There's no decent men left [Archive]

Soledad

11-13-2002, 08:15 PM

I think it's also harder to be single when you've had a long term relationship. If Sam and I were suddenly not together, I would find it incredibly intimidating getting "back into the game". Yikes. Don't worry, girl. Give yourself time to be on your own, build up your confidence and reassurance that you CAN do it, but would rather just have a partner in life. Just make sure that you don't turn down someone with really good potential just because you're still wounded. Nice guys are out there! I know, I'm married to one and am a sister to three and daughter to one. They exist, I swear!

Tubby & Peanut's Mom

11-13-2002, 08:27 PM

Originally posted by Lalania
All I want is a decent guy who treats me right and doesn't have a bunch of baggage and stuff. is that so much to ask?!?! geezzz

No it's not too much to ask! The only problem is some of our own baggage clouds our judgement sometimes and we end up putting too much energy into a relationship that we knew in our hearts was doomed from the beginning - and yes, I'm speaking from experience there.

I have never been married, but it's going on 8 years now since Terry and I had our first date. This is the longest relationship I've had with any man except Tubby, my father and my brothers. Which doesn't say a lot for my advice, but I'm going to give it anyway. :rolleyes: :p

A lot of times we jump into relationships because we don't want to be alone. My advice is to spend some time on your own developing yourself as a person, and maybe working through some of your own baggage. Nothing wrong with dating while you're doing this, but don't date with any intention of anything serious. I'm 40 now, so that means I met Terry when I was 32, and I was single and on my own since the day I left home. I met a lot of guys, and a lot of them that I thought were Mr. Right. But none of them worked out until I spent some time learning about me. I did what I wanted to do and didn't worry about "finding" a guy. I figured it would happen when it was supposed to happen, and sure enough, it did. :) I was "doing my own thing" when I met Terry. I had my own Harley-Davidson because I liked to ride and I couldn't wait around to find a man to ride behind, so I got my own. A girlfriend and I went to our normal breakfast "run" and there he was. We talked and joked around as just part of the gang and eventually had a "real" date, and 8 years later here we are.

So just do what you enjoy doing, don't worry about "finding" a man, and let it come naturally. You'll be surprised at how soon it happens once you let go. You're doing the right thing by not giving up your dog (sorry but I don't remember his name but I remember he's a real cutie) and sticking to your guns about finding an apartment that will take him. That's a good start on defining "you."

The only thing is, once you're in the relationship it's never going to be perfect. There are always going to be disagreements and arguments that will have to be worked through - trust me. :rolleyes: ;)

So for now, enjoy being single and learn to enjoy being alone. It can only benefit you because once Mr. Right does come along, he'll see that you're a well grounded person and he'll love you all the more for that. It's not always easy, but then again, being in a relationship isn't always easy either.

Good luck!

Karen

11-13-2002, 08:32 PM

Hey! There are men who read this board! No gender-bashing here, please! There are good men out there, and here. There are good women out there, and here too. Smile, love your pets, and let life go on. Hey, this is a pet-focused board, so what advice did you think I'd give? Nothing's better than the unconditional love of a pet - that can heal the hurts our human hearts get every time.

Your thread title reminds me of a friend of mine who said that for years. When she said "All men are evil," I'd point out Paul. She'd spit back - "Well, maybe you got the only good one." She had her heart broken badly once, but still dated sometimes ... she just celebrated her 5-year anniversary, and she is 10 years older then you.

My Great Aunt Bertha - a great lady, spoiled her animals very well, was widowed at the age of 72 years old, but never regretted her 30 great years of loving marriage. Yes, she got married when she was 42 - long after she had "given up" on men. And that was in 1947 - when a single woman of 40 was already considered an "old maid!"

a. Don't say there are no good men left, any more than you would say "All German Shepherds are mean."

b. Love your dog. A dog is guaranteed to return your love ten-fold. Revel in that!

c. Do positive hopeful things. Be happy with yourself first, and for goodness sake, don't talk of "putting yourself back on the market." You're not a chunk of real estate, you're a person!

d. Spoil your dog absolutely rotten for a few weeks. A dog will never tell your secrets, and is great at commiseration. All they want in return is a tummy rub and maybe a few extra biscuits. What a deal!

