Why do THEY always have to win?

[jenluckenbach]

I have seen this too many times. When the wife wants a new pet and the husband does not, he always gets his way. Why is that? Are we not people with our own feelings? Do we not count? Please tell me that there are couples that do not fit this stereotype.

[jenluckenbach]

many people that I know are in that situation right now and they allow their husbands to have their ways and I don't understand why. We women should be able to live our lives OUR way sometimes, too!

[Cookiebaker]

Hi Jen,

Yes I agree that that is a basically correct stereotype of lots of relationships. My parents are very much like that for example. But for Mark & I, it totally isn't that way. Even though he wasn't keen on having any pets at the beginning, he has totally come around and loved each and every one of our critters. And the other thing is, we never have "fights". Persuasive conversations, yes...and that means that we each explain our point of views and come to a mutual conclusion. It usually means that nobody gets "their way", but we find neutral ground that is satisfactory to both.

When Mark & I were going together he definitely told me that in no way did he ever want to have a dog. It took a little while, and now he loves Malone just as much as if it had been his idea to begin with. :rolleyes:

[Logan]

I'm a new bride and my husband knows me very well, and my love for animals. In fact, he shares it, but he and I know, we don't need anymore. Would he forbid me? I don't think so, but I think any decision would be agreed on by both of us. Even if I were still single, with the number of dogs, cats and birds I have now, I probably wouldn't add to our brood. The only thing I would do differently is that I would probably be fostering on a regular basis, but my move to a new home, more than my husband, is preventing that right now, as our backyard is not secure.

I didn't vote.

Logan

[Cincy'sMom]

This actually has sorta come up recently. I have been thinking about getting a third dog. Ralph and I have talked it over a few times and we can make a good arguement either way. He has not in anyway forbid me to get another dog...he has just asked that I talk to him first and we make a decision together, esp. if the dog is an adult (in which case we would really want our dogs to meet it first). I think when ther right dog comes along, we will end up with a third ...when is the question :)


When we got Oreo (when I was a teenager) my dad told us if we got another dog he was moving out. Well, 13 years later and an additional three dogs later, my parents are still happily married! I don't think he would ever forbid it either!!

[Karen]

I think every decision should be a family decision, with both adults holding equal sway, regardless of gender.

I've got my little bunny! :)

[mugsy]

Mike doesn't EVER forbid me to do anything (gee imagine that! lol). As for pets....need I say anything?? ;) :p :D :D

By the same token I don't forbid him anything either.

I think that mutual respect for each other is what's important and that discussion on major issues is necessary and that any major decision needs to be a mutual one.

[Nomilynn]

I couldn't vote either. I'm not married, but I've already had a talk about pets with my bf. He has said he would like to put a "limit" on how many cats and dogs we would have as a married couple. In a way, I think it's dumb to do that. Stuff happens - if I found a really sick animal that had been abandoned, there is no way I would leave it or anything like that. On the other hand, if I didn't have someone impartial to tell me when to quit, I might not, and there are things to think about besides loving animals, like money, space, time, commitment, etc. So I don't really know.

[Barbara]

When my husband retired we had been talking about cats for years but thought we were away from the house too much. But then it was he who took the decision to make sure some cats come in asap. We had been to all the cat shows around and so we were dreaming about an aby and then there was this ad in our local newspaper. Next thing: he was calling (in general it would have been me) and we went immediately to look at little Filou and some days later we found Tigris as well.

Ok we now have decided that 2 is fine for 2 persons but guess who has recently started talking about whether 3 would not be a very fine number??

[neko1]

I have all my kitties cause I told brian I wanted them and he said ok no problem. Neko he gave to me on our first anniversary, Cookie he rescued as a feral cat, Pumpkin we got at a shelter cause I wanted an orangie, and Tama- well his previous owner couldn't keep him anymore and she gave him to me because she knew how much I like abys.
We live in a small house so 4 cats is our limit. I do have to show a lot of restraint at work!! (I could just take every kitty home!!!) After we get married, we will start thinking about a family, so adding on to our cat one is a no-go. I love my kitties and am perfectly happy with the 4 that I have.

[jenluckenbach]

I am glad that the majority, so far, say this is not the case.:) But I would like to clarify that I realize FORBID is a strong word. I just needed to find a word that would convey what I meant without writing a whole sentence.
But even though all of the pet talkers' answers come as no surprise to me, I am still POSSITIVE that each and every one of you KNOWS someone where this is the case. I personnaly can think of 3 examples in my circle of people.

[DoggiesAreTheBest]

Andrew would never forbid me to from getting another dog, just as I would never forbid him. He has always been very supportive of my rescue efforts and has took in pups himself. We have a great relationship and make decisions together as a family. If he weren't that way, I would never have gotten married to him.

