisical about their health and safety. Secondly, it would be cruel NOT to adopt Lily, because there is a chance that no one else will. Thirdly, two cats really isn't that much more than one. Ask Jen and PayItForward about this one.

Lastly, these people know NOTHING about cats. You know best for your cats, go with that instinct!

[catmandu]

Dont listen to these people! The joy that two cats living together can bring each other is worth any cost or trouble. All Animals want another of thier own kind to be with , and to share thier love!Best wishes from the lost Cat Hotel!

[aguu]

Don't listen to them.
Listen to your heart.
It's not "yours" - it's "theirs".
People who do not understand cannot be made to - just do as you have been - don't talk to them about it.
Talk to us here at PT - we ALL understand!!
I have also learned this lesson - I work with people who are all dog owners - some have multiple dogs and are NUTS about them. And yet when I speak of my cats - they look at me like I'm nuts and look down their noses. Screw them!
I am so richly rewarded by having Mishki in my life, I really don't care what others think.
I am going through a very difficult and painful time in my life and he makes it bearable and quite possibly already has saved it in one way or another.
Lily is SO BEAUTIFUL. She will undoubtedly enrich your and Luna's lives. You'll see.
Personally I don't trust people who do not like animals or who don't think they should be treated with love and caring.
To me animals are proof that God exists - especially something as beautiful and complex as a Cat or Kitten!!

[sasvermont]

Oh don't listen to those silly folks.

Lily will be fine and will get over being outside. I let Juni run around a few times outside - I think all cats get out once in awhile.

You can pick your friends, but you cannot pick your relatives.

We all love Luna and Lily here....really.....

SAS

[ScantyNebula]

I had your problem too, Kirsten, BUT I decided not to listen, because I wanted another cat, and I got one. You need to do the same. You need to do this for youself, and we all know you want Lily.

I was talking to mom a few nights ago, and I mentioned to her that I might bring Toby to the vet because he breaths fast sometimes and pants, and I'm worried it may be something serious. She was all like "Oh...its the just the heat. Don't waste your money" I said, Yes, It may be the heat but I want to check him out to be safe. Then she said "Well sure if something does happen that you can't afford thats all you can do, its only a cat. " :mad: Its always about the money .. she doesn't understand that I would spend as much money as I could to help one of my cats if they ever got sick. I KNOW if my parents ever got a cat, they would probably let it roam free outside, and if the cat ever got sick, they would "maybe" take it to the vet and if they had to pay over 200 dollars on him, they would probably put him to sleep first. And I am sure of this. :(

Some people just don't think pets are as important as we do =/ It's sad.

[Cataholic]

I think it is hard when you are passionate about something, like pets, to deal with those that aren't passionate. Our feelings are ultra sensitive, and theirs are not sensitive. So, it isn't like you are starting at 0 and getting to 5. You are starting at -5 and getting to 5- a broader range.

Do what is in your heart. I am sure you can look at each person that is critical and think of something they do that you don't agree with. I guess I do wonder why one would subject themselves to people who make uncaring remarks. I don't say to excommunicate your entire family based on one errant comment about your cats...but, continual comments? Family, friends, co-workers,etc., aren't people that care about you if they continuously make uncaring remarks about ANYTHING you are passionate about. To me, those are toxic people. Let them be. I can't imagine making disparaging commments to someone I love about one of their passions. An offhand comment? One made in anger? One made without thinking? Of course, we all make mistakes. But, that doesn't seem to be what you write of.

Maybe, Kirsten, instead of talking/listening to these people, and becoming upset, you might think about why you are subjecting yourself to this type of behavior, and make some positive change. You can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. I am not meaning this meanly. But, to know these people upset you, and it relates to kitties, upsets me.

[Kirsten]

Thanks for your comments everyone! You made some very good points and I will think about it.

You're definitely right that I should learn not to talk to everybody about my cats (it's just hard because they are one of my favourite subjects to talk about :)). I know I'm doing what I think is the best for my kitties, and that's why I can't wait to finally get Lily, 'cause IMO there are so many dangers waiting for a kitten in the place where she is now (not that she isn't in good care, but there's a balcony without a net, open windows, a pond in the neighbors's garden etc...).

I can also see from many comments here there seem to be many people in this world who don't share our love and passion, and I think it's just disappointing because an animal is a living creature like we are, so it just deserves the same respect. Well, obviously not everyone thinks like that!

