Getting over the loss of a child

[luckies4me]

Hi everyone, I know this is not pet related but I really need to just talk to someone. I don't feel like I can share my thoughts with my spouse at this time.

I just want a little advise about getting over the loss of my baby. I was two months along when I lost her/him. I have been thinking about the baby everyday and I just can't shake the thought of it. I still have my pregnancy test in the bathroom so I cansee it every time I go in there. It's the only thing I have of her/him.

I hate seeing people who are pregnant and knowing I should be in that situation too. A close couple of my partner and I's are expecting in January and it makes me feel awful just looking at her, although I am happy for them at that same time.

So maybe it is sort of pet related. Maybe someone can tell me how they got over the loss of a pet or something and it might help. I justhate feeling this way and I don't have anyone to talk to. :( I really want my baby back.

[Chinadoll]

Oh my!
I wish I could give you advice that would make it all better...but I have none. I could offer such platitudes as it was meant to be or it was his/her time or they're in a better place now...but that's just a bunch of bs. I know I wanted to slap people when they told me that when my grandfather died. I knew they meant well...but I really don't think they knew what they were saying.
All I can is is that I'm deeply sorry for your loss. No mother should ever have to go through the pain of losing her child.
((HUGS))

[All Creatures Great And Small]

I feel so bad that you can't share your feelings with your spouse - have you talked about it at all with him? Do you know how he's feeling about it? Maybe he doesn't know how to react, either, and is being very quiet about it. There really is no cure for the (psychological) pain other than time. When my mother-in-law lost her husband, I know she found great solace by attending grief counseling classes that were offered by the cemetery where he was interred. She also joined a grief support group of women going through exactly what she was, and they could get together and talk about it. You could check with your local hospital, funeral homes, or cemeteries to get in touch with a grief counselor. (The ones my mother-in-law met with were free of charge.)

Hang in there -

[ramanth]

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

[iceyshiver21]

I wish i know what i could say to help you but i dont think there is anything i can, im so sorry.

It is really necessary to talk about this with your spouse . This is so important now .. . We went to similar problems , and you really need each to get over it !! I will PM you , okay

[Sudilar]

I am so very sorry. {{{hug}}} I will pray for strength and courage for you.

[Vermontcat]

I have had friends and cousins who have been through what you are going through. They have all gone on to have healthy babies when they were ready to.
I will also send you a PM.

[popcornbird]

Oh no! :( I'm so sorry about your loss. I don't think I can offer any advise except to be thankful for the adorable little boy God has given you (the one in your avartar) and to pray for another little boy or girl to be born in your family. It can be hard. My mom lost many before they were born too, but God gave her us and she is thankful for that. Hopefully God will give you another child someday soon. Just be patient, give your little boy a hug, and hopefully, some day, you'll be showing your child his newborn baby sibling in the hospital!

[catland]

I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have mentioned, you really should try talking to your spouse. He's grieving too, although he might not show it.

While I would never even dare attempt to compare the loss of a pet over the loss of one's own child, I can say that it does get better with time. It must be so hard because you only have the "what might have been's" to think about.

I don't know how long ago you lost your baby, and I'm certainly not in anyway a medical person, but it would seem that your hormones are probably still wacky, which is causing everthing to seem that much worse.

I don't know of any, but I'm certain there are web sites in existence that have support groups for people in your situation.

I guess that finally I would say, your emotions are real, you have a right to cry. But if this goes on for too long, you might want to visit your doctor because you shouldn't suffer in silence. Do you belong to a church - is there a member of the clergy you could talk to?

Finally, and I know this sounds so trite at a time like this, you need to count your blessings. As much as it hurts to see your pregnant friends, celebrate their joy with them.

Well, I guess I've gone on long enough. We're all thinking about you here, so take care and keep in touch.

Julie

[ChrisH]

I am so very sorry about your loss. I know that when my husband died, even though we knew it was coming, I still felt so lost and just wanted him back. Losing a baby must feel a hundred times worse. I so wish I could help you, but all I can do is to say again how sorry I am. I will pray for the comfort and help you need to come to you. God bless.
Hugs

Chris

[Karen]

Don't give up. Mourn the baby you lost, treasure the one you have, but realize that there is still plenty of time and hope for another baby in your life. Plant a little shrub in a corner of your yard if you can, to be a living memorial for baby.

Not to go into too much personal history, but my Mom was told after my big sister (I also have an older borther) that she wouldn't have any more children. Well, not only am I here, but I have a younger brother, too! (When we were being good, Ma would call us her "miracle babies!)

Do mourn, don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't, but remember there's hope. My prayers will be with you.

[Cataholic]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have sent you a pm.....

