kitchen disasters [Archive]

Cookiebaker

03-06-2003, 04:40 PM

Oh my goodness this thread is hilarious! My worst disaster would have to be the first time I tried making pizza with dough from scratch. I made up the dough fine, turned it out to roll it and instead of being a circle, it was rectangular. I didn't know that you can't re-roll pizza dough. I tried to re-roll it, and it turned very tough, the more I stretched it, the more holes it got in it. It was sticking to the counter, my face, my arms, my legs, the floor and everywhere in between. I was getting madder & madder, and finally crumpled it all up and threw it in the trash. We went out to eat that night. :o :rolleyes: And now, everytime I say I'm gonna make pizza for dinner, Mark looks at me real funny and says "Are you sure you are in the mood to do this???" :D

Cookiebaker

03-06-2003, 04:45 PM

Oh and the other real disaster was back when I lived at home and the first time I made apple pie. There were two of them and they came out of the oven beautifully. I put them on the stove to cool, and proceeded to start making dinner. I turned on the wrong burner accidentally to start warming, left the room for a couple of minutes, and hurt a tremendous crash. The entire pie (that was sitting on the heating burner) exploded...there was apple pie on the cieling, floor across the room...just everywhere. It really taught me a lesson, and I am petrified and always double check now.

Oops I just thought of a third funny one...About 10 years ago, my best friend (now sister-in-law) & I were making & canning tomato sauce, and taking turns changing duties every 20 quarts or something. One would process the tomatoes through the blender, and the other would fill the jars. Everytime it was my turn at the blender, she would say "Make sure the lid is on the blender...do you have the lid on" I got tired of it and said, "Yes YES YES I have the lid...I can remember already!!" So the next time, she didn't ask, and the next time the tomatoes shot out of the blender so fast, we were drenched. :eek: We still laugh about to this day!!

Nomilynn

03-06-2003, 05:09 PM

Hmm.. since I've been living alone, I set fire to my oven. I baked a cheesecake, and I guess some butter dripped from the pan. Then, when I went to heat the oven the next time, the butter caught on fire. Scared me so bad, I refused to use the oven until my mom came to visit and cleaned it out for me.

One time I was babysitting, and I had to start dinner. We were having sauseges. I put the sauseges in the frying pan, and was talking to the kids, 7 and 5. I said, "Geez it sure is taking a long time for these sauseges to cook!" and the 7yr old said, "I think they would cook faster if you turned the frying pan on." Sigh.. :rolleyes: :D

RICHARD

03-06-2003, 05:27 PM

two from batchelor life...

lived in a house w/no stove

i'd 'heat' my soup on the floor grill of the house heater...once i took a nap after turning the thermostat up to 'HIGH'.......i think i lost about 10 lbs before i woke up...a great way to diet!

one rainy night i decided i wanted barbequed chicken....i set up the grill in the garage and sure enough....there was so much dang smoke i thought the fire dept would show up........

the worst part was the people that would slow down to look at the fool having a cook out in his garage.:eek:

NoahsMommy

03-06-2003, 05:36 PM

Too funny!!! :)

Karen

03-06-2003, 05:39 PM

When I was maybe 10 years old, my grandmother and I were making gingerbread together. We had done so many times before, kids in my family start learning to help cook the Christmas they turn 4, so this was not a "newbie" incident. We were rushing, had to make one "substitution," I think brown sugar for regular or something like that, but that wasn't the worst part. Just as we were pouring the batter into the pan, I said, "You put the baking soda in, right?" She said, "No, I thought YOU did!" So, we tried! We stirred the baking soda into the already mixed dough IN the baking pan.

It was hysterical. When baked, parts of it were 3 inches high, and parts a gummy 1/2 inch high - it looked like a map of some very hilly place! It was so bad that we got teased about it for YEARS!!! I didn't make gingerbread again for 20 years - and no one else in my immediate family made it for years after that incident either!

harpmom

03-06-2003, 05:40 PM

My favorite story is one we tell on one of my sisters. She was in charge of dinner (I think we were teenagers) and beef stew was on the menu. Everything went well until the point of thickening the liquid. You're supposed to use flour for this step. She got in a hurry and grabbed a yellow box -- yep, the baking soda!:D She thickend the whole pot with about a half-cup of baking soda! Needless to say, we threw out every bit and went out for dinner that night. :D

Desert Arabian

03-06-2003, 05:51 PM

My mom (ACGAS) was cooking with a skillet in the kitchen. Our old cat (RIP), she was a youngin', jumped up onto the burning hot skillet.

That's why her pads were pink instead of brown. :(

Miss Meow

03-06-2003, 06:00 PM

I was living at home and my parents got a microwave, so we bought some microwave cake mixes that had just gone on the market. The chocolate one came out looking and feeling like one of those circular grinders that you use to sharpen axe blades! It wouldn't break, even after smashing it on the floor. So we bought a vanilla microwave cake to try again, and got a white grinding wheel as well!

More recently, I tried a baked gnocchi dish and the gnocchi melded together to the bottom of the dish like industrial glue.

:rolleyes:

wolflady

03-06-2003, 06:29 PM

http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/rofl.gif
These stories are great! :D

Ok, this incident happened pretty recently. I was over at my mom and dad's house, and got the craving for nachos and cheese. So, I remembered I had seen a jar of Cheese Whiz in the pantry. I got my chips out on a place, and placed the jar in the microwave to melt the cheese. Well, after about a minute, I looked and saw this brown tube just rising straight up out of the jar! :eek: LOL It was like a brown really rubbery concoction of some sort! LOL :rolleyes:
I took it out and looked at the jar and the date was from like 3 years ago!! :eek: LOL LOL What's up with my mom having a jar that old in her pantry. I just laugh to think that it was one of the items that she packed for the kitchen when they moved out here from Indiana! :p LOL LOL

marysmerrycats

03-07-2003, 01:38 AM

I can't think of any one thing right now, but anytime I'm in the kitchen to make anything other than a sandwhich, it is a possible disaster!!

tomkatzid

03-07-2003, 02:43 AM

I am NOT a cook and I told Tom this before we got married. The first week of eating dinner was really hard for us. (Now we only eat dinner at home 2 times a week) I knew how to make like 3 things. I thought, well, pudding would be nice and easy too. I made instant banana cream and sliced up real bananas and added them to it. We had to drink it, it never thickend, after hours and hours in the fridge. I dug the box from the trash and it said you had to use whole milk, as 2% or less would not set. So much for reading the directions. Haven't made it since.

