mugsy
05-23-2003, 06:31 PM
I got this one just now on yet another list and decided to put it in general since it applies to both dogs and cats.....
Rescue Barbie
We've all heard about Menopausal Barbie and Trailer
Park Barbie, now here's one (or rather two) for us:
K-9 Rescue Barbie
This Christmas season, give the latest, hottest new
Barbie -- K-9 Rescue Barbie. She comes with her own
Ford Aerostar van, and various size dog crates inside.
She has a cell phone that's barely working due to over
use and underpayment.
Barbie herself is decked out in jeans, grungy athletic
shoes, and a t-shirt that says "Dogs are Better Than
Any Other Living Thing on Earth". She comes with a
road atlas of every town and state in all of North
America, and a compass on the dashboard of the van.
She also has a map of every McDonald's in the world.
Optional is the special Rescue Dog Barbie laptop
computer with the names and addresses of every other
dog rescue person on earth, in case she gets somewhere
and a contact fails to show up.
Running buddy, "Lucky", the three-legged, blind Shih
Tzu doll is available for an additional $ 49.95.
For $89.95, you can complete the set with "Pissed off
husband at home, Ken," and the various foster dogs at
$ 20 each.
Prices for accessories are:
Fake snow falling on Barbie's van: $12.95
Flat tire for Barbie's van: (see Barbie's Road
Service")
Barbie's First Aid Kit: (human): $11.75, (canine):
$69.50
Barbie's Speeding Ticket: $95 (Mississippi--$195)
Barbie's coat-that-she-had-to-buy-in-Minnesota: $85
Barbie's Vet Bill for Lucky in Vaughn, New Mexico:
$63.45
Barbie's contact, Rhonda, who she had to give gas
money to in Mesa Verde, Texas: $20.
Barbie's bill to get her contact, Luis, out of jail in
Bakersfield, California: $500.
Barbie's bill to get Luis's dogs out of the pound in
Bakersfield, California: $265.
Barbie's hotel/kennel bill in Laughlin, Nevada, while
she waits for her contact:$532.
Barbie's overalls that she has to buy while in Minden,
Nebraska, hunting down lost coonhounds: $49.95
Pizza for Barbie's suspicious looking hitch-hiker with
sick puppy: $15
Vet bill for hitch-hikers sick puppy in Des Moines,
Iowa: $143.29
Barbie's doggie wheelchair for "Klause" the rescue
dachshund in Leavenworth, Kansas: $143.
And Barbie's van detailing/fumigation from hauling
parvo/kennel cough puppies: $187.
Barbie's resume to get new job when she gets home from
run: $29.95
******************
And let us not forget her sister doll - Cat Rescue
Barbie, who comes with the same equipment, (substitute
"cat" for "dog"), also:
Folding ladder in vehicle: $129.95
Have-a-heart trap: $29.95
Cans of tuna for baiting trap: $11.95
Long handled fishing net: $39.95
Case of Simple Solution: $259.95
Black light (to detect cat urine): $29.95
Tee shirt that says "The More I Know About Men, The
More I Love My Cat" $19.95
Running buddy "Jeep" - 3-legged tailless cat named
after vehicle that claimed her missing appendages:
$89.95
Vet bill for Jeep $397.95
Friend Edith, 87-year-old feral colony feeder, who
calls begging favors when her arthritis acts up and
she can't get out. $59.95
Food for Edith's colony cats (after all, Edith is on
Social Security) $139.95
Friend Margie, do-gooder with pristine home and one
spoiled cat, whose idea of being a rescuer is to pick
up strays and take them to Barbie for rehab, vetting,
fostering, and placement. $89.95
Vet bills for Margie's rescues $892.95
Mother Sadie, who calls weekly to ask Barbie when she
is going to get rid of all those smelly cats and give
her some grandchildren already $ 89.95 (telephone
extra)
Shrink who talks Barbie out of killing above-mentioned
persons each week $500
Vet who makes house calls and doesn't blink at
unannounced visits and odd-hour consultations:
priceless
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the
light
*******************************************
Rescue Barbie
We've all heard about Menopausal Barbie and Trailer
Park Barbie, now here's one (or rather two) for us:
K-9 Rescue Barbie
This Christmas season, give the latest, hottest new
Barbie -- K-9 Rescue Barbie. She comes with her own
Ford Aerostar van, and various size dog crates inside.
