Grieving

[tanya14]

We had to put down our 9 year old boxer last night. We have no children and he was our baby. I don't think I can get over this. I've been up crying all night. Also, our other dog seems to be depressed. Does anyone have any good ideas how to get over the death of your baby (dog)? Or does it just take time? Thanks for your help.

[RachelJ]

First thing is it helps to talk about it with people who understand, and you have come to the right place. The grief is a natural process. Many of us here have had to say goodbye to our cherished babies. We know all too well what you are going through. I think the grief is especially hard if you have had to make the decision to put your dog down because it is accompanied by the weight of that decision and sometimes self doubt. Please tell us about your dog, what was he like, what was your relationship with him like, what did you love best about him. Honor him with a little tribute to his life and do it here. There are wonderful poems that in time you will want to read. Others here will help to select some for you. What I am going to say next is what I had to do for myself and that was to limit the amount of time I allowed myself to think about and cry for my baby. I was in danger of going down in a spiral of grief and depression, so I had give those feelings their just due, but I also had to not give them control of my whole life. I chose to allow myself to think about losing my dog and crying for her only when I was in the shower or taking a bath and yes, on some days I took more than one bath. At other times I just would not let my mind go to that place, or maybe I should say I wouldn't let it stay there when it went.

I am so sorry for what has just happened in your life. You have to find the strength to "make it better" for your other dog, to let him/her know that it is going to be okay. Keep in touch, please.

[This message has been edited by RachelJ (edited May 08, 2001).]

[nsweezie]

So sorry for your loss.
I have found that when a pet dies you should expect to be very very sad for a while. This is normal, and you should expect it. Crying helped me, as did talking about my loss.
With time you will hurt less, but you probably will never get over it entirely. I hope this helps you a little, and if you want to talk about your dog, this is the place to be.

[Karen]

It is really grieving for a family member - don't let anyone belittle your grief by saying "it was just a dog." You - and we - know better. Please read the Rainbow Bridge legend, and I think it'll make you feel a little better - see http://www.rainbowbridge.org/ . It's a Norse legend that lots of people around Pet Talk refer to. Our sypathies are with you, and your remaining dog as well. Snuggle each other close, and it'll help, I'm sure.

[Gio]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I know how difficult it can be. Don't worry it takes time but it does get better and I agree with the other posts, you are always welcome to talk about it here on the board (or by email if you prefer).

You will never forget your dog but time will ease the pain you will then be able to think all the nice times you had together.

Occasionally I still get emotional when I think of my pets who are no longer with me but often we just say: Do you remember when... and all those sweet memories keep flooding back.

Your other dog is certainly grieving too, losing a companion and seeing you so unhappy is certainly affecting him. Give him all the attention you can.

A big hug to all of you

[sammi]

tanya, So sorry for your loss. Over a year ago I had to put my 3 year old dog to sleep due to cancer so I can feel your grief. Do what RachelJ said tell us all about your dog it really helps to talk about it - sometimes this is hard to do because some friends/relatives don't understand the bond we can have with a animal (we sure do here). I wrote my dog a letter saying goodbye and my feeling. I put the letter away and when the time is right I will burn it. This really helped me say my final goodbye and I felt so much relief after. I hope this helps some and welcome!

[AdoreMyDogs]

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a dog is extremely painful and difficult. I have only had to make that decision once sofar but it took everything out of me. Just remember to let it out, you deserve a good cry, you just lost a devoted family member. We all understand here at Pet Talk, as most of us have lost pets and it never gets any easier. The love of the other dog will make it easier for you though, just hold that beautiful dog close to your heart and know that he/she loves you with all of his/her heart and the loss will dweal a little less on your heart. Spoil that remaining dog alot, try not to leave him/her alone for long because he/she feels the loss as well and he/she will need to be reasured also, and it will help you heal knowing there is another devoted being at your heals who is there to help you through this difficult time. And know that your last offer for that boxer was the most unselfish, giving gift for an old dog who has little quality of life left. Know that you gave that boxer a gift when you had him/her put to sleep. He/she is up there right now full of love, glee, and gratitude for your last gift of love. I had to put my yellow lab to sleep about a year and 1/2 ago and it gets easier, however, I still shed tears every now and then. Just try to spend every waking hour with the remaining dog for the next several days, and if you can't because of work see if someone (family member or pet sitter) can come and cuddle with and walk the dog.

My thoughts are with you.

