Christofur

[phesina]

I have very sad news:

About 10:00pm the vet called me. Christofur was seizing again, more cluster seizures. This was after being monitored and medicated all day. And this time he wasn't urinating with it. Toxins could start building up.

He could have that happen again at any time.

All else they could suggest would be take him to the neurology clinic (40 miles away), which would be hugely expensive and very likely wouldn't come up with anything else to be done for him either.

I went to the hospital, held him and petted him for quite a while. He was barely conscious and kept having little mini-seizures from time to time. I said goodbye to him about half an hour ago.

I'm so sorry. I did the best I could, little Christofur. I love you so very much, and so do many others who never met you in PURRson but came to love your beautiful spirit.

Thank you, everyone, for all your love and caring.

Pat, and Sydney, Poppy, Elmer, Bob, and Sparkler :love::love::love::love::love::love:

[Sundance]

Oh, that's so sad, Pat. I know you loved little Christofur so, so much and to lose him this quickly is beyond comprehension despite the troubles he had. It must have been a very difficult decision for you, but you did everything you could for him while he was with you, you gave him a chance he might never have had, and he knew you loved him. I'm sure he went to the Bridge knowing you were with him right up until he had to leave. He was such a beautiful little orangey and it's through tears that I write this. There has been so much sadness on the board lately. I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye to Christofur, but he is no longer sick and he will be waiting for you at the Bridge.


:love: Play gently, Christofur, knowing how much you are loved and how much you are missed. :love:

[katladyd]

RIP Christofur. I loved you.:love::(

[krazyaboutkatz]

Pat, I'm so sorry to hear this sad news.:( You did everything you could for sweet Christofur but his little body just gave out.:( At least he knew he was very much loved before he passed on. Now he's at peace and will be able to run and play up at the Bridge. RIP sweet Christofur.:( Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[mrspunkysmom]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Play hard at the Bridge, Christofur.

[Karen]

Rest in peace, Christofur, remember the love, and forget the pain.
Now you are whole and healthy, running and playing like you could not don here on earth.
Send a ray of brightest sunshine to Phesina, let her know you felt her love and care.

[Prairie Purrs]

I'm so sorry. This little angel touched my heart. I think he knew how much he was loved.

[Barbara]

I'm so sorry. What a brave little boy he was. And I am sure he was very happy that he got to meet you.

[TommyCat]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to find words when one of these little furbabies leave us. Now Christofur is free of pain and knows you did everything to help him. God bless.

[chocolatepuppy]

I'm very sorry about Christofur.:( I went back to search in Cat Health to see what happened and couldn't fight back the tears.:( You did the best you could for him, he was loved. {hugs}

[bowlkat]

GOd bless you both for all you did for that little orangeman- he KNEW, beyond doubt, as I go through the threads, that for the last months of his short life he was TRULY LOVED and cared for..... he knew and loved you back as best he could. He'll be at the Bridge waiting, whole and healthy and happy and free of troubles.
Christofur had a WONDERFUL few months there- even with all his troubles- no one can ask for more than that. THoughts and prayers to you all.
MC

[Queen of Poop]

Farewell sweet Christofur. Your meowmie did everything she could for you and will miss you very much. You were just such a cutie pie. You touched many hearts little man. Be well at the Bridge sweetie. :love:

[Freedom]

Pat, you did SO much for the little boy. He knew love, he purred with you, and that is so important. You did the right thing by him, all the way.

RIP little Christofur, you were one very special wee boy.

[Medusa]

Pat, I can only imagine how difficult this has been for you. We barely got to know Christofur and then he was gone. He sure did touch a lot of hearts in that short span of time, though. Comfort yourself w/the knowledge that he knows no pain, no suffering, only peace. I hope that you find some as well and quickly. RIP, sweet Christofur. :love:

[Lilith Cherry]

I am so sorry that you had tyo lose Christofur .. he was much loved .

[jenluckenbach]

With tears in my eyes I say good bye Christofur. At the RB you will be as you SHOULD HAVE BEEN on earth, healthy and playing like a kitten is suppose to.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} thank you for caring for him. he did NOT die alone, and that means a LOT.

[Catty1]

He was just the sweetest boy - his spirit shone through.

