Parents

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

My parents are fighting again.

I can't take this anymore.

I mean, they don't fight very often, but when they do, someone always storms away.

Well, tonight my mom was going to go out with some friends and she assumed my dad wasn't going cuz he was lying on the bed and watching TV. She asked him (again) if he was going and he goes, "For the HUNDRETH TIME, YES!

Then my mom gets all upset about something and my dad goes, "JUST GO." And so she left.

*sigh* Why can't I have a normal family?

[KYS]

Sometimes parents do not realize how much it hurts their
children when they fight. (non-physical).
I am not sure of your situation, but maybe you can talk
to both your parents and let them know how much it hurts
you and how much you love them both.

As long as they respect and love each-other very
much, you need to rememeber parents are human and have their
off days too. :(

[binka_nugget]

oh but you do have a normal family. At least, in my perspective you do. I use to think my family was weird because we fight ALL the time, my dad even punched me twice. And I also wanted to charge him but didn't for some reason. The best you can do is just ignoring it, take a walk with the dog..and just do anything that'll take your mind off it. For me, I take a long walk with kai because walking for me is very stress relieving and sing to my favourite songs. If you really want, feel free to pm me.:)

[KYS]

posted by binka_nugget:
oh but you do have a normal family. At least, in my perspective you do. I use to think my family was weird because we fight ALL the time, my dad even punched me twice.>>>>>>>>

binka..... their is never an accuse for physical violence.
I am sorry that your dad punched you.

[binka_nugget]

thx kys well..I'm over it anyways. I got over it pretty fast, only because Kai was with me the whole time. My sister and brother hate him...so does my mom...ack...stupid messed up family..oh well as long as i have kai

[I Love Brian, Forever <3]

Try dealing with the two I live.

My mom and her boyfriend.
He's a sorry*** loser with no job.

She works her *** off.

*I* clean the house, do laundry, mow the lawn, blah, blah, blah, while he just sits around, watches TV and sleeps.

They don't talk. Him and I don't talk.
He needs to leave.

[wolfsoul]

Atleast you have a dad.

I had a great relationship with my dad until he got together with his girlfriend. We were okay for a while, but his girlfriend is about as big on responsibility as he is. He hasn't called me, and I haven't been to his house for seven months.

I left behind a rat kitten, two cats and a puppy. I stole Leather and gave her to my stepmom (his exwife).

My mom ran into him the other day, and he said that he's dissapointed that I haven't called him! :rolleyes: :mad: I don't even have his frickin' phone number! gawd, he should get a clue!

My mom has contemplated sueing him becuase he doesn't pay child support. I hope she does.

As for fighting, my mom and I fight constantly. I'm suddenly big on explaining my feelings. It doesn't work much though :( When she tells me I'm stupid,. which is very often, I tell her that it hurts, and that it depresses me. I've even told before her that I want to kill myself (which I almost did when Timber was taken away from me, if I didn't have Frisco)(don't worry, I don't want to die anymore)....She just tells me that I shouldn't be so stupid and then I wouldn't be sad :rolleyes: :(

Good luck, I know how you feel in most ways, I'm a teenager too...

[I Love Brian, Forever <3]

wolfsoul, yeah I hate that.

All of the insults from the parents. They act as if you've got no feelings. They don't seem to understand that it hurts. But oh well, I've learned, for the most part, to ignore it. I've got 2.5 years left of being a teenager. :D :D :D :D

I'm glad you don't want to die anymore. I used to be like that. Stayyyyy happppppyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

[wolfsoul]

lol, yeah, I hate it when they insult! It's so annoying! My dad always did, but he was just joking so it was fun. He's a great guy, he's exactly like me lol, so he's fun to talk to, but he just has no responsibility :( Like me..lol...But I'm still better :p ;) heehee

When my mom insults me, she means it...it is annoying...

I still have 3.5 years left...:( :eek: lol, meh, whatever, I'll be out of grade ten in nine days :D

[binka_nugget]

yea suicide was a serious thought for me but I didn't do it cuz I had 2 great friends and I'm glad I didn't go through with it because I got kai shortly after. It's all a part of being a teen.

Yea it totally sucks when parents try to insult you and think they have the upper hand because they are older. Meh..I just insult them back..I know, not mature..but they weren't mature to start with. For my dad I've said: "Whatever I'm not going to listen to you. You're a fricken truck driver for god's sake. You didn't even graduate so don't waste my time. I'm trying to live a better life." and even better..he's becoming a taxi driver too! LOl...I find it funny that the only jobs he's ever had involved delivering things (people or products). For my mom I've said.."Yea well whatever. You're just mad because you're going through a middle life crises...wanting tatoos, trying to lose alot of weight, wanting liposuction and other surgeries..whatever".

Tsk tsk..I'm such an aweful child..oh well..I still love them

[iceyshiver21]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl

*sigh* Why can't I have a normal family?

Fighting can be very hard on kids, I know im a kid myself but My friends parents are going through a diviorce and I am always hearing them fight and seeing the stress on her. You said they dont fight much...personally thats really really good. Everyone fights, its not good but it happens time after time. It can be stressful, scary and horrible to go through....if you need to talk let me know

**By the way I've reasearched, there is no such thing as a "normal" family...if there was this world would be boring, and as if we dont get bored enough...

[carole]

Sweetie i think what u described, the fight between your parents, is very normal, unfortunately parents dont always realise the emotional damage it does to their kids to c them fighting in front of them.
We are all human and even parents make mistakes, and we dont all get along 100 per cent of the time.
Sorry its so hard on you, i am an oldie now, and my parents still fight, even though i dont live at home, i get phone calls about it all the time, and the pressure i feel being stuck in the middle is enormous.

[marysmerrycats]

my dad even punched me twice.

I'm over it anyways. I got over it pretty fast

I just want to say, that you should not just "get over it" I mean, hitting is never ok, by a parent or anyone else as you get older, don't accept that. never. I had a friend that used to put up with that, it was terrible. I just wanted to tell you that, it is not acceptable, and you should not let anyone treat you bad.

[binka_nugget]

oh don't worry..well I'm not like sad or anything anymore...but I haven't really gotten over it (i used the wrong words earlier). I hate him more now...he's always been a bad father...he doesn't even know how old we are. I'm just happy that he smokes and drinks because it's just killing him faster...arg...:mad:

[primabella]

I guess I'm really lucky that my parents have never hurt me in any way and fights are not too common around here. My parents love eachother and my whole family is pretty close. I guess its a thing I take for granted. :( Ash, I was really shocked when you said your dad punched you. That's terrible. What a jerk. :mad: When my parents are in a bad mood, I try to avoid them because I know a fight is gonna happen. I'm not saying that we are all this one big happy family like on 7th heaven or something, but fights are not so common and I'm pretty happy with the way things are. I also used to feel a bit suicidal. I had lost all my closest friends (except for one)and they were all talking bad about me and it seemed like everyone hated me. I was having fights with people online and I just hated everything about myself. Then I broke down and cried and cried and cried. My parents and my sister especially, helped me out through everything. Just hang in there. Take a deep breath and don't do anything stupid. Maybe you can see your school guidance counselor about your parents. Or talk to your parents. I know it probably isn't that easy but you haven't got anything to lose. :)

[wolfsoul]

I think that generally, because of newer harsher laws, physical violence is starting to die down in some places --- But I've had my share of bruises when I was younger. Not from being punched nessecarily, but the smacks I got were fairly hard. I was a good kid, but I had my bratty years...

Unfortunatly, I feel that what I had to suffer from (just spankings, things that alot of children go through when they are bad), has caused me to be hostile enough to almost - almost - hit one of my pets when I am angry at them. Of course at that point, I must be angry enough to feel like doing that, and it always makes me cry afterwards. Then I can sit there and wonder -- Did my mother ever cry after she hit me?

I remember being young, and constantly purposely hurting my friends, and when it was over, my mother would hurt me. Where is the discipline in that? I was terrible to my friends....

One time, when I was four, my best friend wouldn't let me on the swingset. So I took her over to the post that held up the roof to our carport. It had long nails pointing out both ways. I grabbed her by the hair and smashed her head against the nails several times. When it was over, there was blood everywhere, and my mother smacked me several times on my bottom. I didn't even cry. Not only that, I was in denial, saying that I didn't do it, that her brother did it, he should be punished.

This was what physical violence taught me. I never got over it. But I'm extremely glad that I didn't end up like my neighbor who had her mouth washed out with soup almost everyday. Parents are capable of harsh punishments...It's something in society that is all too common.

[RockyRoad]

Originally posted by primabella
I also used to feel a bit suicidal. I had lost all my closest friends (except for one)and they were all talking bad about me and it seemed like everyone hated me. I was having fights with people online and I just hated everything about myself.

That's exactly what is happening to me now (but thank goodness I have Pet Talk). I suppose it is just all a part of being a teen, like getting a taste at what life is like. Anyhoot, I stopped feeling sorry for myself and stopped trying to get people to feel bad for me. I taught myself to convert sorrow to anger(NOT in an abusive or physical way). So now I really don't cry often if anything happens to me, I get angry. (Bad method, but I think it works for me.)

I guess I am lucky as well to have parents that don't fight often or hurt. What I can do is say that for those people who do have those problems, I am terribly sorry. :( It is wrong for parents to severely hurt their children. {{{Hugs}}} To all those people in the world who must endure that kind of violence.

Just wanted to add that...

[binka_nugget]

thank god for pets hey?:D

[slleipnir]

Hows that not normal? lol everyone fights sometimes, its only healthy..Be thankful your parents still live together, mine separated when I was young and I hated it. :( But yes, the fighting is hard and it sucks..Parents should really try not to fight around their kids...

[marysmerrycats]

well I just wanted to tell you "younger ones" do not accept being hit as you get older and in relationships. its awful if your parents hit you, I think that teaches thats its ok. and its not. you are better than that so don't anyone hit you, like I said, I had a friend that got hit, for years, it was really bad. and it only gets worse, it won't go away. it will not stop, it will get worse each time.
and its not fair to take it out on the animals, they are even more defenselss because they can't tell anyone.

[popcornbird]

I'm with you Primabella. I'm grateful for having a wonderful family and thank God my parents rarely fight. Only like once a year for like 2 minutes. :eek: LOL The only ones who fight sometimes are my brother and I; typical siblings. ;) Its more of a simple brother/sister argument that we get over with in a matter of minutes. Of course we all love each other, and although there is an occasional spanking, there's not beating, etc. The spanking was more when I was younger though. Now when I do something wrong, its more of a scolding. Mary, I think light spanking is neccessary for disciplining children. I have seen kids who's parents don't punish them when they do wrong and they are worse than monsters. Of course hitting hard or beating is definitely wrong, but a mild spank can be healthy at times. As long as its not injuring/hurting the child, but giving him/her a signal to behave, and that what he/she did was wrong.


I'm just happy that he smokes and drinks because it's just killing him faster...arg...

Binka Nugget, although you may not approve of your father's behavior towards you, that was a very sad statement. How could you be waiting for you dad to die? :mad::( I've never heard any child make such a statement about their parents, and that is just so disappointing. Maybe you should hope and pray that he changes and becomes a good and loving father. That was just a sad sad thing to say. I'm grateful for the wonderful family God has given me. Its something I take for-granted until I see what other families go through. :eek:

[binka_nugget]

yea..it was a horrible thing to say..but meh...even if he doesn't die ...i just want him to leave us alone...he doesn't help my mom with our stuff...he just pays for what he has to pay..he doesn't help my mom with our clothing, our lunches and he is definately not busy. He sleeps most of the day. He's abusive, verbally and physically..I just hate him. But I learn to live with it I guess...I can't dwell on it forever. My mom filed for divorce..and he's leaving for china in a few years...so it's only a matter of time...

[marysmerrycats]

popcornbird

I completely agree with you.. a young child should be spanked, but not hit. and even as young as age one or two, they can have their hand/mouth tapped, lightly, not a slap. it teaches them I don't think a kid the age of 11 or so should be spanked anymore, I think after that other punishments are best.

[binka_nugget]

I think for our family, even tapping was something that wouldn't do any better. My mom had slapped me many times when I was a younger child...I think that contributed to my agressive nature. But for my youngest sister, my mom doesn't slap but just taps once in a while. My sister is starting to become more physically abusive to us. When she's angry at something, like something as losing a game of cards, she would come and threaten to punch me. She even tries to take things on out Kai and that's a big no-no. I'm okay with her trying to punch me because I sort of understand what she's going through but Kai is helpless so I get really angry when she does that. Agg...what a messed-up but normal family

[carole]

In New Zealand they are trying to pass a bill in parliament to make it illegal to smack your child. I believe this is already in practice in some european countries.
I personally dont agree with it, and dont want to c it introduced, but what will be will be.
There will always be people who carry a harmless smack too far, whether there is a law or not, i think there will be some innocent people made out like criminals if this bill is passed.
I was smacked as a child or given the odd slap as you would call it, i dont think it harmed me, i have given my own children a smack in extreme circumstances, but i tend to choose time out and withdrawing priviliges with them. smacking is not always the answer and nine times out of ten, its done in fustration from the parents.
I feel the government is going a little far, telling parents how they should or should not discipline their children.
I dont know maybe my views are wrong, but thats how i feel on the subject.