moosmom

11-13-2002, 08:39 PM

Way to go Karen!! The last relationship I had was 8 years ago. For the first time in my life, I'm content. The only male I let walk all over me now has 4 legs and a tail. :D As my stepmonster once told me, when you least expect it and you aren't looking, someone will come along. That was over 7 years ago. :confused:

Karen, Paul is a gem. Sounds like a keeper to me!! BTW, does he have a single brother, cousin, father, uncle, nephew, etc., that would be interested in a monogamous relationship?? :D

Karen

11-13-2002, 09:00 PM

Originally posted by moosmom
Paul is a gem. Sounds like a keeper to me!!

Yup! 16 years of marriage so far ...

BTW, does he have a single brother, cousin, father, uncle, nephew, etc., that would be interested in a monogamous relationship?? :D

Um, he has a single brother, and several single male cousins ... heck, we've even got single former roommates ...

So there are good single men out there, I know it!

BTW, my brothers are both married (and with a total of 4 children, at least 5 cats, two large dogs and maybe some fish between the two of them) so I'm no help!

Fuzzy317

11-13-2002, 09:07 PM

I will speak up for some of the men on this board. I don't take offence at the comment "...no decent men left.." I know there are some total jerks out there (both men and women).

I have seen some good advice so far, waiting I think is the best. Don't be in a rush to get someone, many times you just turn around and they are there. Try online/video/actual dating to give yourself plenty of options.

Live your life for you. When all is said and done, making yourself happy is most important.

Soledad

11-13-2002, 09:14 PM

I think that Lalaia knows she doesn't NEED a man, but she just want to have a partner in life. It's hard when you're single to have a bunch of people tell you that you just need to wait and it'll happen when it means to. I think she's just frustrated by what's happened, and not comfortable with returning to all the time she spent alone in her mid twenties. Fair enough. Sounds like you had your single days, and that you know you can do it on your own, you're just frustrated and annoyed that now that you're ready things aren't panning out. That must suck. I won't offer you any cliches.

Just keep all your options open without letting yourself be a doormat.

COCatMama

11-13-2002, 09:17 PM

Oh believe me, I am in no rush whatsever. I have more important things to worry about, like packing and moving! ugh. I appreciate all the helpful advice from everyone and i don't mean to generalize but myself. i know only two really decent guys, my uncle and my grandfather. I guess I am just an old-fashioned kind of a girl!

Uabassoon

11-13-2002, 09:42 PM

Lalania, I know exactly how you feel (well, kind of) My partner and I of a few years recently broke up and it's hard being single again, it's like I've forgotten what it's like. But Corkscrew and Tibby were so helpfull in making feel better. On days when I just wanted to sleep and do nothing Tibby was there pawing at my face telling me that i needed to wake up and play with her. And COrkscrew was always there letting me pet him to keep me calm.

COCatMama

11-13-2002, 09:51 PM

I think the worst thing is that Steve and I still care about each other altho he no longer "loves" me, and he is going through a really hard time since he lost his beloved father. Things have been bad between us for awhile but before that we got along great and I did love him alot, oh well better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all I suppose. :)

Karen

11-13-2002, 10:06 PM

I think you'd have to be pretty rare people to NOT still care for each other after all that time invested, and I'm glad you don't seem as bitter as the thread's title had me believe!

To get off the topic ...

Your saying the only men you like ... my boss the other week was decrying aloud the fact that newsanchors seemed ... gasp ... biased! in their reporting, wheras he grew up just believeing everything the anchors said was the gospel truth. He also tends to want to trust what politicians say (this was in the midst of a very heated governer's race in Massachusetts.) When I say that, in general I don't trust politicians, after having expressed surprise at his utter trust of newsfolks, he said ... "Well, do you trust ANYONE?"

and I said "I trust Dad ... " and was going to add "and Paul, too", but others piped in to say yup, they trust Dad, too! :)

COCatMama

11-13-2002, 10:20 PM

Oh, I'm fairly bitter :) I quit speaking to my father a year and a half ago *lol*. Such is life!

toughCookie

11-14-2002, 12:13 AM

hey, there's always cats LOL.

shais_mom

11-14-2002, 12:39 AM

I agree, There are decent men out there, its just hard to find them. I agree with Karen, too spoil your dog and if need be Get a kitty!!!
You are the most important in your life and your happiness along with your dog.
I will confess something, I am 27 years old and never seriously have had a boyfriend. I am happy by myself. My friends think I am picky. Well, after 27 I have a right to be.
At this point, my prioririties are my pets and myself. The reason I got my cat is b/c my friend chose her boyfriend over her animal. Her loss is my gain. So I won't give up my animals for anyone, especially my kitty, she has had it rough anyway.
NOT THAT ANYONE IS ASKING YOU TO DO THIS.
I don't know why I am saying this totally off the point. SORRY!
I wish you the best of luck!!!

Nomilynn

11-14-2002, 02:26 AM

Lalaina just stop looking in Surrey ;) teehee..

Miss Meow

11-14-2002, 04:32 AM

Lalania, you've been investing two years into starting, building and ending a relationship. Of course there are no decent men left, you haven't been looking while you've been in the relationship! Well, I hope anyway ... :)

Once the cloud starts lifting the decent men start emerging, because you are actually looking out for them. Sometimes they are elusive, they might be hanging out where you don't, studying at night so they don't get out much, are a bit damaged from relationships so they aren't ready just yet, but they are out there.

A great boy magnet is that dog of yours, men always talk to girls who are walking dogs! And maybe join a mixed sports team like netball to expand your circle of friends. And if you have the $, take some short courses at a community centre, you never know who you'll find.

A few years ago I put an ad in the personals for someone to go to the rugby with (my friends didn't like rugby and I didn't want to go by myself). I got about 60 replies and met some really nice men. There were a few freaks who responded but you get that anywhere. I really hit it off with one of them and we went out for six months - and I got friends for the rugby.

Good luck

moosmom

11-14-2002, 07:11 AM

Live your life for you. When all is said and done, making yourself happy is most important.

That is the best advice I've seen and couldn't agree more. There are two other quotes that come to mind...

"A woman NEEDS a man like a fish NEEDS a bicycle."

and...

"I'm my own best friend. I'm always around when I need me."

:p

COCatMama

11-14-2002, 08:50 AM

HeheHe the bicycle quote is from a U2 song. Thanks again everyone, and there is no way in heck I would EVER give up an animal just to please some guy!!

moosmom

11-14-2002, 09:47 AM

Lalania,

AMEN TO THAT!!! "Love me, love my cats!!" The guy I date has to at least like them or there's the door! My cats have always given me unconditional love. Can't say that for some of the guys I dated.

Uabassoon

11-14-2002, 10:43 AM

The reason I got my cat is b/c my friend chose her boyfriend over her animal. Her loss is my gain. So I won't give up my animals for anyone, especially my kitty, she has had it rough anyway.

That's how I got Corkscrew my friend decided Corkscrew wasn't as important as her boyfriend who just didn't like cats. My last partner was so allergic to cats that it made the relationship so hard. So now that I'm starting to date again I ask "are you allergic to cats" or "do you like cats."

Chinadoll

11-14-2002, 11:10 AM

Completely agree with y'all..no one comes between me and my babies. I have 5 ferrets and 3 cats...Joey(who I've been with for the past 6 years) tried to mention that whenever we decide to get married I should try to rehome a few pets. His ears were blistering when I was through with him. Now he's absolutely clear on the love me, love my pets...everytime he gripes about another pet I bring to home...I calmly reply it's my time and my money...do I ever tell you how to manage your time or finances or not to buy some new electronic equipment?! He knows I'm right and always backs down. He may *itch about the pets, but he loves all of them.

I don't mean to sound trite...but there are good, decent men out there. I can think of 3 of my friends immeadiatly. These are the best guys...one is in the Marine Corps and two are Cops. Their problem is finding a woman who wants to commit herself to their lifestyle and the worry that comes with them being with a Marine/Cop. Another consideration for 2 of them are their daughters. One has a 6 year old, the other a 4 year old...As adamant as we are about someone loving our pets, these guys put their daughters above all else. One of them is from the Northwest, when his ex decided to move herself and their child down here, he had the choice of only seeing his little girl once or twice a year or leave his friends, family and job and move down here. He left everything to move down here and be a part of his daughter's life. There are good men out there.

On that note, enjoy being single. I'm sure you'll find someone when the time is right...I know easy for me to say...but I really think it's true. I wasn't looking to meet anyone when Joey came along. Also, enjoy living alone...I love it. If I want to sleep til noon and eat cookie dough for breakfast, clean house and vaccuum at 3am, I can. I'll stop blabbering now. ((hugs))

Miss Meow

11-14-2002, 02:37 PM

Originally posted by Chinadoll
His ears were blistering when I was through with him. Now he's absolutely clear on the love me, love my pets...

LOL! That is a great mental picture :D

Soledad

11-14-2002, 05:31 PM

Chinadoll- As a family member to many a servicemen/cop I can tell you that it's more than the lifestyle that has to be adapted to. There are severe emotional issues as well, and as a result servicemen/cops have phenomenal rates of domestic abuse. Now I love my aforementioned family members, but it was not a lifestyle or risk I was willing to take. I've seen many a nice guy ruined/hardened by that life, and I didn't want to be involved in it again. So, others, be warned.

Also "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" is actually a quote from Gloria Steinhem.

COCatMama

11-14-2002, 06:39 PM

Steve is a paramedic P/T...no kidding about the emotional probs :) they lock all their feelings up inside, not good at all!

Cataholic

11-14-2002, 08:57 PM

I laughed, a little, when I read this thred. I am WAY older than Lalania, 37- in three weeks, and still single. I seem to be the character that T & P's mom was writing about. I have dating stories that would make you laugh..once you got over feeling bad for me (which I have done a long time ago). Shoot, the last 'man' I dated stiffed me $250 for two pair of shoes that I was KIND enough to buy for him while he was too busy doing goodness knows what to shop!!!! I figure God has a better 'plan' for him, as I know he surely must for me. It must have been God's way of saying, "THIS is what a loser looks like, don't date men like him". I probably got off cheap, with the $250...

Then, I figure, like Lalania said, "there aren't any nice guys"..and I do feel that to an extent. That has been my experience. So, I hang out with my friends, family and the herd, and must admit, I am pretty happy about it. I get to do whatever I want whenever I want to, and I get to think of myself first...not really in a selfish way. I think if it is in the plan to find someone (not necessarily to marry), it will happen.

As to the pets, and finding someone to date..I made the horrid mistake 10 years ago of placing my himmie in a loving home because of a man. To this day, I feel guilty. I would never do it again, and anyone that can't deal with my cats and love of animals, can't deal with me.

Hang in there Lalania...really, you have no other choice. Focus on you, it is an investment that will always pay off!!!!

Logan

11-14-2002, 09:01 PM

I've been reading this thread, with interest, but haven't added any thoughts until now.

I have been married before, so my situation is a bit different. I have a daughter, and we have been "single" for almost 10 years. But I'm here to tell you that sometime, when you least expect it, "Mr. Right" will come marching in, when you're not even looking! I wasn't looking, was very content, with my child, my work, our church activities, friends, etc. Then, all of the sudden, there he was. And I knew very quickly that this one was "a keeper". And keep him, I will!!! In five weeks and one day, I'll change my name. I've already moved my brood to a new home, big enough for everyone.

Hang in there, and become at peace with yourself. A little down time, concentrating on you might be exactly what you need right now.

Logan

Chinadoll

11-14-2002, 09:19 PM

Originally posted by Soledad
Chinadoll- As a family member to many a servicemen/cop I can tell you that it's more than the lifestyle that has to be adapted to. There are severe emotional issues as well, and as a result servicemen/cops have phenomenal rates of domestic abuse. Now I love my aforementioned family members, but it was not a lifestyle or risk I was willing to take. I've seen many a nice guy ruined/hardened by that life, and I didn't want to be involved in it again. So, others, be warned.

Also "a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" is actually a quote from Gloria Steinhem.