Play happy and free at the bridge, beautiful boy.

Pat, you did so much for him...and did the hardest thing, giving him relief and peace.

Watch over your earth mom, Christofur, and send her love and purrs.

[Grace]

I'm so very sorry, Pat :love:

[jennielynn1970]

So sorry to be reading this, but glad that Christofur is out of pain now and is playing at the Bridge.


HUGS to you Pat.

[pomtzu]

I am so sorry to read of this sad ending. I was praying that the seizures could be controlled with med adjustments. He sure was a sweet little guy.

RIP Christofur, and peace to you Pat. :love:


Years ago I had a dog that had seizures as a result of complications of diabetes. It was very difficult to watch, but the vet told me that the animal is not aware of anything during the seizure, nor does it remember anything afterward. That was the only comfort I could take out each episode. Hope this helps you too, Pat.

[catmandu]

We are so stunned and sad to read about Christofur Pat.
We know how sad you are , but the good thing is that Chistofur went to join Our Awesome Angels Army as a Kitten who has a Furr Ever Home and a Meeowmie, not as a Stray.
It is such a shame that Christofur was that ill.
When A Pet Companion becomes an Angel that young, they becaome a Baby Awesome Angel and they are always so young at heart and full of play.
And Christofur will be there, with Our Awesome Angels and will be full of life and joy when you all meet once more in Love:love:
One Fine Day:love:

[Cataholic]

I am just heart sick to hear this, Pat. Sending you and your family special thoughts and prayers.

[phesina]

Thank you so much, everybody. I keep thinking, did I let him go too soon. Was there something more I could have done to keep him going until we could get this really checked out.

I couldn't bear the thought that he might have more cluster seizures in the bathtub when I'm not home. Each seizure in a series like that is more painful and debilitating than the previous, I was told by several vets.

Little Christofur, you are whole and healthy and happy at the Rainbow Bridge now, and I look forward to being back with you, One Fine Day.

[Catlady711]

So sad to hear the news.:( Thoughts are with you.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

I am so sorry about Chirstofur. I know how hard this is. I had a kitten who had seizures too. She went into one at the vet's office one day and they couldn't pull her out. It's just so hard to say goodbye to them. You did the best you possibly could for Christfur. I'm sure he knows that and how much you love him. :love::love:

[catmandu]

I think that we all have the feelings when our pet companions become Angels, Pat,
I did when Juke Joint Joseph and Princess passed on this year,
did taking all those teeth out hurt Joseph and if I had taken Princess in would she still be alive?
You did the best you could Pat, and it sadly would have in all probability would been more seizures for Christofur, and you showed your Little Orange Friend a quality of mercy by ending what must have been a painful thing to go through.
Christofur is heading to Paradise to be with the Baby Awesome Angels Army, where they will play and run about all day.
Christofur will be your Owesome Orange Kitten forever and you will all meet in love.
One Fine Day!!!!

[lizbud]

I am so sorry to hear the sad news about Christofur.:( You did all
you could possibly do for him, but his body was just so frail.:( He is at
peace now, no more pain or confusion. I am sure he knew how much you
loved him. R.I.P. little Christofur.

[cassiesmom]

Oh, Pat, I am so sorry to learn this news. (((HUGS)))

[Taz_Zoee]

Christofur knew what it was really like to be loved, if even only for a short time. You did the best for him.

RIP Christofur

[dehlers43]

Godspeed, precious Christofur......

[phesina]

Thank you, everyone, for your love and caring.

I wish I hadn't done it.

[Kirsten]

I'm so very sorry, Pat! You know, it sounds like little Christofur was a very sick kitty. A brave fighter, yes, but sometimes the illness is stronger. You did everything possible to make his life comfortable, and I'm sure he knew how much he was loved. Sometimes these little fur angels just come to our world for a short time, maybe in order to teach us something, or to make us learn from them... When they finished their task, they're ready to leave. Maybe Christofur was one of these angels, you may find the answer to this in your heart... :love:

R.I.P. little Christofur, and enjoy your new healthy life at the Bridge!

[Catty1]

Oh, Pat...dear lady, I know you wish you hadn't done it. :love: When you were with him for that half hour, you said he was barely conscious, and even had slight seizures during that time.

