Sending Dad home tomorrow??? For good.....

[Queen of Poop]

The social worker called my Mom on Friday afternoon. They want to send my dad home for 3 days to see how he does. If good then they'll be soon sending him home permanently. If not good they will have to find a place for him to go for the duration. So someone will drive him home and pick him up after 3 days. He has to agree to this and know that he will be returned to the hospital after the 3 days or the RCMP (police) will remove him back to the hospital. I am concerned about my mom for this little trial. Her sanity/safety is in the balance as far as I can see. This is so not good. Thanks for listening, needed to vent/share.

[sasvermont]

Ugh. I haven't posted about this situation until now.

How about a third person staying with your Mom and Dad for those three days. I would feel much more comfortable about this third person being able to take care of an emergency, should it happen.

Let us know how it turns out.

Good luck.

[kuhio98]

Wait! What about her rights?
If she does not feel safe, she needs to tell them so. They would be negligent to send him home if the knew there was any danger to her safety. Physically or mentally. Can you get your objections on the record?

Bobcat's (husband) stepfather (who raised him) turned violent in his later years and attacked Bobcat with a knife. If Bobcat hadn't done wome quick thinking and wrapped his arm up in a sheet, he would have been severely injured. His stepfather felt awful when he came to his senses (after months in a psychiatric hospital) but Bobcat could have been killed.

Your father is unpredictable. You mother has rights too and her safety should come first. How can we get the hospital to acknowledge that.

[Freedom]

Um, last I read, I thought your mom said he was not coming back in the house. So a 3 day trial would have to be . . . someplace else?

I like the idea of having someone stay with them.

[Queen of Poop]

This came right out of the blue. Right before Christmas they told mom he was in for 6 months. Now they want to send him home on a trial??? I believe my response when she told me was "what the hell???". So when it can all be arranged in the next few weeks or sooner my dad will be going home for a visit. I already asked mom about having a third party there and told her to inquire about that with the social worker. He's never been violent with her (yet) so I guess everyone is banking on that. I've told her the minute he begins his old routine she needs to phone and have him removed before he escalates. I don't like this one bit, but I don't want to get my mom all worked up and stressed out. I've told her to let everyone around her know he's going to be home for 3 days so she can have people check in on her during that time and so that should she need to flee she will have a place and support. Good grief!!!

[pomtzu]

I'm with the others. If at all possible - have a 3rd person there - just in case. If not - can your Mom quickly alert a neighbor or someone close? If she has a cell phone or cordless phone, make sure that she has it with her at all times so she can call 911 if needed. Does she have a remote key fob for her car that has a panic button to push that will activate the horn until it's shut off? She could carry that with her and tell surrounding neighbors to listen for it if she was in trouble. I can't believe that the facility is actually letting him go on a home visit, seeing as that he is still so unstable. Praying for your Mom's safety.

[phesina]

Oh no.

That is a good idea to have a third person on hand. Otherwise, this should not happen.

Prayers that somehow this can be worked out for the best for all concerned.

:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:,
Pat and cats

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm so sorry to hear this.:( I don't think it's a good idea at all. I hope that your mom will be safe and I also agree that a third party should be there.

[cassiesmom]

Oh boy. I agree with everyone who said this doesn't sound good and perhaps a third person can be present. I'll keep praying.

And a candle
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=15124505

[mrspunkysmom]

I agree. Ditto. Prayers that all works out well.

[Queen of Poop]

Well, the social worker still has not called my mom back to advise of what, if any, actual plan they have for this. It's my Mom's 71st birthday today, hopefully they don't drop anything on her today.

[Queen of Poop]

My dad will be brought home on Jan 31 around noonish by a driver and an occupational therapist. The therapist will stay for a while, settle in my dad and explain things to my mom. On February 2nd around noonish again they will both be back to pick him up and take him back to the hospital. Apparently he does not understand why he can't just go home and stay home. My mom's ok with this "test" as it has to be done, no way around it. I don't like it one bit and I've coached her to make all preparations to keep herself safe and alive thru this. Not to say he will do anything but if you're over prepared for nothing then ok, but if you're under prepared then you've got big trouble. I've told her that if he starts getting the least little bit out of line she needs to call immediately, no hesitation, and have them retrieve him sooner. Take no chances!! Damn, I hope she's strong enough to get thru this.

[lolli94]

Praying for you, and your mom and dad.

[cassiesmom]

Praying for you, and your mom and dad.

I am too!

[phesina]

Prayers for you all. I hope that some good will come from this.

:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:

[Queen of Poop]

Well all, here goes nothing! My dad should be home with my mom about noon today. I've done all the coaching I can, now it's up to her to stay safe. I pray that she's safe and he is on his best behaviour. I will call her this evening for an update.

[Karen]

She and he will be in our prayers for a stable and safe day.

[cassiesmom]

She and he will be in our prayers for a stable and safe day.

Same here! I lit a candle too.

[pomtzu]

Prayers that all goes well and that your Mom remains safe.

[phesina]

Many prayers for all of you, Gayle. We love you.

:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:

[Freedom]

Prayers from RI. It will be strange for both of them at the start.

[Alysser]

Here's hoping for a good update Gayle!

[Queen of Poop]

Talked to mom. He's been decent so far. She says he's pretty quiet. With him sitting right there she didn't say a whole lot though. So far so good, she's safe. Thanks all for the thoughts and prayers.

[Karen]

Prayers for a peaceful evening continued.

[Catty1]

I hope after all this time apart, there can be some decency in the visit. I would imagine he's as nervous about it as she is. That darned illness is the enemy - I hope it stays far away!

[sasvermont]

I wonder how the first night went? I surely hope, smoothly. Fingers crossed.

[Queen of Poop]

I wonder how the first night went? I surely hope, smoothly. Fingers crossed.

I didn't hear anything so I hope it went well. I'll check in with mom after work today, as usual. If somethings gone amiss she is under strict order to call me right away.

[cassiesmom]

I wonder how the first night went? I surely hope, smoothly. Fingers crossed.

I was thinking about that just this morning. I hope it went very well, too! I will keep praying.

[Catty1]

Hopefully no news is good news...and that the three days were uneventful.:love:

[Queen of Poop]

Well, they got thru another day. Mom was strangely short on the phone last night though. I told her that when I call her tomorrow (tonight now) I want the full story as dad will be gone back to the hospital by noonish today.

[cassiesmom]

Prayers that the last day will go smoothly!

[Queen of Poop]

Apparently it went alright and he will be sent home in 2 weeks or less. :eek:

[mrspunkysmom]

Well, they got thru another day. Mom was strangely short on the phone last night though. I told her that when I call her tomorrow (tonight now) I want the full story as dad will be gone back to the hospital by noonish today.

Did you find out why your mom was acting "short"? I do hope it works out well for her. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[cassiesmom]

Apparently it went alright and he will be sent home in 2 weeks or less. :eek:

Oh, boy. This is not the outcome I was expecting. Does your mom, or do you, get an opportunity to comment to your dad's doctor on this plan before your dad goes home? I'll keep both of you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Karen]

Apparently it went alright and he will be sent home in 2 weeks or less. :eek:

I hope you get a chance to talk to your mom in the next few days, and see how it really truly went. If he's actually better and responding to meds, that's great. (Schizophrenia is sooooo tough to treat - the medication that will work great for one person, might make the next worse and vice versa.) But if not, do keep us posted.

[cassiesmom]

Still thinking of you and praying (((HUGS)))

[Queen of Poop]

They sent my dad home for a week this time. He arrived on Monday morning and will go back to the hospital on Monday, Feb 13. My mom apparently didn't want him just dropped in her lap so suggested and the doctor agreed to a one week trial, to include a weekend. So far he's been good, but my mom seems to be somewhat uncomfortable having him there, but she hasn't specifically said why. He's apparently not gone back to his old habits as yet. I continue to check in with her daily to ensure she's ok and all is going as good as it can.

Thanks for continuing to think of us.

[Freedom]

Hmm, sounds like your mom has to make some tough decisions.
- does she want to live with this man, or not?
- does she want to remain married to him or not?

I think the answer to those 2 questions will help her sort out how to set things up in the future. Unfortunately, she needs to make these decisions soon. Making NO decision IS a decision - to live with him for the future, "until . . . . ."

It may be difficult for her to decide that she does not want to live with him; she will wonder and worry where he WILL live, and really that should not be her concern. But I think it is normal for her to wonder like that.

[Catty1]

It's no one's fault - but after seeing him get so ill, it will take your mom ages to trust again, if ever. She's likely waiting for the other shoe to drop - not that it will, but I can understand how she would feel. Very scary for her - and maybe for him too.

I would hope at least a social worker or some such would drop in so they could both talk about this situation with the worker present.

Prayers that all works out, even if it takes some time. I would guess it's square one for getting reacquainted; he would seem like a stranger. Have you talked to him at all?

Hugs to you and your mom, Gayle.

[Queen of Poop]

So the week long visit went ok. Dad took his meds and was well behaved. So, not to waste any time, the social worker called my mom yesterday afternoon (dad just went back yesterday morning) and asked how he did, then, based on the fact that he took his meds and behaved they plan to discharge him and send him home TOMORROW. Mom's ok with this so long as he continues to take the meds and follows the "rules" of his release. Refusing the meds will result in a phone call to the hospital and he will be whisked back there and then a placement will have to be found for him for the duration of his days - or so my Mom says. Will she actually follow thru on that, I don't know. She says this is his one chance, if he blows it he's gone. Ahhh, the stress of this whole thing is making my IBS a nightmare. :(

[Freedom]

Hugs Gayle, I can't imagine the toll this is taking on you. Prayers for him to continue to comply.

[Karen]

You'll be in our prayers.

[beeniesmom]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. This is so nervewracking.

[phesina]

Prayers and good wishes for you, your mother, and your father, Gayle.

:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:,
Pat and cats

[cassiesmom]

Hoping that the first few days have gone well (((HUGS))) and prayers.

[Queen of Poop]

So far so good. Mom reports no issues and that all is fine. Hopefully that is how things continue to proceed. I continue to hold my breath, hoping that nothing goes wrong.

Thanks all for caring.

[phesina]

Good wishes and blessings to you and your parents, Gayle.

:love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:

[Scooter's Mom]

Hope things are going well!

[Catty1]

Thinking of you, hoping that your dad is staying well and your mom can relax even a little bit. Have you talked to your dad since he came home? Are you going up to visit?

Prayers that all goes well for everyone.:love:

[Queen of Poop]

Dad is taking his meds and all is reported to be fine by my mom. No, I have not spoken with him, though this is not unusual, he would never chat on the phone anyway, even on Fathers Day, a brief 2 minute hello, thanks and he'd be done. He never had much interest, didn't expect that to change. No, I have no plans to visit them any time soon. Perhaps when the weather is more cooperative and the highways in better shape.

Again, thank you my dear friends for continuing to think of us and for caring about us.

[mrspunkysmom]

So how is it going?

Hope all is well with your Mom and Dad.