Crikit
01-29-2003, 02:54 PM
I'm on a forced vacation this week and because of that I'm bored out of my mind, which isn't a good thing. I tend to think of some weird things when I'm bored, and because of that I was looking at some web pages and found some stuff about How to tell if you're a Canadian...thought you guys might like it. It's a little long though because I actually found a couple of lists and combined them together.
SIGNS YOU MAY BE A CANADIAN...
1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on 'pogey'.
7. You know that "a mickey" and "2-4's" mean "party at the cabin, eh!!"
8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen'.
10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
14. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - because Chesterfield is a small town in Quebec.
19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
20. You have Canadian Tire money.
21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
23. You know that Canada is the only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capitol to the ground.
24. You voted for a political leader who admitted to smoking pot.
25. You read rather than scanned this list and looked for spelling and grammatical errors.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE TOO CANADIAN FOR YOUR OWN GOOD:
1. You play hockey (or ski) 12 months a year.
2. You dismiss all beers under 6% alcohol content as "for children and the elderly, and for export to the US."
3. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
4. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
5. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".
6. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet and why we still have pennies. (Australians don't.)
7. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sewn on.
8. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you probably don't have a Canadian passport, or if you do, you can't find it.
9. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added," thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
10. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada, and you make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
11. You use a tennis ball more for road hockey and dog chasing than for tennis.
12. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
13. You know what a toque is and probably own one.
14. You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
15. You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
16. You know Toronto is not a province.
17. You drink Moosehead beer because of the moose.
18. You believe "the Canadian Conspiracy" should have won an Oscar.
19. You never miss "Coach's Corner".
20. Back bacon is a food group.
21. You laugh afterward at some U.S. citizens' lack of knowledge of Canadian geography, but you are too polite to correct them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE BEST WAY TO FIND CANADIANS WHEN YOU ARE ABROAD:
Walk through any airport, bar or other public establishment while abroad and sing or whistle the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song.
Without exception, all Canadians within ear shot will respond...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM CANADA WHEN...
1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
8. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
10. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
11. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
12. The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
15. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
16. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
17. You head south to go to your cottage.
18. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
19. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
20. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making.
21. You find -40C a little chilly.
22. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
23. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
24. You can play road hockey on skates.
25. You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
26. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
27. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
28. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada" (see above)
29. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends
30. You then forward them to American friends who will not understand, giving you a sense of superiority.
HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE CANADIAN...
1. You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
3. You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.
4. You make up patriotic lyrics to go along with David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme.
5. You cried when Gus "drowned" on Road To Avonlea.
5. You remember when Alanis Morrissette was "Too Hot To Hold".
6. You think there isn't enough of Peter Gzowski to go around.
7. You think "Ed the Sock" is funny.
8. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin, as you can only use more change.
9. You spend hours in the dark making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the Diefenbaker government.
10. You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.
11. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "what's good enough protection for the Prime Minister, is good enough for me!"
12. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "Burnt Toast!", "You know I canna read a word...", and "Kanata".
13. You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean!
14. You advocate the abolition of responsible government, in favour of monarchist rule.
15. You think there isn't enough Queen on our currency.
16. You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the Hinterland Who's Who spots so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in winter.
17. You participate in Participaction!
18. You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.
19. You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.
20. You think Peter Kent is sexy.
21. You think Brad Pitt is so-so.
22. You stood in line for hours for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
23. You killed your best friend for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
24. You think Great Big Sea isn't Maritime-centric enough.
25. Your graduation formal dress was made of flannel.
26. Your backpack has more than one Canadian flag iron-on.
27. You know the names of all the guys in Sloan.
28. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if The Devil's Advocates made fun of you.
29. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
30. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
31. You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.
32. You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
33. You think Ashley MacIssac isn't celtic enough.
34. You remember "Jodie" from Today's Special and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC.
35. You can do the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-marinki-dinki-do".
36. You know why "killerwhaletank" is funny.
37. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
38. You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.
39. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few months early.
40. You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You wonder why Stompin' Tom doesn't get his own category in all three. You scream passionately at the television when your favourite Canadian performers are overlooked by their r espective academies.
41. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
42. You think -10 C is mild weather.
43. You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.
44. You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternately Gordie and Howe).
45. You read rather than scanned this list.
SIGNS YOU MAY BE A CANADIAN...
1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on 'pogey'.