Better that he was sent to the Bridge with love rather than passing during another massive seizure. That would have been horrible for him and for you, especially if you had found him afterwards at home.

I am sorry for those words...but you did the right and only thing for Christofur. :love::love::love:

[lvpets2002]

:( Oh no Pat = I am so so sorry to just now be reading this.. I am so Sorry for the Loss of this Adorable Baby.. Hey you did the best you could & May He Rest In Peace Now.. Play Hard At The Bridge Baby Boy.. Sending Lots of Hugggss for you Pat.. He is a Angel now Looking Over Us..

[phesina]

I'm getting heat from the people I got him from. How could I let him go so soon?

I am so very, very sorry that I did.

The woman who had him before, she would NEVER come out with any actual information as to what had been done for him..

My vet lowered his phenobarb dose because she thought we were starting out with this. Now this woman (Christine her name is; he was named Christofur for her) is saying that her vet had started his dose 4x higher because he really needed it what with all that had gone on so far. WHY hadn't she let me know any of this?

I asked her several times if he had seen a vet about the seizures and if medications or anything else had been tried and how they had worked out. She just got outraged that "I'm asking her to do even more, spend more money on him, when she's so broke, it costs so much to keep things going here.."

WHY didn't she just tell us what had actually been done with HIM.. so far, I wasn't asking her to spend more money on him.

Like I said, I was so afraid, after he went into a second round of cluster-seizures after being monitored and medicated all day.. and before he went into that round the vet had called me saying she'd noticed his eyeballs a bit swollen and wanted my permission to give him some eye med to check that out.. she was afraid he might have scratched his eyes wihile seizing.

THIS IS SOMETHING CHRISTINE HAD SAID SHE WAS AFRAID HE WOULD DO, TOO.. before I agreed to take him!!!!!

I was worried then that he might do something like that in the abstract when I wasn't home.. this was before I knew anything about CLUSTER SEIZURES and the likelihood that that kind of scratching could happen during one and the strong possibility that such seizures might happen again at any time, like when I'm not home for several hours.

I have been crying all day about him, about how much I miss him and how sweet a little guy he was (IS) and deserved better, and should I have held on a little longer to see if anyone else I knew might have some other suggestions?

I am so lonely and heartbroken. It's nice to think that he's whole and healthy and waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge, but when it really comes down to it, I don't know if I really believe that will happen.. I fear it's more that all we have is this life and if we blow it here, we have no way to make things better or right again. And this innocent little creature had to suffer so.

[lvpets2002]

:love: Oh my Pat you needs some Bigg Huggss Right Now.. Huggss Huggss

You did the best you could.. Do Not let them beat you up over this.. Its always easier to pass the buck to the next person in charge.. His time was coming & I feel sure they knew this & that is why they got you to take him so quickly.. They wanted the heat & the monkey off of their backs.. Again may I stress you did the best you could.. This baby boy is Resting now & in Heaven & in no more pain.. I wish I could be there to Hugg You.. Huggss Huggss Pat

[Anikaca77]

I'm so so sorry to hear about Christofur.

My prays are with you. Thank you for taking him and showing him love.

Melissa

[Prairie Purrs]

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Truly, I don't think you had a choice. You had your vet advising you based on Christofur's condition at the time, and the former owners were to blame for any lack of information. And really, if the only option was to keep the poor little guy heavily medicated, what kind of life would that have been?

You did your very best for a very ill kitty, and that's all that can be asked of any of us.

[katladyd]

You did nothing wrong. His quality of life was declining by the hour. So if he could have been kept alive on HIGH doses of pheno, what kind of life would that have been? You did good. I loved the little guy, even if I never met him, and I don't think keeping him strongly sedated would have been any kind of life with quality.:love: Love is a powerful thing, and it is here to show us that it is stronger than death. Is there a Bridge? Who knows about that, but I do know there is SOMETHING after death because I have had one of my RB kitties contact me and tell me things that really did come to pass. You betcha we will see them again!

[lizbud]

Pat, (((Hugs)

Please don't beat yourself up about this. You know, the Vet knows and
we know, you did everything humanly possible to help Christofur & give him
a chance to have a comfortable life. You did your best & that is all anyone
can do.