Also I didn't know you couldn't reheat Mexican food in the micro wave with guacamole on it. It turns JET BLACK.

Barbara

03-07-2003, 03:25 AM

I had caramelized some apples in butter and sugar and wanted to flame it with rhum. The only dark rum we had was an Austrian 80% (Yes they make it - and it's something you definitely cannot use for drinks). Ok, I put a ladle on my apples in the pan and took the matches.
A flame that reaches the kitchen ceiling.:eek:
I was quick enough to throw a towel over the pan and nothing more happened but boy was I happy that I did not burn the house down.

03-07-2003, 03:43 AM

He he , I had lots of those "mistakes" , but I can hardly remember any ...! Let's think ...:confused: :confused:

Oh yep !

1)As my mom had a very bad health (MS) , I started helping out pretty young ! So one day , my mom asked me to peel and boil the potatoes for her . I was proud I was in charge here , so I got started full of energy . I peeled at least 5 times the amount we needed , grabbed the biggest casserole I could find , and did the job . Then me mom asked : "Did you add enough salt ?" . I made sure there was enough , so I poured in a CUP of salt ...:rolleyes:

Oh my , you should have seen a) my mom's face when she saw I peeled enough potatoes for two weeks ; b) my dad's face as he took one hot potatoe in his mouth :eek: :eek: :eek: ! Since then , I never add salt any more ..! I prefer the natural taste :rolleyes: :D

2) On of those X-mas eves , I was helping out as usual . My mom's favorite dish then is "cow's tongue" . I don't know the English name for it . It comes with a yummie tomato-sauce .
As we got short of time , my mom asked me to hand over the tin of salt , so she could prepare that sauce . As she was so much in a hurry , she didn't notice that silly Lut was giving her the tin of SUGAR !!!!:rolleyes: :D :p ! She also made the mistake not to taste the result before serving it . We were running late , so the show had to go on !!! He he , it is still a family-joke nowadays : "He , remember that yummie sugar-tomato-sauce we ate in 1966 ??" . I always turn red then ....:eek:

Former User

03-07-2003, 03:52 AM

Originally posted by lut

1)As my mom had a very bad health (MS) , I started helping out pretty young ! So one day , my mom asked me to peel and boil the potatoes for her . I was proud I was in charge here , so I got started full of energy . I peeled at least 5 times the amount we needed , grabbed the biggest casserole I could find , and did the job . Then me mom asked : "Did you add enough salt ?" . I made sure there was enough , so I poured in a CUP of salt ...:rolleyes:

Oh my , you should have seen a) my mom's face when see saw I peeled enough potatoes for two weeks ; b) my dad's face as he took one hot potatoe in his mouth

Oh my,(no offense) but that's hilarious http://www.mainzelahr.de/smile/froehlich/roflrofl.gif http://www.mainzelahr.de/smile/froehlich/roflrofl.gif

(but also sweet because you were so proud and excited to help your mom)

Dakota's Mommy

03-07-2003, 08:19 AM

I still hear about the "favorite" bowl I melted
Hey, it's was an awesome bowl and one of the only ones that had a lid that you could put right on top. You know what trouble I have with the wraps that mom and dad always put over food.

"Geez it sure is taking a long time for these sauseges to cook!" and the 7yr old said, "I think they would cook faster if you turned the frying pan on." Sigh..
I remember once when I was younger that somebody was cooking meatloaf in our oven and after an hour of waiting, my brother started wondering when it was going to be done. As I walked past the oven, I noticed that the oven wasn't even on. So, that particular meatloaf took over 2 hours to cook!!!! Talk about hungry by the time diners done.

RICHARD

03-07-2003, 02:25 PM

notice that every time caramel/carmelized gets mentioned, something goes wrong.......

something catches on fire or burns.....

and why are flour, cornstarch, salt and sugar the same color?

scary huh?

Jessica12345

03-07-2003, 02:45 PM

omg! just Yesterday i seriously *tapped* the front of the oven and ALL THE GLASS SHATTERED AT MY FEET! i was kinda lauphing cus i couldnt even beleive it! i tapped it and all the glass just fell off! we called the company and we get a free new one:D :p

oh ya and once i was like 6 and i couldnt get my pop tart out of the toaster oven because it was to hot. so then i did a stupid thing. i stuck the napkin in the the toaster oven so i could get it out without burning myself! well the napkin caught on fire and i dropped it cus it burt my hand:( and it caught the WHOLE kitchen on fire!:eek: all i could say was opps to my mom when she was screeming for me to get out. lol:D everyone is ok though!

wolflady

03-07-2003, 02:51 PM

Originally posted by RICHARD
notice that every time caramel/carmelized gets mentioned, something goes wrong.......

something catches on fire or burns.....

and why are flour, cornstarch, salt and sugar the same color?

scary huh?

LOL LOL So true!

kohala

03-07-2003, 03:04 PM

Here's a "I knew better" story:
When I came back to California, I stayed with my Dad for awhile. He was a serious gourmet cook and was the one who taught me cooking (BTW, Cincy'sMom, he was a chemist - who better to teach you to cook?LOL). I was a vegetarian at the time. I wanted to impress him with a homemade "all natural" vegetable soup we used to serve at our restaurant back east, so I started adding things, and the soup/stew grew out of the 2 quart pan, the 3 quart pan and finally ended up in the 5-quart dutch oven.

No problem there, the problem lay when I added the final touch, the sunflower seeds I found in his cabinet. I did a sniff test, knew they were a little old, but I added them anyway! We had 5 quarts of the most rancid tasting glop ever! Dad was such a tease, I never tried to make it again for him!!

NEVER use old seeds or nuts; the oils go rancid and GAK - permeates the whole dish! (Which is why I always keep them refrigerated, along with my oils, for the most part.)