She has a cell phone that's barely working due to over
use and underpayment.
Barbie herself is decked out in jeans, grungy athletic
shoes, and a t-shirt that says "Dogs are Better Than
Any Other Living Thing on Earth". She comes with a
road atlas of every town and state in all of North
America, and a compass on the dashboard of the van.
She also has a map of every McDonald's in the world.
Optional is the special Rescue Dog Barbie laptop
computer with the names and addresses of every other
dog rescue person on earth, in case she gets somewhere
and a contact fails to show up.
Running buddy, "Lucky", the three-legged, blind Shih
Tzu doll is available for an additional $ 49.95.
For $89.95, you can complete the set with "Pissed off
husband at home, Ken," and the various foster dogs at
$ 20 each.
Prices for accessories are:
Fake snow falling on Barbie's van: $12.95
Flat tire for Barbie's van: (see Barbie's Road
Service")
Barbie's First Aid Kit: (human): $11.75, (canine):
$69.50
Barbie's Speeding Ticket: $95 (Mississippi--$195)
Barbie's coat-that-she-had-to-buy-in-Minnesota: $85
Barbie's Vet Bill for Lucky in Vaughn, New Mexico:
$63.45
Barbie's contact, Rhonda, who she had to give gas
money to in Mesa Verde, Texas: $20.
Barbie's bill to get her contact, Luis, out of jail in
Bakersfield, California: $500.
Barbie's bill to get Luis's dogs out of the pound in
Bakersfield, California: $265.
Barbie's hotel/kennel bill in Laughlin, Nevada, while
she waits for her contact:$532.
Barbie's overalls that she has to buy while in Minden,
Nebraska, hunting down lost coonhounds: $49.95
Pizza for Barbie's suspicious looking hitch-hiker with
sick puppy: $15
Vet bill for hitch-hikers sick puppy in Des Moines,
Iowa: $143.29
Barbie's doggie wheelchair for "Klause" the rescue
dachshund in Leavenworth, Kansas: $143.
And Barbie's van detailing/fumigation from hauling
parvo/kennel cough puppies: $187.
Barbie's resume to get new job when she gets home from
run: $29.95
******************
And let us not forget her sister doll - Cat Rescue
Barbie, who comes with the same equipment, (substitute
"cat" for "dog"), also:
Folding ladder in vehicle: $129.95
Have-a-heart trap: $29.95
Cans of tuna for baiting trap: $11.95
Long handled fishing net: $39.95
Case of Simple Solution: $259.95
Black light (to detect cat urine): $29.95
Tee shirt that says "The More I Know About Men, The
More I Love My Cat" $19.95
Running buddy "Jeep" - 3-legged tailless cat named
after vehicle that claimed her missing appendages:
$89.95
Vet bill for Jeep $397.95
Friend Edith, 87-year-old feral colony feeder, who
calls begging favors when her arthritis acts up and
she can't get out. $59.95
Food for Edith's colony cats (after all, Edith is on
Social Security) $139.95
Friend Margie, do-gooder with pristine home and one
spoiled cat, whose idea of being a rescuer is to pick
up strays and take them to Barbie for rehab, vetting,
fostering, and placement. $89.95
Vet bills for Margie's rescues $892.95
Mother Sadie, who calls weekly to ask Barbie when she
is going to get rid of all those smelly cats and give
her some grandchildren already $ 89.95 (telephone
extra)
Shrink who talks Barbie out of killing above-mentioned
persons each week $500
Vet who makes house calls and doesn't blink at
unannounced visits and odd-hour consultations:
priceless
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the
light
*******************************************