[mugsy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know I have never had nor never will have children, but I'm sure it is devastating. I too will reiterate that you need to talk to SOMEONE, preferably your spouse, but anyone who is experienced in grief counseling would do and perhaps that way you can gain the confidence to talk to your spouse. My thoughts will be with you.

[luckies4me]

Thank you all so very very much. All the ideas and comments are really helping. Dan is at work right now but I will make an effort to speak to him when he arrives home tonight.

I have not felt comfortable talking to him this week as he has been working really late and is tired when he gets home. I have been making an effort to spend more quality time with my son and being thankful for what I do have. Thank you all so much. :)

[jenluckenbach]

Your loss is real, and will take the same amount of grief as any other loss. Work through it, you will in time be able to convey your feelings to your husband. He may never feel it the same way, no two people do, but he will be there for you. But he'll need to know about your feelings (they don't automatically know, you know)
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep in touch with us if you feel that there is no one else to share it with at this time.

[moosmom]

Luckies4me,

I'm so sorry for your loss :(. I can even begin to imagine what you are going through. The only thing I can suggest is maybe a support group of women who have been through the same thing. It's always good to talk to someone who has the same experience.

Grief doesn't just go away. It takes time. Take as much time as you need to get through it. My heart goes out to you and your family. If there is anything I can do, just holler! You and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers.

[luckies4me]

Here is an update:

Dan arrived home at 5:30 (early for this week) but as soon as he came home he took a nap and I did not want to bother him. I wrapped up my test and put it in a nice box for the baby.

I will try to speak to Dan tomorrow night when we are out to dinner.

[lynnestankard]

So terribly sorry L4M - I'm sending a PM.

Lynne

[Vermontcat]

Hey Luckie,
Good luck with your dinner, maybe wait until dessert to discuss things, he may be happier on a full stomach.;)
I was going to mention to put that test out of sight for now so it didn't keep reminding you so I am glad that you have put it away in a special place.

[COCatMama]

My gramma had i think five miscarriages and my mom had 2! I have never been pg myself tho. The child you lost is probably just as real to you as if he/she had actually been born, it's true that Time heals all wounds. I disagree with the comments about not comparing your loss with the loss of a treasured pet. I have heard that for some people, the loss of a beloved pet can be just as painful as losing a human loved one, and I believe it.

It's a tragic thing that happened to you, and don't beat yourself up for feeling envious of other pg women!

Here are a couple of message boards for you :
Grief and Loss (http://boards.webmd.com/roundtable_topic/1109)
TTC (http://boards.webmd.com/roundtable_topic/1065)

[jackiesdaisy1935]

I am so sorry, this is so sad to read this story, I'm sure in time and maybe at your dinner your husband will come to understand your feelings, different people grieve in different ways. The loss of a baby is so difficult for the mother because she is carrying that baby, but God had other plans for your baby and took her/him back to heaven to be with him and all the other beloved babies who went before. It will take time, but eventually you will understand and get on with your life, but you will never forget this little sweet baby that you had for such a short time. My best wishes to go you.
Jackie, Miss Daisy and Perry

[luckies4me]

Thank you everyone. I think I am going to wait until after dinner to talk. We both are up late anyway and since it's Friday we are up even later. You all are giving me strength I didn't use to have and I appreciate it very much. Thank you all for the kind words. It means a lot to me. :)

[NoahsMommy]

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

I do agree that you and hubby should talk...but I also agree on letting the both of you grieve in your own ways... I noticed that "throwing oneself into work" (like your hubby is doing) is a very common form of grief.

Know that we are here for you and are sending prayers your way.

Take care.

[anna_66]

I can't say I know how you feel, I don't, and never will since I'm not able to have children, but I think if something like that ever happened to me, my husband would want me to talk to him. It may be hard at first, but I think it is one of the best things you can do, for the both of you. He probably don't know what to say to you, so if you bring it up, it might make it a little easier.
I will be keeping you & your husband in my thoughts & prayers.
Take care & we're here if you need to talk.
Anna

[Stenograsaurus]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. When I first became pregnant, I had all the signs of a tubal pregnancy. I thought for sure they were going to have to take my baby and I went through days of grieving, so I know a little of what you feel like. I have looked up a few links on infant loss. I hope they can help you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Here are the links.

http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/pil/index.html

http://www.baby-place.com/miscarriage.htm

[luckies4me]

Ok well I am NOT going to talk about it with im tonight. I will go into more detail later on.


Lets just say that a football games more important than giving me a break and letting me get outside. :mad:

[sid n cleo]

i m very sorry to hear that. the only thing i can say is that he or she is in a better place now. :(