My parents on the other hand are going through what you are describing. My mother gave up her 2 Dobermen,, Roxy and Ozzy, when she and my dad got married. To this very day, she says she doesn't know what got into her. Her excuse: young, in love, and stupid. His excuse, dogs were unsanitary for kids growing up. My parents have had a wonderful marriage for 25 years. Now that my youngest brother moved out, my mother has been very lonely. She is a professor and teaches all her classes in the morning and has free time in the afternoon and evening. She misses us so much and wants a companion. My dad works late every other night and travels alot for business. So, I can see how she feels. She wants a lil dog! And my dad is very against it! He said he doesn't want a dog because they bark, shed, get on the furniture, and require much care. My mom told him she was willing to get a small adult dog that doesn't shed and will train it not to get on the furniture. Mom is pretty active, so I know the dog will be well exercised and tired by the time dad gets home. He isn't home much anyway, so why is is he worried that is requires much care. She is looking at a toy poodle or maltese.

That was long! In conclusion, mom has decided to rescue a little dog when she come to America in the summer. She doesn't care what my dad says anymore. We both think he will come around eventually. And if he doesn't, mom said there are 3 guest bedrooms, let him take a pick!

[Dixieland Dancer]

I have learned that my husband needs his ego massaged sometimes to understand my point of view. Then he usually sees things more clearly! LOL

Seriously though... I have a very strong will and so does he so we do tend to clash on certain things. We have learned to understand each others strengths and weaknesses and to rely on the others strengths when it comes major decisions. On things we don't see eye to eye on, we usually let go. If it were about getting another animal, I think I am more of the one holding back on getting more. But then I am the one who feeds them, trains them, baths them, cleans up after them, etc.... He just gets to pet them and love them!

[wolf_Q]

I'm not married...my parents are kind this way though. All these years I'd been begging for another dog, I really think my mom would have let me. For my dad it was NO WAY, no talking, no chance, nothing. Funny thing is, my dad obviously loves Nebo more then my mom does now! He babies him. :rolleyes:

I would never marry somebody who would not at least let me have 2 dogs. I think it should be a mutual descision, I certainly would not want to have pets in a household where one of the members did not like them! I really do think, however, that we need to respect eachothers wishes, and it is possible to go too far with the amount of pets. Do what you financially can provide for.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Originally posted by Dixieland Dancer
I have learned that my husband needs his ego massaged sometimes to understand my point of view. Then he usually sees things more clearly! LOL

Seriously though... I have a very strong will and so does he so we do tend to clash on certain things. We have learned to understand each others strengths and weaknesses and to rely on the others strengths when it comes major decisions. On things we don't see eye to eye on, we usually let go. If it were about getting another animal, I think I am more of the one holding back on getting more. But then I am the one who feeds them, trains them, baths them, cleans up after them, etc.... He just gets to pet them and love them!

This just about describes me and Terry perfectly! :) The only difference is I would get another cat in a heartbeat, but deep down I know it's not the best decision, and having Terry telling me no is probably a good thing. I, too, would end up feeding it, cleaning up after it, taking it to the vet, paying for the vet and everything else that goes along with another cat. All he would do is pet it and love it.....and complain when it threw up on the carpet. :rolleyes:

Terry and I have a weird sortof relationship. We are not married and don't intend to get married. He owned his home before I showed up, so he pays the mortgage and all related house bills. So technically I live in his house, even though it is my home too. He didn't want any animals in the first place, so he did compromise by allowing Tubby and Peanut in, although I wouldn't have moved in had they not been allowed in so that's a whole other story. But I respect his wishes to not add more critters, realizing it's probably the best for me too.

So I did vote that I allowed him to forbid me, but like Jen said, forbid is a strong word, and I would say that it's more like I go along with his opinion that it wouldn't be a good idea if we got another cat, or like Nomilynn, I need someone to tell me no otherwise I'd have a house full, and nowhere to live because where in Chicago can you live with a house full of cats if you don't own your own home - and there's no way I can afford that on my own with a house full of cats.

Anyway, I think you get the idea. Terry has come very close to bringing another one home, and if it ever got to the point where I just had to have another one, I'd do like Dixieland Dancer and just massage his ego a little - make it seem like it's his idea that we get another cat. ;) :D

[Cataholic]

FORBID? Yikes, that is a word with too much negative feeling about it. I am not married. Maybe there is a reason? Certainly, I wouldn't even know how I would react if someone 'forbid' me to do anything. I don't even remember my parents using that word with me. I would assume everyone is of legal age when they marry, and can do whatever they want. So, I think using the forbid word is really just an excuse to cover up alot of other issues.