[phesina]

Thank you for your support and encouragement, dear friends.

I just sent Christine an e-mail in response to her hysterical one for today, about all the stuff with the vet. I calmly asked, Why didn't you tell me all this about the vets when I asked you (more than once) about whether he'd seen a vet about the seizures, if medications or anything had been tried, and if so what had happened.

I suppose she'll respond with another tirade, but at least I feel a little better now.. that I did what I did based on what I knew at the time and that it was because of her that that was all I knew. I don't feel so much like a murderer now.

I talked with my vet this afternoon and told her about all this. She told me I had done absolutely the right thing, and that all the awful things I'd been afraid might happen to Christofur if I let him keep going really were at least as bad as I had feared and I saved him from those.

Thank you again, wonderful people. I am still heartbroken about dear little Christofur. He deserved much better.

Love from Pat :love::love::love::love::love::love:

[Grace]

I think from this moment forward you should delete, without reading, any emails from this Christine person.

You did what you had to do for Christofur, considering the quality of his life. Do NOT let that person get in your head!

[mrspunkysmom]

Amen, I agree. He is at peace now and you will see him again someday. He knows you tried to help him.

[karlyb]

That woman had her chance and she blew it. Try not to waste your time on her.

Christofur was a beautiful kitty and he knew you loved him. Pat, you did the best you could for him and didn't let him suffer any more. Christofur's story is sad because he was so ill and died young, but he also knew a lot of love thanks to you.

[Kirsten]

Pat, I'm so very sorry you have to deal with this, in addition to your grief! :(
But I know one thing for sure: you are NOT a murderer! I know if you or your vet had seen the tiniest chance that he might improve, or get some life quality back, you would have taken it.

Christofur was a very sick kitty, who is now no longer suffering...

(((HUGS)))

[kitten645]

RIP Christofur. You are loved. Furever.

[emily_the_spoiled]

I am so sorry to read about Christofur. I know it was a difficult decision for you, but now he is happy and healthy running around the RB. He will continue to watch over you until the time you meet again...

[Laura's Babies]

I suppose she'll respond with another tirade, but at least I feel a little better now

I saw this yesterday and was crying to hard to respond. I was heartbroken. I came back last night and read about Christine and got to mad to respond.

If she responds with another tirade, I would send one right back to her reminding her I had asked her not once, but several times and it was HER choice not to give you the information you NEEDED, VERY IMPORTANT information so that you could properly help him and make the wisest decisions about his care and treatment. Instead she left you to think these seizures were sudden and new, you and the vet had tried everything and BASED on the the INFORMATION you and the vet HAD, you had to make a choice. Without his medication, what did she think was going to happen? He was doomed the day she sent him away and I sure would tell her that!

I also want to know WHY she only divulged that IMPORTANT information (that you had asked for before) AFTER it no longer could do him any good, only admitted he had seizures with her and the medication he was on and how much when it was to late. That sends me a clear message. YOU were her scape goat, you were conned and you were USED!


There should have been a full and complete medical history sent along with him and the fact that it seems like she was trying to hide it, I have to ask WHY?! She was not honest with you about his full condition when his LIFE depended on you having that information!

It sounds to me like she knew this was coming and she didn't want to be the one to have to do it so she dumped that job on who ever would take him. This whole thing smells fishy to me, extremely fishy!

I would dump every bit of that guilt she is trying to lay on you, right back in HER lap in the hottest email she ever saw. Quit letting her make you feel bad for doing the only thing you could because she choose to keep very important information from you. I would tell her that is the last email she will get from you and anymore she sends you will be deleted without being read that she is not worthy of your time and trouble after how she scammed you!

I would be SO DARN MAD at her!!! I say let this be a lesson to everybody to make sure they get all the records from the vets before accepting another baby into their life that you know nothing about.

[astrid]

I'm so sorry little Christofur had to go... You did everything you could and gave him TLC all the time he was with you, he knows it and that's what really matters.
God bless you and yours.

RIP little Christofur :(

[Medusa]

I have been crying all day about him, about how much I miss him and how sweet a little guy he was (IS) and deserved better, and should I have held on a little longer to see if anyone else I knew might have some other suggestions?

