Christiansmommy
01-30-2003, 08:57 PM
I actually love to clean the house (i know, sick), when i can do it without interruption, but i thought these were really cute :)
Ten Rules Of Housekeeping
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a
serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet
Fresh.
2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename
the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an
ecological exemption.
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful
filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF
factor of 5 and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the
bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points
out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and
exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread
magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng
Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your
eyes when you say this.
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn
play animals for underprivileged children.
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy
home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love
you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are
SO expensive."
8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on
the coffee table and insist, "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to
scatter her ashes..."
9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall
with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as
you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident...
I haven't had the heart to clean it..."
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups
of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags
in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself
onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get
anywhere..."
Ten Rules Of Housekeeping
1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a
serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet
Fresh.
2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename
the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an
ecological exemption.
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful
filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF
factor of 5 and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the
bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points
out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and
exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread
magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng
Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your
eyes when you say this.
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand sewn
play animals for underprivileged children.
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy
home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love
you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are
SO expensive."
8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on
the coffee table and insist, "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to
scatter her ashes..."
9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall
with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as
you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident...
I haven't had the heart to clean it..."
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups
of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags
in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself
onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get
anywhere..."