Someone that forbids someone else to do something is looking to exercise some control over that person. That can't be a good thing.

Someone that lets another forbid them from doing something is also allowing themselves to be controlled. That lets them give up the responsibility for their actions. That can't be a good thing.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Interesting discussion. Some of you may remember that it was my husband who wanted a cat and my mother who bullied me into agreeing to get her! I thought of myself as a dog person and am allergic to cats.

He often talks about getting another cat -- which I veto on the grounds he doesn't do enough of the cat care (especially the brushing which is so important for my allergies!) I feed, water, and scoop. Yet...when I feel in love with Edwin -- the Edwina look alike in Indiana -- he was hesitant to take him home (not sure if he belonged to someone, how would Edwina react?)

So it is a mutual thing. I am an adult and cannot be forbidden. It becomes how much hassle/fight/agrument/pouting am I prepared to endure on any issue.

[lynnestankard]

I voted 'No' because Don would not forbid me to do anything. We would discuss the issue and after both stating our views hopefully come to a mutual decision!! He knows I would take in any furbaby in need and tries to patiently explain why we don't need another cat! I DO understand but my heart tends to rule my head and where cats are concerned I can see no further than the sweet furbaby in need.
(Of course at the moment we have Elizabeth's dog, Tricky with us. I find her hard work but then she's great company for me! I cannot take her out every day for a long walk and she's getting to realise this! So we have a lovely game - me throwing her stuffed toy up the stairs and her bounding after it and returning it for another go!! She certainly gets puffed out!!)
But you see she was a furbaby without a home - and I couldn't say 'No' - where could she have gone? Even Don understood this - even though he's not a dog lover.
Lynne

[All Creatures Great And Small]

Originally posted by Cataholic
I would assume everyone is of legal age when they marry, and can do whatever they want. Well, legally, yes. But I would hope that in a marriage (or living arrangement), the people involved don't just do whatever they want with no regard for how it will affect the other half of the partnership. If my husband could "do whatever he wants", there would be a lot of decisions made that I would not be happy living with, just like he would be unhappy if I had free rein and didn't give a thought to how something I did would affect both of us. I agree that FORBID has negative connotations, and that there are probably some issues there with one of the partners always acquiescing to the other just to "keep the peace", or someone is allowing themselves to be "forbidden" or controlled. In the case of not wanting another pet to be added to the household, the person who doesn't want it is probably envisioning the extra work, expense, etc., even though that may never be the case. Unfortunately, you can't do pets on a trial basis, so you couldn't say "well, let's just take the (pet) and see how it goes; maybe you're wrong about how much trouble/expense it would be". A person just has to go by their instincts because of the permanence of taking on a pet. It's a lot like deciding how many (if any) children to have; not a decision to be taken lightly (unless your religion does not condone birth control; then the decision is made for you by a higher power).

In our house, I'm the one who doesn't want a yellow lab added to the household menagerie. My daughter wants one so badly she's delirious, and my husband would enjoy having a lab companion for hunting. However, they can't agree on who would "own" the dog, and with my daughter reaching the age soon where she'll be leaving home, a "shared" dog wouldn't work, because she'd want to take it with her. My husband would want the dog specially trained for bird hunting, which involves a very close relationship between him and the dog. I also would not want to be left with a dog to take care of if my daughter leaves home and can't take it with, because I am looking forward to being "free" in my autumn years. My husband, too, has given some thought to whether he wants to take on the responsibility of a dog, because he travels a lot, and he would like to be more spontaneous as we age. There are probably those of you out there who would say we're wrong, that a dog would be a wonderful addition to the family, they're not as much work as you think, etc., but ultimately we have to know ourselves and our family situation. I guess you have to balance your deep love for animals with your deep love for your spouse/partner and your family, and do what is best for all of them, animals included.

Meanwhile, I am considered the Wicked Witch of the West by my daughter because I have FORBIDDEN them to have a dog. :rolleyes: :D :p Hey, if the pointy hat fits..............:D :D :D

[Cataholic]

Originally posted by All Creatures Great And Small
.... the people involved don't just do whatever they want with no regard for how it will affect the other half of the partnership. If my husband could "do whatever he wants", there would be a lot of decisions made that I would not be happy living with, just like he would be unhappy if I had free rein and didn't give a thought to how something I did would affect both of us.

How did my statment that everyone can do whatever they want somehow acquire the EXTRA WORDS " with no regard for how it will affect the other half..." or "...didn't give a thought..." ???

I was presuming that human kindness, trust, love, respect ,etc., went into any decision affecting two or more people, and I didn't think it was necessary to add the words.

