Engagement ring?

[catnapper]

My son wants to get engaged, but he doesn't have any money to buy a ring. I have a ring that was his grandmother's - but its not an engagement ring. Its a pink tourmaline sourrounded by baguette diamonds.

Here's the ring:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v632/kasdesign/thering.jpg

Its a very pretty ring and I wore it only a couple times (not my style) and it somehow survived the robbery a few years back. I feel like its meant to go to him, but as an engagement ring?

What do you think? Engagement ring wrothy? She's not a fancy girl -- she doesn't wear fancy jewelry. She wears simple sterling rings. Her clothes are more for comfort than fashion (tee shirts and jeans, etc.) I personally would have LOVED a non-diamond ring so I'm thinking she might not want/need the traditional diamond. She knows he has no money, and she also knows how bonded he was to his grandmom.

Also:
His girlfriend has a big finger. I asked a jewlery store last week if they do resizing, and how much. They said $35 for the first size, then $10 each additional size up from there. Hey, I could do that for the boy!

So last night my husband and I brought the ring to the same jewlery store and the guy looked at the ring.... he gave me a song and dance about how one diamond is loose and they'll have to tighten it up, how they'll have to polish it perfect, and add a ton of gold to make it strong. Total to "properly" resize it: $390. Are you kidding me? Seriously? Did this look like a more expensive ring and therefore I could afford nearly $400 to resize it? What happened to the $35 + $10 quote? I've had rings resized one or two sizes before, and NEVER had an issue with the band snapping and the gold becoming prone to bending. The guy was selling me the cadillac of resizing! I felt like he saw a nice ring and thought he could take me on the cost to resize it. Anyway, hubby almost fell over and I decided that I'm not even sure if its approriate for an engement ring.

[moosmom]

I think it's a wonderful idea!! I like the style! My SIL has a sapphire engagement ring with a 1 carat diamond on each side.

I don't want this to sound cheesy or anything, but how about replacing the center stone with a high quality CZ, until he gets on his feet and can replace it with a real one?? No one but a good jeweler would know the difference. Something to think about anyways.

[Karen]

The sentiment is more important than the ring itself right now. He could present it to her as is, pop the question, and then take her and it to get the ring resized, reset, or whatever she prefers! I am sure she will be touched that it was his grandmother's ring.

I speak from experience. My wedding ring was Paul's grandmother's. When I first saw it - opposite problem - it was so big it fit on the knuckle at the base of my thumb. My mum-in-law has suggested to Paul that I just get the stones reset to something modern, but I loved it as is. And wear it to this day, once it was resized to fit my ring finger!

[Lady's Human]

Engagement rings don't HAVE to be diamonds, and a family heirloom means more than the newest, shiniest diamond regardless.

Just because the diamond marketers say something doesn't make it so. The only thing that the "formula" of X months of income= the size diamond you buy guarantees is a fiancee who is deeply in debt.

[moosmom]

Absolutely, LH!!!

[carole]

i think it is a very sweet idea, however jewellery is very personal, and especially an engagement ring, i think i would let her choose her own, and if they cannot afford it right now ,so be it, i waited five years to get mine, we could not get one at the time, just a rather in expensive wedding band.

It also sounds like she has unique taste, and maybe would like something very simple and plain, just judging from your comments.

I see it quite differently than Karen and Donna, i would hate someone else's ring even if it did have sentimental value, i would feel i just had to accept it and wear it , even if i hated it,where it means something to you and your son, for her it might have very little meaning at all, just my opinion,and it is a pretty ring, but might not be to her taste.

so obviously my vote was let her choose her own.

[kaycountrygal]

hmmmm, good question! I see nothing wrong with his giving girlfriend this ring.

I would find it touching that it belonged to his grandmother. I on the other hand dont know what she would think. So, Yes, it could be an engagement ring. The bottom line is... will she like it?? and we wont know that until/unless he gives it to her.

Can they honestly talk to each other about the ring and can she say ... Yes I like it... No I'd rather not wear that ring. If she declines the ring, will it make the boyfriend upset with her? My My! You sure did ask a complicated question

My opinion and Bottom Line: I think she would prefer this ring to NO ring... jmo.

[carole]

interesting , i would prefer no ring to a ring i did not like, i would rather wait, maybe get a cubic zirconia in the mean time, some of those are so pretty and look the real thing, many would not know , i got a gorgeous one for my daughters birthday, and was only 30 dollars and it is stunning, so that maybe an option, or go to a second hand dealer and choose one,i guess it is up to them to talk about it and decide what to do, if he wishes to surprise her then he could present her with something like a plastic ring or something funky with a promise to buy her one later, she surely knows the financial situation he is in.

I do feel quite strongly it is not a good idea to give her a ring she has no choice in, but again that is just how i feel and would have felt had my husband given me his mothers, or grandmothers ring, unless of course i had expressed that i loved it, or i actually did.:)

[Cataholic]

I agree with Carole. Jewelry is so personal, and the feelings of obligation behind this ring could really be awkward. Everyone's feelings would be hurt.

I kind of like the idea of saving up for a simple ring, and not starting the journey of their life on someone else's dime. If there isn't money for a simple ring now, how can they afford the wedding?

[carole]

well i assume the wedding will be a way off,they could perhaps save up for that, or maybe the parents are paying,as it used to be in traditional days, but yes i guess one would ask that question.

[mon]

The ring is beautiful, I think he should give it to her and tell her she can pick her own down the road when they are more financially secure. Two rings are better than one! :D Bring on the bling, that's right baby :D

[wolf_Q]

Corby proposed to me with an $8 ring from wal-mart ha ha.....and I wore it for a few months before we picked out the ring I wanted. I'm very glad he did this as I'm quite particular with what I like. I did choose a very simple design - we had it custom made I looked at a bunch of rings and decided what I liked then had a guy make it. He was able to do it for significantly less than the jewelry stores and I love that there isn't another ring exactly like mine somewhere else. So me personally I would much rather pick out my own ring. I don't see the problem in proposing with it and seeing if she likes it but as long as he isn't offended if it's not her personal taste and would like something different....she could still wear the ring and save up to get what she wants down the road.

[Scooter's Mom]

Maybe once he proposes, he could show it to her and ask her if she'd like to wear it and explain the significance of the ring.

Personally, I don't wear any rings other than the anniversary band that was my mothers. My husband is ok with it.
(I don't even wear it very often, since I use my hands doing data entry all day, my fingers feel weird with jewelry...)

And another thought - someone else mentioned this, but engagement rings don't have to be only diamonds. Look at the "Princess Diana" ring that Catherine is wearing now. It's a Sapphire. (And gorgeous!)

[catnapper]

This is great, getting all these different points of view! :)

I am funny with rings myself ---- in that I can't commit to one for very long. I told my husband that from the beginning. I even bought my own engagement ring and gave it to him, telling him to give it back to me when he was ready :p I knew while buying it that I would never wear it daily, so I found a $400 second-hand diamond. What blows my mind is that I see jewelry store ads for a similar new diamond today, and they're asking for 2 or 3 thousand dollars! :eek: I'd have never paid that for a ring! Maybe then I'd wear it every day?

I myself would love a ring that has emotional significance to my husband. I wouldn't wear it daily, but I would wear it proudly when I put it on :D

His girlfriend is very sweet. I don't know her very well because they live in florida, but she seems very easy going.

[mrspunkysmom]

Perhaps they should pick out their own ring.

I have heard that you have to be careful of jewelers. I think you have to build a relationship with the smaller stuff like watchbands, etc., find out how they operate. I have one I use to fix and adjust my watch bands. I've had an occasional free adjustment.

If she likes simple stuff, then that ring is too stylish. Find something simpler and more elegant.

Also a competent jeweler could transform that ring into a pendant, necklace, or brooch.

Just my take. And I like simple, too. Frank Lloyd Wright is so RIGHT!

[mon]

Boxing day is an excellent time to buy jewelry. My husband takes me every year now. Don't always find something I like but when I do it's usually half price, yee-ha! I also don't really care for just plain diamonds, as I love color. Semi preciouse stones are lovely too. Everyone is different.

[Asiel]

I love the ring and I love the sentiment behind it. I would be thrilled to receive it myself.

[Cataholic]

I love the ring and I love the sentiment behind it. I would be thrilled to receive it myself.


Maybe if it doesn't work out with Catnapper's son and his girlfriend......LOLOL. Just teasing around.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I think the ring is gorgeous and the sentiment is really sweet. If she doesn't like it, they can always get a different one later down the road.

I bought my own engagement ring ($30 amazon find!) Michael wasn't too happy about it, but we were tired of waiting to buy something expensive (the price of engagement rings that I liked were ridiculous for our current budget) so he's just going to get me another one later on. I'm in love with this one though, it's simple and pretty :).

[Pinot's Mom]

I have no engagement ring and I'm fine with that. We became engaged 31 years ago and had no money. I made it very clear spending money on rent was much more important than a ring. I don't believe in going into debt, especially at that stage, for 'stuff'.

Present the ring to him with no strings attached. Make a suggestion it could be a temporary or permanent engagement ring and leave it to him to present to her. Make it clear the ring is his to present at this time or not.