Unconditional love - A POLL

[pomtzu]

Do you believe in unconditional love - that of a parent for a child?

In light of the Casey Anthony trial, this had me wondering how many parents would love their children, no matter what they did. The fact that Cindy Anthony mouthed the words "I love You" to her daughter Casey, and Casey turned away in response, made me wonder. How can she love this daughter of hers, who is more than likely the killer of her granddaughter? I heard one reporter say "but parents always love their children no matter what they do". That's b.s., and I speak from experience.

I haven't seen or spoken to my first-born son in over 16 years. I won't go into details, but he single-handedly tried to destroy this family to save his own backside - sort of like Casey, but at least he didn't kill anyone! :eek: I don't know when or why he changed - he was always "the perfect son" - the typical boy next door. He was Jekyll and Hyde in reality, and hid it very well when he was growing up.

Thank goodness for my 2nd son - he is a gem and I don't know what I would do without him. He acts like an old mother hen toward me and treats me like some China Doll that might break. Sometimes he is way too overprotective!

If you care to vote, I'd be interested in the responses. Thanks!

[Grace]

I would like to have said yes, but I know it wouldn't be accurate.

[moosmom]

That's a tough question.

I have always admitted that I am not mother material. People can't help how they feel. Once that precious girl was born, I was madly in love with her. I'm not saying I don't love my daughter, unconditionally because I do, with all my heart and soul. I didn't know I had it in me.

I don't know what else to say other than, yes it IS possible to love a child unconditionally.

[sparks19]

I had to answer no. NO not every parent loves their child unconditionally. The way I see it right now is I can't imagine not loving Hannah no matter what she does.

But I also understand that sometimes there comes a point in a parents life where the child may be so destructive to the family and to the parent that they have to cut ties. My step father has a son that he's basically disowned and tried to forget he ever exsisted and he has very good reason to. I don't know that he doesn't love him somewhere deep down anymore but it came to a point where he had to protect himself.

[wolfsoul]

I love MY child unconditionally (so far lol), but I don't believe every parent does. Otherwise we wouldn't see so many parents murdering their children or dumping them on family members etc.

[kuhio98]

I have no children but I believe I would love my child unconditionally.

I would hate some of the things they did, but I would still love them.
I might be unable to forgive them for some of the things they did, but I would still love them.
They could be toxic to be around and I would have to make the decision to no longer have contact, but I would still love them.

I guess to me, acceptance, forgiveness and love are separate things.
I might not be able to accept or forgive some awful behavior, but I would like to think that I would still love them -- even if it had to be from a distance, a far...far...far distance. :(

[mrspunkysmom]

I replied that I don't have children, but I do have and opinion. I was obviously someone's child and do have that experience. I am also a classroom teacher.

I think that Parents do or can love their children unconditionally but that conditions or expectations are set for their behavior and acceptance.

My mother told us that should any of us do something stupid (illegal), she wouldn't protect us or hide us, but because she loved us, she would visit us in jail. That set expectations.

[Taz_Zoee]

I have no children but I believe I would love my child unconditionally.

I would hate some of the things they did, but I would still love them.
I might be unable to forgive them for some of the things they did, but I would still love them.
They could be toxic to be around and I would have to make the decision to no longer have contact, but I would still love them.

I guess to me, acceptance, forgiveness and love are separate things.
I might not be able to accept or forgive some awful behavior, but I would like to think that I would still love them -- even if it had to be from a distance, a far...far...far distance. :(

I have to agree with Lisa's last paragraph here. I also do not have children, but I believe a parent can still love their child and not like their actions or beliefs. Just like I am with my father. I love him because he is my dad, but I don't like the way he acts, thinks or his beliefs (that he is always right:rolleyes:).

[K9karen]

I don't have kids, but raised my niece for many years. In her teenage years, there were times I wanted to kill her (literally of course!!!) but my loving parents always stood by me and my brother and we stood by her and tried to steer her right after some bad influences.

Today, she is happily married to a super husband and 2 kids. She's a great mom. Many times she thanks me (and my mom) for all she's learned. I love her so much I think I'd die for her. She's my heart.

[Karen]

Not every person is equipped to be a parent, so I voted "no" as I know many people whose parents didn't seem to love them, sadly. Being born genetically female doesn't mean you're equipped to be a mom, and too many people just expect that love will "happen' once the woman gives birth. Same for men, not every male is equipped to be a father, either. Some of it is learned, some of it is innate, but wherever love comes from, it is never a guarantee.

Love is a tricky thing sometimes, and I have counseled more than one person I know to think of a mother more like a "crazy aunt," for example, if it helps them deal with the human being who happened to give birth to them.

I do not have any children, but love lots of people, and love my nieces and nephews unconditionally. Everyone deserves someone who does, don'cha think?

[sana]

Not all parents love their children unconditionally, some don't even care if they're there, but some reallllyy care! So, I voted no, as not everybody loves their children, some do and some don't...

[moosmom]

A lot of great comments in this thread. Sparks19, you said exactly what I was trying to say.

[pomtzu]

A lot of great comments in this thread. Sparks19, you said exactly what I was trying to say.

Yes - I agree. Many great comments and views, but Tanya hit the nail on the head.

Thanks for all your responses. :) At least I feel that I'm not a horrible mother afterall. A son can't throw his entire family under the bus, and expect love in return. He did a lot of damage, but didn't destroy us, and altho some of the damage can never be repaired, we persevere and have put the ugliness behind us and moved on. As I have posted in my siggy - "to everything there is a season.........."

[Marigold2]

Yes I agree with sparks19 as well. I know a very good family. They have three children and their one son is very disturbed. They have done all they can for him, sent him to a special school, therapy, but he is either bi-poler or has Schizophrenia or both. He has been violent toward his parents, chasing after his dad with a shovel and once hurting his mom vary bad.
Not that he is an adult they are truly afraid of him.
He tries to break into their house the police are there often.
Mom and dad are highly educated people so they were able to afford the best care possible for him and he did recieve it.
Their two other children live in fear of him as well. Both are doing well and are outstanding young people, oldest daughter is studing medicine.
So these poor people are kind of stuck. Unless they pick up and move across the country and start over and then still he can find them easy enough with the internet.
He has made their life hell.
I have known them for over 15 years. I remember this little boy of 6 who has turned into a monster.
To be afraid of your own child, to live in terror of him, that he will come and kill you in a fit of anger. It is hard to imagine more pain being brought on by a child.

[Alysser]

I, too, agree with Spark19 on this one. I believe, my parents love us(my siblings and I) unconditionally. My mom has always said she sometimes doesn't like our behavior, attitudes, or what we decide to do - but she will always love us to the best of her ability. My dad agreed with that. We've all done our share of stupid things, especially my brother. I'm not going to go into details or into his life story, but he has really shaped up now, and through all that my parents supported him. My parents would never kick us out of the house or anything like that. Despite all the fights we've had with them, they still love us and I truly believe that. I had a very happy childhood and my family is really close.

I also believe if a kid is to the point where they are destroying his/her family or something equivalent, it's time to make a decision on whether to be tormented or cut off ties. It doesn't have to mean you stop loving them though.

[finn's mom]

I think some do and some don't. I know that loving someone and liking them are two completely different things, though. If anyone in my family ever did anything so horrendous as to murder someone, I would love them, but would more than likely never want anything to do with that person ever again.

[cassiesmom]

I voted for the 4th option. I know I am unconditionally loved. But I know of two situations where that is not the case. Two generations of the same family. It is very hard to watch.

[Bonny]

I had to vote a yes. They start out loving their children unconditionally then sometimes things happen & they don't work out the way they are planned. You end up with a challenging child, and what are you to do? A person can only do so much & when it doesn't work you have to make some decisions for the safety & well being of yourself & family.

[Marigold2]

And these things can happen in the best and the worst families. The rich and poor, black, white, yellow, and green.
It is always tragic....................
Being a parent is something one needs to give years of thought to before one takes that step.

[pomtzu]

And these things can happen in the best and the worst families. The rich and poor, black, white, yellow, and green.
It is always tragic....................
Being a parent is something one needs to give years of thought to before one takes that step.

Giving it years of thought in no way prepares anyone for the unexpected. You may be the best parent ever, but if a child (especially an adult child) decides to be a destructive and toxic force within the family, no amount of "years of thought" that you may have given the situation before you decided to bring that child into the world, will amount to a hill of beans. :mad: