Difficult situation

[Herbstie]

My husband and I are in a difficult situation regarding a cat that has been in our care for the past eight months. A friend of mine called me up asking to temporarily or permanently take in her two year old cat, for she was moving home from California and didn't have an apartment nor did she have money for one. At first I said no because we one, we had already gone through this with her with one of her other cats that was once hers, and two, another of our cats had just gotten back from 10 days in the hospital for renal failure (she's still going strong... Our little fighter!). I tried to find a home for her little guy, and when we couldn't find another solution, my husband and I came up with a possible resolution, she move in with us and take care of her own cat!

Well, it didn't really work out that way... He got dropped off, but she never moved in. Being the people that we are (huge animal lovers), my husband and I had no choice but to integrate him into our family. Everything was going well, he slowly bacame friends with our other three cats and really became part of the family.

About a month and a half ago, we noticed some reddish liquid spots on his bed, we confirmed that it was him and immediately took him to the emergency vet. He was diagnosed with FLUTD (feline lower urinary tract disease), and both vets on duty said they didn't think he should go back to her, simply because changing his environment that drastically could be potentially fatal. We brought him in the next day to our normal vet (who is highly respected in the veterinary community, she's been in the business for 30+ years, and is on numerous feline veterinary boards) and she agreed. We have made many sacrifices to make sure he has proper care and that he is happy and healthy.

Now she wants him back. A little background on my friend is that she's gone through who knows how many jobs in the past five years, has gone from the Midwest to New York to Los Angeles in two years (with kitty in tow), again has given us another of our cats (twice actually, she gave her to us, took her back, and then permanently gave her up a few months later), asked me once already when she lived in New York if I could take him in (I said it wasn't a feasible option at the time), and even though she has a job now, she is already job searching after a few months at her current company.

I really don't think she's responsible enough to take him in, the cost alone is close to $200/month, she mentioned that she wanted to take him off his meds and treat him only if he gets sick, not to mention that everyone I've talked to has strongly recommended he live with us.

Sorry about the novel, just wanted to give as much background info as possible. I really don't believe we're making a bad decision on his behalf and want whats best for him. Does anyone have any knowledge on what grounds we could have (besides the obvious veterinary recommendations) to fight for "custody"?

Thanks!

[Karen]

It is a difficult situation. Are there any papers involved? I would make copies of all the vet bills you have paid for him, and ask the vets if they could put something in writing about it being potentially very bad for him to endure the stress of another move. I do think, given that she says she'd take him off the medication, that he should stay with you.

Given her propensity for job- and state-hopping, she certainly should not get another pet unless it's one that is healthy and able to travel a lot. Maybe you should get her a stuffed animal instead, and tell her it doesn't need vet bills, and won't stress about plane rides, car trips, etc.

How good a friend is she? Is there someone else you have in common - an older friend, or pastor or someone who could talk to her about responsibility that she might listen to? This kitty is a living creature, and deserves to stay where he is safe and his health watched carefully.

[Cataholic]

It is a difficult situation. However, when you put aside the human's involvement, and their feelings, it is easily resolvable.

"No, I am sorry, I can't do that. It isn't in the best health interest of the cat."

Don't make it more difficult than it needs to be. A firm, and oft repeated, "No, we are not going to transition this cat into your home, again, perhaps at the expense of its life".

I would put nothing in writing to her, I would stick with the attitude that when she GAVE him to you, you considered it a GIFT, and there will be no looking back. I would not allow any recording of anything, and I wouldn't act for a moment like this kitty was anything but yours.

And, find less flaky friends.

[kaycountrygal]

I can't believe this woman has the nerve to ask for the cat back after 8 MONTHS. No, I would not give the cat back. I agree with cataholic who said not to put anything in writing and do not record anything. Act as if she gave the cat to you as a gift. Who asks for a cat back after 8 MONTHS???? I think it's a good guess that she will not take proper care of the cat that requires care and expense. To me she sounds unstable and I would not want her to have that cat (or any cat actually) in her care or lack thereof.

[Herbstie]

Thank you all for the great responses so far... I'm very lucky to have a very organized husband who makes sure to catalogue all of our paperwork! That's a great idea to have our vet(s) actually write down that he should stay with us. I think with her a firm "no" is what she needs.

And Cataholic, I think you may be onto something haha... I think because we've been friends since grade school makes me want to always be there for her, but she does have a strong reputation amongst our friends as being one of the flakiest people I have ever met!

[DriftyAlison0]

I agree. She doesn't deserve to have a pet if she isn't going to take good care of it for life. She can't go around dropping off pets like she is. And if no doesn't work, take her to court, she will not get the cat back especially if she is going to take the cat off the meds.

[moosmom]

Absolutely not!! If she can't afford to take care of herself, she CERTAINLY has no business having a pet. I think Cataholic is absolutely right in what she said.

You husband is an absolutely GEM!!!! Thank you for standing up for this precious baby.

[Medusa]

Take Cataholic's advice. Put nothing in writing and speak as though the cat were yours now. (because he is) If she's that flaky, she'll soon get over it.

[Freedom]

Thank you for caring for this kitty, getting him the vet care he needs, and loving him.

[Cataholic]

Please think carefully about having your vet document anything, as it can be used against you.