I am so lonely and heartbroken. It's nice to think that he's whole and healthy and waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge, but when it really comes down to it, I don't know if I really believe that will happen.. I fear it's more that all we have is this life and if we blow it here, we have no way to make things better or right again. And this innocent little creature had to suffer so.

This really got to me, Pat, b/c it's exactly how I feel about helping Boo to the Bridge yesterday. I held on to Puddy far too long and I didn't want to make that mistake w/Boo. When Dr. Lee told me that it was difficult to maintain a normal body temperature once a cat gets so old and that I would have to figure out how to do it daily, I felt that I owed him better than to be going through treatments day after day. He slept on a heating pad for 24 hours and still his temperature never went above 97. My cat sitter is a vet tech and she told me that once a cat's temperature drops to 97 s/he's shutting down and that I only helped him to the Bridge. After a full day and night of crying I think I'm finally accepting this. I do hope that you will accept it, too. You did what you felt was right in your heart, so did I, and no one can fault us for it. We did what we did out of love and not for expediency. The person who is attacking you now has no conscience. She sees that you're in emotional pain and she adds to it. I think that Christofur was better off w/you no matter how brief a period of time. What she is doing to you is cruel and it's her own guilt that she's dealing with poorly and she's transferring it to you.

[Medusa]

Another thought: we hear "quality of life over quantity" a lot as it applies to whether or not to euthanize but when it comes right down to it and the decision is ours and ours alone to make, suddenly we're barraged w/people trying to make us feel guilty. It's evident that they don't really mean "quality of life over quantity" at all. They parrot someone else's words b/c it makes them feel wise but it's doubtful that they even have an original thought on the subject. Don't allow it, Pat. Your decision was made out of love, a decision that could only have been made based on the amount of information that you had at that time. This makes me angrier by the minute that someone would be so cruel to you. We all say that we don't judge but we do. Indeed we do.

[Randi]

Pat, I'm so sorry about Chistofur, but you did everything you could based on the information you had and I'm sure he could feel your love. It was the right decision to let him go instead of suffering more seizures.

Christofur is free of pain, may he rest in peace! :love:

(((hugs)))

[cassiesmom]

I have been crying all day about him, about how much I miss him and how sweet a little guy he was (IS) and deserved better, and should I have held on a little longer to see if anyone else I knew might have some other suggestions?

I am so lonely and heartbroken. It's nice to think that he's whole and healthy and waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge, but when it really comes down to it, I don't know if I really believe that will happen.. I fear it's more that all we have is this life and if we blow it here, we have no way to make things better or right again. And this innocent little creature had to suffer so.


Oh, yes it will. He will be on the Bridge purring and waiting for you and all of us, One Fine Day. He was just more medically complex than you thought, based upon the information that was provided to you. Give your kitties some hugs, snuggles and lovies. I wish you peace of mind and heart, Phesina. ((((BIG HUGS))))

[phesina]

Thank you so much, dear friends.

I still feel so guilty today. I realized today that the reason isn't even that I let him go but that I made the decision alone. I should have called up at least a couple of the people (in Texas and New York and wherever) who encouraged me to get him in the first place and run by what was happening with THEM and see if they had any further suggestions that might keep him going for at least a little while longer..

Or that they might have seen that his condition really was this bad and to realize that what with the rolling cluster seizures even after a day of monitoring and medicating that maybe it was the right thing to let him go now.

Or I should have called CHRISTINE when I didn't get a straight answer about vet care or not for his seizures.. Although it is really hard to deal with her on the phone, she often gets hysterical and won't let you get a word or a thought in edgewise. Which is what she has been doing with her recent e-mails, she's grieving little Christofur too and not accepting her hand in the situation and lashing out in all directions.

I acted out of fear.. fear that he would come home with me and then suffer needlessly because this would happen again.

I have done that too much all my life, made big decisions out of fear, not backing off a bit and making myself consider all the aspects. You would think that by age 66 I would have figured this out, but no it's still underneath so much of my life.

I can't forgive myself for this.

I miss him so much.. today I returned the items to Pet Supplies Plus that I'd gotten for taking care of him, and it made me so sad to remind myself WHY those items are no longer needed.