7. You know that "a mickey" and "2-4's" mean "party at the cabin, eh!!"
8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen'.
10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
14. You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - because Chesterfield is a small town in Quebec.
19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
20. You have Canadian Tire money.
21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
23. You know that Canada is the only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capitol to the ground.
24. You voted for a political leader who admitted to smoking pot.
25. You read rather than scanned this list and looked for spelling and grammatical errors.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE TOO CANADIAN FOR YOUR OWN GOOD:
1. You play hockey (or ski) 12 months a year.
2. You dismiss all beers under 6% alcohol content as "for children and the elderly, and for export to the US."
3. You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
4. You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
5. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".
6. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet and why we still have pennies. (Australians don't.)
7. Your backpack has only one Canadian flag sewn on.
8. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you probably don't have a Canadian passport, or if you do, you can't find it.
9. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added," thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
10. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada, and you make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
11. You use a tennis ball more for road hockey and dog chasing than for tennis.
12. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
13. You know what a toque is and probably own one.
14. You have some memento of Doug and Bob.
15. You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you're glad Jerry Lewis is not.
16. You know Toronto is not a province.
17. You drink Moosehead beer because of the moose.
18. You believe "the Canadian Conspiracy" should have won an Oscar.
19. You never miss "Coach's Corner".
20. Back bacon is a food group.
21. You laugh afterward at some U.S. citizens' lack of knowledge of Canadian geography, but you are too polite to correct them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE BEST WAY TO FIND CANADIANS WHEN YOU ARE ABROAD:
Walk through any airport, bar or other public establishment while abroad and sing or whistle the "Hockey Night in Canada" theme song.
Without exception, all Canadians within ear shot will respond...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM CANADA WHEN...
1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Hallowe'en costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
8. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
10. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
11. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
12. The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
13. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
14. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
15. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
16. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
17. You head south to go to your cottage.
18. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
19. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
20. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making.
21. You find -40C a little chilly.
22. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
23. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
24. You can play road hockey on skates.
25. You know four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
26. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
27. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
28. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada" (see above)
29. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends
30. You then forward them to American friends who will not understand, giving you a sense of superiority.
HOW TO TELL IF YOU'RE CANADIAN...
1. You know all the words to "If I had a million dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies, including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
3. You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.
4. You make up patriotic lyrics to go along with David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme.
5. You cried when Gus "drowned" on Road To Avonlea.
5. You remember when Alanis Morrissette was "Too Hot To Hold".
6. You think there isn't enough of Peter Gzowski to go around.
7. You think "Ed the Sock" is funny.
8. You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin, as you can only use more change.
9. You spend hours in the dark making scale models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the Diefenbaker government.
10. You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of The Tragically Hip.
11. You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "what's good enough protection for the Prime Minister, is good enough for me!"
12. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "Burnt Toast!", "You know I canna read a word...", and "Kanata".
13. You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean!
14. You advocate the abolition of responsible government, in favour of monarchist rule.
15. You think there isn't enough Queen on our currency.
16. You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the Hinterland Who's Who spots so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in winter.
17. You participate in Participaction!
18. You think Peter Mansbridge is sexy.
19. You think Lloyd Robertson is sexy.
20. You think Peter Kent is sexy.
21. You think Brad Pitt is so-so.
22. You stood in line for hours for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
23. You killed your best friend for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.
24. You think Great Big Sea isn't Maritime-centric enough.
25. Your graduation formal dress was made of flannel.
26. Your backpack has more than one Canadian flag iron-on.
27. You know the names of all the guys in Sloan.
28. You have been on Speaker's Corner. Bonus points if The Devil's Advocates made fun of you.
29. You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.
30. You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
31. You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.
32. You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.
33. You think Ashley MacIssac isn't celtic enough.
34. You remember "Jodie" from Today's Special and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC.
35. You can do the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-marinki-dinki-do".
36. You know why "killerwhaletank" is funny.
37. You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
38. You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from Degrassi Junior High.
39. You know that a "Premier" isn't a baby born a few months early.
40. You actually watch The Gemini Awards, The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards. You wonder why Stompin' Tom doesn't get his own category in all three. You scream passionately at the television when your favourite Canadian performers are overlooked by their r espective academies.
41. You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada. You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
42. You think -10 C is mild weather.
43. You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.
44. You have twins named Wayne and Gretzky (alternately Gordie and Howe).
45. You read rather than scanned this list.