If the cat were a gift (and really, the only way you would have 'rights' to it is if it were a gift, otherwise, you are just the person caring for the cat (think of a car parking lot...you leave your car there, under the care of the attendant, but it is still your car, presuming you pay the money to park there)), there isn't any reason to document that the cat should stay with you, for medical reasons or any other reason.

If a cat is MINE, my vet doesn't need to document why my home is better than someone elses' home. It is the ONLY home.

If a cat is NOT mine, but I want it to be mine, then, I would need to document that my home is a better home than someone elses'. That opens the door to the belief that maybe the cat isn't yours after all.

I would document nothing, and say nothing to anyone, other than, "I have no idea what she is talking about! My goodness, she gave us this cat 8 months ago! Like we would ever give it up now?".

[Karen]

Herbstie, what you should know that you probably don't, as you are brand new here, is that Cataholic, besides being mom to one human child and many furkids, is a lawyer. A real honest-to-goodness lawyer, so her advice in legal issues is wise to follow!

[Herbstie]

That makes a ton of sense how it makes it seem like he's not our cat. I'm going to have to stick to my guns, especially since she, in my opinion, didn't hold up her end of the bargain and deserted him here.

Thank you everyone again for the awesome advice, I usually don't post on forums, but it seems like this is a great community of people who love animals as much as we do... It definitely makes me feel a little less like a crazy cat lady and more of just an extreme lover of my furry friends!

[sasvermont]

Gosh, such an awful situation. Is she really a friend or someone who is using you from time to time. I would consider saying au revoir (goodbye) to her and keeping the kitty.

It sounds to me that if she did get a new cat, she would again, when convenient for her needs, ask you again, to take care of one of her pets.

She would not be a friend of mine for very long. She sounds like she needs some counselling first, then maybe a good job and a place to live. Pets are way down there on the list of things she needs right now.

Stick to your guns, keep the kitty and tell her to go fish.

[catmandu]

I think that Cat would be far better off in your home as obviously he is not going to get any Vet Care if he goes with this person.
I would simply say no, and stand your ground.:love:

[moosmom]

Cat???? What cat????? *POOF*!!! Get my drift??

[pomtzu]

I think I would have to take a long hard look at my friendship with this lady. Seems to me that she is just using you. I'd tell her to cough up all the expenses involved in keeping kitty for the past 8 months - food, shelter, vet bills, etc. What's the boarding rate per day in your area for a cat??? I'll bet she'd change her mind really quick when faced with 8 months of expenses.

Or you could always tell her that kitty was so sick, that it had to be PTS. Maybe that's somewhat mean-spirited, but as long as she doesn't visit you, how is she to know???

I don't think that trying to appeal to her common sense and tell her that a move would be detrimental to kitty's health would work, because it doesn't sound like she has the common sense she was born with. :mad:

Keep us posted and let us know what happens - okay? Good luck, and bless you for caring. :)

[redbird]

Sorry I'm so late with this response but my thumb has been injured and couldn't type. Anyway I agree with everyone who said do not give that women that kitty back, she doesn't deserve to have an animal. Good luck to you.

[Herbstie]

Cat???? What cat????? *POOF*!!! Get my drift??

Hahaha, we've considered that! We're still waiting to make sure we know where the law is in Wisconsin, thankfully (?) I had a small health scare with my brother (he's 100% better now, phew!), so I may or may not have used that as an excuse to buy us some time... I'll keep everyone updated, thanks again!!

[DriftyAlison0]

So any updates?

[Herbstie]

Update: Fin is still with us, I haven't had any contact with my friend, I think she knows now that he needs to stay with us (she has already quit her job to work as a bartender, so her flakiness hasn't really changed). The last time I heard from her was early February, at the time I didn't return her call, my dear sweet kitty Meekert had passed on days before from complications from kidney failure so I was not about to discuss her wanting to take another baby from me. I think she knows it was for the best, she loves going out and having a very active social life, so Fin would have been alone all the time. Thank you all again for the advice and support, I'm so happy it all worked out for us, he's definitely a very special member of the family!

[sasvermont]

I am glad you still have the kitty. I am sorry your lost one in the meantime. I hope your one time friend forgets your phone number.

Thanks for keeping us updated.

Your lesson was a lesson for us all, I'm afraid. There are tons of nice people out there but every now and then you run into someone who just doesn't get it (life).

:eek:

[Karen]

Update: Fin is still with us, I haven't had any contact with my friend, I think she knows now that he needs to stay with us (she has already quit her job to work as a bartender, so her flakiness hasn't really changed). The last time I heard from her was early February, at the time I didn't return her call, my dear sweet kitty Meekert had passed on days before from complications from kidney failure so I was not about to discuss her wanting to take another baby from me. I think she knows it was for the best, she loves going out and having a very active social life, so Fin would have been alone all the time. Thank you all again for the advice and support, I'm so happy it all worked out for us, he's definitely a very special member of the family!

We are so glad! He deserve love and stability! :)

[Catty1]

Wonderful news!

Any chance of you posting a new introductory thread with photos of Fin? PTrs love pictures!:):love:

[moosmom]

This woman is not stable, obviously. Fin needs a stable home...WITH YOU!!!

THANK YOU for caring. You are a true gem!!