-Leslie

[jackiesdaisy1935]

Tanya14, I am so sorry you lost your baby last night. It will take time and more time.
It is very good to talk about him with other dog lovers who can sympathize, as most have lost a best friend in the past. We lost our 14 year old Schnauzer last October and I think of her every day and shed tears. We have two other Schnauzers, Perry and Daisy.
Perry looked to Kona as a Mommie and he was very depressed, he would go in his crate and didn't want to come out, that lasted for about three weeks. We would leave him alone or console him the best we knew how. Eventually he got better and now plays a lot with Daisy. We have a web page with a wonderful poem on it called " The Last Battle". If you would like to read it you can look on http://schnauzerville.homestead.com
and go to Kona's link.
I read it often and it does make me feel better. I just can't express my sorrow enough to you for your loss!

[tanya14]

Thank you so much for all your kind words. People in my life do understand. They knew what he meant to me. His name was Rocky, a brindle boxer, weighing 90 pounds. He was extremently smart, he knew about 25 words. I adopted him when he was 2 months old and we were together, just the 2 of us, for 6 years. Three years ago, I met my husband and he had a miniature schnauzer. I love them both but Rocky and I always had a special bond. He was my gentle giant. He loved kids, other dogs, sitting on my lap, car rides, playing outside with his skweaky toys and suntanning. We used to fight for the chaise lounge in the backyard! He was extremely cuddly and wouldn't hurt a soul. He used to whine to go out, get in, when he wanted food or water, treats, attention, etc. We called it talking! Yesterday afternoon, he was lying on the floor as if he had a stomach ache. One hour later he was so bloated he couldn't stand up. We rushed him to the vet and we had 5 minutes to make a decision. Either let him die on the floor or put him to sleep. I lay on the floor with him and hugged him and then the vet came back and it was over. On Sunday I was out back playing with him. It just happened so fast. Apparently, he had a twisted stomach and his liver and kidneys were no longer functioning. All this in one afternoon. Anyway, I will always miss him and love him. I have never loved anything as much as I loved Rocky. Hopefully with time, things will get better.

p.s. I went out this morning and bought 5 new toys and food dishes for my schnauzer. He seems pleased with that!

[aly]

Tanya, you came to the right place. I am so sorry for your loss. Every single person here will be thinking about you I'm sure. Rachel is right, let yourself cry but don't let it consume you. My lab died 13 months ago and that was such a hard time because she was the dog I grew up with. I understand what you are going through. I recently had to give up one of my dogs and I almost fell completely apart. What did help me is that I knew I had to be strong for my other dog and cat. Also coming here and reading the well wishes from everyone can help so much. Be strong for your other dog and he/she will feel better and help you feel better. I know how empty you can feel but remember the good times and know that your dog will be waiting for you at Rainbow Bridge.

[Rottie]

I'm so sorry Tanya. http://PetoftheDay.com/talk/frown.gif It's so hard to let them go.

Tanya ~

So sorry for your loss.

Here's a link to another Rainbow Bridge site that has some excellent articles to help you deal with the loss of a pet, and has a place to post e rememberance message: http://www.petloss.com/

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/s/ Cinder & Smokey
the Rescued & Adopted
FurKids of *Phred*

[Albea]

Tanya:

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, we all here understand how you feel. When my second Golden Retriever, Irina, went to Rainbow Bridge, after many months of treatment for her illness, I would wake up in the middle of the night crying. After three weeks of sleepless nights, I got another Golden puppy and I adore her. But some times I still think that I'm going to look in the back yard and Irina will be there, and she left me 8 years ago. Eventually, the good memories of all those years with Rocky will help you get over his absence. Yes, dogs can be as depressed as we are when they miss a companion and they can also feel your sadness. The two of you, with great love, can help one another during this time of grief.
Let us know how you are doing. We are all thinking of you.

[Sudilar]

Tanya, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how bad it hurts, especially since Rocky was taken from you so suddenly. Bloat is such a swift killer. Just recently a neighboring area GSD police dog died from it too. The hardest part for me, when my dog died, was coming in the front door (I only had one dog at the time). It was so horribly SILENT, no gleeful whining, no wagging, nothing! I couldn't stand it; it was so sad and quiet! I did exactly what Rachel did, I did my major crying in the shower. I also made a scrap book of pictures of my darlings. Then, I went out and adopted from the area kill shelter. If I couldn't save her life, then I would save another dog's life. Hang in there. Think of the fun times. It gets better, but the pain never goes away completely. My heart is with you.
Sue

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***Save a life, ADOPT***

[tanya14]

All of you are very special people. You feel the same way I do about dogs. Losing a dog is losing a family member. Well, I'm still crying but I have to stop because I have to go to work tomorrow. Thanks for all of your help. I love the Rainbow Bridge poem.