Unsure what to do about Charlie

[snakemama]

We have a busy household. There's me, the hubby, my mother in law, the dog, the foster dog, three kitties (one of them is nine weeks old and wants to play vigorously with any moving object), the snakes, the hamster, and my sister in law and her boyfriend visit for several hours almost every evening. There's a lot of activity in the home.

Charlie is a high stress cat. She likes her quiet, she likes her privacy. She's up for a cuddle when the house is quiet and almost always comes up to sleep on the bed once everyone is asleep, but when things are busy she hides. She hides most of the time. She's almost always as far from the activity as she can get. She swipes at anyone who walks too near. She growls and hisses at the other animals if they come close, and goes weeks at a time without allowing anyone to touch her. Yesterday I picked her up to get her out of the kitten's path and she lost it at me.

I try to make a point of taking out the laser pointer (the only toy she plays with consistently) and playing with her on a regular basis. We go through a LOT of feliway (which does take the edge off of her stress). I block the access to the upstairs loft for a few hours every evening so the other animals can't come up to harass her.

She seems so unhappy. She's vetted regularly, and aside from recurring cystitis she's in good health. She's only three. Every time I see her she's curled up far away from everyone, or sitting on the stairs glaring down, waiting for someone to come within five feet of her, at which point she shoots back upstairs and goes back to hiding. Every night I hear Sherpa harassing her. I get up and stop him, but he goes back to it. She cries and growls while he tries to mount her. I haven't found an effective way to make him stop.

I'm starting to wonder if it might be in her best interest for me to look for a home where she can be the only pet. I've never re-homed a dog or a cat and I always swore I wouldn't, but it makes me so unhappy to see her looking so unhappy. She's so loving when it's quiet in the house and she's confident that nobody's going to surprise her.

What can I do for her? Does anyone have suggestions for making Sherpa leave her alone? I can make him play for HOURS in the evening, but he still wants to mount her.

[moosmom]

I would try to find her a nice, quiet home, possibly with an older person who is looking for a lap cat. Please, though, ASK FOR PICTURE I.D.!! and charge an adoption fee!!! Do reference and vet checks, for the sake of Charlie.

Case in point: A man in CT served a year in prison after being charged with 10 counts of animal cruelty. He got out and 24 hours later he was out looking for a cat to get his hands on (he killed my best friend's cat, "My Little Boy"). He DID get his hands on a cat from a woman who didn't do the simple, common sense basics (mentioned above). Fortunately for Honeygirl, someone in Jay Baldwin's apt. building snitched on him and they seized the cat. She was terrified and it took months of socialization for her to come around.

I think you know in your heart, that another home is probably what is in Charlie's best interest. While a room of his own is a good TEMPORARY solution, I think it's best. Good luck. You and Charlie will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Karen]

Aww, what a hard situation. But it does sound like a new, quieter home might be best for her, as hard as that will be on you. How old is Sherpa? In the meantime, could you somehow separate them at night so he won't get the chance to harass the poor girl?

[catmandu]

You might have to make a space for Charlie where she is the ony Cat if you can.:love:
I was prepared to do that fo My Josephine :love: of many names, but it ooks as though they have signed a truce.:D

[Taz_Zoee]

Awww, poor Charlie. They sound a little like Paizly and Jax, except he doesn't try to mount her (only the Zoee does that to Taggart:rolleyes:). But Paizly also hides when we have company, or the dogs bark (which is a LOT). But as she has gotten older she seems to have chilled out more. I can tell because when I had my friends cat (G) here for 4 months you could see the fear in her eyes. I just kept the temporary cat locked in the room, since he couldn't behave himself. But now she fusses and gets pissy with Jax but all the while her tail is playfully wagging and you can just tell she is relaxed. She's just being a little b*&%#.

I know how difficult it would be for you to give her up, but as you stated....she is unhappy. And I know you want whats best for her. Do you have any friends or family that would take her in so you could still have visitation with her? I know that's a LONG shot, but thought I'd ask.

I have confidence that you will do what is right for Charlie. I'm just so sorry it isn't working for her. :(

[Freedom]

Oh drat, I hate when something like this develops.

She will be difficult to rehome, with the recurring cystitis, I think.

It is lovely that she spends time with you in bed nightly. :love:

Some of mine are social butterflies, others only want Dad and I, no other humans, dogs, etc. Personalities are different, just as with humans. Do you really think she is unhappy, or are you maybe projecting? You sound like someone who loves all the activity. If she is able to find her quiet times, maybe that's not so bad for her?

Mandy can't stand Tommy. She has her places, and if he dares invade HER area, she starts screaming -- and she knows I will come chase him away. If I go out for any length of time, one of them is behind closed doors, so she doesn't have to worry. Other than that, she is fine.

So maybe you just work with what you have? Just tossing out ideas.

[mrspunkysmom]

My Sam would like to be an only cat, but sadly that is not the case for him. He has a refuge up high, that most cats "ignore." Mr. Spunky is the only one daring enough to approach, but he doesn't like getting hit with water so it doesn't happen often.

Sam would be better off in a one-cat home, but he's here and after 8 years I'm just not giving him away.

[snakemama]

Thank you to everyone for the advice!! I've been rolling this problem around in my head a lot, and I think that for the time being the plan will be this:

First, to get her a really tall cat tree with a hidey-hole at the top so that she has a refuge from Sherpa.

Second, once this foster dog leaves (her permanent home is picking her up at the end of the month), I'm not taking on any more fosters. It's too hectic for me and Charlie both. I love this foster puppy, but I'm sick of her too. :)

Third, I'll keep making sure she can get away from Kyubey by blocking off the upstairs for the time being. We'll keep using the feliway also.

There's no way to shut the kitties in separate rooms unfortunately, because we're in a loft. Sherpa can easily jump the cardboard barrier that keeps Kyubey downstairs.

I've tried a "calming collar" on Charlie before, and didn't notice anything except that she found the collar uncomfortable for the entire month. :( Has anyone tried tryptophan based calming treats? We sell these at my work, but I haven't had any feedback from customers so I just don't know how well they work.

If I don't see a noticeable difference in her in a few months' time, I have a few ideas of where to start putting out feelers for an only-pet home. My grandparents life in a senior mobile home park and may have friends there who would love a cat. I have a lot of customers who do rescue and may have contacts to help me.

I don't actually think the cystitis would be a huge stumbling block. It's VERY easy to tell when she's flaring up (she starts to pee in the sink) and VERY easy to treat. Actually, since I switched her to a fish-based kibble in the morning and wet food in the evening, she's only had one flare up in a year's time!

I really don't want to see her leave here. She's my bunny-soft, squeaky little lovebug. I just don't want her to be unhappy because I want her around.

[Catty1]

Maybe Sherpa should have the calming collar? ;)

Hope all works out for you and Charlie!:love:

[moosmom]

My niece swears by the calming collars. She has one on her two cats, who don't get along well. It's helped a lot.

[sasvermont]

I wish I had had calming collars for some of the idiots I worked with before retiring. It would have made me want to stay a little longer!

Hope all things work out for your girl. She sounds like your love kitty for sure and I too think you would not want to rehome her but get the other kitty to calm down a bit!

Prozac is a good kitty calmer too. It is cheap these days and often prescribed for cats and dogs.

:eek:

[krazyaboutkatz]

I hope that things will start calming down so Charlie will be able to stay with you. Good luck.:)

[snakemama]

Just a quick update: Calming collar on Sherpa (Or Sh**-pa, as his name is tonight) is massive fail. He bit me HARD. He decided he wasn't having it, and this is one battle I can't win. I don't know what went wrong....he wears a regular collar, I can pill him, trim his nails, etc.

Next strategy: Super-glue Sh**-pa to the ceiling. :)

[lizbud]

Maybe Sherpa should have the calming collar? ;)

Hope all works out for you and Charlie!:love:


Amen.:) If he's the one who is causing the rukus. Stress in one pet
can sometimes have a ripple effect on all the other animals. Hope you
can get this all worked out for the best.:)

[Catty1]

Can you put a tiny shot of Feliway on his regular collar?

[kaycountrygal]

I think I'd be stressed out at your house LOL. Poor cat! I hope the tall cat tree will be helpful.

[snakemama]

Well, SOMEONE peed on the bed this morning. :mad: I have my suspicions(SHERPA!), but I can't prove anything of course. Grrr...

[Catty1]

OK that boy needs some drugs! Either kennel drops in the water, or get a small container of Feliway and squirt a bit directly on his collar.

He's not a happy boy...no one's fault, but I hope something is found to help him soon.:love: