Major LIFE CHANGES making life a mess UPDATED #19

[jennielynn1970]

So... last year 168 teachers were laid off. That meant that many of us were moved around helter skelter against our wills, to fill positions that were vacated. My position was changed 4 xs within 1 month. I went from teaching middles school, to teaching two middle schools, to teaching two upper class elementary schools, to teaching 2 lower class elementary schools (one right outside of the projects). I think the thing that is causing the most anxiety is the fact that I was moved from middle to elementary school without my consent. I know it's better than having no job.... I just am not transitioning well.

Well, to make matters worse, I am now getting severe migraines that are going along with my stress and anxiety. I'm on Topamax daily to try to calm down the migraines, but that has to build up in my system. I also have Maxalt to take, as Sumavel dose pro. They work well, but not fast enough to get me to school on time, and they are not handling the symptoms that are coming along with the migraines, the not being able to handle light, moving fast, throwing up, thinking clearly. I have a follow up with my neuro doc in a month, and I'm hoping that things are better by then, but for now, things are just horrible.

I need to be able to make it to work. I don't want to run out of sick days again like last year. That was horrible and cut into my finances so badly I had a hard time making my mortgage and car payment... I'm still playing catch up with them!!!

To make matters worse, my boyfriend gets angry with ME when I get a migraine and will avoid me when I get them. He'll spend the night at the cabin in Sunny Rest and just not talk to me. Or stay down here and not talk to me as punishment or give me a lecture about finances and all these things I already know and feel horrible about. I feel bad enough already, I just don't know what to do any more.

[sasvermont]

Sorry to hear about your stressed out life. Any chance of changing school districts or working at a private school?

And what about that boyfriend? Wow. I would trade him in for a new model! What's with that? He seems to be part of the problem and not helping resolve the problem.

One thing at a time. Once your job situation settles down, I would consider a heart to heart with what's his name and decided if he should stay or go.

Does your school have a union? If so, what do they say about all this job switching etc?

Hope you feel better soon and things begin to settle down for you.

[Grace]

Fortunately, I've never had a migraine, but I sure understand they can be debilitating. I saw this (http://www.wndu.com/hometop/headlines/Common_plastic_surgery_procedure_brings_migraine_r elief_127473688.html) on TV recently. Could/would something like that maybe work for you?

As far as the boyfriend - I'd show him the door.

[Taz_Zoee]

Luckily I do not get migraines too often. But I know how they feel. :(

And my sister went through the same thing with her boyfriend when she was missing work because she was sick. Just let him be. It's better if he leaves you alone anyway. You don't want to have to yell or smack him when you are in pain anyway, right? And when you get better if he hasn't changed then.......see ya!! I know it's easier said than done.

I just hope you are back to your normal self soon. And I use the term "normal" lightly. :D

HUGS!!!

[caseysmom]

I wish your boyfriend was being more understanding and I hope you feel better soon.

[happylabs]

This whole situation stinks. It doesn't sound right that your employer can move you around like that but I don't really know much about how the school system works.

The migraines are the worst thing ever. I used to get them when I was younger. I would need complete silence and darkness in order to get over them. My husband, now ex, didn't understand either. It was always an inconvenience to him when I couldn't take care of the kids and/or him. As far as the boyfriend goes, let him go. You should be able to relax more and rest if he isn't there, correct? Men just don't get it.

Hang in there.

[jennielynn1970]

Sorry to hear about your stressed out life. Any chance of changing school districts or working at a private school?
All the districts in the area are in the same shape as ours. PA is in sad shape educationally because of cuts that Tom Corbett has made to our schools. :(


And what about that boyfriend? Wow. I would trade him in for a new model! What's with that? He seems to be part of the problem and not helping resolve the problem.
I hate to even tell him when I have a migraine. "Did you go to school?? Are you telling me the truth?" He threatens to leave me and just be by himself. He says he doesn't want to end up in an economically disadvantaged relationship, and with someone who is just going to let her life disintegrate around herself because of medical problems. I'm sorry I have medical problems that are more than I can handle at the moment. Between migraines and stress and anxiety, I'm a wreck.


One thing at a time. Once your job situation settles down, I would consider a heart to heart with what's his name and decided if he should stay or go.
Sounds like a plan. We've had so many heart to hearts through, and I just feel like he wants to run when ever I have a bad day. I never run out when he had a bad day. If anything I ask what I can do to make things better.


Does your school have a union? If so, what do they say about all this job switching etc?
At this point, they'll just tell me be glad I have a job. 168 members lost theirs. I'm lucky. I still have mine. I just need to be able to get my migraines under control, not take a medical leave (that would be disastrous to my record at the moment), and get things leveled out. I just wish I knew how to do this all quickly!!!


Hope you feel better soon and things begin to settle down for you.
Thank you!!!

[phesina]

Oh, Jenn, I am so sorry you are going through such a hard, stressful time. My cats are all sending you purrs and headbumpies of comfort, and I'm sending you great big {{{{{{{{{{{HUGGGGGS}}}}}}}}}}}. We all wish we could deliver these in person or in purrrson!

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} and ~~~~~~~PURRS~~~~~~~ and :love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:,

Pat, Sydney, Poppy, Elmer, Bob, Sparkler, Lavinia, and Princess Poppaea Sabina Eugenia

[Karen]

You'll be in our prayers. I love elementary-school kids, they can be so much more open to ideas and good books than middle school, when they are trying so hard to be like the teenagers they see! I will pray that your migraines go away, and if it causes you less stress, stop thinking of you-know-who as your boyfriend, think of him some guy you know, so you don't have to care so much what he thinks, okay?

One good stress-reducer I have taught a few people - take a clean piece of paper and a pen or pencil - whatever you have handy, and makes you feel better. Start a list at the top of the pages of all the things you hate. Your can start with migraines, mine usually started with canned peas. You can put silly things - like finding cat vomit with your bare foot, and go on to more complex or maddening things as you go on. Usually by the end of the list I felt better, but there's also a chance to either crumple it up afterwards (always satisfying) and toss it for the cats to play with (hee hee Suzie cat is carrying off my migraines!) or light a candle and burn it, watching all those hated things go up in smoke!

[Scooter's Mom]

You know I've had chronic migraines (definition of chronic migraines is 15+ days per month) for over 9 years. It took quite a few years before my hubby realized I wasn't just being lazy and sitting on my butt.

What Dave needs to understand is this is a medical condition, and is in no way shape or form something that you have caused. I understand you don't want to be alone, but sweetie, you are better being alone than being with a man who treats you as an inferior because of a medical condition that you have no control over.

Have you tried massages? I know they're expensive, but maybe a massage every other week would help balance the missing pay... I know several people who've had good luck with going to a chiropractor. None of these things help ME, but they work for some people.

You can always pm me here or on facebook. I've got my cell # on facebook too, if you ever need to just complain to someone who's not only been there, but lives there, with the migraines. ((hugs)) to you, but little ones, because I know!

[Marigold2]

I know this will sound trite. But you just have to learn to let it go. It is just a job. And yes I understand pressure from work, but I have learned that it is just a job. I have family, friends, children, fur and human and lots of fun to have. I refuse to let the job make me nuts.
Go in, do your best and leave it behind.. Much harder said then done, it takes practice but it comes easier with time.
Try to have someting to look forward to when work is done, EVERYNIGHT.
Makes a world of difference.
Best of luck.
Oh and if your boyfriend is being a %ick about your headache, time to get a new man who treats you better.

[Catty1]

Good one, Marigold:
time to get a new man who treats you better.

Even alone - you'll treat yourself way better than he does. :):love:

HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

[Freedom]

Or stay down here and not talk to me as punishment .

This is pretty immature.

Can you wake earlier to take the meds, just so they are effective for you to make it to school on time?

Praying for you here in RI.

[CountryWolf07]

Wow. I hope things get better - As for your boyfriend - What is he thinking? If Mike treated me like the way he treats you - I would've called it off, he needs to be compassionate about that sort of thing.

