teena
06-07-2001, 07:51 AM
Haven't had much time lately to visit with you guys, but do try to keep up. My sister sent this to me and I thought everyone would enjoy a good laugh this morning.
> Dog Thoughts
> > > Things I MUST remember as a dog:
> > >
> > > 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> > >
> > > 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
> I'm lying
> > > under the coffee table.
> > >
> > > 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge,
> behind the sofa or
> > > under the bed.
> > >
> > > 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
> entering the
> > > house.
> > >
> > > 5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat
> it or after
> > > they throw it up.
> > >
> > > 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining
> pieces of clean
> > > carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
> > >
> > > 7. I will not throw up in the car.
> > >
> > > 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs,
> etc., just
> > > because I like the way they smell.
> > >
> > > 9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tastie,
> are not food.
> > >
> > > 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and
> then redeposit
> > > them in the backyard after processing.
> > >
> > > 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> > >
> > > 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not
> tell them.
> > >
> > > 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not
> the red ones,
> > > or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
> > >
> > > 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having
> the window
> > > rolled down when it's raining outside.
> > >
> > > 15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each
> time I hear
> > > one on TV.
> > >
> > > 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance
> all over the
> > > backyard with it.
> > >
> > > 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom
> and dad's laps.
> > >
> > > 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator .
> > >
> > > 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he
> reaches in for mom's
> > > driver's license and car registration.
> > >
> > > 20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear
> when he's on
> > > the toilet.
> > >
> > > 21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out
> of the bathroom
> > > garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my
> butt.
> > >
> > > 22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an
> option after
> > > just getting a bath.
> > >
> > > 23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not
> an acceptable
> > > way of saying hello.
> > >
> > > 24. I will not hump on any person's leg just
> because I thought it
> > > was the right thing to do.
> > >
> > > 25. I will not fart in my owners face while
> sleeping on the
> > > pillow next to their head.
> > >
> > > 26. I will not come in from outside and immediately
> drag my butt
> > > across the carpet.
> > >
> > > 27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water
> supply and, just
> > > because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is
> cleaner.
> > >
> > > 28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room
> and lick my
> > > crotch when company is over.
> > >
> > > 29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt
> can quickly
> > > clear a room.
> > >
> > > 30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play
> with him and he makes
> >that
> >noise, its's usually not a good thing
> Dog Thoughts
> > > Things I MUST remember as a dog:
> > >
> > > 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> > >
> > > 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when
> I'm lying
> > > under the coffee table.
> > >
> > > 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge,
> behind the sofa or
> > > under the bed.
> > >
> > > 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
> entering the
> > > house.
> > >
> > > 5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat
> it or after
> > > they throw it up.
> > >
> > > 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining
> pieces of clean
> > > carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
> > >
> > > 7. I will not throw up in the car.
> > >
> > > 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs,
> etc., just
> > > because I like the way they smell.
> > >
> > > 9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tastie,
> are not food.
> > >
> > > 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and
> then redeposit
> > > them in the backyard after processing.
> > >
> > > 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> > >
> > > 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not
> tell them.
> > >
> > > 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not
> the red ones,
> > > or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
> > >
> > > 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having
> the window
> > > rolled down when it's raining outside.
> > >
> > > 15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each
> time I hear
> > > one on TV.
> > >
> > > 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance
> all over the
> > > backyard with it.
> > >
> > > 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom
> and dad's laps.
> > >
> > > 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator .
> > >
> > > 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he
> reaches in for mom's
> > > driver's license and car registration.
> > >
> > > 20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear
> when he's on
> > > the toilet.
> > >
> > > 21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out
> of the bathroom
> > > garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my
> butt.
> > >
> > > 22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an
> option after
> > > just getting a bath.
> > >
> > > 23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not
> an acceptable
> > > way of saying hello.
> > >
> > > 24. I will not hump on any person's leg just
> because I thought it
> > > was the right thing to do.
> > >
> > > 25. I will not fart in my owners face while
> sleeping on the
> > > pillow next to their head.
> > >
> > > 26. I will not come in from outside and immediately
> drag my butt
> > > across the carpet.
> > >
> > > 27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water
> supply and, just
> > > because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is
> cleaner.
> > >
> > > 28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room
> and lick my
> > > crotch when company is over.
> > >
> > > 29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt
> can quickly
> > > clear a room.
> > >
> > > 30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play
> with him and he makes
> >that
> >noise, its's usually not a good thing