I am so sorry, little Christofur. You deserved better, so much better.

Pat

[Medusa]

Shoulda, coulda, woulda, Pat. I still say that you made the decision out of love. Yes, you were fearful; who wouldn't be? You were dealing w/a life here! I, too, was afraid that I'd put Boo through all that again, then bring him home and find that the process didn't even last another 24 hours, just like the last one. That kind of fear is good fear, IMO. We saved them from a painful, drawn out death. Who dares to fault us for that? The fact of the matter is that you were there ALONE w/Christofur, having to make the decision ALONE. Had you called all or any of the others that you mentioned, you more than likely would've been confused and then you would've beaten yourself up for making the decision while confused. Pat, stop being so hard on yourself. Christofur is now at peace, a peace that he never, ever knew since he was born. Your decision was the supreme act of kindness to him, the last kindness that anyone could've done for him and that person was you. Miss him, sure. It would be strange if you didn't. Blame yourself, never. The heavy responsibility that you had to bear was yours alone and you handled it well.

[catmandu]

There sadly was nothing that could be done for Christofur , Pat.
Sadly some of us are predestined to have a short life , and you saved Christofur from dying in pain and fear, and let him become an Angels in a peaceful way.
I would put this Christine on spam and not let her bother you anymore.
There are always people who are so eager to blame, but not help.
Christofur is with The Found and Porch Angels this week, and then evvery week he will join a different band of Awesome Angels at home and in their Towns and Cities, and you and Your Cats will all unite with Christofur in love.
One Fine Day.

[phesina]

Thank you, Mary and Gary. I know I can be very harsh on myself, but it's hard not to with something like this.. how i was brought up or something..

One of my "handicapped and CH pets" friends, Mari, whom I should have called just called me.. from Texas... She gave me her condolences, said she was so sorry I'd lost my little boy like that. And she said she had wanted to write me but couldn't because she was so angry about the things Christine was saying.. so she decided to call. And she also talked with MC, one of the other HP-CH peoplee (who lives in upstate NY), whose computer it turns out has been on the fritz the last few days, and she updated HER.. and MC also said Christine was outrageous and to give me her love and condolences.

So I feel a little better now. I had been feeling all alone, that I'd totally blown it on this, and that these people no longer liked me or respected me either. She told me that is not true, and she also reassured me that Christofur is out there somewhere waiting for me, and he will send me a "letter" a message to remind me he's still with me.. and someday he'll send along another little needy critter for me to care for.

Thank you again, everyone.

:love::love::love: Pat

[phesina]

I got Christofur's ashes back today, along with a little ceramic piece with his paw print on it.

I miss and grieve the dear little guy so much!

[Medusa]

You'll always miss him but the time will come when you'll be able to think of him and smile instead of cry. Keep the faythe, Pat. :love:

[phesina]

Thank you, Mary. I so much wish I hadn't let him go so abruptly.

[Medusa]

Thank you, Mary. I so much wish I hadn't let him go so abruptly.

I know, sweetie. I feel the same way about my Boo. :(

[catmandu]

I think though Pat , it is about the quality of life.
I have a feeling that Christofur may have gone on having seizures and been very ill. I think that we all want our Cats to live forever , but sadly that is impossible.
I still am sadthat Joseph, Princess , Bo Bo and Moose all died at home, maybe if I had called the Vet in things would be different.
But they were suffering and it was their time to go.
I pray I see them and All Our Pet Talker and Stray Angels.
One Fine Day.

[phesina]

He was so little, and he'd hardly gotten here and he was gone.

Here he is enjoying sitting in his window seat enjoying the sunlight:

http://petoftheday.com/talk/picture.php?albumid=339&pictureid=3130

[Medusa]

Such a precious picture, Pat. Just look at the comfort and pleasure and love that he enjoyed even if only briefly.

[phesina]

I miss him so much.

I've never been hit so hard from losing a cat as I am from losing him.

[moosmom]

Pat,

I'm so sorry about Christofur. He's at the Bridge now, for what it's worth. You did EVERYTHING for him and his little body just couldn't take anymore.

RIP sweet boy! You were VERY loved!!!

