shais_mom
10-02-2001, 09:27 PM
Got this as an email and its a hoot!!!
Things you wish that your dog would remember:
> > > 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> > > 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under
> the
> > > coffee table.
> > > 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or
> under
> > > the bed.
> > > 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
> house.
> > > 5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they
> throw
> > > it up.
> > > 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean
> carpet
> > > in the house when I am about to get sick.
> > > 7. I will not throw up in the car.
> > > 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, deer, etc. just because
I
>
> > > like the way they smell.
> > > 9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
> > > 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit
> them
> > > in the backyard after processing.
> > > 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> > > 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
> > > 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones,
or
> my
> > > people will think I am hemorrhaging.
> > > 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled
> down
> > > when it's raining outside.
> > > 15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear
one
> on
> > > TV.
> > > 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the
> backyard
> > > with it.
> > > 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.
> > > 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
> > > 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
mom's
> > > driver's license and car registration.
> > > 20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on
the
>
> > > toilet.
> > > 21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom
> > > garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.
> > > 22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after
just
>
> > > getting a bath.
> > > 23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable
way
> of
> > > saying hello.
> > > 24. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just
> because
> > > the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
> > > 25. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
> crotch
> > > when company is over.
> > > 26. The cat is not a squeaky toy so, when I play with him and he
> makes
> > > that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
>
Things you wish that your dog would remember:
> > > 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> > > 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under
> the
> > > coffee table.
> > > 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or
> under
> > > the bed.
> > > 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
> house.
> > > 5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they
> throw
> > > it up.
> > > 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean
> carpet
> > > in the house when I am about to get sick.
> > > 7. I will not throw up in the car.
> > > 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, deer, etc. just because
I
>
> > > like the way they smell.
> > > 9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
> > > 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit
> them
> > > in the backyard after processing.
> > > 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> > > 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
> > > 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones,
or
> my
> > > people will think I am hemorrhaging.
> > > 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled
> down
> > > when it's raining outside.
> > > 15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear
one
> on
> > > TV.
> > > 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the
> backyard
> > > with it.
> > > 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom & dad's laps.
> > > 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
> > > 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
mom's
> > > driver's license and car registration.
> > > 20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on
the
>
> > > toilet.
> > > 21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom
> > > garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my butt.
> > > 22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after
just
>
> > > getting a bath.
> > > 23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable
way
> of
> > > saying hello.
> > > 24. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just
> because
> > > the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
> > > 25. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
> crotch
> > > when company is over.
> > > 26. The cat is not a squeaky toy so, when I play with him and he
> makes
> > > that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
>