ParNone

03-07-2003, 03:28 PM

This is actually a co-workers kitchen disaster. Really it is.:)

She decided to have baked lobster vs. boiled lobster, so she
put the lobsters in the oven and set the temp for 400 degrees.
After about 5 mins, she started hearing this tapping on the
glass. "HEY! LADY! It's getting hot in here. Let us Ouuutttt!!!!"

Not sure what she was thinking to try and bake live lobsters,
but it ended up saving their lives, because she couldn't bare
to cook them after that.

Par...

tomkatzid

03-07-2003, 04:25 PM

We're not the only ones making mistakes in the kitchen:eek:

http://www.texascooking.com/humor.htm

Cataholic

03-07-2003, 04:47 PM

Two things come to mind-

The first involves mom (Lillycat). I really like hot and spicy food. She prefers bland mush (he he). So, I decided when I made her chili to spice it up a 'little'. She decided to appease my taste, and she, too, spiced it up a little. We both did it without telling the other....Yeow! While I liked it, I must admit, it was hotter than I woulda liked.

Second, I made pancakes for my friend for breakfast one time...well, they looked like fried chicken breasts. I ate them, cause I don't like to waste food, but, when my friend asked for my camera to take pictures, I knew things were bad....

And, like who knew you had to refridgerate pumpkin pie? Shoulda looked at it before I offered it to my friend...all wooly and stuff...ugh.

boscibo

03-07-2003, 04:53 PM

Mine involves a turkey on the grill for a family holiday dinner. we had done a test drive a few weeks beforeand the turkey had come out perfect. Well, it was colder by Christmas, so the coals went out before the turkey was done. So we added more charcoal, and re-lit the turkey...and stupidly had used charcoal lighting fluid. The turkey got done, but the whole thing tasted like charcoal lighting fluid. People were being polite and trying to eat it, but it really was not edible.

RICHARD

03-07-2003, 05:23 PM

the thread is 'kitchen disasters' not 'poison your loved ones'

;)

boscibo

03-07-2003, 05:26 PM

Well, nobody died. :D They just went hungry.

RICHARD

03-07-2003, 05:30 PM

Originally posted by boscibo
Well, nobody died. :D They just went hungry.

(didn't want to admit i have done the same thing myself....):rolleyes:

catland

03-07-2003, 05:34 PM

I did once manage to fall asleep on the couch while I had a batch of chocolate chip cookies in the oven. They don't look too appetizing when they've spent two hours baking.:eek:

I've also discovered that bread-machine bread isn't has a funny texture when you've read the wrong figure for amount of yeast.:rolleyes:

zippy-kat

03-07-2003, 06:56 PM

(I should mention, I'm thinking of having my own cook-book ... all recipes will have the same instructions: remove from freezer, unwrap, nuke.)

The Pectin Experience

With boredom lingering heavily in my apartment, I aimlessly surfed the web this afternoon. Looking into my "Favorites" file, I spied a recipe site I hadn't visited in quite sometime. Now first you must realize that for me to have a recipe site bookmarked is an oxymoron--kinda like "jumbo shrimp." I've never liked cooking/baking/etc, matter of fact, if it involves me walking into the kitchen--I don't like it. For years now, the most complex food stuff Mom's had me make is ice tea and if she's feeling REALLY daring--and we're talking LIVING ON THE EDGE-- she'll ask me to grate cheese.
You have to give her credit--she tried early on to "convect" the "ovenly duties" into my less than lean bod. She tried with gusto to turn me into a regular lil' chef. But after a near grease fire, my substitution of 2 cups for two tablespoons mustard, and the loss of an entire box of pizza dough (kneading sounded easy enough--so how come I ended up looking like a horse in DESPERATE need of a ferrier?), she decided to call it quits. It's just plain and simple. I'm microwave compatible.
And I suppose those previous incidents should have served as proper warning for tonight's incident. Hindsight is always 20/20. I was nosing around the recipe site and found a recipe for Starbuck's Frappucino--YUMMY!! Read the ingredients list....milk, sugar, expresso, cocoa powder, and pectin. Easy enough. (Nevermind the fact that I'm allergic to milk.) Now, what the heck is pectin?
Lovely thing about the web--you can search (and find answers for) almost anything. Quick search revealed it's a natural thickener used in canning. Okie doke. I sign off the web, spend two hours getting ready to go to a place that I'll be in for 20-30min (females are such funny creature, eh?), spend another 30 minutes chasing & caging a mad bunnie, another 10 minutes finding the car keys, and finally I'm out the door.

No sweat.

(cont'd)

zippy-kat

03-07-2003, 06:58 PM

It took 40min. to find Pectin at the grocery store; the cute store guy didn't even know where they kept it (see? it's a good thing I spent so much time primping). It's appearance was only made known by accident--I had given up and was finishing up my other shopping. Strolling from the popsicle aisle to the wine aisle (such is the diet of the college student), I spied the canning supplies and bingo! There's the pectin!! And just an FYI, I don't binge drink like many of my peers--rather, I like to think of myself as a self-proclaimed wine connoisseur. (I earned this title by taking a sip and (usually) promptly spitting it back out--but hey, if at first you don't succeed--try, try again? Hey, gimme a break--I didn't like coffee at first either! lol) Anyways, a glass a wk is suppose to be good for your heart--but unfortunately, I don't think Boones Farm qualifies as "real" wine and my grocery budget doesn't actually allow for a $20.00 bottle of stuff I won't drink.
I digress...
As I dined on my tantalizing red meat (a ham/cheese hot pocket) and a glass of coke (thought it was gonna be the wine, huh?) my thoughts turned to the yummy dessert awaiting my eager digestive track. Finishing the last crumb that clung mercifully to the saucer, I sauntered to the kitchen.

The instructions called for 1/2 c of expresso--welll...the grocery store was out of expresso and rather than 'faking' it (running it thru the pot twice), I decided just to turn the knob to "strong" and improvise. I actually followed the directions (a miracle in itself) and when I took a sip, it was pretty yummy--not just pretty yummy--REALLY yummy! Tasted just like the real stuff!! But then I got the bright idea to add the rest of the pot of coffee and eyeball the measurements.
***I'll pause here to foreshadow my second mistake. I have a problem with judging measurements whether it be distance or time. Unfortunately, this became a henderance to my 3d archery hobby. If somone can TELL me the distance, I'm a dead shot. If you can't tell me, well...I'll give you a head start in the opposite direction because my inches sometimes resemble feet, my feet inches. 15 minutes can equal an hr, and...you get the picture.***
So with the pot of coffee gone, I added 3 tablespoons of pectin (the original called for 1tblsp). I added some, I don't know how much, cocoa powder--the original called for 1/16 tblsp. Now...just through in some sugar, pour in some milk, and then stir!

(cont'd)

zippy-kat

03-07-2003, 06:58 PM

And stir....and stir...and stir...and stir?

Hey what are those floaty pieces? The cocoa must not be completely dissovled--stir some more. And more...and more...and more....

By this time, I'm wondering if the coating has come off my plastic spoon. Not possible. The spoon is black and the floaty pieces brown. Ok...? Did some kinda critter get into the bag and then into the concoction when I wasn't looking? Nope, no critter. Did a paper towel dissentegrate? Nope, no paper towel. Hmmm...let's take a piece out for inspection. Ewwww..it's mushy, stringy, and tough--and looks like......upchucked roast beef!! I tried straining the darn stuff but that didn't work--it was INCREDIBLY thick so much so, that it soon clogged my strainer and seemed to multiplying with every passing second! So I did what had to be done. I dumped it down the kitchen sink. It's prolly down there right now plotting to take over me, my apartment, the town, and eventually the world. (I can see the headlines now: "College Student who Made Drink that Resembled Reguritated Roast Beef, Dies"--she ran but the vehement blob caught up with her-- according to witnesses, the cocoa powder slowed her down but the petcin killed her.)

Ok, maybe not.
But it's at least contemplating ways to make me pour drano down the sink. And thus, the moral of the story:

Pectin + Cocoa Powder + Coffee + Milk + Sugar + Zippykat = a dead ringer for Reguritated Roast Beef

catland

03-07-2003, 07:10 PM

Too funny! your catch-phrase of "needs supervision" makes much more sense now. I always thought you were refering to your pets;)

wolflady

03-07-2003, 07:49 PM

Originally posted by zippy-kat
...--but unfortunately, I don't think Boones Farm qualifies as "real" wine and my grocery budget doesn't actually allow for a $20.00 bottle of stuff I won't drink.
I digress...

http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/rofl.gif
LOL LOL ROTFL :D :D
It's been so long since I've had Boones Farm!! They go down so easly, huh? I could pound down a bottle in one sitting :o

Pectin + Cocoa Powder + Coffee + Milk + Sugar + Zippykat = a dead ringer for Reguritated Roast Beef

OMG, Zippy, you're a riot! This story had me rollin'! :D

mugsy

03-07-2003, 08:57 PM

The saga of the WAY too salty Deviled Eggs

We always have a carry in right before Christmas Break at school. One year I decided to make deviled eggs....first mistake... So, I proceeded to boil the eggs, peel them, cut them open, and dish out the yolk. Then I salted them, added dry mustard, soy sauce (I wanted to try something different), mayo, and then, again to try something different, garlic salt. Needless to say eating one of those eggs caused arteries to start to harden immediately and had the unlucky souls who ate them to run hastily to the water and drink a few gallons to rehydrate themselves.

kohala

03-07-2003, 09:30 PM

Maybe someone from or near Virginia can tell me what went wrong? Four years ago I had to travel to Virginia for a class, and while there I decided to get a "real" ham. I called a friend and asked if he wanted me to pick him up one, which he did. So I packed two huge Smithfield hams into my suitcase and brought them back.
We both decided we were going to be soooooo cool at Christmas with our delightful hams, and from what Vinnie tells me, he started soaking his (in the bathtub, too!) about the same time I started soaking mine. I scrubbed it, I soaked it, I scrubbed it some more, I soaked it some more - probably at least three days. I finally decided it was just supposed to smell that way (can't describe it other than chitlin's fresh out of the pig - you get the idea?) so I set it up to bake.
Half way through baking it (this is Christmas Eve, mind you) it stunk up the whole apartment so bad we had to leave, and even Grasshopper hid under the bed. I figured I was just being a weenie and it would probably be great, after all, they eat 'em in Virginia, don't they? Well, needless to say, it was the moldiest, saltiest, piggiest, stinkiest thing I ever tasted. Dadcat refused to even taste it and my friend called to ask what the hell did I bring him? Let's just say I cut it up and used a little of it for seasoning beans, the rest went in the trash. A well wasted $30.00. Not to mention going out for dinner Christmas, since we didn't have anything we could eat!
So, my question is either did I get a bad ham? or how are you supposed to cook 'em? Are they really supposed to stink like pig guts?

micki76

03-07-2003, 09:51 PM

My husband discovered the hard way that to *fry* (yuck) pork chops, one must have oil in the pan. :rolleyes: The apartment was FILLED with smoke!!

He also learned that you don't butter bread BEFORE you put it in the toaster.:eek:

COCatMama

03-07-2003, 09:54 PM

I'm real glad I'm a vegetarian :D :D

Originally posted by kohala
Maybe someone from or near Virginia can tell me what went wrong? Four years ago I had to travel to Virginia for a class, and while there I decided to get a "real" ham. I called a friend and asked if he wanted me to pick him up one, which he did. So I packed two huge Smithfield hams into my suitcase and brought them back.
We both decided we were going to be soooooo cool at Christmas with our delightful hams, and from what Vinnie tells me, he started soaking his (in the bathtub, too!) about the same time I started soaking mine. I scrubbed it, I soaked it, I scrubbed it some more, I soaked it some more - probably at least three days. I finally decided it was just supposed to smell that way (can't describe it other than chitlin's fresh out of the pig - you get the idea?) so I set it up to bake.
Half way through baking it (this is Christmas Eve, mind you) it stunk up the whole apartment so bad we had to leave, and even Grasshopper hid under the bed. I figured I was just being a weenie and it would probably be great, after all, they eat 'em in Virginia, don't they? Well, needless to say, it was the moldiest, saltiest, piggiest, stinkiest thing I ever tasted. Dadcat refused to even taste it and my friend called to ask what the hell did I bring him? Let's just say I cut it up and used a little of it for seasoning beans, the rest went in the trash. A well wasted $30.00. Not to mention going out for dinner Christmas, since we didn't have anything we could eat!
So, my question is either did I get a bad ham? or how are you supposed to cook 'em? Are they really supposed to stink like pig guts?

