Honest advice needed

[Marigold2]

I am at a lose at what to do here and am asking for some honest advice from some wise people. My PT family.
The way our schedule works out for lunch I take my break with a man. He is 41 and very good looking, single, never been married.
He dates 30 something women.
I will call him Bill.
I am married and 52.
His mom had him young, she is 56.
We are just friends, he dates women that are young enough to be my daughters.
We hired a new women.
She is 41, has two grown children and is expecting a grandchild any day.
She is getting married in July.
This women wants Bill bad.
Bill has no interest at all in her.
She makes very sexual comments, goes up very close to smell him, picks lint off of him, stands too close, and it makes working difficult because there are not very many of us and we do have to work together all day long.
The problem for Bill and I is she wants to have lunch with us. We don't want to have lunch with her.
Yesterday we had an hour and a half because of a meeting so we met in secret, took seperate cars and met at a resturant and had lunch on the patio and it was lovely.
Because we are just friends we talk about movies, books, current events, family, vacations, every thing under the sun.
When she is there the talk always turns to sex and it is so painfully obvious she wants to sleep with him.
The other day we just sat there, neither one of us talked, our heads were down, we ate in silence while she gabbed on and on and on about this and that. I was trying so hard not to laugh or look at Bill and vise versa.
I have asked my friends and hubby and they said to just tell her that we want to eat alone but with only so few people in the office everyone is already paired up with someone time wise.
We don't want to be mean either.
And another point is that she is not a nice person. She is bossy and sceaming.
Bill is a bit worried about his actions. If he is too cold to her his concern is that she might spread rumors about him or say something untrue about him. And yes I believe she would. I know Bill well enough to know that he is an honest man and has no reason to lie to me.
This is such a bad situation. I feel like high school all over again.
She has buddied up to the Dr and office manager by bringing them gifts and such.
This does not look good.
I need some sage PT advice. Wombat what do I do?
Lose my lunch partner and eat alone? I guess that would mean three people all avoiding each other in the lunch room which is hard to do.

[Karen]

What she is doing is sexual harassment. Contact your company's HR manager, or your boss, whomever is in a position to do something about it.

[Catty1]

Since he is the person being sexually harrassed, he should report it. That gets you out of the middle.

[lvpets2002]

:rolleyes: What is this women's problem!! Didnt you say she is getting married in July.. I would tell this woman's soon to be husband about what she is doing && yes then tell your boss too about her sexual comments.. Crazy Lady for sure..

[pomtzu]

Since you say that she is new, it would be my guess that she is trying to make friends, tho she obviously is going about it in the wrong way. Seems it should be Bill, and not you, that needs to take action and just tell her outright, that he doesn't appreciate or want her unsolicited advances/attention. If it hurts her feelings - oh well.
And since this is a small office, and everyone seems to know everyone else, I seriously doubt that anyone would believe any rumors or lies she might want to spread about Bill. Afterall, she is the newbie, and anyone that knows Bill, would know that they aren't true - correct?

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Whenever she starts up, bring up her fiancee. Ask about him and what he's like. Ask about her upcoming wedding and things like that. Keep reminding her she is not available and neither you or Bill are interested in anything beyond office friendship. Be polite but don't encourage her by asking her to lunch with you or go any where else with you.

There was lots of trouble with the office I used to work at when people wanted to be friends outside of work. People told things about others that was no one's business. (and even made things up) I since made it a policy to be nice and friendly to people I work with but after hours are off limits. I was there to work not socialize. It kept my life a lot simpler. :love:

Oh, and if Bill is married or has someone special in his life, he should talk about them ad naseum when she is around.

[Marigold2]

Thank you for the excellent advice.
I will do just that, ask about her fiancee and I will give Bill the same advice.
We want as little as possible to do with her and hopefully she will not stay too long.
Thank you again. :D

Whenever she starts up, bring up her fiancee. Ask about him and what he's like. Ask about her upcoming wedding and things like that. Keep reminding her she is not available and neither you or Bill are interested in anything beyond office friendship. Be polite but don't encourage her by asking her to lunch with you or go any where else with you.