ScantyNebula, that was very hurtful comment by your mother (mine would probably have said the same) and I really hope hope Toby is alright and it's really "only" the heat!
So many people with pets are the way you described your mother (if she had a cat). The friend who made that comment about Lily also has cats; she loves them but is very careless IMO. Her comment is "Well, they have to make their own experiences" and "a cat has a great ability of self-healing"... Well, okay... :\

I think what disappoints me most is that these hurtful comments are also a statement of intolerance in general. For example I'm not the biggest dog person in the world, but I have a friend who loves dogs and has one, and we have long conversations about this and I find it interesting what she has to say. When I talk to someone, especially a friend, and I see there is something that's important to that peson, I think it's not too much to at least try to share or understand his point of view. IMO, this has a lot to do with respecting each other. And every time I hear these thoughtless comments - cat-related or not - I think there is something wrong with the world of today...

Kirsten

[slick]

In my life I have a variety of friends and a couple of them are not pet-lovers and certainly I have many, many family members that are not pet-lovers. However a true friend, pet-lover or not, will stand by any decisions you make and be happy for you. As for me, I just ignore the snide remarks and chalk it up to ignorance on their part. I'm sorry you've been going through this, but it seems to me that Lily belongs with you and I encourage you to listen to your heart and do what you think is right. We will back you up all the way. When Lily gets settled into a indoor routine she will be sooooo happy and the love you get back will seem twice what you can give.

[catland]

Regarding the comment about "she's been outside - you can't make her be an indoor cat now" - this is not accurate. Three years ago, when our cat had a litter of kittens, one went to my husband's aunt. I knew that she lived on a busy street and therefore was not going to allow the kitty to go outside. This kitten was allowed outside with her brothers before she went to her forever home.

While I had mixed feelings because I allow my own cats to go outside, I knew that the kitten would have a good life. She has - she's the ultimate spoiled rotten princess.

:D

[carole]

Firstly lily is BEAUTIFUL, and anyone who tells you different is either blind, or plain arrogant.

I can only commend you for taking such wonderful care of your pets, having burning candles around cat's is very dangerous, a disabled man sure learned that, his pet cat, knocked them over and the house caught alight, he made it out , but sadly his cat did not. He was left with nothing and the sad loss of his pet.

Don't pay any attention to these mindless comment's, and continue to do what you believe in, and what is best for your pet's, beside's it's NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
:)

[Kirsten]

He was left with nothing and the sad loss of his pet.

What a nightmare!!! :( :( :( That poor man, and the poor kitty! :(

Kirsten

[Cataholic]

Originally posted by Kirsten

I think what disappoints me most is that these hurtful comments are also a statement of intolerance in general. For example I'm not the biggest dog person in the world, but I have a friend who loves dogs and has one, and we have long conversations about this and I find it interesting what she has to say. When I talk to someone, especially a friend, and I see there is something that's important to that peson, I think it's not too much to at least try to share or understand his point of view. IMO, this has a lot to do with respecting each other. And every time I hear these thoughtless comments - cat-related or not - I think there is something wrong with the world of today...

Kirsten


And that, Kirsten, is what makes you different from others. You focus on the person and their passion, and let it matter to you, because the person matters to you. I don't think that is a trait one is taught. It is just something inside of you.

Intolerance- be it of animals, humans, points of view...whatever, is the greatest divider of people.

[dragonchilde]

Definitely don't let them tell you she won't be happy as an indoor kitty.

Up until she started having urination problems (not related to being indoors, but rather to the move), Minette was an outdoor-turned-indoor kitty.

She was an outdoor kitty for the first one and a half years of her life, and when my husband and I took an apartment, she was indoor only of necessity, because the apartment was right on a very busy road, and she is not a very smart kitty. She was perfectly happy being indoors, and in fact never pined for the outside.

She did get a little fat, but that's because we spoiled her. ;) When we got Wobbles, she lost weight because they'd chase each other around.

[RogueFerret]

My mother will not even come to my house because the though of having a cat in the house freaks her out. When we got Natasha, which was cat number 3 in the house at the time, my mother told me that my house would stink and that the nasy kitten would get on the counter and blah, blah, blah.:mad: She said the same thing about the ferrets. But she has five dogs and thats okay.:rolleyes: Go figure.

Anyways, I just ignore her, and take it as a blessing that she doesn't come to my house.:D

Don't listen to anyone else because you are the one who takes care of the cats and quite fankly, it's none of their bussiness.:p

[Killearn Kitties]

This is such a shame. People can be so great with advice on subjects they know absolutely nothing about, can't they? It will be good for Luna to have Lily's company. It's good for them to have another cat's company, particularly indoor cats.

I'm certainly looking forward to the day you can take beautiful little Lily home and we can see lots more pictures of her!