[phesina]

Thank you so much, Donna.

I do hope there is something to the idea of the Afterlife and the Rainbow Bridge and all, and I'll be together with him again.. One Fine Day... what a fine day that will be!

[rg_girlca]

Pat, I am so sorry on the loss of your little sweet Christofur.

How I can relate to this. I had a sweet little 6 week old girl that I took in and after only 1 day of having her, decided I was going to keep her, but unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. On the 5th day, she also started to have cluster seizures and it was just horrible to see this sweet little girl go through that. Thankfull she had a few hours without any and then they started up again. One after the other and each time she would come out of one, she would run around like a chicken without it's head on, not knowing what was happening to her, and then would start all over again. To make a long story short, the vet also suggested to have her PTS, because the last one almost did her in. She was so lethargic and was having trouble breathing.
Yes, we could have tried this and that, but the vet couldn't guarantee that anything would help. We decided to let her go peacefully to suffer no more. Did I feel guilty? For sure. Was I able to forgive myself? Yes I did and I pray you will also.

I'm sorry to take over your thread with this, but I just wanted to let you know that you DID do the right thing for Christofur's sake. Even though it hurts like hell to lose one of our beloved pets, no matter how short or long we have them, we just have to be thankful of the times we had with our little furry friends and keep reminding ourselves how much richer our lives were for knowing them.

Rest in Peace dear Christofur. You were so loved and will be deeply missed.

((((((HUGS)))))) Pat

[phesina]

Thank you so much, Lorraine, for your kind and loving thoughts on my loss of my dear little Christofur. I still have such sadness and regrets when i think of him. I wonder if there had been something that I could have done differently in the week I had him.

The woman I got him from gave me holy hell when she learned I had had him put down. She had given me very little information before i agreed to take him and after I got him.

I didn't really realize just how bad off he actually was. I took him right away to my regular vets to be checked out. Now I torment myself over why I didn't take him right away to the very best vets I could possibly find around here.. around the Metro Detroit area.. Southeast Michigan.. maybe the vet clinic at Michigan State U. ...

Hindsight is 20/20..

When he started having the cluster seizures, SIX different vets had seen him by that time. Every one of them thought he was in a lot worse shape than I'd been told

Since he seemed to be stabilized and resting up during the day after those seizures, I was planning to take him home the next morning. Then he started seizing again late that night. Every vet said "Let him go now. He won't even ever be back the way he was. He will be suffering if he's kept alive longer." He's been medicated and monitored all day, and he still starting seizing again." I finally agreed to it.

Right away I thought I'd done the right thing. The next day I started having doubts, and since then I've been in deep remorse and pain about all of it.

God bless you, sweet little Christofur. Please stay by me and meet me at the Bridge... One Fine Day.

Thanks again, Lorraine and all of you whose kind thoughts have helped to soothed my soul.

[cassiesmom]

“God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.”

Hope this helps,
Elyse

[rg_girlca]

Pat please, there was absolutely nothing more that you, the vets or I, could have done for these precious babies. As for that so called lady who gave you Christofur in the first place and then blasted you for having him PTS, the HELL with her. IMO, she gave you Holy Hell to cover up the guilt she was feeling for giving you a sick kitty in the first place. This is how some people cover up their lies and guilt, by yelling at you and making it look like it was your fault. She knew something was more wrong with him and that's why she gave you very little information on him. If every vet said that he was in worse shape then you've been told, then where does the fault lie??? Definitely NOT on you, but on the lady who gave him to you.

So please, try and rid yourself of your doubts and guilt. It was NOT your fault. Remember, you DID the right thing by NOT letting little Christofur suffer any longer. I'm glad that you took him in, because God knows how long this sweet boy would have suffered if he had stayed with that woman.
Remember that.

Of course your are in pain on the loss of sweet Christofur, it's only normal. Like I said, it doesn't matter how short or long of a time we have them for.
I cried liked a baby for days on the loss of my little girl and still miss her to this day and that was back in Oct. 2009. Remember, everyone has their own path to healing and their own timetable for grieving. Grief is as individual as each person. There are no hard and fast rules.
Here's a picture of my little girl, who at the time was named, Miss kitty, I like to share with you.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v241/tiger04/My%20cats/Pictures610.jpg

May the healing begin for you soon Pat.