HOWEVER, having post humorously added the forgoing to my original quote....I will add that ANYONE claiming to be involved in a mutual decision that results in one party giving up/in so to appease the other (be it in having kids/no kids, pets/no pets) isn't involved in ANY mutual decision making process, and I would wager there is an underlying issue in the relationship.

As I said before, maybe there is a reason I am single...

[anna_66]

All of the decisions are made by both of us. Whatever it takes, we will compromise.
When we got Roxey, I really, really wanted her, so I was the one who got up everytime she wanted out, cleaned up any messes (even if Mark was the one who found it, I would clean it up. No matter the time, day or night), fed her, basically I did everything for her. I felt it was my responsiblity. He does do his part, but I feel I wanted her the most I should be the one to do most of the work.

[RICHARD]

for me it was no problem at all..........

my signifigant other could have anything she wanted.....

i always thought she could get a new pet AND a new boyfriend....;) .....where would that leave me?

[NoahsMommy]

It took me a day to respond to this post. I voted yesterday....but needed to calm myself. I am a certified feminist.... :D Why? Well, let me explain....

I grew up with a dead beat dad. I watched my mom support my brother and I on her own. I also watched my grandmother support herself in a huge house after my grandfather passed away. My dad's father left his family, so I've also seen that grandmother support herself and her family. Can you guess how I felt about this post? ALLOW??? FORBID??? Those would NOT my in my vocabulary when describing what a man can do.

My marriage is based on respect. My hubby would no sooner control anything I did...and usually its me who controlls things, but I would never FORBID him from doing anything.

As far as adding an animal...that's a responsibility question...if you can handle one, go for it. If you disagree on it, maybe it should have been discussed BEFORE marriage. I may be wierd, but I was really into our pre-marital counseling, I didn't want anything to come up years later and be stuck unhappy.

Cataholic...right on!! I agree with everything you've said! And being single a bad thing??? Nope! I can't tell you how many times I've said "Why did I get married?" Its hard to be independant and be married. ;)

[sandragonfly]

Well, I'm not married but had this discussion with couple of boys before, they all had no 0.1% problem with my love for the animals, (two of them were farmers). 9 years ago, I begggged my father to D|E|A|T|H to have a black kitten..he just simply spoke with his power..nasty authorize..."NO, Gina...No IS No, PERIOD!". He is an anti-cat person (straching stuffs, nippings). Obviously, he never have met a dear 'can-be-a-nice' cat. My grandfather, and my uncle is allergic so they said no to their wives. like wolf_Q said.."my mom would have let me" but I don't think mom need a bruise from dad.

Yes, I agree with you, Noah's Mommy, Marriage is also based on part of happiness! Having passion and love for the animals is part of happiness...(having the pets too!). I'm just saying I don't see how I can live with a person who doesn't at least can compromise something that wouldn't hurt them...except the allergics! Sooo, I forbid a person to forbid me! :o

[jenluckenbach]

I did not wish to make anyone's blood pressure raise. The word forbit was a bad choice.. It was difficult for me to get the idea across with only a few words (I didn't think I should make the question on the poll too long....like I do on my posts).

[wolflady]

I agree that it should be a mutual decision, and also how many animals you can provide for financially. Space in the home is another issue. Right now, most of you know, there is a neighborhood stray cat that I care for. I would just love to bring her in and make her a house pet, but our little house is just too small for a third cat and litterbox. If we only had a separate room, laundry room, basement...or something...it would have been no problem.
However, I have encountered this sort of thing with other people. I'm not sure if any of you remember the siamese cat that I took in while I was in college, because one of my friend's aunt's boyfriends forbid (yes, forbid) her to keep the cat. He said that it was either him or the cat, and he would take the cat and dump it. Of course, she chose the loser boyfriend over her pet. :mad: I was so mortified when I heard this! :mad: I took the cat immediately and ended up finding her a new home a few months later. So, yes, I have encountered people like that, but no...Aaron and I are not like that. Like others have said, he probably keeps me in check, otherwise the house would probably be overrun with animals. Needless to say, I have to wait for the dog...and it could be a very long time! :rolleyes:

[Cataholic]

Originally posted by NoahsMommy
Cataholic...right on!! I agree with everything you've said! And being single a bad thing??? Nope! I can't tell you how many times I've said "Why did I get married?" Its hard to be independant and be married. ;)


I am saving myself for Basil...:D :eek: :D

[Edwina's Secretary]

Cataholic....

As someone who was single until ~40 years of age and who lived alone and made ALL the decisions for 20 years I can tell you it isn't as simple as it looks....


I will add that ANYONE claiming to be involved in a mutual decision that results in one party giving up/in so to appease the other

This is reality. If I want a dog and he doesn't one of us is going to get what we want and one isn't.

