RICHARD
06-29-2003, 02:08 PM
10 rules for women –plumbing emergencies
1. Please do not mention a plumbing emergency on a late Friday evening
Hardware stores are packed at that time with people wanting to get a jump on
their weekend projects. According to the Rules of Household Emergencies/
Page 6-An emergency plumbing project will take no less than 2 and no more
than 5 trips to the hardware store. Fire up the Microwave and break out the
paper plates.
2. Do not DEMAND that the leaking/burst pipe be fixed "as soon as possible"
After hour plumbers charge astronomical rates. Remember, the money you save
could be used for something you need. Shoes, vacation, French tip nails…..(aren't
we mad at the French???)
3. Because the kitchen sink is pretty much unusable-DO NOT PANIC.
This could be a chance to try the new Chinese food place that opened
up the block, or the new McDonalds, depending on your financial status.
(see rules #1&2)
4. Do not insist on washing the dirty dishes in any other basin or tub inside
your home.
As much as I love food, the thought of my dishes being done in the bathroom
is distressing. Dirty dishes can wait.
5. Should you call a plumber on Saturday you still may be paying premium rates.
Could your significant other possibly handle the job?
Although your SO may make MORE than three trips to the hardware store to find
part that fit, parts forgotten and parts exchanged, you have to make him feel
important and needed during this time of strife in your household. His blood pressure
is already high and he doesn't need the aggravation. (see rule #6)
6. DO NOT MENTION THE REPEATED TRIPS TO THE HOME CENTER!
This will drive the man insane. you will shred his confidence and question his
ability to make rational judgements while picking up the parts he needs.
1/4 inch is closer to 1/2 inch, plus he was distracted by the young lady in the shorts
trying to pick out a nice faucet for her powder room. The cashier gal was pretty
cute too!
7. As much as YOU need to know the progress of the fix. Do not waltz in every half
hour to remind him that…..
I need to do laundry, when will the water be turned back on?
I need to take shower.
I need to wash the dishes
I need to make some tea.
Think back to the Stone Age! There was no running water. Man and women survived
10 jillion years without indoor plumbing, better yet-go watch television….
8. The severity of the fix is directly proportionate to the amount of cursing
Please remove all pets, children or parrots from the area. Better yet, call the
neighbors and let them know the cursing and pounding they heard was a direct result
of the amount of skin taken off the hands of your SO when he bashes his hand with
the wrench
9. Should the job be completed correctly and with the least amount of hassle, make
your SO feel like a champion. Give him a hug, a cold beer is always welcome, make
him think that he has cured the common cold, make him think he has the half a brain
you questioned when his was screaming at the top of his lungs, THIS G_DD_MN
PIPE! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THIS TO FIT! YOU PIECE OF……
10. Should none of this work, be prepared to call the plumber.
Never bring up the unfortunate incident again. Never bring it up in a
conversation with friends, "And then I hear this blood curdling scream,
I walk into the kitchen and there he is on the ground, in the fetal position,
sobbing like a baby……."
Ladies,
Men's egos are fragile already, we do not need to be patronized during the emergency.
Actually, save the praise for the ride over to the emergency room for the stitches in that
nasty bleeding head wound he suffered after he pinched the webbing of his hand in the pliers. Real men do plumbing……Actually that should read
REAL MEN TRY TO DO PLUMBING.
1. Please do not mention a plumbing emergency on a late Friday evening
Hardware stores are packed at that time with people wanting to get a jump on
their weekend projects. According to the Rules of Household Emergencies/
Page 6-An emergency plumbing project will take no less than 2 and no more
than 5 trips to the hardware store. Fire up the Microwave and break out the
paper plates.
2. Do not DEMAND that the leaking/burst pipe be fixed "as soon as possible"
After hour plumbers charge astronomical rates. Remember, the money you save
could be used for something you need. Shoes, vacation, French tip nails…..(aren't
we mad at the French???)
3. Because the kitchen sink is pretty much unusable-DO NOT PANIC.
This could be a chance to try the new Chinese food place that opened
up the block, or the new McDonalds, depending on your financial status.
(see rules #1&2)
4. Do not insist on washing the dirty dishes in any other basin or tub inside
your home.
As much as I love food, the thought of my dishes being done in the bathroom
is distressing. Dirty dishes can wait.
5. Should you call a plumber on Saturday you still may be paying premium rates.
Could your significant other possibly handle the job?
Although your SO may make MORE than three trips to the hardware store to find
part that fit, parts forgotten and parts exchanged, you have to make him feel
important and needed during this time of strife in your household. His blood pressure
is already high and he doesn't need the aggravation. (see rule #6)
6. DO NOT MENTION THE REPEATED TRIPS TO THE HOME CENTER!
This will drive the man insane. you will shred his confidence and question his
ability to make rational judgements while picking up the parts he needs.
1/4 inch is closer to 1/2 inch, plus he was distracted by the young lady in the shorts
trying to pick out a nice faucet for her powder room. The cashier gal was pretty
cute too!
7. As much as YOU need to know the progress of the fix. Do not waltz in every half
hour to remind him that…..
I need to do laundry, when will the water be turned back on?
I need to take shower.
I need to wash the dishes
I need to make some tea.
Think back to the Stone Age! There was no running water. Man and women survived
10 jillion years without indoor plumbing, better yet-go watch television….
8. The severity of the fix is directly proportionate to the amount of cursing
Please remove all pets, children or parrots from the area. Better yet, call the
neighbors and let them know the cursing and pounding they heard was a direct result
of the amount of skin taken off the hands of your SO when he bashes his hand with
the wrench
9. Should the job be completed correctly and with the least amount of hassle, make
your SO feel like a champion. Give him a hug, a cold beer is always welcome, make
him think that he has cured the common cold, make him think he has the half a brain
you questioned when his was screaming at the top of his lungs, THIS G_DD_MN
PIPE! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THIS TO FIT! YOU PIECE OF……
10. Should none of this work, be prepared to call the plumber.
Never bring up the unfortunate incident again. Never bring it up in a
conversation with friends, "And then I hear this blood curdling scream,
I walk into the kitchen and there he is on the ground, in the fetal position,
sobbing like a baby……."
Ladies,
Men's egos are fragile already, we do not need to be patronized during the emergency.
Actually, save the praise for the ride over to the emergency room for the stitches in that
nasty bleeding head wound he suffered after he pinched the webbing of his hand in the pliers. Real men do plumbing……Actually that should read
REAL MEN TRY TO DO PLUMBING.