((((((HUGS))))))

[phesina]

Hope this helps,
Elyse

Thank you so much, Elyse. That is so sweet of you to post that. I hope very much that you and Billy Graham are right. :love:

[phesina]

Pat please, there was absolutely nothing more that you, the vets or I, could have done for these precious babies. As for that so called lady who gave you Christofur in the first place and then blasted you for having him PTS, the HELL with her. IMO, she gave you Holy Hell to cover up the guilt she was feeling for giving you a sick kitty in the first place. This is how some people cover up their lies and guilt, by yelling at you and making it look like it was your fault. She knew something was more wrong with him and that's why she gave you very little information on him. If every vet said that he was in worse shape then you've been told, then where does the fault lie??? Definitely NOT on you, but on the lady who gave him to you.

So please, try and rid yourself of your doubts and guilt. It was NOT your fault. Remember, you DID the right thing by NOT letting little Christofur suffer any longer. I'm glad that you took him in, because God knows how long this sweet boy would have suffered if he had stayed with that woman.
Remember that.

Of course your are in pain on the loss of sweet Christofur, it's only normal. Like I said, it doesn't matter how short or long of a time we have them for.
I cried liked a baby for days on the loss of my little girl and still miss her to this day and that was back in Oct. 2009. Remember, everyone has their own path to healing and their own timetable for grieving. Grief is as individual as each person. There are no hard and fast rules.
Here's a picture of my little girl, who at the time was named, Miss kitty, I like to share with you.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v241/tiger04/My%20cats/Pictures610.jpg

May the healing begin for you soon Pat.

((((((HUGS))))))

Thank you, Lorraine, for your loving message and all your good and kind thoughts and wishes.

And thank you so much for the picture of your darling little girl Miss Kitty. I would have cried like a baby at her abrupt passing as you did too. I cried at Christofur's passing. God bless you for loving her so much and giving her so much.

You and your vets and my vets must all be all right: There is no way either of these beloved babies would have come through such seizures none the worse for wear. My vets also strongly suspected there was brain damage here (before the seizures) and he probably wouldn't be around for long.

And the cluster seizure story to end them all: My sister's partner Helen told me about a young man who used to work with her. He had a seizure disorder and would occasionally get into cluster seizures. He told Helen and his other coworkers that every time these happened, each specific seizure in a series was more painful and frightening than the last. Finally he told his family: The next time I go into cluster seizures, DO NOT RESUSCITATE ME. And it finally happened, and they respected his wishes, and he is now up there with Christofur and Miss Kitty.

Miss Kitty and Christofur (and Helen's coworker too) are whole and healthy and happy now, and they are looking forward to welcoming us home.. One Fine Day for each of us..

Thanks again, and love,
Pat

[kitten645]

Absolutely and exactly Pat. You couldn't have done more. It's not fair and very sad but you did what you could and the rest just plays itself out. Hugs to you. You are far braver than I could be. Namaste.

[phesina]

Absolutely and exactly Pat. You couldn't have done more. It's not fair and very sad but you did what you could and the rest just plays itself out. Hugs to you. You are far braver than I could be. Namaste.

Thank you so much, kitten645. I so much appreciate your kind and comforting and loving thoughts. I wish I had done all that might have been possible for him. (Maybe nothing was.)

Thanks again, and love,
Pat

[catmandu]

I know that My Dream Cat Michael has taken Christofur in paw :love:
and he Joseph , Moose and My Siamese 6 Pack are Christofur's Mentor
and take our Little Orangie under their wings!!:love::love::love:
Christofur will have such a great time seeing everything and will have a great spot for you all when you are together again.
One Fine Day:love:

[phesina]

Thank you, Gary, for your loving thoughts and sentiments regarding my dear little Christofur.

Yes, he deeply appreciates the wise guidance and guardianship of not just his Role Model Michael the Dream, Orangeman Supreme, but also his fellow Found Cat Angels Joseph and Moose and the Siamese Six Pack. How more blessed than that could any little kitten be?!!!

Love from him and all of us :love::love::love::love::love::love::love: