jonza
03-30-2003, 10:53 AM
I'm not sure if this should be under "slightly controversial" subjects, or on the joke thread …
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." - Donald Rumsfeld. (Actually this was a Ross Perot quote during the first Gulf war.)
If you want to get France involved in a war with Iraq, you must first convince them that Saddam is hiding fields of truffles. - Comedian on the Tonight Show
Q: What do you call a group of 100,000 Frenchman with their hands in the air?
A: The French army, of course."
Q: How many French men does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows. No French man has ever tried.
Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: By shooting the soldier pushing it.
Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass-bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy.
Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.
Q: Did you hear about the old French rifles for sale on Ebay?
A: Never been fired, dropped only once.
Q: The French have just ordered a new national flag.
A: It's a white cross on a white background
Q: Where do you find 60million French jokes?
A: In France.
Q: Whats the difference between a Wonderbra and the French World Cup squad?
A: A Wonderbra has decent support and a cup.
Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: It gives them speedier reactions.
Q: How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.
Jay Leno says it's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They didn't help us get Germany out of France, either. Still, it's essential for them to join us in the war against Iraq. They can teach the Iraqis how to surrender.
In 1966 upon being told that Charles DeGaulle had taken France out of NATO and that all U.S. Troops must be evacuated off of French soil President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk: Ask him about the cemeteries Dean!
So at end of the meeting Dean did ask DeGaulle if his order to remove all U.S. troops from French soil also included the 60,000+ soldier buried in France from World War I and World War II. DeGaulle never answered.
Something to ponder:
You are the President of the United States. Scientists have discovered a meteor that is headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in 2 days, at approximately 2:30 A.M. The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever.
France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Among the ships and planes you could be sending are many that are being used to fight the war on terror overseas. As the President, you must decide: Do you stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live, or tape it and watch it in the morning?
Come on now. Give the French a break. After all they did win the French Revolutionary War ... but then again they were fighting the French.
Anybody got any good stories about Danes or Brits perhaps? (We must try to be impartial!)
john
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." - Donald Rumsfeld. (Actually this was a Ross Perot quote during the first Gulf war.)
If you want to get France involved in a war with Iraq, you must first convince them that Saddam is hiding fields of truffles. - Comedian on the Tonight Show
Q: What do you call a group of 100,000 Frenchman with their hands in the air?
A: The French army, of course."
Q: How many French men does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows. No French man has ever tried.
Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: By shooting the soldier pushing it.
Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass-bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy.
Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.
Q: Did you hear about the old French rifles for sale on Ebay?
A: Never been fired, dropped only once.
Q: The French have just ordered a new national flag.
A: It's a white cross on a white background
Q: Where do you find 60million French jokes?
A: In France.
Q: Whats the difference between a Wonderbra and the French World Cup squad?
A: A Wonderbra has decent support and a cup.
Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: It gives them speedier reactions.
Q: How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.
Jay Leno says it's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They didn't help us get Germany out of France, either. Still, it's essential for them to join us in the war against Iraq. They can teach the Iraqis how to surrender.
In 1966 upon being told that Charles DeGaulle had taken France out of NATO and that all U.S. Troops must be evacuated off of French soil President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk: Ask him about the cemeteries Dean!
So at end of the meeting Dean did ask DeGaulle if his order to remove all U.S. troops from French soil also included the 60,000+ soldier buried in France from World War I and World War II. DeGaulle never answered.
Something to ponder:
You are the President of the United States. Scientists have discovered a meteor that is headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in 2 days, at approximately 2:30 A.M. The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever.
France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Among the ships and planes you could be sending are many that are being used to fight the war on terror overseas. As the President, you must decide: Do you stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live, or tape it and watch it in the morning?
Come on now. Give the French a break. After all they did win the French Revolutionary War ... but then again they were fighting the French.
Anybody got any good stories about Danes or Brits perhaps? (We must try to be impartial!)
john