[carole]

By the way MANY THANKS to Jen for my lovely signature, i will beable to do it myself next time lol:) :D

[binka_nugget]

Originally posted by carole
i tend to choose time out and withdrawing priviliges with them.

I that is by far the best way to punish a child. I think smacking only teaches them to fear you and to use that when they have kids. I had always feared my mom until I was old enough to fight back verbally. She had told me to be good or else I wasn't getting Kai...which had worked wonders for me.

[cali]

*sigh* Why can't I have a normal family?

you call that not normal?? I would LOVE to be in your situation, I never have even 1 day of peace, the only reason my mom and dad are even staying together is because they cant afford to send me to school sepritly, they are splitting(thank God) when i graduate, i cant go ONE day without getting screamed at for nothing, my dad has thrown things, and swore, he has called me a twit, and an a$$, he has a temper problem and has to take counsling, a lot of people say he is verbally abusive, i dont really know, all i know is that I hate him, and have told him so. my mom cant stand him either. my brother is only 16 and he moved out, cuz he could not stand him anymore. :eek: we all wish we had the perfect family, but dont worry about it, a couple of fights is not so bad, my parents dont even sleep in the same room anymore :( just be greatfull that your parents are together, fighting occasionally is only healthy :)

[Aspen and Misty]

My parents used to fight. We never were there to hear it though. My mom would come out though and say awfull thigns about my dad. We all hated him for years. My sister raised me till I was 10. My dad was really sick, almost dead and my mom was cheating on him with some guy.

My parents are seprated, and I just found out tonight they are getting divorced :( theres no more hope for them I guess. :( It just makes me so sad and angry at the same time to know that I will never again live with my whole family. Its one paretn or the eother, if you wanna go to the movies you have to choose one parent or the other if you wanna go to the mall one parent or the other if you wanna go for a walk one parent or the other where to spend the weekends one parent or the other. ::sigh:: :(

All I do is hide in my room all the time. Work wonders for me. Me and Novie walk alot also. Or we sleep, I sleep alot.

Ash

[Karen]

Originally posted by binka_nugget
oh don't worry..well I'm not like sad or anything anymore...but I haven't really gotten over it (i used the wrong words earlier). I hate him more now...he's always been a bad father...he doesn't even know how old we are. I'm just happy that he smokes and drinks because it's just killing him faster...arg...:mad:


Kiddo, you should talk to a pastor, counselor or someone about your relationship with your dad, okay? It's a lot easier to deal with when you've had a professional to help you through it. Think about it, okay? It's not normal, and it's not something you should just have to "get over" by yourself, it can impact the rest of the relationships you have in your life if you don't get help.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

My parents get in those kind of fights too. I know they would never hurt me, but its kind of scary to watch. I wish I could have a normal family too.

[Logan]

This thread is hard to read. I'm glad that all of you have found an outlet here, to voice to your pet loving friends what is happening in your home life. But it makes me sad to know that such wonderful young people are experiencing such bad things at home. Normal is a hard situation to describe, because what is normal for one, is not normal for another.

I'm an old lady at 40, compared to the ages of those of you who have posted. "Normal" for me, as a child, was being punished when I didn't show respect, acted out, etc. Punishment might be something being taken away from me that I enjoyed, or it could mean a spanking. It didn't take much for me to learn not to do the offensive thing anymore! Now, I'm a mom. My daughter doesn't get spanked, but it is because she doesn't do things that would cause me to want to do that. I think, even in the worst situation, I probably couldn't spank her, but I do know what would have the most effectiveness, as far as punishment, and spanking probably isn't it! But I will tell you, honestly, that I do witness some kids getting away with things that make me cringe at times, and I wish their parents would take a more proactive stance against their behavior, with sufficient punishment, to help correct the problems now, rather than having them grow up to be unruly adults! All of you have such potential. You love your pets, you are good friends to each other and all of us.

I'm with Karen. Please, if you can't talk with either of your parents, please find someone that you can talk with, whether it be a school counselor, a minister or a friend.

[Tonya]

I am sorry to hear that alot of you are going through that. I also grew up in a disfunctinal home. I know it can be hard to get through. Try your hardest to seperate yourself from the fighting. You don't want to repeat history. When you are older, you want to remember how it made you feel when your parents fought. Hopefully your kids won't go through the same thing. Most importantly, it is NEVER ok to get physically abused. No one should have to put up with that.