Appeasement...maybe...negotiations...yeah. Sometimes doing things to make your partner happy (aka appease) is the right thing to do.

Remember the line from Man of La Mancha "...whether the pitcher hits the stone or the stone hits the pitcher...it's going to be bad for the pitcher..."

[Cataholic]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
Cataholic....

As someone who was single until ~40 years of age and who lived alone and made ALL the decisions for 20 years I can tell you it isn't as simple as it looks....



This is reality. If I want a dog and he doesn't one of us is going to get what we want and one isn't.

Appeasement...maybe...negotiations...yeah. Sometimes doing things to make your partner happy (aka appease) is the right thing to do.

Remember the line from Man of La Mancha "...whether the pitcher hits the stone or the stone hits the pitcher...it's going to be bad for the pitcher..."


Well, I guess there is still hope for me, as I am 'only' 37..he he he..And, while I don't know the Man of La Mancha, I certainly get your point. BUT, (always a but, eh?) I think we are getting into a area of semantics. I totally know, appreciate, understand that relationships of any kind, duration, etc., take negotions or appeasement. I think what I am trying to express is the "I can't because my husband/wife won't (forbids) me". That isn't the same as saying, "well, this is one area where I might have to give/appease/let go". I truly (and perhaps, naively) believe when it comes to the point of "I win-you lose"...there is a serious issue. I think that it becomes something more like "I love you, and therefore, want what is best for you and us, and my decision is to go with your wants". I will stick by my earlier statment that being in the position of allowing someone to 'forbid' you is a slippery slope.

[Kfamr]

If i was married, or with someone, lived with them.. whatever... They couldn't stop me from getting what I want. If I want another animal, then I will get one. If they don't agree then they need to understand animals are what make ME happy and if i'm happy with it, so should they.:)

[Edwina's Secretary]

We are in total agreement on the concept of "forbid." I never heard my mother ask permission and since reaching the age of independence...neither have I. Just the thought of my husband "forbidding" sends chills down my feminist spine.

Marriage is far, far more difficult than I ever thought it would be (and made more so in my case by my "advanced" age and inherent independence and stubbornness.) The complexities are daunting -- and yet looked so minor when I was "on the other side...."

Of course, if we wanted to get into semantics we could discuss whether someone can be "forced" or "forbidden" at all or whether there is always a choice...oh, on second thought...let's not. Pettalk after all!

[Randi]

Jen, when we first got Fister up here, it was John being pushy about it, but then, I've always loved cats, so deep down I did want him to come up and live with us. My hesitation was mostly because it would make it difficult to travel - and also knowing that we will have to part with him one day - hopefully a long way away!!

[Cataholic]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
Marriage is far, far more difficult than I ever thought it would be (and made more so in my case by my "advanced" age and inherent independence and stubbornness.) The complexities are daunting -- and yet looked so minor when I was "on the other side...."

ES- I completely respect your experience, and know 'the dark side' always looks different once you are in it...so, I do bow to your wisdom and experience.

And, I suppose splitting hairs with word use is similar to supporting your position with statistics- you can always support your position depending on how you define the word.

[PayItForward]

I have not voted, as I am unsure what to vote.

The person wanting the cat (we are a sucker for a sad story) varied from cat to cat.

Sometimes I have to be the sensible one, sometimes it is Steve.

The only time we had a real standoff (in a friendlyway) was over Milo & Treacle (Nee Sooty).

I wanted to adopt them both, Steve wanted to just take Milo.

But it worked out for the best :D

[jenluckenbach]

WOW this is an old topic ! hee hee

By theway, isn't it time for #7???:D

[Former User]

My husband loves pets as much as I do, and we both would love to take more but for the moment, 4 cats is enough, as we don't have enough space for more. So, no problems here with husband not agreeing (I hope that's a word :D ).

[catland]

Anyone here remember the TV sitcom "Coach"? One time Hayden said to Christine - "I FORBID you go go!" - she imediately gave him the evil eye and said "You WHAT?????"

Coach, in all his brilliance, looked humbly at the ground and says something to the effect of "I'd really appreciate it if you'd seriously reconsider".

Anyway, my husband and I both found that to be hysterical and we'll even say that now and then = "I FORBID you...." because we know that we won't forbid each other to do anything - but we might ask one another to seriously reconsider.


Regarding adopting another pet - Since you are making a commitment that could last for upwards of fifteen or twenty years depending on the pet, then yea, I think its important that both people have agreed to wanting and caring for the animal.

