Loss of mom and dad

[Marigold2]

My boss lost his mom in Nov to cancer and his dad on Monday. He died due to routine surgery complicated with other health issues.
He was so close to his parents. Spoke to his dad three times a week.
I did not go to the service as it is two and a half hours away and we have heavy snow in that area.
Hubby is down with the flu and I didn't want to drive out there by myself.
What does one say?................
Except I am so sorry, which I said when his mom passed away.
I am at a loss for words..........

[Catty1]

Sometimes I ask, "What do you need?"

It could be a meal, a chance to meet up and talk; hopefully the person has an answer for you. Maybe he will have a lot of legal stuff to clear up and take care of where his dad lived. Even collecting his mail at home, or helping with things at his home when he is not there would help. Follow your heart too. He's really had a hard time of it!:(

[Bengalz]

I think you just need to be there for your boss and support him through his difficult moments - losing your parents (especially one followed by another) is emotionally shocking.

This happened to my husband just last year - his Mom passed in November 2009 and his Dad passed in February 2010. They lived in Europe and he was not able to get to them in time to say goodbye. They were both quite aged and in poor health so their passing was not a surprise however, the finality of losing your parents is something one is never ready for, regardless of the circumstances. During this time we have also been slowly losing my mother to Alzheimer's - another reality check that no one is ever prepared for. So for our family it has been a cumulative collection of heart breaking loss and difficult feelings that appear out of nowhere some days.

Although my husband accepted the loss, his grief is still under the surface and whenever we speak of his parents, he tears up - it takes a long while to get beyond that emotion. I sometimes purposely recall a story just to get him to speak about them and if the tears come - it is a good thing. We brought his sister over for a visit this past summer - and there were painful moments of remembrance but having those moments helped.

For now having the support of friends and colleagues means a great deal to both of us. Just knowing that others understand when we get choked up because something has triggered a memory helps get us through the moment. In time, we will be able to smile with those memories but for now it is just important to embrace the reality of the loss and deal with it in our own best way.

I hope this helps you deal with the confusion somewhat.

[Laura's Babies]

Wow! I feel so sorry for your boss, loosing both parents so close together.. That is really hard.. Just let him know you are there, call or drop by his office or work area and ask how he is doing and ask if he needs anything. Drop off a muffin or treat and coffee/milk or something once and awhile..

[Medusa]

Perhaps ask "How can I help?"

[Marigold2]

Thank you all. He is such a strong and private man. I don't want to mention anything during business hours because he has to see patients and it is very busy. I don't want him to break down in the middle of the day.
I do bring him coffee and bake for the for the office. I also bring in food now and again. I am the mom there.
I want to give some comforting words but there really are none.
His birthday is next week............ I will bake him a cake and get a card, have everyone sign it.
Or do you guys think I should not do that, that it's too soon?

[sparks19]

Perhaps get him a nice card. something you can give him to let him know you are sorry for his loss but that he could look at privately if he chooses or after work if he thinks he might break down reading it

[K9karen]

IMO, I think getting a b-day card and baking a cake is a great idea. As my dad would say when I often asked how I'd function without him and mom (even at my age), "Life goes on".
Your boss's birthday will always come. I think warm feelings from his employees is a sweet idea. It's seperate from his loss.

I for one, appreciated people's sympathy. "what can I do for you" is an excellent idea. Just don't say "they're in a better place". That may be true, thank you very much, but the best place would be on earth, in physical form, with me.

My prayers go out to him. How sad.

[Taz_Zoee]

That must be so difficult. I can't imagine losing one parent, much less both so close together. :(
I agree, do what you normally would for his birthday. Don't assume you shouldn't just because of this. Especially since he is a private guy like you stated. If you didn't do the norm it might draw more attention to the other issue and he doesn't need that either.
And I also agree with what others said, just be there for him. However that may be.

[Karen]

Simply telling him you are sorry for his loss, and if he needs to talk, ever, you'd be there for him. I would not make a HUGE fuss over his birthday next week, but a cake and card would be nice. He may not feel like celebrating, but a quiet reminder that there are people who care about him would be appreciated, I bet.

[CountryWolf07]

His birthday is next week............ I will bake him a cake and get a card, have everyone sign it.

Or do you guys think I should not do that, that it's too soon?

Oh, I think that is a wonderful idea. It's actually quite thoughtful. It shows that you and the other employees are thinking of him. I would do it. Words are something I am not good with, but I DO something. Action speaks louder than words, I suppose!