Cincy'sMom

03-07-2003, 09:55 PM

These stories are great!!!

Cheshirekatt

03-07-2003, 10:03 PM

A friend of mine gave me some sourdough starter in a sealed jam jar. I can't remember how long I stored it before trying to use it, but it wasn't more than a week. I pulled the jar out and loosened the top just a little and *BAM!* Th entire thing just exploded sourdough starter all over the kitchen. It was in the kitchen drawers, all over the counters and oven! After the initial bang my boyfriend came into the kitchen to see what was going on and you should have seen the look on his face when he saw me standing there with a jar in my hand, sourdough starter ALL OVER THE PLACE and a slightly dazed look on my face!

Did I forget to mention the slightly *yeasty* smell that lingered in the kitchen? :D

So please remember the moral of this story....never store sourdough starter in a tightly sealed container.

micki76

03-07-2003, 10:05 PM

LOL! Kat, that's funny. :D

COCatMama

03-07-2003, 10:54 PM

LoL

My mom is famous for her spaghetti sauce, so when I was a teenager I invited my best friend over for Spaghetti! I had been going on and on about how gooooood my mom's spaghetti is *G* and she served us and eagerly I crammed some in my mouth *?!*

"Mom, the spaghetti sauce tastes........sweet!"
turns out she OOPS put TOO much sugar in it! LOL

Once when i was a punk kid I decided to play an April Fool's prank on my mom by switching the salt and sugar in her serving bowls.
Unbeknownst to me, my mom doesn't TAKE sugar in her coffee so the prank went undetected for at least a month!!! She had a friend of hers over a month or so after April 1, and as they started to sip their coffee, my mom's friend got a contorted look on her face, "Laurie, your coffee is SALTY"
LOL God, my mom was mad.

I love to make veggie stir fries, and I am forever perfecting my stir fry technique. One day I decided to make a biiiiiiiig yummy Stir Fry and bought like 6 bucks worth of veggies. I was busy chopping away and then dumped the lot in the wok. I turned it on and walked away for a moment, and like the slob I am, I wiped my hands off on my Tee shirt.
I happened to glance down and there was BLOOD in a bunch of places on it! I had cut myself cutting up the veggies and not noticed! LOL
There was no way I was gonna waste 6.00 worth of produce, so I ate the stirfry anyway!
And hey, I even took a pic of it it looked so good! hehe
http://www.lalania.com/stirfry.jpg

kohala

03-08-2003, 01:40 AM

Originally posted by Lalania
LoL

I wiped my hands off on my Tee shirt.
I happened to glance down and there was BLOOD in a bunch of places on it! I had cut myself cutting up the veggies and not noticed! LOL
There was no way I was gonna waste 6.00 worth of produce, so I ate the stirfry anyway!
And hey, I even took a pic of it it looked so good! hehe
http://www.lalania.com/stirfry.jpg

LOL - Kinda creeps ya out being a vegetarian and eating human blood, huh? Oh, well, at least it was your own!! Having done the same, I empathize with you!! BTW, your stir fry looks yummy!! I love stir fried veggies, nice and crispy. That's how I usually cook mine. Why is it someone else's cooking always is sooo much more enticing? ;)

COCatMama

03-08-2003, 02:23 AM

LOL :D

RICHARD

03-08-2003, 08:45 AM

pectin, sugar (again), yeast and blood....

just when i thought it was safe to go in the kitchen again.....

and the saddest part is when i go to cook again i am going to remember one of you whenever i eat caramel, pie, spaghetti, sugar, salt, bread, meat and meat by products, when i drink rum
or 'boones farm', (PECTIN??? why everyone knows pectin is on the top shelf of the sugar/spice aisle.....)
who the hell eats pectin??? .;)

actually i am gonna print out this thread and post it onto the
wall of the kitchen....

and btw, isn't 'allergic to milk' the same as 'lactose intolerant'?
for me i plan my day around having a nice bowl of cereal......
and dying the rest of the day!!!!

keep those recipes coming in.....

p.s. no food poisoning stories, thank god!!!!

mugsy

03-08-2003, 09:46 AM

You come up with the best threads Richard! Cudos to you. Lots of fun. Good idea about printing off the thread...I think I will too!

03-08-2003, 10:08 AM

Originally posted by Lalania
turns out she OOPS put TOO much sugar in it! LOL

ugh ... you guys put SUGAR in your spaghetti-sauce ???? Ahum , not my taste ;) :p ;)

mugsy

03-08-2003, 10:40 AM

I do if the sauce is too acidy tasting...it cuts back on the sour taste. I only use like a teaspoon in a huge pot and I don't use it all the time. I wouldn't like a "sugary" tasting spaghetti sauce...EEWWW!! lol

sammi

03-08-2003, 10:42 AM

You guys are funny!!!! Lut, Don't you use brown sugar when you make baked beans or Barb Q sauce? It would be on the same flavor.

Boones Farm! I haven't had it for 30 years! Do they still make it? It was about 99c a bottle then. Went down better than water!

Kohala , How long did you have that ham in your suitcase???????

Lalania, Have I got this right - your a vegetarian but you can still taste blood on occasion? LOL:eek:

Crikit

03-08-2003, 12:45 PM

Well I can honestly say I'm very glad I'm not the only one who has problems in the kitchen. I'm a complete idiot when it comes to cooking. I can make Mac and Cheese...which at times I still screw up, Ichiban noodles, and an omlette oh and I guess if I really really really really set my mind to it I can make some chicken wngs but I have to really concentrate.

How imcompetant am I in the kitchen you ask? Well let's see..I can't butter bread, it just ends up ripping when I try :o But that's not the worst. Do you know that if you don't put water in cup o noodles that they catch on fire when you put them in the microwave? I found that out the hard way...oh and nobody ever told me that metal wasn't supposed to go in the mircowave. I found that out the hard way as well...like when I set the ground beef on fire in the microwave and when I almost set a wendy's hamburger on fire in the microwave.

See incompetant.

kohala

03-08-2003, 05:25 PM

Originally posted by sammi

Kohala , How long did you have that ham in your suitcase???????

Less than a day - I just went online to Smithfield hams and found they are deli served, that is, thin sliced. Also, I really think our hams were bad, because the curing process they talk about on the web site says nothing about them being moldy outside! LOL!
Teach me to buy a Smithfield at Walmart! Even in Virginia!

SANDY FROST

03-09-2003, 12:04 AM

I was making Cheescake in a springform pan in the little see thru oven above the stoved. THhe achol dripped out and started a fire . I kept the door shut and turned the heat off. Cheesecake dead ,me fine but Inever made that cheesecake again. I didn't a sprinform pan for a year.:D

smokey the elder

03-09-2003, 09:05 AM

*wince* They should teach some chemistry in home ec. ;)

The only real cooking disaster I can remember comes from a bad set of ingredients. We tried to make salted soft shell crabs, but the crabs were not really soft shelled. We ended up with a bunch of salty chitin (crab shell) and not much else. We got take out Chinese.;)

kohala

03-09-2003, 04:05 PM

Originally posted by smokey the elder
*wince* They should teach some chemistry in home ec. ;)

True, SmokeyTE - My dad was the one who taught me the most about cooking, and he taught me from his perspective as a chemistry teacher. I learned a lot from him about how ingredients interact. A lifesaver in the laboratories we call our kitchens!

Cheshirekatt

06-16-2003, 12:54 AM

So I had a moment of weakness at the grocery store and bought a flat of strawberries. Since I'm the only one that eats them, I've gotten creative in using them. I decided to make strawberry coffee cake.

Everything was going smoothly until I realized that I'd forgotten to put the crumb topping on the top. So I open the oven door, crab a potholder off the potholder-hangy thingy and off flys the whole thing. Half of the stuff lands on the kitchen floor and half lands INSIDE THE OVEN! This includes several post-its and a pen. I grab the post-its so they don't catch on fire and successfully got the pen out, too. I put the cake in and congratulate myself on diverting the disaster.

Minutes later I'm standing in the kitchen wondering why I'm smelling burning pen. Doh! I look in the oven and another pen I hadn't seen had rolled to the back of the oven. It's partially melted and pooling. *sigh* So I pop the cake into the microwave and turn the oven off and leave the door open. After it cools down I scrape the pen off but it's leaked a bunch of ink that won't come off no matter what. :( Luckily my microwave doubles as a convection oven.

The cake was delicious! Am I the only person with an ink stain in her oven? :D

Vio&Juni

06-16-2003, 07:05 AM

I was having a party once and I made a cake in the morning. It was November, but we didn't have the central heating started yet. I let the oven open after I used it and Naomi found the warm place and went inside. As you know, Naomi was black. When I was ready to make the pizza, I lit the fire and closed the oven. Suddenly, I heard some heart-freezing yowls. Opened the oven and Naomi flew like a rocket out of it. She smelled for a week. Every guest had to ask when coming in: What did you burn?

My sister is a great specialist in burning the beans. Yukky!!! You can't get the smell out for days.

And, last, at my birthday party we had a bbq. I formed the hamburgers in advance and covered each one with celophane. Someone was helping at the grill and put two of them on the grill without taking the celophane off :D

Miss Meow

03-21-2004, 05:09 PM

~ bump ~

I had a Martha Stewart moment yesterday and decided to bake some Florentines (those nice fruity biscuits with a glace cherry on top, and the underside is a coating of dark chocolate).

I bought the ingredients, followed the recipe, even found my measuring cup.

I still don't know how my 12 biscuits came out as oily piles of muesli :( I couldn't even stick the sludge back together and pretend they were cookies, so I got all sad and stuck the cherry garnishes on top of the muesli mix anyway.

Then I got really sad and comfort ate the chocolate that was meant to coat them. The muck is still in the kitchen because I can't bear to put the mess in the compost and admit defeat. :o

Tonya

03-21-2004, 06:00 PM

Great thread! I have a few stories....

When I was in 1st or 2nd grade, I asked my mom if I could make a cake on my own...She said "Sure, just follow the directions on the box." (My family doesn't make things from scratch.) Well, I was a know it all, I didn't need directions.

So I "baked" the cake, and to my dismay, when I pulled the pan out of the oven, it was still a pan full of powder. All I'd done is dumped the mix into the pan and threw it in the oven. lol.

When I was 15, my mom came home from Costco. We were in a hurry for basketball practice, so I quickly helped my mom unload the car. I put a flat box of something flammable for the car (don't remember what) on top of the stove and left.

We came home to the fire department. :rolleyes: Our kitchen and living room had burned down. Apparently, I hit the knobs on the stove and turned it on.

And lastly, just a few months ago...I'd put a tritip on a plastic tray in the oven to keep the cats away from it. Mike preheated the oven for cookies...And this is the result:

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid108/p8c641c6078e54679e444e083a70e6387/f94598d4.jpg

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid108/p8f6347e199a73d63d2f0abbbc88f5aaa/f94598e7.jpg

Miss Meow

03-21-2004, 06:06 PM

You're dangerous, Tonya!!! :D

Tonya

03-21-2004, 06:10 PM

I still remember my mom's word after the fire department left...

"Just, just go away. Leave. Go to your friend's house until your dad comes home. I'm afraid I'll hurt you. Leave."

lmao.

Miss Meow

03-21-2004, 06:27 PM

Originally posted by Tonya
I still remember my mom's word after the fire department left...

"Just, just go away. Leave. Go to your friend's house until your dad comes home. I'm afraid I'll hurt you. Leave."

lmao.

Does she ever come to your house for dinner? ;)

Were you grounded for 10,000 years after burning half the house down? It reminds me of my cousin who was being a right devil, so she was whacked on the bottom with a wooden spoon and the spoon broke!

Laura's Babies

03-21-2004, 10:42 PM

COOKING!! Right up my alley!! I am a cook on the Mississippi River on a tow boat. One time I had a cook book with me that had a Marshmellow recipe in it.. Now, I have always wondered how they were made.. So light, smells so good and how in the world do they PUFF up like that! So, I ordered what I needed and one day I undertook the task of making Marshmellows!! I was so excited and I told the whole crew what I was planning to do so they were waiting to see how it went.. It really went real good! Unbelievable! But when I went to get it out of the mixing bowl.. well... what can I say... it don't just come out....you have to pull it out... it is very stringy... The more I pulled, the more places I got it and the more I laughed.. I was almost rolling on the floor when the engineer came in and saw the mess and me laughing so hard and asked WHAT in the world was I doing and what was so FUNNY and WHAT smelled so good???? I told him what it was, how funny it had got and what a hoot it would be to do that with a bunch of KIDS! Just think of the fun you could have with a bunch of kids making marshmellows... "Cookie! Where's that recipe???????"

G.P.girl

03-22-2004, 09:04 AM

i was trying to make hungarian creps (sp?) and they were about an inch thick adn some wierd color, and they tasted like tires, so i fed them to my dog who normally eats anything and everything you put in her bowl....she wouldn't touch it:rolleyes:

RICHARD

03-22-2004, 11:14 AM

Originally posted by Miss Meow
~ bump ~
The muck is still in the kitchen because I can't bear to put the mess in the compost and admit defeat. :o

never admit defeat.....go for the uneasy peace!:eek:

robinh

03-22-2004, 01:02 PM

I would post one of my really bad ones, but I've moved them to the dark recesses of my mind never to be brought forth again. My mistakes we call "tear up that card, dear" and I'm not allowed to try to cook them again. I can say that I have set off the smoke alarm more than once.

This has been the best thread yet. I have laughed so hard my eyes water. Only problem with it, my co-workers keep looking at me when I burst into laughter.

FYI Richard - lactose intolerant and allergic to milk are two different things. I'm not intolerant (at least not to milk) but highly allergic to it - it causes normal allergy problems like you would get from pollen, dust, etc.

RICHARD

03-22-2004, 04:22 PM

Originally posted by robinh

FYI Richard - lactose intolerant and allergic to milk are two different things. I'm not intolerant (at least not to milk) but highly allergic to it - it causes normal allergy problems like you would get from pollen, dust, etc.

LOL,

I know.....i's that they both make you sick....one makes you itch and the other makes you.........................sick!;)

captain

03-22-2004, 08:07 PM

Originally posted by robinh
This has been the best thread yet. I have laughed so hard my eyes water. Only problem with it, my co-workers keep looking at me when I burst into laughter.

Ditto!!!

Note to self - take own food to Miss Meow for the BBQ!

Miss Meow

03-22-2004, 08:33 PM

Originally posted by captain
Ditto!!!

Note to self - take own food to Miss Meow for the BBQ!

Did you make that small so my woeful eyesight would miss it? ;) I'll make you a special batch of florentines for that!

captain

03-22-2004, 08:41 PM

No not at all .................. :D

I was just imagining Florentines in the PINK kitchen ........... :p

QueenScoopalot

03-23-2004, 05:08 PM

This threads right up my alley! Many years ago I made (or should say tried) a cinnamon loaf. I rolled out the fresh dough, added butter and cinnamon & sugar to the middle, rolled it up and let it set. After a while it went into the oven and baked....and baked....and baked. I wondered why it never puffed up? :confused: :confused: :confused: I called it quits after a good 45 minutes, pulled it out and let it cool. It sure smelled good:) :) :) !!! I took a knife out to cut it and it was like cement. :( So I threw it into the yard for critters to eat and there it sat for a good two years! :D Another time I made Coque' St. Jaques (sp)? which is delicious made right, and I had made it a few times before. Company was over and too much beer was flowing so I ended up curdling the sauce four times and gave it up. Can't recall what we all ate that day, but I don't think anyone noticed. :D

RICHARD

03-23-2004, 06:23 PM

just remembered one....

the pilot went out on one side of our old stove...
To get the thing going we would have to roll up a piece of paper, light it, light the burner and toss the paper in the sink to put it out.

Well, the trash can is kinda square like the sink, and it sits in front of the sink, so......

The door where the trash can went from pink to gray until we painted it and to this day is still bumpy, scarred from the fire!

The funniest part was trying to reach over the can to get some water to put the fire out....

It took us about a minute to figure out that the can would be pulled awat from the wall to get better access to the faucet..

:confused: :rolleyes: :p :eek: :D

apcrs5122

03-23-2004, 06:59 PM

Great thread, and funny stories!:D

Not too long ago I was over at my friend's house for her birthday party. It was the morning after (we slept over) and we went into the kitchen to make ourselves breakfast. Now, remember that there were 4 teenage girls in the kitchen, who hadn't slept all night, and had had way too much sugar;) We were going to make pancakes, bacon, toast, and eggs. I was cooking the pancakes, and one of the other girls was cooking the eggs beside me while the other two watched. Everything was going great until her dog, a very large German Shepard, ran in and jumped up onto my friend (who was cooking eggs and had just taken the skillet off of the burner). She kind of fell forward, and her long hair fell onto the burner!:eek: It caught on fire and we were all totally freaking out, but we had water right there and threw it all over her head. She turned out just fine, except that her hair was schorched:rolleyes: :eek:

cubby31682

03-24-2004, 06:23 PM

I have a few.

The first one is my Mom's mistake. She was in the kitchen one day using a mixer to make some cookies (she has never been a baker) my dad brother and I were sitting in the living room watching tv. My brother or me I can't remember which called her and she turned her head (with the mixer still going) and the mixer got caught in her hair and went strait to her head. We were all laughing so hard that we couldn't stop to help her. She had to cut out a huge chunk of hair just to get it out of her hair. We didn't get cookies that night and she has never made any since then. She just got a mixer a few months ago but it is a attached to base now so she has no worries about getting caught up in it. Even to this day we still tease her about it. When someone new comes into the house we have to tell them that story. :D

The second story is about me. This happened 4 years ago. My boyfriend (now my husband) and I just got are first apartment. So of course I wanted to do the home cooking thing. I have always loved to cook. So I decided to make some chicken. I got everything set all the chicken the way I like it. The oven was pre heated and set to 400 degrees. I put the chicken in and every 30 minutes I would go and check on it. Well after about 3 hours of the chicken not getting done I got frustraited and gave up and called my mom and asked how long to cook chicken and I told her what I had the oven set to. She started laughing at me. That night we still didn't get the chicken. We still have no clue why the oven wasn't working. It works great now.