[Amber]

Yup I 100% agree with you. Everytime I want to help a animal out there I always get the response of NO!!! no, no, no!
They never think about it. Always gets their ways!! It aint fair!!
Parents these days!:rolleyes:

[cali]

my mom and I were forbidden from getting a guinea pig, now we have 11, he also forbid us from getting a rabbit, he still doesent know;)

[PayItForward]

Originally posted by jenluckenbach
WOW this is an old topic ! hee hee

By theway, isn't it time for #7???:D
LOL :D

No.. The house isn't big enough.

We have two cat trees... If we got another cat, me & Steve would have to move out ?!

[Christiansmommy]

Well, i wanted a dog ever since we got married...5 1/2 years ago and my hubby didnt yet, so being that we both live under the same house and it is a large responsibility to take on, i respected his wishes, if you will, and we agreed upon a cat instead (RB Gabe)..easier to care for, etc. Anyway, i do think that your husband shouldnt FORBID you from getting a pet, but being that you are man and wife and you share a house and a life 50/50, both need to agree, or it wouldnt be right, in my opinion.

5 1/2 years later, we finally got our dog...and it was good timing, we may not have been as up for it, 5 1/2 years ago, as we are today.

Just my 2 cents.

Robyn

[Fuzzy317]

Opposite View-point:

Unless I am gone for a few days, I alone have cat duties: food and litter box cleaning. My fiancee and I agree that our household can't really handle another dog, but I tell her having 5 cats would not be very different from having 4 cats. I have told her that she can get another cat, but she is looking for a special cat.

[Logan]

And you are every woman's dream man, Scott, for having said what you just did!!!! :)

[kingrattus]

But for Mark & I, it totally isn't that way. Even though he wasn't keen on having any pets at the beginning, he has totally come around and loved each and every one of our critters. And the other thing is, we never have "fights". Persuasive conversations, yes...and that means that we each explain our point of views and come to a mutual conclusion. It usually means that nobody gets "their way", but we find neutral ground that is satisfactory to both.

When Mark & I were going together he definitely told me that in no way did he ever want to have a dog. It took a little while, and now he loves Malone just as much as if it had been his idea to begin with.
===================
Wow Rob & I r like that 90% of the time... But sometimes I have to put my foot down about is gun collecting & sometimes he has to do the same about my animals. If I had my way, I'd have lots more fish & he'd have lots more guns.

But we never fight, maybe argue peafully, but never yell. We have private talks all the time, we talk about whats pissings us off, anoying us, & other stuff like that. Were very civil about stuff. & it doesn't take much to get him to change his mind about most pets, just look at the monster fish & turtle I have.


Rob dislikes dogs quite abit, because of how dissobident they r (his dogs r horribly dissobident, its his parents fault for negelicting there needs), so its taking along time to show rob not all dogs r like that. He loves the fact that Max doesn't bite, doesn't steal food, doesn't beg, snap, snarl, attack other animals, loves to play, but the every now & then woof drives him nutz, his dogs bark at everything & he thinks Max does the same, but he doesn't. But Rob says he likes Max alot better then his 2
yay for Max.

[dukedogsmom]

It's that way with one of my friends at work. I'd boot out the husband and get a dog. She would really like to have one. I just don't understand.

[tikeyas_mom]

when I marrie I will make sure that my husband loves animals and knows that I weill always have them, if he doesnt like it, too bad .. I will win in that battle no matter what my guy says. befor I marrie I will make my husband well aware that I love animals and I will have Tikeya at my wedding hahahahaha..

[Fox-Gal]

Yes, if my husband says no and has strong felling about it then we don't get a pet.

Not because he's the man or the boss but because it's his home too and he has just as many rights as I do on what happens in the home. I'll give my side and he will give his side and if we can't agree then there will be no new additions to or home. It's called respect and love for each other.

I surely not going to leave my husband because I can't get my way, thats a little immature if you ask me. It's either that, or your love for your husband isn't as strong as maybe it should be. Better or worce.

[Tonya]

Not in my house, Jen. When I first met Mike, he came from a neat freak home...He said that he'd never have pets because they were disgusting and dirty. I talked him into a cat...but he said she couldn't come inside...then I talked him into another cat, and then a dog, and then another dog...you get the picture...lmao. We now have 3 dogs, 2 cats, 3 snakes, and a fish all living inside. He still occasionally gets mad about something getting chewed and talks angrily about the dogs. But on the same line, he's the one that has been searching for another pomeranian online and I've seen him come home crying because "I just got to thinking...what would I do if Ron got out and got run over." (He'd seen a dead cat on the road that resembled Ron on the way home.)

[Soledad]

Originally posted by Fox-Gal
Yes, if my husband says no and has strong felling about it then we don't get a pet.

Not because he's the man or the boss but because it's his home too and he has just as many rights as I do on what happens in the home. I'll give my side and he will give his side and if we can't agree then there will be no new additions to or home. It's called respect and love for each other.