There was lots of trouble with the office I used to work at when people wanted to be friends outside of work. People told things about others that was no one's business. (and even made things up) I since made it a policy to be nice and friendly to people I work with but after hours are off limits. I was there to work not socialize. It kept my life a lot simpler. :love:

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Oh, and if she brings up sex, just ignore her like you don't hear her and change the subject. If she asks why, tell her what I do, I think people's sex lives are no ones business but their own and am not interested in hearing about them. :D

[moosmom]

Karen's right. It IS sexual harassment. That's the first thing I said when I read it.

I'd steer clear of BOTH of them. That's just MHO.

[dab_20]

It is sexual harassment. The first step to solving this, however, is for Bill to frankly tell her he isn't interested and doesn't appreciate her advances. This is the simplest way to go about it. As much as you may not want to seem rude, being adults, you just need to be frank with her IMO. Although you can talk to the manager about this, the first thing he or she is going to ask is whether Bill has talked to her about it.

It's hard to deal with people like this, especially because most people don't want to come off as rude, no matter how disliked this person is.

Good luck to you and Bill with this crazy lady!

I also agree, remind her of her fiancee, ask about her wedding. Encourage Bill to talk about in ladies he may be with.

[wombat2u2004]

I need some sage PT advice. Wombat what do I do?
Lose my lunch partner and eat alone?

Hmmmmm....this is tough one.
But here's my take on the matter.
Because she is so dangerous, spreading rumours, causing trouble etc etc, then I would just simply give in to her.
I mean, this woman is throwing herself at him, she's placing it on a plate right in front of him, saying "Here it is. Come an get it !!!"
And this Bill character is letting her sniff him and pick lint off his jacket ?? Man, I'd be dragging her into the storeroom.
Ya only live once mate ;)

[lvpets2002]

:p Oh my my Wom you sure do chuckle me to much.. That is some advise there..:D


Hmmmmm....this is tough one.
But here's my take on the matter.
Because she is so dangerous, spreading rumours, causing trouble etc etc, then I would just simply give in to her.
I mean, this woman is throwing herself at him, she's placing it on a plate right in front of him, saying "Here it is. Come an get it !!!"
And this Bill character is letting her sniff him and pick lint off his jacket ?? Man, I'd be dragging her into the storeroom.
Ya only live once mate ;)

[gini]

Hmmmmm....this is tough one.
But here's my take on the matter.
Because she is so dangerous, spreading rumours, causing trouble etc etc, then I would just simply give in to her.
I mean, this woman is throwing herself at him, she's placing it on a plate right in front of him, saying "Here it is. Come an get it !!!"
And this Bill character is letting her sniff him and pick lint off his jacket ?? Man, I'd be dragging her into the storeroom.
Ya only live once mate ;)

By chance are you in the wrong thread? Maybe you want to be at Thursdays bar - and the storeroom is also known as the Lost and Found. Wom - you are one in a million!

[Marigold2]

Bill is very aware the this is the case but it's small company and he can handle it, he puts her in her place very tactfully. But yes it is a dirty thing isn't it. I don't think men like to report this even if it was a bigger company and he could be transford. Inless the women is a toad or something I think men usually would see this as a good thing, I know it is wrong but that is the way a lot of men think.
Bill is not one of them. He is a nice man but more important in this case I think he is very good looking and he has had this happen in the past. I see how women look at him when we have gone out together. They look at him, they look at me and look puzzled. LOL Like what is SHE doing with him. LOL I went to a wholesale club with him, he asked if he could go since I have the membership and he wanted it get somethings, I said sure. So there we are shopping like a couple and yes women were eyeing him left and right.

As I said he dates 30 year old women who look like they stepped out of a Victoria's Secret ad.
I can see why. And there he is with me, 52 and chubby grocery shopping. No wonder women wanted to know what the heck was going on. Ah well. That is why we can be such good friends because there is nothing going on. It is great.

Our real problem is lunch. We work really hard and we look forward to our time to eat and relax. Somedays we pull 12 hours and that lunch time is so needed. I think it is just sad that we have to try and hide or change or plans to avoid her. There are other people who sometimes join us or we see other people at different tables and say "hello, how are you"?
Perhaps as the wedding draws closer she will leave Bill alone.
I don't know if she will ever learn to be nice and play well with others however.
We are a close tight bunch and then BANG it came trouble. Oh well such is life.
Thank you everyone for your advice and time. I truly appreciate it.
Wom you silly man. You can come and take her any time back to your homeland it would be a blessings.


Since he is the person being sexually harrassed, he should report it. That gets you out of the middle.

[wombat2u2004]

Wom you silly man. You can come and take her any time back to your homeland it would be a blessings.

No way mate, there's plenty of those good-time girls here already.
I'd rather just sit here and imagine you three at lunch time, with her drooling all over the table....hee hee.
Anyway Monica, my original advice on the matter was the result of some very deep thinking on my part. I thought at the time..... "Is she really bothering him ??" or "Is he just shy but really needs to practice ???" I of course, after much deleberation chose the latter. :p

[pomtzu]

I'd steer clear of BOTH of them. That's just MHO.

Great minds think alike...........:p:D

[Catty1]

Hey never thought of it...stay away from both of them and it's up to HIM to say something or report it. I agree totally. Remove yourself from that situation!

[wombat2u2004]

Go for it Billy boy....go for it :D:D:D

[Asiel]

I'll have to agree with those who said to avoid both of them. Both sound like they need to rethink their values and learn how to play fair.

[wombat2u2004]

I'll have to agree with those who said to avoid both of them. Both sound like they need to rethink their values and learn how to play fair.

But they're both single.
Maybe just this one time ???? :D

[cassiesmom]

She makes very sexual comments, goes up very close to smell him, picks lint off of him, stands too close, and it makes working difficult because there are not very many of us and we do have to work together all day long.


This feels to me like it's teetering on the brink of a hostile work environment.

The other thing I thought of is - don't let her be alone with him (within reason, of course), so that she can't falsely accuse him of anything. Any time they're chatting, someone else is observing (or at least listening). I like the idea of firmly re-directing the conversation to her fiancé when the conversation goes in that direction.

[Marigold2]

Update. Her behavior has gotten worst. Her comments are constent and she spends every minute just staring at this guy.
The other day she tried to rub her girls against him in the hall so she was reported and talked to. His comment to her was, "This is NOT gonna happen".
They are looking to replace her.
Everyone was noticing it even the Dr. He is now watching her behavior very closely.
It is so awkward.
Since he and I get along well the looks she gives me are horrible. She has some serious problems. After all she is suppose to be in love with her man and getting married in July not chasing her co-worker.
We were such a fun and happy group till she came. Hopefully they will find a replacement soon.

[Marigold2]

UPDATE............
Her replacement has been found and she will be out in two weeks. We are all so giddy with happiness.

[moosmom]

That's great news Marigold2!! There's nothing worse than a hostile work environment. Believe me, I've worked in alot of them!

[Catty1]

Thank goodness. It might be out of place, but I hope someone informs her fiance of what she did...like, the guy she was 'bothering'.

That woman really needs her head read. I hope she does that...but sounds like she's in total denial.

Glad you will have a happier workplace soon!:)

[Marigold2]

At 41 this will be her 4th wedding. She married her third husband for insurance benefits. This man lucky 4 has a wealthy father. Looks like she hit the gold mine.
Geez............................. Hard to believe really that someone can be so evil. I don't believe in Karma but................
Hopefully the love she gives is the love she gets in return.