Another time I tried to make chocolate chip cookies. Well I followed the instructions on the package of the chips. I put them in the over and they went all over. I asked my husband what I did wrong (he makes the best chocolate chip cookies) he came out and looked at them and said he didn't know. So I went back to the store and re bought everything on the bag. I got home tried again same thing happened. Tried again and again the same thing happened. So by this time I was getting so mad at my self and everything and everyone around me. So I told my husband to go to the store and buy everything on the list again. Which he did. He got back and I tried again. This time they came out perfect. Then I figured out that you are suppose to use butter and NOT margiren. :rolleyes: OOPS!!!

Then just recently, I made some ramon noodles for my self. I cooked it on the stove (I hardly ever use my microwave.) I got done poured the noodles in a bowl and went and sat down in front of pet talk, about 10 minutes later I hear this noise comeing from the kitchen I look over and see nothing. So I keep eating a browsing PT. I kept hearing the noise, so I got up went and looked at the pan and looked at the stove and the burner was bright red. Instead of turning the burner off I turned it up to high.

I also make this treat that we call 'dog food' It looks like dog food. Well I started making a batch of it, got all the chocolate chips and peanut butter chips all melted. Set the bowl on top of the stove and started mixing in the chex cereal. Well about 2 minutes later my husband comes into the kitchen and I of course kick him out of the kitchen and he got up set and looked at me and said "What the hell in burning in here?!?" So I looked at him and of course said nothing, I have no idea what you're talking about. So he lifted up the bowl and it was melted to the burner. I just used the stove and I forgot that I used that burner. Opps.

In my own defense I really am I good cook.

QueenScoopalot

03-24-2004, 07:18 PM

Years ago my mother would periodically clean out the freezer of meats vegtables etc. that had been there too long and put it all in a pot and cook it for the dogs. My older brother (a chronic complainer about her cooking) came home late one night, saw this "stew" on the stovetop and had several bowls before bed. The next morning he gets up and tells her the stew was delicious! He still gets really p-d off when someone mentions the delicious freezer burnt stew! :D :D :D YUCK!

RICHARD

07-13-2006, 09:45 AM

:rolleyes: Had to bring back this thread.....

I love the Mahatma brands of rice....yellow, beef and chicken.
Saffron in the yellow and chicken flavors, Brown for the beef....

When it goes on sale buy extra and I store a few packages in the cupboard.

I hanker for rice so I grab one, boil the water open the package, spill it into the pot...and..

The fricking package has all these black things in it....

I gross out...Weevils or some darn thing is swimming in my pot of rice.......

So I toss the pot into the sink....

And get a bowl of corn flakes or somesuch..

Later on, in the process of cleaning up, I look at he package to see if the cat hasn't poked holes in it and let the rice go bad..The Edster loves cellophane packages and is known to puncture packages for the hell of it..

As I feverishly check the package for a date, I note the word "SPICY"
on the front of it...

Mahatma never bothered to tell me that they have a new brand of rice with little black spicy things inside of it... :eek: :mad: :confused:

I can only laugh about the disgust I held in my heart while I thought I was
"Boiling Weevils" on my stove....

So now I will be on the look out for spicy rice and boiling insects.... :rolleyes:

Lady's Human

07-13-2006, 10:01 AM

If the insects are boiled they just become extra protein in the mix!

Where's your sense of adventure, richard? :p

moosmom

07-13-2006, 10:58 AM

I actually have a couple "kitchen disasters". Ya think I'd learn...

While in HELL (Ecorse, Michigan), I was boiling eggs for egg salad. TOTALLY forgot about them and went to bed. Did you know that eggs EXPLODE :eek: when cooked too long??? I was cleaning egg off every surface of my kitchen. Boy was it U-G-L-Y!! :p

Then there was the time I was cooking a hamburg on the stove when the fire tones went off (I was with the Volunteer Fire Dept in Northford, CT) and I rushed to a fire. Returned a while later to smoke coming out of my house. I failed to turn off the burner before I left for a...get this...KITCHEN FIRE!!! :p :eek:

sparks19

07-13-2006, 11:01 AM

Karen

07-13-2006, 11:26 AM

I don't know if this counts but this is the biggest disaster that ever happened in my kitchen.

I decided to make some microwave popcorn one day. I got out a pack and put it in the microwave for the usual time. Just then the phone rang

I was talking to my friend waiting for the microwave to stop when smoke starts POURING out of it. I hang up the phone and run to the kitchen. It was a snack pack :o I thought it was regular sized so I put it in for waaaaaaaaaay to long. I had to throw it outside until it stopped smoking and smouldering.

The inside of the microwave was BLACK and it took me hours to scrub that out.

That reminds me of a workplace kitchen disaster years ago.

There was a microwave in the company kitchen, and a coworker decided to make popcorn, didn't have a paper bag (which you can put the unpopped corn in if you don't have fancy "microwave popcorn" so just put a handful of kernels in a plastic bowl (tupperware-type) and microwaved it. I ended up clearing the building after unplugging the thing when I smelled burning plastic and someone said "Karen, the microwaves's on fire, what do we do?" DUH????

Imagine the toxic smell of burning, melting plastic combined with the smell of burnt popcorn.

RICHARD

07-13-2006, 02:42 PM

If the insects are boiled they just become extra protein in the mix!

Where's your sense of adventure, richard? :p

Shoot,

Fred Rogan was nowhere in sight with a 50,000 dollar check???? :D

lute

07-13-2006, 03:04 PM

i don't cook. it's not that i won't...i can'. my mom is the same way. we burn things beyond recognition.LOL

i did make a big mess in the kitchen once. about 3 weeks ago i was cleaning my 10 gallon tank and i was filling it up with the sprayer. i REALLY had to use the bathroom and didn't want to stop filling it up. it was taking forever! so i unscrewed the sprayer and just let the water pour in the tank. about a minute later i hear "AHH!!! GRAB IT! GRAB IT!" the hose had fell out of the tank and was spewing water all over the floor. my brothers ran in the room and grabbed the hose and shut off the water. there was about an inch of standing water on the floor. we mopped it up and the parentals will never know. ;) :o