[mrspunkysmom]

I'm sorry that school is crappy this year. I know about the stress of teaching.

Hope things improve.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm sorry that you are dealing with so much stress, that's never easy.

I get migraines, too, so I have an idea of what you are dealing with!! I hope things at school get easier and your boyfriend is more understanding. Like others said, he really needs to grow up and be more supportive of you.

[jennielynn1970]

Another smashing migraine today. I think these are tied to the weather as well as stress and anxiety. So, another day missed.

I just worry that it will really make me look bad to my administrators. I explained to the one about the migraines, and she was like, Oh, honey, I get them, my sister gets them, I know exactly what you mean. And when I told her all the meds I'm on for them, she was just astounded. So, that was a good thing I am thinking. I just want to make it in to school at this point!!! That is my main goal!!! If I were at my old school, I'd have my office to hide out in and my assistant to go out and help out with the work. I have none of that now. :( Now it's me on my own, no office and no help. Sigh. Change stinks!!!

Not sure if Dave will stop by on his way home or not. I didn't msg him this AM that I stayed home from school again. He will be upset.

I am getting lesson planning done. Or at least the foundations for lessons done because I have no idea if these schools have the books that I need that I want to do the lessons for. I'll need to borrow them from another school if they don't have them. Some are oldies but goodies, some are newer but not that well known. I had built up a great collection at each school to do what i liked with them, and then moved up to middle school. Now I've left that collection behind as well. Not sure what kind of funding we receive at these new buildings I am at. With what I'm looking at on the shelves, it looks like NONE to very little. We should receive funding for ONE BOOK PER STUDENT EACH YEAR, but we never see that happen!!! They funnel our monies away to other budget items. It's so lovely when they do that, and we can do nothing about it. We've gone to the union, we've protested at the budget meetings and we were told to sit down and shut up.
Nice, huh???

OH well. So, I'm getting some "posters" made, will see if I can laminate them when I'm at that school again. I have an order through a company to buy funky pencils to give out to the best behaved students in the class. They aren't cheap, but they are cool (they bend and the end is in the shape of a star!). Still need to buy the basics, like tissues and hand sanitizer though since we aren't provided with them. And little kids carry lots of germs. Thankfully I have a sink in each library!! I will be OCD about washing my hands!!!!!

So my mood is a little better about school, just not the boyfriend. I don't want to let him go. I just want him to be more understanding and less lecturing me like a father. I know what happens when I run out of sick days.... I don't get paid for sick days. It's happened before. I know it's early in the year. I know. I want to get in there, but with my migraines, I'd be a hindrance not a help and I'd be sick, not in any shape to teach. SIGH. He just doesn't get it. *Slap to the forehead*

[dab_20]

This sounds like a very stressful time for you, I'm sorry. I haven't had migraines, but I used to get severe anxiety from a medication I used to take. It would come out of no where, I hated it!

Do you exercise on a daily basis? I know with a busy life it can seem hard to make time. But if you do, exercise reduces stress and makes you feel more energetic. Not only that, it usually helps with migraines! If you hate going to the gym, maybe pick up a fun sport you can do with the bf or a girlfriend you might have. Even just taking a brisk 20 minute walk a day can make a difference. Pilates and yoga are great for stress relief.

I HATE going to the gym and working out in general. My bf and I started playing tennis together. Its SO much fun. Its made me feel less stressed, more energetic, and has brought some fun into our relationship.
Talk with your bf about things that are bothering you (You probably already have). Make a plan about how you guys can change your relationship into something more positive. Do something fun together; sign up for classes to learn a language you've wanted to learn, maybe some volunteer work you're both interested in, etc.

I know how easy it can be for people to say "let him go", when they may not know the whole story. It's for you to decide whether you think you can change your relationship, or whether it won't be healthy in the long run. Just make sure whatever you decide will make YOU happy down the road.

[jennielynn1970]

Wanted to update this thread...

Since I started this thread, I began going to a neurologist and he put me on Topomax, and we've upped the dose to where I'm taking it 2 tablets, twice a day, and it's working like a dream. The only time that it's not working well is when I get my "time" of the month. Yay. So, now we're trying a new medication called FROVA. I'm to take it for 5 days in a row, whether I have a migraine or not, so I take it at breakfast with my other meds, and it's supposed to last until the next day. It's supposed to be a long acting migraine medication. Not sure that it's THAT long acting, as I'm up now with a migraine, but I just took my medications for this morning, which means I just took another Frova. Hopefully it kicks in soon.

Things with school have kinda evened out. I'm making it to school more. I have to. I'm out of sick days, which means any days I take are without pay. NOT GOOD. I can't afford that. And also, my one principal had me to go the head of human resources to "have a talk" to see whether I needed a health sabbatical for 1/2 a year. I had an extra rough time in October. I didn't post anything here, but my boyfriend, Dave, and I split up. I walked in on him and another woman having sex in the cabin up at Sunny Rest. It really just took everything out of me. I wasn't expecting it, and I just lost it. I had a mini breakdown, and was out of school for 4 days. I wrote an email to my principals, letting them know what happened, and why I was out. I thought they would be understanding.... well.... the one was (she was fantastic!). The other, MALE, was a jerk. He was the one who sent me to HR to have the "talk". I felt so betrayed. He has no compassion. I absolutely hate going to that school. It's a test every single week just to go there and know I have to see his face. The kids, they are different. I adore most of the kids. It's just having to deal with HIM that I dislike intensely and he makes me so nervous and anxious. I was out 2 days from his school this week due to bronchitis and not being able to breathe, and I have a doctor's note, so he better not send me back to HR because of it. I just am worried like crazy about it. I don't trust him, and what do you do when you don't trust your administrator??? You're constantly looking over your shoulder. Sigh. It's really getting to me. I keep telling myself, it's only this year, and hopefully he'll request a new librarian for next year. I doubt he'll want me again.

My ex and I are on speaking terms at this point. We run hot and cold at times. I guess that's to be expected. It was a mess for a while. I was a mess for a while. I'm much better now. I can talk about this and not cry. The woman he was sleeping with is actually now sleeping with his best friend, so all I can think of is KARMA!!!! It really does come around and bite you in the butt. Not that I wish him ill, but I wanted him to get a taste of his own bad medicine.

And for anyone out there on these expensive meds, or even not so expensive meds, look them up online. You wouldn't believe how many of the pharmaceutical companies out there have coupons for getting money off your copays, or for getting them for a really small copay. I have a bunch all lined up for when my copay goes up in January. I get my Maxalt for free, My Frova for free, my Lunesta for Free, and there are a bunch of others that I have down stairs that will be cheaper for me come January. Please look on line to check out your NON GENERIC meds!!! Many companies now have these programs.

Also, Giant and Wegmans have their FREE ANTIBIOTIC PROGRAM... no matter what insurance you have, they have about 15-20 antibiotics that are free. I printed out the list and I give it to my doc whenever I need an antibiotic. Usually they will pick one from the list if they feel it will work. I try to save $$$$$ where ever I can!!

**Forgot to add, that on the BRIGHT SIDE.... I am down 30lbs!!! (minus the 230lbs that I tossed out in October, lol). I'm getting closer to where I want to be, but I still have a ways to go with my weight goal. Slowly but surely, as my doctor says, is the way to go! :D

[Karen]

Sounds like things are looking up, in many areas. Keep up the good efforts, they are paying off!

[Freedom]

I'm with Karen, overall it sounds like things are getting better and life is settling down for you. Losing the weight is a great achievement, and that too can produce chaos in your feelings and moods. Good for you!

(And here I was thrilled at my annual last week when my doc told me I've lost 11 pounds in the 3 years I've been seeing her. Thanks for putting THAT in perspective, I've got a long ways to go!)

[Taz_Zoee]

Sorry you have a migraine on top of the other illness. :( Glad you are happy again without the extra 230lbs. And yay for you for losing weight! That's awesome! :D
I hope things are okay at work too. Stressing about the one school doesn't help with your migraine or bronchitis.