Half of my family was in some sort of military service at one time or another. Yes, it is hard to be the wife of a cop/military man...but I'm wasn't talking about domestic abuse....I was more speaking of dealing with the fact that they put themselves at risk everyday. I don't believe that just because a man is exposed to the life and experiences that being in the miltary/police force provides that he has a greater chance of domestic abuse...I believe there are a great number of factors that lead to man becoming abusive...one of which that I believe is the main factor is the environment they grew up in...not that that is an excuse for any kind of behaviour....but it is a factor.

I guess we're both a bit biased. I know many cops, Marines, and other military men that are all great guys...some wonderful family men that have been married for years. I'm sorry your experiences led you to feel that you want to avoid being involved with any type serviceman/cop. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm trivializing your experience, I'm sure you have valid reasons to feel the way you do. But I'd hate for anyone to avoid a potentially wonderful relationship with a man in the military/police force just because they assume that that type of life leads to men with greater chance of domestic abuse. I'd just hope that people would judge the man first and not the profession.

I have strong feeling about this because I'm practically engaged to a man that is a Marine and a cop. You see cases on the news about domestic abuse that never would have made the news except for the fact that it was a military man. I feel that that leads to poeple tend to generalizing that military are all hardcore, abusive nutcases. They are not all like that. No case of domestic abuse is right...any man that chooses to do that is a coward and weak in my book. I hope no one thinks I'm sounding pompous..I'm just blabbering on inadequately trying to express what I feel. Sometimes there just aren't the right words.

Soledad

11-15-2002, 01:23 AM

Chinadoll -

There are, of course, always exceptions. I don't think that someone should drop someone they love BECAUSE they're a serviceman/cop...but that they should be fully prepared to deal with the ramifications of a spouse in that profession.

Statistically, you will find that servicemen/cops have much higher chances of becoming domestic abusers than the general population. That does not mean that they're all psycho, wife-beating losers. Just that it's a high stress position to be in. They are also professions that tend to attract men who feel the need to be in power/control who need to assert their authority. But they also attract good people who feel the need to uphold society's standards and maintain the peace. It's just something to be aware of, as it can go two ways, and the first one terrifies me.

I am also aware that while men are away on leave, they often act in ways that are in contrast to their normal personalities that their friends and family know and love. I am not prepared to have my spouse be gone for months or years in far off lands, and under conditions that may alter his judgment. Just not a risk I'd be willing to take.

Luckily, I have a nice 9-5 husband that I don't have to deal with this issue first hand.

Nomilynn

11-15-2002, 01:37 AM

Originally posted by Soledad

Statistically, you will find that servicemen/cops have much higher chances of becoming domestic abusers than the general population.

Keeping in mind, of course, that stats aren't always accurate because they come out of cases that are reported, and, like it has been said, a cop that is abusive will get put on the news because of his profession before the average wife beating slime.

My boyfriend's best friend is an RCMP officer. At first it really went to his head, and he copped (no pun intended) a really bad attitude. Then his friends talked to him about it, and he's now his same old self again. He was born to be a police officer - he's so good at what he does and he broke some records in the training camp. I do think it's important to base decisions on the person, not the job.

Soledad

11-15-2002, 02:19 AM

Well, statistics are not perfect, but that does not mean that you can negate their findings entirely. It would be impossible to get an absolutely accurate statistic, but that doesn't mean what they do say (when taken from a reliable source) cannot provide us with some truth.

I would like to say that the servicemen/cop statistic is in all likelihood much higher than the one reported, because people are reluctant to report an officer to another officer, etc.

It makes the news because these are people who are supposed to protect us, not abuse us.

Nomilynn

11-15-2002, 02:21 AM

Originally posted by Soledad
I would like to say that the servicemen/cop statistic is in all likelihood much higher than the one reported, because people are reluctant to report an officer to another officer, etc.

Sadly I think they are all higher, that's kind of what I was getting at. But I also don't think it's fair to assume that a policeman will beat his wife just because he's a policeman.. I'm just suggesting that the stats might not be an accurate account of what really goes on

LoudLou

11-15-2002, 03:05 AM

Originally posted by Logan
.........But I'm here to tell you that sometime, when you least expect it, "Mr. Right" will come marching in, when you're not even looking!

Hang in there, and become at peace with yourself. A little down time, concentrating on you might be exactly what you need right now.

Logan

Logan is SO right on this one. I wasn't looking for anyone when I met my husband.... He was my neighbor in our apt. complex and I COULD NOT stand him. His music was too loud, I always thought he was just this LOUD bachelor reliving his teenage years nextdoor to me.... He annoyed me.... ok, he still does sometimes. ;)

To make a long story short Mocha Bean (my cat) ran away. Kit had a cat so I asked if he'd seen mine. When Mocha came home 3 days later, I felt obligated to tell him my cat was back because he seemed so concerned....... That was 6 years ago on Halloween. 6 wonderful years. ... And Mocha is now "Daddy's Little Princess" who can do NO wrong in her Daddy's eyes.;) :D

Soledad

11-15-2002, 04:09 AM

Nomilynn - I think you misunderstand what I'm saying. I do not believe that all policemen are wife-beaters. Or that someone reverts to wife-beating simply by virtue of their profession. I'm saying that it's a profession that is known for having a statistically high number of domestic abuse issues (and that this is because of a number of variables). Now, statistics will never be 100% (as my husband, a statistician) but they are something to go on and reliable to a degree.

Logan

11-15-2002, 09:27 AM

Originally posted by LoudLou

Logan is SO right on this one. I wasn't looking for anyone when I met my husband.... He was my neighbor in our apt. complex and I COULD NOT stand him. His music was too loud, I always thought he was just this LOUD bachelor reliving his teenage years nextdoor to me.... He annoyed me.... ok, he still does sometimes. ;)

To make a long story short Mocha Bean (my cat) ran away. Kit had a cat so I asked if he'd seen mine. When Mocha came home 3 days later, I felt obligated to tell him my cat was back because he seemed so concerned....... That was 6 years ago on Halloween. 6 wonderful years. ... And Mocha is now "Daddy's Little Princess" who can do NO wrong in her Daddy's eyes.;) :D

See? LOL!!! Hey, LoudLou, it is nice to see you back too!!!! :)

Cincy'sMom

11-15-2002, 04:53 PM

I was fortunate to meet Ralph when I was 18, but it took me til I was almost 22 to realize what I was overlooking.

I can think of three examples off the top of my head that are later in life realtionships. First, i girl I work with is getting married for the first time this May...she is 35. Second, a good friend of mine has been divorced for 15 years. She swore up and down she would NEVER do it again. Last October she ran into a old college buddy, someone she hadn't seen in 20 years, who was more recently divorced. Within two months they were talking amrriage. Although no date has been set, he just moved into the house they purchased together this past weekend (she will move in when she sells her house and wedding plans are made.
Finally, a little over a year ago, my best freind's grandfather died. Her grandmother was at her wedding ( me freind's) a few weeks ago, with her new husband. They were like teenagers!!! After knowing them since I was in grade school, it was weird to see her with someone else, but great to see an older couple find such happiness.

COCatMama

11-16-2002, 12:40 PM

A little spare tire doesn't offend me, but i need to be with a guy who is in similar shape as myself, and not about to drop dead going up a flight of stairs. :)
I am not the 'thinnest' person either, but would like to lose 10 lbs and have done so before. But you are right, it's what's on the INSIDE that counts! I once dated a guy that was into lifting weights and stuff, he was pretty but dumber than a bag of bricks! LOL. I almost drowned right in front of him, and was screaming all sorts of obscenities and it took him waaaaay too long to figure out what was going on. LoLoL the irony was funny too, I just broken up with my ex who was a certified lifeguard. I think the universe was trying to tell me something.
LoLoLOl. I think the MOST important thing is mutual attraction, without it it ain't gonna happen. ;)

Soledad

11-16-2002, 03:05 PM

Yeah, there does have to be some sort of attraction for something to happen. Sometimes it comes later than sooner, though. But still, I'm a big believer in the idea that there has to be some magic and butterfly feelings at the get go.

But that doesn't mean they need to be built like Brad Pitt for that to happen.

mugsy

11-16-2002, 07:48 PM

I'm here to tell you that MOST military men are not abusers. I'm married to an Army vet and Mike would rather commit a crime than to hit me. In fact, he's more likely to beat the living hell out of a man who abuses a woman. I believe cops are the same way. Yes, there are a few bad seeds out there that give the rest a bad name, but they are in the definite minority. I would NOT have married Mike though if he had still been in the military simply because I don't want my husband away from me for months at a time. My sister is married to a former Marine and she has lived the vast majority of her life that way. Her husband would go out on floats for months at a time and she would be home raising their 2 boys by herself...not a life that I would ever choose. I have the utmost respect for our military personel because they put their lives on the line for the rest of us so we can sit here and post on Pet Talk and say whatever we feel without fear of retribution.

Lalania, you will find the perfect fit sometime, and until then, HAVE FUN! I know I did. I enjoyed my single days with no commitments, and I thoroughly enjoy my married life now. I think I do enjoy it so much because I got my party days out of my system and was ready to settle down. Before I was married, going to bars/clubs meant dancing, laughing, checking out the scenery. Now, all I think about is...do I really want to go and smell like a smoke stack when I leave! lol How times change! You'll have a great time!

Soledad

11-16-2002, 08:00 PM

Of course most servicemen/cops are great people who do not abuse others, but even in the best of situations there is a lifestyle attributed to it that needs to truly be considered, abuse statistics aside.

However, I don't think the military is responsible for me being able to say what I want on PetTalk. That would be Karen and Paul's doing. There are lots of countries (such as NZ, where I am now) that have freedom of speech, it would be good to remember that.

mugsy

11-16-2002, 09:46 PM

I'm not saying that other countries don't have freedom of speech, but you have to admit that MOST countries do not have the same rights that we as Americans do. And for that, I thank the men and women who serve or served in the military who fought or are fighting to keep those freedoms. As for posting as we please on Pet Talk, Karen and Paul are allowed to give us that freedom because of the men and women who fought and some died so that we could retain that freedom. I'm sorry, but I am pro military. My family has a long proud history of serving our country. I had one uncle who died in the Civil War fighting for what he believed was right.

krazyaboutkatz

11-16-2002, 10:03 PM

Lalania, I'm almost 40 and I've never been married. I think my longest relationship was about 2 years and that was an on again off again kind of relationship. I also lived with one boyfriend and I learned a lot of things from my mistakes. Now I've stopped looking for Mr. Right and I just live for me and my 3 cats. I figure if I'm meant to have a partner in life then it will happen and if not then it won't. Since I'm not used to having a boyfriend, I really don't miss it. Good luck but please take your time. :)

COCatMama

11-16-2002, 10:38 PM

I grew up as an only child with one parent, and sometimes it was kinda hard. I guess I don't want to end up alone like my mom, my friend who is also 40 (she is miserable about it) and like, a ton of other people I know. I am sick of spending 1 or 2 years with some guy only to have it end, I guess that's the risk you take in life. Blah.

Logan

11-16-2002, 10:53 PM

It is better to find a way to be happy with yourself, first, I believe. That way, when you have the blessing of just the right partner, it is an added gift. I believe the people who have found the most happiness, single or married, are those who are comfortable with themselves first. I was there.......happy with my life, alone, and then things have changed for the better. I can certainly understand your feelings about the 1-2 year relationships......being built up, then disappointed.

We have great examples of both kinds here on Pet Talk, many who are so content and happy alone, and those who found the right person to share their life with. I wish only the best things for you.

Logan

COCatMama

11-16-2002, 11:14 PM

thanks logan!

Soledad

11-16-2002, 11:51 PM

Lalania -

My aunt is nearly fifty and is single with no children. I think she was quite depressed about this for some time, until my mother suggest she consider focusing her energies on their aging parents. So, now she cares for them and has found a sort of purpose and meaning in that.

Not that you have to do anything like that, but I think it's about finding something to fill that void. Being single is actually quite liberating in the sense that you don't have to plan your life around anyone else. You can travel, you can move, you can make a drastic career change without having to consult anyone. Enjoy it! And if you still feel something is missing, there is no limits on how to let people into your life.