Rant.

[Roxyluvsme13]

You don't have to read this or even reply, unless you have any helpful suggestions, because that'd be great, but I just need to get this out.

I'm so tired of my mother. I'm so tired of her bitching at me for everything I do, complaining how she's not going to stay here because she hates Knoxville so much, how I won't help her do anything, how horrible my animals are, how she's going to throw Brennan outside, and throw Bella back outside and get rid of Domino and Tallulah and all this other crap.

I am a full-time college student, therefore, I go to class 5 days a week. I come home every day because my mother refuses to take Brennan outside because "she can't handle him" and he's my responsibility and blahblahblah.

Okay, that'd be fine, EXCEPT...

Next year, I'm living on campus in an apartment with one of my really good friends. I told my mom this she was okay. I told her I was actually going to stay in my apartment and she got pissed at me. Because god forbid, she'll have to take care of Brennan and of course, that's apparently the end of the world. I know he's a handful, but if you work with him, he's not that bad. It's taking him out to pee and poop and giving him food and a couple of pills, not a big deal.

Brennan has been acting out a lot lately, he's been pooping in his crate and won't poop outside when I take him out, and today he's started the whole eating poop thing, and I'm disgusted, so my mom automatically says "He's going outside."

Um, no. I don't think so. I'm not putting him through what Roxy had to go through for 8 years of her life. Nope, notta. I'll leave before she throws Brennan outside, though there's no where for me to go.

Second, my mom is all the time complaining about how she feels worthless because she sits around the house all day, which I can understand, she wants to go out and do something and she can't right now because she doesn't have gas in her car and has a flat tire. Well, you know, she could get off her butt and go get a job, but will she do that? Nope. Because "no one will hire her" and she "Doesn't have a way to get there." Hello, I have a car, and I'm sure you could find some sort of job. Anything.

We're struggling for money enough right now as it is, mainly paying bills, keeping gas in my car, etc., but she won't do anything about it. You can't live off of child support for the rest of your life (Which is $200 a month, and is not enough to pay bills and keep us sufficient). I've been working my butt off trying to find a job so I can keep the animals fed and keep myself in gas, pay my phone bill, etc.

I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and stressed out. I feel like I'm the adult in this situation, though if you ask her, she's the adult and then we get into a big argument and all of this. I'm trying really hard to find a job, and I'm taking care of the animals with their food, vet bills, etc., but she's not doing ANYTHING. She feeds me and houses me right now, but I just want to leave and get out of here and go ANYWHERE but here where we argue all the time. I'm so sick of arguing and so sick of listening to her complain about everything and so sick of not having a job and being able to provide for myself so I can get out of here...

And yes, it was a bad time to take in another cat who is potentially pregnant, but I was hoping, oh so hoping that I'd be getting a call back about a job interview that I had. Well, guess if that doesn't happen then I'll have to find Bella a home along with her kittens if she is pregnant, but I just wish that things would get more positive for once instead of more negative.

Also, please don't yell at me or give me crap for any of this. I've already heard enough of it from my mom and berating myself. If anybody has any tips or suggestions or anything I can possibly do though, please feel free to share.

[Karen]

You mom sounds like she is dealing with Depression. Has she talked to any medical professionals about this? Or a counselor? Much of her behavior is textbook Depression. Is there a pastor or some other adult she respects you could talk to about getting her some help? This is not your fault, kiddo. Thanks for hanging in there, but she sounds like she needs professional help, not just a daughter and animals to vent on.

The flat tire and no gas are minor problems, one can put air in the tire and gas in the tank.

[Roxyluvsme13]

You mom sounds like she is dealing with Depression. Has she talked to any medical professionals about this? Or a counselor? Much of her behavior is textbook Depression. Is there a pastor or some other adult she respects you could talk to about getting her some help? This is not your fault, kiddo. Thanks for hanging in there, but she sounds like she needs professional help, not just a daughter and animals to vent on.

The flat tire and no gas are minor problems, one can put air in the tire and gas in the tank.
She hasn't, because she refuses to go to the doctor for anything. Well, that and she hasn't found a doctor since we've moved either. She had a really awesome one before we moved when she got diagnosed with diabetes and all of that. But now she won't go to one again, because she doesn't have one and complains about how we can't afford it, etc. (The one we had before was free, so I guess that's how we got her to go eventually). I tell her she needs to call her friends and talk to them or that we'd go out and do things, but she just won't... I guess depression could explain some of the stuff going on though. I just wish there was more I could or that I could actually get her to do something about it.

And yeah. But she's been giving her extra money to me to keep gas in my car so I can get back and forth to school every day. So she hasn't had money to get the hole in her tire patched or to put gas in her own car. :/

I feel really bad for getting angry over everything, but she's stressing me out and making me feel bad and taking everything out on me.


ETA: And I know she's stressed out/worried over money a good portion of the time, but that's what baffles me about why she won't try to get a job.

[mrspunkysmom]

All I can give you is my sympathy.

I can tell you from someone that suffers from depression and boatloads of stress, that inactivity and inaction is the worse thing for it. We get stuck in a rut and don't know how to lift ourselves out. I find that I have to take some action. I might not get the expected or wishful outcome but I feel better for trying. Have you tried talking to counselors to see what help is available for her. Knoxville should have a Job Service office, the main goal of which is to help you find a job and get the training.

Here are some links I searched for your mom and these night be helpful to you, too. I'm not sure what resources you have used, so I just researched anything helpful.

http://www.discoveret.org/jobserv/

http://www.knoxvilletennessee.com/social-svs.html

http://www.tn.gov/labor-wfd/jobseekers.html

http://www.tennhelp.com/

http://www.tn.gov/humanserv/rehab/vrs.html Don't overlook vocational rehabilitation. You would be surprised at what services they offer that might not be advertised. You are too young, but they can help your mother, especially if she was previously employed, and is sick because she's not seeing a doctor.

http://voices.yahoo.com/free-low-cost-health-care-uninsured-3247153.html

http://www.freemedicalclinic.net/

http://www.interfaithhealthclinic.org/index.html

Visit some of these places and ask for help. If an organization can't help, they usually know who can.

Would your mom agree to a field trip to some of these places? What about intervention from some friends?



As far as your getting a job; hang in there. Getting refused for job offers is depressing. It destroys your self worth. Most of us want to be active, productive, contributing to the family and the world.

Brennan is probably picking up on the household stress. I think Sam was picking up on my stress which has never been that high.

Hang in there. Keep the faith. Rant all you want.

[Taz_Zoee]

I do not know anything about depression. But I can only imagine one question that is going through your mind reading the previous posts.........how am I supposed to confront her about her depression? That would just set off another arguement. At least that's what I'd be afraid of.

So here's my question to others out there. How can Bri approach this topic with her mom without making things potentially worse?

[Roxyluvsme13]

All I can give you is my sympathy.

I can tell you from someone that suffers from depression and boatloads of stress, that inactivity and inaction is the worse thing for it. We get stuck in a rut and don't know how to lift ourselves out. I find that I have to take some action. I might not get the expected or wishful outcome but I feel better for trying. Have you tried talking to counselors to see what help is available for her. Knoxville should have a Job Service office, the main goal of which is to help you find a job and get the training.

Here are some links I searched for your mom and these night be helpful to you, too. I'm not sure what resources you have used, so I just researched anything helpful.

http://www.discoveret.org/jobserv/

http://www.knoxvilletennessee.com/social-svs.html

http://www.tn.gov/labor-wfd/jobseekers.html

http://www.tennhelp.com/

http://www.tn.gov/humanserv/rehab/vrs.html Don't overlook vocational rehabilitation. You would be surprised at what services they offer that might not be advertised. You are too young, but they can help your mother, especially if she was previously employed, and is sick because she's not seeing a doctor.

http://voices.yahoo.com/free-low-cost-health-care-uninsured-3247153.html

http://www.freemedicalclinic.net/

http://www.interfaithhealthclinic.org/index.html

Visit some of these places and ask for help. If an organization can't help, they usually know who can.

Would your mom agree to a field trip to some of these places? What about intervention from some friends?



As far as your getting a job; hang in there. Getting refused for job offers is depressing. It destroys your self worth. Most of us want to be active, productive, contributing to the family and the world.

Brennan is probably picking up on the household stress. I think Sam was picking up on my stress which has never been that high.

Hang in there. Keep the faith. Rant all you want.
Thank you :). I'll look into some of these, though she went to a job thing (she has to for our food stamps) but didn't take it very seriously, so I don't know how she'd go about any of these other things. But I will still definitely check them out.


I do not know anything about depression. But I can only imagine one question that is going through your mind reading the previous posts.........how am I supposed to confront her about her depression? That would just set off another arguement. At least that's what I'd be afraid of.

So here's my question to others out there. How can Bri approach this topic with her mom without making things potentially worse?

This is a very good point. She's pretty touchy these days. Especially about herself.

[mrspunkysmom]

I do not know anything about depression. But I can only imagine one question that is going through your mind reading the previous posts.........how am I supposed to confront her about her depression? That would just set off another argument. At least that's what I'd be afraid of.

So here's my question to others out there. How can Bri approach this topic with her mom without making things potentially worse?

I don't know. I know that sometimes thing got to get worse before getting better. I know that doesn't make it any easier. I also know that Bri's mom has to make this decision herself. Sometimes it does help if you are forced to face the issues. Perhaps just start with getting her medical help and then bring up the depression and joblessness with her doctor. Once she starts feeling better she might want to do this herself.

Perhaps some friends can involve her in activities? Just throwing out ideas. I have friends I bounce ideas off of, and all over the world as well as local. I am getting ready to visit some friends before heading to Mass. Just want to check in on them, too.

Bri, some of those links can be helpful to you, too. Perhaps if you just bring home the literature she might get interested.

And only you can make this decision if you try to help her. But whatever action you take, let her know that it is because you love her and want her to feel good about what ever it is she is doing.

[Karen]

I would stress to her at the beginning that you love her, and want her to feel better about everything. Many people think Depression is just "feeling sad," when that doesn't cover it at all. It's a real medical problem, and affects every aspect of life. Do look at the links that were posted.

You know what? My cousin, now that I think of it, works for the state of Tennessee, in helping families. Let me email her and see if she has any thoughts, she's not too far away from you guys. either.

[Catty1]

Bri, you are being affected very much by this. Can you contact any of her friends and ask them to call her? If you have a doctor, or if there is some Mental Health Association or etc - even a Crisis Line - tell any or all of them what is going on.


I don't know about the law where you live, but here in Alberta if anyone says anything about wanting to kill themselves, the police can be called and they will break the door down if necessary and take the person to a hospital for an assessment.

Your mom has a choice - she can seek help voluntarily now, or wait til she has no choice in being taken for help.

I have dealt with depression myself - thank goodness it has been much better for years.

Anyway, seek help for yourself (for the problem you are having with your mom) and help may come her way.

HUGS

[Roxyluvsme13]

I just feel like talking about all of this with her isn't going to do anything. I've tried to get her to go to doctors for years, and she had to make that choice on her own. I think she's going to have to realize that if she needs help, she's going to need help. I can't force it on her. She's really stubborn and it just won't work.

And she's happy most of the time, so that's why I sort of doubt it's even depression. She's just having a rough time in life, and things don't always seem so optimistic, but I'm just not 100% convinced she is legitimately depressed... I think she just needs to get out of the house and do some things with friends, find her purpose. I've been trying to get her to start painting again (I bought her all sorts of paints, canvasses, an easel, etc.) to occupy her time with, but she also has pain issues (arthritis) and diabetes, of course, so I think that's why she hasn't been doing that yet...

I just feel really at a loss of what to do. She's not going to listen to me about any of this, I'm almost 100% sure of that.

Maybe we just need some time apart to do our own thing. We were both fine when I was at UT and she was 2 hours away last year.

I think she's bored, lonely, and frustrated moreso than anything.

[Karen]

I emailed my cousin, and she gave me some info for you. I'll PM you, okay?

[Cataholic]

Children (and you are, IMO, still a child :)) shouldn't have to raise their parents. That must stink for you. If I were you, I would try my hardest to find homes for all the animals- as much as I know that pains you- and move out. Anywhere. In a 1 room efficiency if you have to, and live on student loans.

Your #1 job- Bri- is getting an education so that you are not dependent on another person in your life. You are not 'turning your back' on her (frankly, I think she has treated you shabbily for a while), you are making the most of your life. It isn't your responsibility to get her to seek mental or physical help, to put food on your table, or anything else. She should be doing all that for you (provided that she is financially able). I can't imagine stressing, at your age, about food and gas, and whether my parent was getting out of the house that day or not. Good grief.

If she wants to get help, she is an ADULT. She can and will get help. Otherwise, she is going to bring you down with her.

:(

[Roxyluvsme13]

Children (and you are, IMO, still a child :)) shouldn't have to raise their parents. That must stink for you. If I were you, I would try my hardest to find homes for all the animals- as much as I know that pains you- and move out. Anywhere. In a 1 room efficiency if you have to, and live on student loans.

Your #1 job- Bri- is getting an education so that you are not dependent on another person in your life. You are not 'turning your back' on her (frankly, I think she has treated you shabbily for a while), you are making the most of your life. It isn't your responsibility to get her to seek mental or physical help, to put food on your table, or anything else. She should be doing all that for you (provided that she is financially able). I can't imagine stressing, at your age, about food and gas, and whether my parent was getting out of the house that day or not. Good grief.

If she wants to get help, she is an ADULT. She can and will get help. Otherwise, she is going to bring you down with her.

:(
I can't just leave and move out though is the problem... I can't do that to my mom :(. She raised me and fed me for 19 years of my life, and she still feeds me and gives me a place to stay, I just wish that she'd try to get a job and actually do something. Or at least apply for disability, anything to get money, because depending on child support isn't exactly working out, and I know she can't do this forever. When I have the money I help her with bills, and she gives me gas money when she has it from the child support checks, but I hate wondering how I'm going to get to school some days or how I'm going to pay for my phone bill, or any of that. I'm going through my stuff right now and selling some of it to try to get some extra money to pay my phone bill, then I guess I'll have to go through some more stuff to get extra gas. I can't even go hang out with my friends because I don't have the gas to do it, and I know that's always a little bit of a stress reliever for me.

I just feel really lost at what to do. I'm 95% sure I'll be spending a lot of time at my apartment next year so I don't have to worry about this stuff.

[lizbud]

I don't want to say anything bad about your mom. She is your mom & you love her.:)
But, child support is money to support you, not for use to support a household. I'm sorry
that you have these worries at this stage of your life. Prayers for both you & your mom.

[Cataholic]

Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I don't want to say anything bad about your mom. She is your mom & you love her.:)
But, child support is money to support you, not for use to support a household. I'm sorry
that you have these worries at this stage of your life. Prayers for both you & your mom.
Yeah, I know. Sigh. Thanks for the support.


Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.
My dad owes/owed like years and years of back pay in child support because when my parents divorced (when I was 1), he only paid for a short time and then quit and didn't pay for a good 10 years at least. So my mom said he's going to pay back everything he owes and he's going to continue to pay to make up for lost time. I think she's kind of being a ***** about it, I mean yes, my dad owes me that money and he should have paid it, but my dad works his *** off and is feeding 6 people right now (and yeah, that's his own fault too and I don't feel sorry for him because he was a jerk and cheated on my mom and is with his awful wife now) but he does work hard, and I don't think my mom should be so hard about the child support. Also, one time my dad offered to mail me the child support checks (this was last year) and I told him he couldn't do that because my mom wouldn't have any money. Maybe I'm too nice for my own good, because child support is supposed to be my money, not hers...

Anyway, yes. There would be no income aside from my excess financial aid that I get every semester (which is now gone because I used it to help my mom with bills, food for the animals, gas for my car, some car maintenance, gas for my mom's car, and a few other things that I shouldn't have bought, but I splurged anyway...)

Of course I wouldn't let someone beat me or something like that, but I'm not going to abandon my mom after all she's done for me... she raised me on her own with no help from my father for a long time, and I always admired her for that, but her being the way she is now, just makes me sad and frustrated. And we argue all the time and I need to get out of here and be on my own but I'm afraid she'll get rid of the animals while I'm gone.

I won't let myself go down with her. I'm trying to stay afloat. Trying to manage my way through school and find a job and do anything I can, but it's just not enough and I'm freaking out because I have no idea what I'm going to do about money or anything. And I hate arguing with her all the time and seeing her sit here and not do anything.

[Cataholic]

You are a good person, Bri. I hate to think of how hard this all must be for you.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

Your situation sounds very stressful, and I know personally how hard it is to worry about money. Your campus probably has free resources for students - have you thought about talking to someone to help you manage your stress levels? I have some problems with managing stress, myself, and tend to get physical manifestations of it when I am really stressed (mainly migraines, which are horrible).

I understand that you want to help your mom; but I think others are right that she has to want to help herself, too. I know as a parent I would do anything within my power to see my daughter happy and successful and I'm sure your mom wants that for you too. You can still be supportive by calling her and seeing her when you can, but maybe it's best if you find another place, like living on campus (which is likely more affordable than an apartment and you will never have to worry about getting to class).

Is there someone else you know (family member or friend) who would be willing to watch your pets in the mean time?

[Roxyluvsme13]

Johanna, I try to be. Sometimes I wonder why I'm so nice.


Your situation sounds very stressful, and I know personally how hard it is to worry about money. Your campus probably has free resources for students - have you thought about talking to someone to help you manage your stress levels? I have some problems with managing stress, myself, and tend to get physical manifestations of it when I am really stressed (mainly migraines, which are horrible).

I understand that you want to help your mom; but I think others are right that she has to want to help herself, too. I know as a parent I would do anything within my power to see my daughter happy and successful and I'm sure your mom wants that for you too. You can still be supportive by calling her and seeing her when you can, but maybe it's best if you find another place, like living on campus (which is likely more affordable than an apartment and you will never have to worry about getting to class).

Is there someone else you know (family member or friend) who would be willing to watch your pets in the mean time?
We do have resources. I'm just not sure how much they've helped me. I don't think I'd be very open about my problems to a complete stranger, even if it would help me.

I know she wants the best for me and is trying to do that, but I don't think she's realizing how much this is upsetting me. How much I hate arguing with her, and how it frustrates me to no end that she won't even try to do anything. And if I even mention it, I've mentioned something about finding a job before, she gets extremely defensive and says "no one is going to hire me" and that sort of thing.

I'm going to live on campus next year, even though my house is only 25 minutes away, I think it'd be best if my mom and I spend some time apart again. Being together 24/7 just doesn't work anymore.

And no, there's no one that would watch the pets :/. My mom doesn't mind taking care of Lily, Domino, and Tallulah, it's just Brennan and Bella she has a problem with... I might have to do something with Bella anyway, because I'm not sure if we're going to be able to keep her, but maybe I can manage something for Brennan so he won't have to suffer while I'm not there too.

Thanks for all the advice :)

[caseysmom]

Why is your mom still receiving child support for a 19 year old? If NO child support was coming in, there would be NO income coming into the house? Your thought process, "she did this for this long, now I have to take this..." is seriously flawed. If someone was good to you for ten years, do you allow them to beat you for the next 5? Different set of facts, but same thing.

Parents DO 'owe' it to their children to raise them. She wasn't doing you a favor by feeding and clothing you, Bri. She owed you that. She didn't go any extra mile. Food, shelter..those are considered basic necessities, not doing someone a favor. Staying with someone, in what sounds like a unhealthy environment, because they gave you food/shelter at some point isn't really a strong argument.

I know this sounds mean...but, really....you are going to go down with her. And, that stinks.

I completely agree! Also lots of schools will cover your tuition and room and board if your parents don't have income. If I remember correctly your first year was in a dorm, most likely your college required this, you seemed a lot happier during that time, not trying to judge but face it you do have some pettalk mom's here.

I am not trying to brag or blow my horn but I would and have done whatever I could to keep my kids from worrying about adult crap, they will have plenty of time for that, while they were living at home they were suppose to only worry about school. Even now that my daughters are on their own I try my best to make sure there lives are comfortable and they are doing what they need to do to have good lives.

[Alysser]

Bri, I don't want to come off as rude or anything but maybe you could at least re-home Brennan? At least for the time you are away. I only say this because I am worried she'll put him outside while you are away and you can't do much about it. Maybe see if his original foster family will keep him for a little while?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I could take Brennan for awhile. Poor guy :( Poor you to! You're a good person and you do not deserve this. I agree with the others...your mom has to make the decision to help herself. It may take a real eye-opener to do that...:( I really hope she does get help in the meantime and I really hope you decide to help yourself. You seem like such a selfless person and I know you don't want to abandon your mom but you need to HELP yourself to. We know you've been looking for a job for awhile and I think you've grown into a very responsible person. PM or FB IM me if you ever need to talk!:love:

[moosmom]

Cataholic,

It COULD be that there was a child support stipulation that IF said child continues their education, then child support continues till they graduate. JMO Thought you might think of it being a lawyer and all.

Ya know Roxylovesme, it could be your Mom may be going through menopause. A lot of the symptoms you've mentioned are what I went through. Menopause and Depression closely resemble each other. Problem is, if she won't get help, then it's a moot issue.

Good luck kiddo.

[Cataholic]

Cataholic,

It COULD be that there was a child support stipulation that IF said child continues their education, then child support continues till they graduate. JMO Thought you might think of it being a lawyer and all.


LOL. Nice one. Really, I am a lawyer. And, as I know Bri's age, and some of the family background, I imagined it was unlikely that the divorce decree would have included support past 18, for school purposes or any other. That is still a fairly new concept, and I would imagine if you took an informal poll, you would find most people don't have that written into their divorce decree.

Course, I knew that since I was a lawyer and all...

[Karen]

LOL. Nice one. Really, I am a lawyer. And, as I know Bri's age, and some of the family background, I imagined it was unlikely that the divorce decree would have included support past 18, for school purposes or any other. That is still a fairly new concept, and I would imagine if you took an informal poll, you would find most people don't have that written into their divorce decree.

Course, I knew that since I was a lawyer and all...

As she said in an earlier post, her father stopped paying child support for ten years while she was still growing up, so the money her mother is getting now is his effort to repay that money they are owed. So it will be for a finite time, until that debt is paid off.

[pomtzu]

When my son and his first wife divorced, child support was mandatory only until their daughter turned 18, then it was finished. However, now that she is in college at a pricey private university. he pays half of her tuition, but it's not mandatory that he do so. Child support was a whole lot less expensive!

[Cataholic]

As she said in an earlier post, her father stopped paying child support for ten years while she was still growing up, so the money her mother is getting now is his effort to repay that money they are owed. So it will be for a finite time, until that debt is paid off.

Uh, yes, Karen. I know that, now. After I questioned why her mom was getting support payments at 19, Bri explained it, and I read it. I am quite familiar with the term 'arrearage'. LOL.

My response was to Moosmom, with her editorializing. Again. Nice gloss over on that.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I completely agree! Also lots of schools will cover your tuition and room and board if your parents don't have income. If I remember correctly your first year was in a dorm, most likely your college required this, you seemed a lot happier during that time, not trying to judge but face it you do have some pettalk mom's here.

I am not trying to brag or blow my horn but I would and have done whatever I could to keep my kids from worrying about adult crap, they will have plenty of time for that, while they were living at home they were suppose to only worry about school. Even now that my daughters are on their own I try my best to make sure there lives are comfortable and they are doing what they need to do to have good lives.
My schooling/room and board are already covered by loans and grants and stuff like that, so I mean, I'm not paying for anything haha. I get excess money back, like I mentioned before. It's just gone now because I used it to help my mom with bills and things for the animals and things for my car and gas etc etc. And yes, I'm very glad for my PT mommas :).


Bri, I don't want to come off as rude or anything but maybe you could at least re-home Brennan? At least for the time you are away. I only say this because I am worried she'll put him outside while you are away and you can't do much about it. Maybe see if his original foster family will keep him for a little while?

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I could take Brennan for awhile. Poor guy :( Poor you to! You're a good person and you do not deserve this. I agree with the others...your mom has to make the decision to help herself. It may take a real eye-opener to do that...:( I really hope she does get help in the meantime and I really hope you decide to help yourself. You seem like such a selfless person and I know you don't want to abandon your mom but you need to HELP yourself to. We know you've been looking for a job for awhile and I think you've grown into a very responsible person. PM or FB IM me if you ever need to talk!:love:
I just couldn't do that to Brennan... He's really happy here and he absolutely LOVES me. I told my mom she could tie him out some during the day (which is fine, because he'd be getting exercise and he loves being outside) just as long as she brings him inside, which I think she'll do. It's not like she's going to throw him out in the cold or anything, I'd protest.

And thank you. I don't know what it's going to take for her, but I'll just have to deal with it till she does... thanks, Alyssa :). I'll come to you if I ever need to talk for sure.

Cataholic,

It COULD be that there was a child support stipulation that IF said child continues their education, then child support continues till they graduate. JMO Thought you might think of it being a lawyer and all.

Ya know Roxylovesme, it could be your Mom may be going through menopause. A lot of the symptoms you've mentioned are what I went through. Menopause and Depression closely resemble each other. Problem is, if she won't get help, then it's a moot issue.

Good luck kiddo.
Nope, nothing about that in the child support thing, I'm pretty sure. My mom is just making my dad pay anyway, and then all the backpay and everything, so he'll be paying for a while. It'd just be nice if the money was actually mine.

I guess that could be it. But I thought she already went through menopause unless it's an ongoing thing...


When my son and his first wife divorced, child support was mandatory only until their daughter turned 18, then it was finished. However, now that she is in college at a pricey private university. he pays half of her tuition, but it's not mandatory that he do so. Child support was a whole lot less expensive!
That's how mine was set up, but if my dad had paid it like he was supposed to, then he wouldn't be paying it now. His wife (Who nobody likes) really doesn't like that he's still paying us money, but you know, it's his own fault... I wish my dad paid half of my tuition. But I'd never ever see that happening.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I have some good news y'all :).

I got called yesterday for a job interview. It's at McDonald's, not my ideal place to work, but I'll take anything at this point. I have to call them back tomorrow and set up an interview time. Hope they don't mind that it took me a couple days to get their message.

Now if I can get this job, somehow get money to keep my phone on and keep gas in my car until then, things might be okay.

[caseysmom]

I have some good news y'all :).

I got called yesterday for a job interview. It's at McDonald's, not my ideal place to work, but I'll take anything at this point. I have to call them back tomorrow and set up an interview time. Hope they don't mind that it took me a couple days to get their message.

Now if I can get this job, somehow get money to keep my phone on and keep gas in my car until then, things might be okay.

I think its better if you don't have to work during college, sorry but good news would have been your mom getting a job. But if your happy about it so am I.

[Scooter's Mom]

I hope your job doesn't distract you from your studies. I know the job will help with the immediate needs, but please try to focus on the long term goals. I know that is so hard to do when you have so many things on your plate. The better educated you are, the less often you will ever be faced with these situations in the future. Good luck on the job interview!

[Medusa]

Does your mom have friends that could visit and perhaps get her out of the house for a while? If they could get her interested in something or if she could look forward to an event of some type, perhaps she'd feel better.

Good luck w/the job, Bri. You're young and can handle a job and school. My son went to college full time and worked 3 part time jobs to pay his tuition so that he wouldn't be saddled w/student loan debt. At that time, my husband and I couldn't help him financially and he said that he's happy that we couldn't b/c it made him stronger. You sound like a tough cookie (in a good way) and I think a new job and your mom getting out of the house w/friends and activities would turn this whole situation around. Keep the faythe. :)

[Roxyluvsme13]

I know it's tough to go to college and have a job at the same time, but you gotta do what you gotta do... this way I can at least support myself and continue to help my mom and take care of the animals.

My mom does have friends, but she won't ever call them and go do anything. She has one friend who she's known since she loved around here before, and I found her online and they reconnected. I seriously think they need to hang out, but it hasn't happened yet.

[Alysser]

Congrats, Bri!! I hope you get it, you really deserve it after all this crap.

And sorry, I didn't mean permanent rehoming, I meant more or less finding a foster home for now but hopefully you're mom won't do anything rash to Brennan. :D

Going through college with a job is tough, but it really isn't to bad. I'm doing it now. It's alot of work, it does get stressful as hell, and annoying, but it really does teach you ALOT. Good luck!

[moosmom]

Roxyluvsme13,

Well, menopause can be tricky. My symptoms lasted over 9 years!!! You guys are so lucky to have each other. I hope it all works out for you.

Cataholic,

Hit a raw nerve, did I????? ARE you a REAL lawyer, or do you just play one????

[Cataholic]

Moosmom, what, you just couldn't deal with the fact that I ignored your "apology", so you want to goad me into getting into it here?

Just go adjust your medication. It makes everyone happier.

[moosmom]

Moosmom, what, you just couldn't deal with the fact that I ignored your "apology", so you want to goad me into getting into it here?



Guess, what??? I just did, cuz you responded!! Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I think YOU are the one who needs meds.

A BIGGER person would have accepted my apology and moved on. KMA And don't bother posting again cuz I've blocked your sorry @##.

[caseysmom]

Not sure whats going on but your two of my favorite people so you have that in common...now get along...

[pomtzu]

:eek: Yeah - no need of comments like:

[mrspunkysmom]

Bri,

You're young and although it will be tiring, you'll survive working and college at the same time. I wish you luck in your endeavors. And I hope your mother can start caring for herself. Just hang in there.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I've got to get out of this house... we argue all the time and it's so frustrating. I'm going to go somewhere tonight and hang out with some friends for a little while or something, but I'm kind of afraid to leave. She just almost threw Bella out the front door and is threatening to throw them all out when I'm gone... I don't know what to do.

[caseysmom]

I've got to get out of this house... we argue all the time and it's so frustrating. I'm going to go somewhere tonight and hang out with some friends for a little while or something, but I'm kind of afraid to leave. She just almost threw Bella out the front door and is threatening to throw them all out when I'm gone... I don't know what to do.

Only you know if she is capable of that but it does sound like you both need a break from each other.Years ago a man was at the shelter saying goodbye to his two dogs because his wife threw them out on the street why he was gone and he was giving them up because he knew she would do it again, I hope you mom isn't that cruel.

[Roxyluvsme13]

Only you know if she is capable of that but it does sound like you both need a break from each other.Years ago a man was at the shelter saying goodbye to his two dogs because his wife threw them out on the street why he was gone and he was giving them up because he knew she would do it again, I hope you mom isn't that cruel.
That's horrible :(. I don't know if she'd be that cruel. I don't think she'd do that to Domino or Lily, or hopefully not Brennan but I worry about Tallulah and Bella because they're the troublemaker cats and Bella came from outside so in my mom's opinion I'm sure she could go back.

My mom and I have been arguing over money and the animals a lot lately, I just actually tried to do something nice for her and she's like "I'm a bad mom, I'm not worth any of this, etc. etc." So now I feel horrible. I just think I need to go spend some time away from her for a few hours. Being on spring break isn't easy with all of this going on and most of my friends being at home hours away.

[catland]

couple of thoughts....

I realize I don't know you and your situation very well but a few things pop in to mind....

Are these her pets or yours? If they are yours, then you don't have a right to force her to care for your pets - so as hard as the idea may be, rehoming might be the best plan for one or more of them. Being a young adult, going to school, working, and supporting so many animals might be overdoing it.

There's a book called "Boundries" (sorry, don't know the author), that might be a good book to read.

You're only 19 but have been forced to grow up too quickly becuase of your home life. Don't let your mom drag you down. You can be kind and respectful, but you don't have to get sucked into the drama.

I wish you the very best of luck during this difficult time.

[carole]

Bri i am with catland on this one, and i have to say if they are your animals, and you took them on, then they are your responsibility not your mother's.

You know it could well be your mother has just had enough of responsibility, and wants a complete break from it, i can relate to that myself,you are the same age as my youngest, who is at university , and living at home, i do a lot for my girl, but she does appreciate it.

Sometimes i feel all i ever do is look after everyone and sometimes one likes to feel maybe someone can look after me for a change, maybe your mother feels a bit like that.

I would have to say if she is going through menopause,(you don't say how old your mother is)then for some woman it is extremely difficult time in their life, and everything can just seem to much to deal with.

i have empathy for you both, and i think you have to think about how it is for your mother too,not just yourself,some of her threats are probably just that threats, and her only way of coping.

She could well indeed be suffering from depression,meds are not always the answer,that is just my opinion,you can get through it without it, if it is not too severe.

I think you should just try and be supportive to your mother, understand that life is not that great for her right now, and she probably does not need an extra responsibility right now.

you know mothers and daughters often have rough patches, but in the end she is the person who loves you more than anyone ever will, believe me when you become a mother yourself you will completely understand that.

I wish you both well and hope you can get along better, try seeing things from your mothers perspective ,it might just help...GOOD LUCK...:love:

[dab_20]

Bri, I'm sorry to read of the rough patches you're going through. You are a good person, and of course you love your mom and want to help her.

IMO, however, it's best if you go on your own. I don't think at this age you should be supporting your mother. She's obviously going through a rough patch and it's understandable if you feel like you should support yourself more- but supporting her is going over the line IMO.
It's hard to go to college and support yourself, but in all honesty it is do-able. At 19 we're technically adults and physically able to support ourselves, which may be easier for you to do than what your dealing with living at home. And as horrible it is to think to rehome those animals she is unwilling to care for- it may be the best option, if just temporarily. Have you thought about finding an apartment with friends or in a craigslist type ad for roommates that you could take Brennan with? (When you get a job anyway) If your loans cover the rent and food, and you can care for yourself and Brennan with whatever job you get, this may be worth it.

Good luck to you, Bri, we all care about you!! :love: Your welcome to FB anytime for advice or if you need to talk.

[Roxyluvsme13]

My mom and I are on much better terms with each other and getting along better and not arguing much, if at all.

BUT...

We're kind of getting sued for money. So that's not helping things. :rolleyes:

[Karen]

My mom and I are on much better terms with each other and getting along better and not arguing much, if at all.

BUT...

We're kind of getting sued for money. So that's not helping things. :rolleyes:

What are you getting sued about, and who is bringing the suit?

[Roxyluvsme13]

What are you getting sued about, and who is bringing the suit?
It's for lot rent for our trailer. We're like 3 months behind on lot rent, so the trailer park is taking us to court over it... They didn't even sent out any notices about it or contact us about it, and we didn't know until this sheriff deputy showed up on our porch today and had my mom and I sign something and gave us a court date (which happens to occur during one of my classes, so how am I supposed to go? :rolleyes: )

[Karen]

It's for lot rent for our trailer. We're like 3 months behind on lot rent, so the trailer park is taking us to court over it... They didn't even sent out any notices about it or contact us about it, and we didn't know until this sheriff deputy showed up on our porch today and had my mom and I sign something and gave us a court date (which happens to occur during one of my classes, so how am I supposed to go? :rolleyes: )

Is there a contact number for someone you can call to change the date to a time when you can actually be there? Did you know you were even behind?

[Roxyluvsme13]

Is there a contact number for someone you can call to change the date to a time when you can actually be there? Did you know you were even behind?
My mom's going to contact the office of the park here, (if she can get in contact with them, I see this as highly unlikely because we've tried to contact them before), and figure out what she can do.

And yeah, we knew we were behind, but we figured they were going to send out a notice about it, because that's what they usually do, but they didn't do that. Just served us with court papers.

[Catty1]

Bri, I don't think you should be involved in this too much. Your mom is the one who hasn't bothered to get a job and these are the consequences of that.

All I mean is - she has to be the mom and you the daughter. Not the other way around.

{{{hugs}}}

[carole]

Hmm sometimes parents need support too, is bri mother a solo parent, ? if so that means life has been more difficult,and not as straight forward as some have it, i feel for both parties involved.:love:

[Roxyluvsme13]

Well, it's my home too, that's how I look at it. And since my name is on our lease, I got served with the court papers too. And I'm supposed to show up in court.

Yes, my mom is a single mom.

[caseysmom]

Well, it's my home too, that's how I look at it. And since my name is on our lease, I got served with the court papers too. And I'm supposed to show up in court.

Yes, my mom is a single mom.

Your mom should be able to show up and say your in college and in class.

[catland]

Yikes - sorry to hear about the court thing. Do you have the money to pay the rent? Have you tried talking to the landlords? They don't want the hassle of going to court but they feel like you've backed them into a corner by thinking that you could live there for free.

In the landlord's defense, its not their job to notify you that you are behind. It was very generous of them to allow you the three months that you have had. I own a tri-plex and once had a tenant that always had an excuse on why he didn't pay rent. So every month I'd have to issue him a 72 hour notice to pay up or vacate. I finally got tired of it and gave him a 30 day notice to leave because I was tired of the bulls**t.

Sounds like you need to miss your class since your name is on the lease. The last thing you want now is a contempt of court problem.

[caseysmom]

Yikes - sorry to hear about the court thing. Do you have the money to pay the rent? Have you tried talking to the landlords? They don't want the hassle of going to court but they feel like you've backed them into a corner by thinking that you could live there for free.

In the landlord's defense, its not their job to notify you that you are behind. It was very generous of them to allow you the three months that you have had. I own a tri-plex and once had a tenant that always had an excuse on why he didn't pay rent. So every month I'd have to issue him a 72 hour notice to pay up or vacate. I finally got tired of it and gave him a 30 day notice to leave because I was tired of the bulls**t.

Sounds like you need to miss your class since your name is on the lease. The last thing you want now is a contempt of court problem.

Unless she is being subpoenad that would most likely not be the case, the court date is her mom's day to go plead her case before getting a 30 day notice.

[Catty1]

Yes, Bri's mom is a single mom. I gather from what Bri has said that her mom is either unable or unwilling to find work.

There is not much Bri can do financially, IMO. I meant that Bri's mom needs to find a way to come up with money. Whether she qualifies for disability because of her health, or decides to find work, the responsibility is hers.

I hope and pray that all goes well, Bri.

[carole]

yes well i can understand how difficult it can be, i was a solo parent for ten years myself, so until you have walked in those shoes ,it is hard to understand what it is like, it is not an easy road, i also wonder how much Bri's dad is in the picture and whether he can help out financially.

Again i must stress i feel for both parties here, i think it is very hard on both of them,it sounds like Bri's mother has had it tough and things are getting on top of her, she needs love and support i think,and yes i think Bri can help her there,after all is that not what her mother has given her for the last 19years, with much sacrifice too i imagine, which we do unconditionally as mothers, but i am sure Bri can give back too.,and i am sure she had already done that, just hang on in there Bri, i am sure there is some help out there for you,you just have to seek it.

I am glad you and your mother are not fighting anymore, i think you do need to band together in tough times and support each other.

HUGS to both of you.

[Roxyluvsme13]

Yikes - sorry to hear about the court thing. Do you have the money to pay the rent? Have you tried talking to the landlords? They don't want the hassle of going to court but they feel like you've backed them into a corner by thinking that you could live there for free.

In the landlord's defense, its not their job to notify you that you are behind. It was very generous of them to allow you the three months that you have had. I own a tri-plex and once had a tenant that always had an excuse on why he didn't pay rent. So every month I'd have to issue him a 72 hour notice to pay up or vacate. I finally got tired of it and gave him a 30 day notice to leave because I was tired of the bulls**t.

Sounds like you need to miss your class since your name is on the lease. The last thing you want now is a contempt of court problem.
We don't have money to pay the rent right now. My mom's doing good to keep our electricity and water on. She's going to try and call the trailer park this week, I'm assuming. It's all she can do.

They always send out late notices to people who pay their rent late/are past due. At least, they USED to. So, yeah, I know it wasn't their job, but I still think they should have done something other than just automatically serve us with court papers.

I'm pretty sure I have to go to court too. I had to sign a paper or something, I guess saying that I would be there. So, guess I'm going.


Yes, Bri's mom is a single mom. I gather from what Bri has said that her mom is either unable or unwilling to find work.

There is not much Bri can do financially, IMO. I meant that Bri's mom needs to find a way to come up with money. Whether she qualifies for disability because of her health, or decides to find work, the responsibility is hers.

I hope and pray that all goes well, Bri.
She's unwilling but kind of unable too. She doesn't think anyone will hire her or that she'd be capable of doing it. She has a lot of health problems and she is getting older. (My mom is 58.)

It is her responsibility, but if I had the money I'd help her out.

Thank you.


yes well i can understand how difficult it can be, i was a solo parent for ten years myself, so until you have walked in those shoes ,it is hard to understand what it is like, it is not an easy road, i also wonder how much Bri's dad is in the picture and whether he can help out financially.

Again i must stress i feel for both parties here, i think it is very hard on both of them,it sounds like Bri's mother has had it tough and things are getting on top of her, she needs love and support i think,and yes i think Bri can help her there,after all is that not what her mother has given her for the last 19years, with much sacrifice too i imagine, which we do unconditionally as mothers, but i am sure Bri can give back too.,and i am sure she had already done that, just hang on in there Bri, i am sure there is some help out there for you,you just have to seek it.

I am glad you and your mother are not fighting anymore, i think you do need to band together in tough times and support each other.

HUGS to both of you.
My dad pays her $50/week child support, which is $200 a month. We've asked him for help before, and it's usually not worth the effort. Mainly because of his awful wife and the fact that he's caring for 3 other people, so even though I was there first, I seem to come last in the situation.

It is very hard for both of us. And I know my mom is having a rough time so I try to be there for her. She did raise me for the past 19 years, and I help her when I can.

Thank you for the hugs.

[carole]

Bri i really do understand completely how hard it must be for both of you, i also know when i was raising my son i had no help from the father, he was supporting four other children, and they were not even his,just like you my son was last too, and it hurts you and your mother so much.

Because i have walked in your mothers shoes, i really can relate to her difficulties, i was fortunate to have parents who could and would help me out financially,if it was not for them, i hate to think where i would be today,your mother is a few years older than me, so it is tough to get out there, today's work force is so different from our day, so technical, and i think she just lacks self confidence and that can really hold you back.

I sure hope things really can turn around for you both, it is hard for you to have to step up ,when at 19 life should just be fun,fun,fun, i get that,but stick together and hopefully things will improve, i know it is extremely hard, and please understand i have never been down on you, i just get it from both of your perspectives,i really do, again many HUGS....:love::love:

[Catty1]

I know your mom has not been well, Bri. I wonder if there is some kind of disability from the state or something she could apply for? It would sure take some pressure off her. She'd probably need a letter from a doctor, I would guess.

Prayers that all works out.:love::love:

I'm glad you're getting along better too. :)

[Roxyluvsme13]

Thank you Carole :love:


I know your mom has not been well, Bri. I wonder if there is some kind of disability from the state or something she could apply for? It would sure take some pressure off her. She'd probably need a letter from a doctor, I would guess.

Prayers that all works out.:love::love:

I'm glad you're getting along better too. :)
She could apply for disability, but you have to have a doctor and all of these certifications and everything, and we haven't been able to find her a free doctor around here yet, though I've been looking. She needs one though as she's out of her diabetes medicines, and she kind of REALLY needs those. That could be part of the reason why she's grumpy.

If she started the disability application process, it would take a long time too. You get denied for it at least once before you get it. Could take over a year or more.

[pomtzu]

Bri - Don't take this wrong, but you really need to stop making excuses for your mother. She needs to apply for assistance and see a doctor. I never heard of a FREE doctor, and if she is out of diabetes meds, what's she going to do??? - end up in the local emergency room (if she's lucky and makes it that far)??? And as far as disability goes - well you really don't have that correct. Yes there are forms to fill out, and if she truly is disabled and unable to work and a doctor deems it so, it doesn't mean that she will automatically be denied once, or that it takes a year or more. I've been on disability since I was 61. I was told by Social Security that after my forms were filled out and received and reviewed, that it would probably be 3 months before I heard anything one way or the other. In a matter of 3 weeks I had my approval - and I was never initially denied. Whoever is telling you differently, is giving you a worst case scenario, and your mother will never know anything if she doesn't take action - see a doctor - and get the ball rolling. She has to go to them - they are not going to come to her.

And another thing I don't understand - how are the 2 of you living on only $200 each month. I don't see how that is in any way possible.

[Roxyluvsme13]

Bri - Don't take this wrong, but you really need to stop making excuses for your mother. She needs to apply for assistance and see a doctor. I never heard of a FREE doctor, and if she is out of diabetes meds, what's she going to do??? - end up in the local emergency room (if she's lucky and makes it that far)??? And as far as disability goes - well you really don't have that correct. Yes there are forms to fill out, and if she truly is disabled and unable to work and a doctor deems it so, it doesn't mean that she will automatically be denied once, or that it takes a year or more. I've been on disability since I was 61. I was told by Social Security that after my forms were filled out and received and reviewed, that it would probably be 3 months before I heard anything one way or the other. In a matter of 3 weeks I had my approval - and I was never initially denied. Whoever is telling you differently, is giving you a worst case scenario, and your mother will never know anything if she doesn't take action - see a doctor - and get the ball rolling. She has to go to them - they are not going to come to her.

And another thing I don't understand - how are the 2 of you living on only $200 each month. I don't see how that is in any way possible.
I'm not making excuses for her, I'm just stating how she feels and what she's told me... In the state of Tennessee, every single person is denied for social security disability at least once. My mom was a nurse, knew people then, and we know several people that have applied for it, you are ALWAYS denied at least once. It's just how it happens here. Doesn't matter who you are.

There are free doctors for people that have low income, my mom had one in the place where we used to live. She doesn't qualify for health insurance, or at least free health insurance anymore. I looked into that the other day.

[pomtzu]

Bri - I'm really not trying to argue, but Social Security is federal, and the state would have nothing to do with that. Now if you're talking some kind of state aid/disability, then that's a different matter, and maybe that's the way TN's requirements work. But either way, the longer she waits to do something about it, then the longer she will have to wait if/when she applies. I just hate to see people that are entitled to "something", just sit back and do nothing. Her situation is not going to get better by itself.
Anyway, I really wish both of you some solution before matters get any worse. I really do care............

[Catty1]

Bri - I PM'd you.