I surely not going to leave my husband because I can't get my way, thats a little immature if you ask me. It's either that, or your love for your husband isn't as strong as maybe it should be. Better or worce.

Agreed.:D

[Tonya]

I didn't answer the question. lol. I babbled. If it came down to it, I would allow Mike to forbid me to have pets. I think (sorry about being old fashioned) that everything is ultimately the husbands decision. But, it usually doesn't take to much for me to talk Mike into things. I can only think of one time in my life that he has truly told me No to something after us discussing it.

[Fox-Gal]

Originally posted by Soledad
Agreed.:D

Thanks ....I was beginning to think maybe I was alone in my views, now days.



I have to say this though....it's doesn't really happen much around here, I mean we are up to 100+ pets....So NO is not a word I hear to much. :D

[carole]

To be honest my hubby did not want another cat, mostly because of the expense side of it, however when it came down to it, he agreed to adopt sooti, as I think he fell in love with him as well, and when Sooti died, he saw how heartbroken and depressed I was, he just knew another kitty was going to enter our household when I felt the time was right, I did not even have to ask him.

However I respect my husbands wish to have no more kitties, at the moment, because I too know it simply is not possible or affordable, and I consider with my allergy's and our limited budget, to be very lucky to have my Ash and Lexie.

Besides Lexie is everything I ever wanted in a cat, and Ash is my cat with cattitude and I love him dearly just the same.

Anyway's for me I feel two cat's is just the perfect number for me.

I mean I have had two children, two husbands, and now two Cats, see everything is revolved around the perfect number two. LOL.

I suppose in my case I was the one who got my own way.

[Soledad]

Fox_Gal - I think you're dead on. If I want to be treated equally and have my wishes and ideas accepted, I have to be willing to do the same for my partner.

Sam was not crazy about getting another cat, but he eventually saw the light. However, he says two animals is his limit. I respect this totally. I do not want any resentment in our house.

If he suddenly turned into the kind of guy who wanted pics of naked chicks on the walls of our house (thank God he is not!) I would want him to listen to my ideas about how our house should look and what is allowed inside it. Same goes for me. It's pretty simple, really.

As it is, we only have a one bedroom apartment and the lease only allows two pets, so it's just not feasible to have more. And I don't think I want more, either. I like having two to concentrate my love on. Anymore and I can't guarantee the same quality/quantity of attention.

As for the husband always having the final say, I think Sam and I would both die laughing over that rule.

[shais_mom]

I am single. And there isn't any way I would allow a 'him' to forbid me to not get something. I earn my own money. BUT I also know my limit. I have thought about getting another dog or cat but financially I can't. And I don't think I can give enough attention to another animal. I don't have the room in my home right now.
I am in total agreement with the 'fordid is a strong word' but I understand what was meant. :)
I got my heart Kitty, Kylie b/c of this reason. "He" didn't necessarily forbid her to get rid of her but he made Kylie's life miserable while she was there. And then one nite when my friend came home late from school, Kylie's brother Max, mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again, who knows where he is.
He thought she was out screwing around, I suppose. Then she married him. :rolleyes:

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

I voted YES because my hubby has put his foot down and said I can't get another cat.

(For the past month, leading up to my birthday, he has been asking "What do you want for your Birthday", and I kept answering "Thomas" - the tail-less Russian Blue at our shelter - to be renamed Sergei).................

Needless to say I DIDN'T get my birthday wish:(

He does have a couple of compelling reasons:

- I am working long hours and won't be around to handle the introduction
- We won't be in the Mid East forever, and the costs to ship animals are exhorbitant (he knows that once it's in the family it will not get left behind when we leave)
- We already have one cat which was not planned for (Ally just kind of "showed up", I got agreement from him to keep her until I could home her - but I didn't exactly try very hard).
- Ally WILL NOT take it well - she goes absolutely MENTAL whenever I have rescue kittens in our spare bathroom - so he anticipates real behaviour problems from her if we get another cat - and I am inclined to agree.

He is now VERY insistant that any strays I rescue (usually from dumpsters / side of road etc) go straight to the shelter as soon as possible.

My "head" agrees with his reasoning, but my "heart" just wants to open up our caring home to another shelter animal, and give it a better life!

I can tell you one thing however - If I was single, my house would have a lot less hi-tech home theatre equipment, cars and motorbikes, and A LOT MORE ANIMALS!

At the end of the day, I could probably maniputate the situation, throw a huge "wobbly" and get my own way. But I don't think anything in a relationship should be "won" by emotional blackmail. There are things I feel very strongly about, which he has compromised and given up for me (like Sky Diving)- I asked him to stop and he did. So I guess one of the keys to a happy marriage is the ability to compromise, in order to keep the peace!

[Barbara]

Originally posted by Soledad


As for the husband always having the final say, I think Sam and I would both die laughing over that rule.

Siegmar and me too!!!

But I think there must be a veto option for a partner. I remember the friend (and later husband) of a friend of mine who had his superbike in their living room. He just wanted to see it all the time. Ok -in a case like that I would say NO and so I have to accept that after the exchange of arguments there could be some things that just can't be decided by one person saying "I absolutely need it".

Of course: if one partner can't live without a pet and the other just doesn't stand it and if this question has a high priority for both of them -then maybe that was not a relationship made in heaven:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[lbaker]

Before my husband & I were married I had a large dog and so did he. He needed to find a "safe house" for his dog after Grizzly got into trouble so I ended up with him. We laughed later about how we HAD TO GET MARRIED because he wanted his dog back and I wanted my mother out of my house :D I also had a few cats. As our dogs became older we both knew we needed a young dog to learn from the best, our two big ol' dogs. We ended up with the CheekyBitch from a friends litter. After our two older dogs finally went to RB we both knew Cheeks (and we) needed another dog. Then I also came across two more kittens. There never was a decision to be made. We both just knew what was needed. Now my husband is taking care of our big ol' dogs at the Rainbow Bridge & I'm taking care of our four dogs (and my sons three) and my two cats (and my sons three). End of story, at least until the next dog or cat finds it's way home.

[cubby31682]

I voted yes. We got Cubby, after we thought I was pregnet which I was very excited about, then when I found out it was my body going through rough times with stress (at the time I didn't know stress could do that to you) I got Cubby because I was heart broken. It's stuff like that, that really makes him see what makes me happ and what makes me derpressed.

A few months back one day, I tried a new litter, Cubby hated it. So of course his way to tell me and hubby that was to urinate on hubby's jeans. Hubby was very mad the only thing he would say was tomorrow the cat is going to a shelter, after I had a screaming battle with him telling him if I have to get rid of my cat then I am getting rid of him. Which I wouldn't do but it worked. I had to go to the store and get new litter and Cubby hasn't done it since. I also explained to hubby when Cubby did that, that it could have been in the change of litter. I never used the kind that I bought before and I wanted to try something new. That will teach me not to do that anymore.

I still love my husband no matter how many times we argue, or how many times we have to argue about my point of view. He was raised watching his dad be a control freak. Which he of course became after many long days and nights of arguing with him, he is slowly changing.

My parents (when my dad was still alive) they basicly lived seperate lives. My dad always told us no more cats, but when we would bring one home he was always the first one picking them up when it was time for him to go to bed, carrrying the cat to the bed and putting him on the bed then covering the cat up with a little blanket. He also claimed he "Hated cats" but he cuddled them more than we did. :rolleyes:

Just my point of view and some of my life.

Katie

[G.P.girl]

well my mom wont let me have a dog or a cat or guinea pigs or a hamster or a rabbit or a lizard or any of the pets i want. except fish.
i get to get fishies!!:D :D
so i'm going to have to wait till i'm 18.....

[lovemyshiba]

Apparently I voted already, I'm sure it was that my husband wouldn't forbid me to get another dog. I looked at the date on the original post, however, and that was 2 dogs ago!!

When I found Riley in the parking lot of the spca, my initial instinct was not to take him, but my heart won out. My husband found out as I was driving home with him, and he fell in love with him. I did most of the work with Riley. It was horrible timing to get a new dog, let alone a puppy. I got him on a Friday, and we moved into our house on Tuesday. So much chaos already, and add to that a little, unhousebroken, whiner. But I love him, and cleaned up his messes, took him out all the time, and was patient with him--I just love him so much.

With Jada, it was my husband who wanted another dog--I was actually not too keen on the idea. Well, we saw her beautiful face staring at us through the kennel door at the spca, and I knew she was ours. As it turns out, she has been such a saint that we barely know another dog is in the house--a few more piles out back to clean up, and some more food to dish out!!!

[mugsy]

Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
This actually has sorta come up recently. I have been thinking about getting a third dog. Ralph and I have talked it over a few times and we can make a good arguement either way. He has not in anyway forbid me to get another dog...he has just asked that I talk to him first and we make a decision together, esp. if the dog is an adult (in which case we would really want our dogs to meet it first). I think when ther right dog comes along, we will end up with a third ...when is the question :)


When we got Oreo (when I was a teenager) my dad told us if we got another dog he was moving out. Well, 13 years later and an additional three dogs later, my parents are still happily married! I don't think he would ever forbid it either!!

Look what happened when mugsy opened her big mouth a couple of months later!!!! lol