September 20th, 2010... the day my world crumbled apart..

[Husky_mom]

... I really don´t know how to start.. to even think about it makes me choke and get the waterworks going.. but I appreciate you all and thought you deserved to know it too..

I haven´t been on for a while and won´t be on for a bit until I settle some stuff..

my husband was shot dead monday morning..

right now I have a lot more than I can chew on my plate.. so many things to figure out.. and being jobless and without income is worrying me now that I have two kids to look after for...

I came back to my parents in Chihuahua... just need some moving company to bring the rest of my stuff back here... I need to figure tons of things so I can get this going.. but just thought to let you know as I too consider you a part of my family..

I received a phone call that I got a package in my Durango address.. I was no longer there.. I was heading back here.. so I told them to either forward it here or return to sender.. haven´t got any further notice.. so whatever it was sorry if it gets back to you.. and I know you understand :(

my kid is doing fine.. he has taken it so far quite well.. he knows he´s not coming back and gets sad but then he gets distracted and goes back to normal.. baby is fine.. no issues there...

me on the other hand.. I´m coping quite well.. until I realize I won´t see him, smell him, hug him, we had so many plans and now they just vanished...everytime I see a new piece of clothing he now won´t wear I cry.. everytime I see his picture I realize I won´pt see him smile.. heck I´ll even miss when he got mad at me... all I can do is cry.. :(

one thing on the bright side.. is that we were so happy... and not mad at each other that day.. he waved goodbye when he left that morning with the hugest smile and that is how I´ll remember him..

*sorry can´t type anymore.... will be back soon.. once I get myself together a bit*

sorry

[cassiesmom]

Oh my goodness, Isabel. I am so, so sorry. I have no words right now.

If you need anything at all, please PLEASE let me know. I am so sorry. (((HUGS)))

[sparks19]

OH my gosh. I have no words. I'm so sorry and we are definitely keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. If you need anything or if we can do anything please just ask.

Lots of hugs. I'm so sorry

[Catty1]

There is nothing I can say, sweetest Isabel.

You know we are here. Hugs and hugs and many prayers for you. :love::love::love:

[Freedom]

GOOD LORD! Isabel, I can't imagine, how shocking, how terrible!

I am glad you are back with your parents, you need some support at this time.

Please, if there is ANYTHING, anything at all, just name it. Will do what I can to help you at this time.

[blue]

You'll be in my prayers. I cant imagine.

[mrspunkysmom]

Oh my heavens. I am so sorry. I really do not know what else to say. My thoughts are with you.

[Nomilynn]

You are in my prayers.

[caseysmom]

I am speechless Isabel. Nothing I can say will ease your pain. Take care of yourself. Your one of the kindest people on here and you surely don't deserve this.

Let me know if I can send you anything for the baby or your son.

[Karen]

You and your family will be in our prayers.

[Scooter's Mom]

I can't imagine what you must be going through. Saying prayers for you and your little ones.

[Reachoutrescue]

Isabel - I am so very sorry. I know those words do not ease the pain. I wish there was more to say to you - something to help you get through this. Please know we are all here for you at PT. If there is anything I can do for you, your son, or the baby, please let me know. Hugs...and again, I am so sorry.

[RobiLee]

Love and prayers for you, dear Isabel.

[popcornbird]

I shed tears as I read your post. I have no words. How terrible. I am so deeply saddened for you and your children. May the evil soul who did this to your husband be brought to justice.

You and your little ones are in my prayers.

:(

[Sonia59]

You and your family are in our thoughts. (((Hugs)))

[Whisk_Luva]

I am so sorry :( ((Hugs)) As Reachoutrescue said- we are all here for you. You will all be in my thoughts.. more ((hugs))

[chocolatepuppy]

I'm so sorry Isabel. You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers. {{{hugs}}}

[Laura's Babies]

How horriable for you! (((((HUGS)))))) I am so sorry and you have my deepest, most heart felt sympathy. I will remember you and your children in my prayers.

[Pinot's Mom]

Isabel, I am so sorry, I cannot fathom what you're going through. My sincere sympathies and prayers go out to you and your family. PLEASE let me know if there is anything I can send to you to make your life a little easier.

BIG {{{HUGS}}}:love:

Maggie

[Medusa]

Isabel, I'm so sorry. Life is so fragile. I'm so glad that the two of you parted that morning w/love for each other and no unkind words, as you mentioned. You definitely are in my prayers as are your children and the rest of your family. :love:

[luvofallhorses]

Omg I am so terribly sorry. :( You and your children will be in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

[Catherinedana]

I'm so sorry, Isabel. My heart is full for you and your children. I'm so very sad for you. My deepest condolences - I can't imagine how difficult this must be.

Much love, Cathy :love: :love:

[moosmom]

Oh Isabel, I am so sorry for your loss! I can't even beging to imagine what you're going through.

You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. If there is ANYTHING I can do, please let me know.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I am shocked and so sad to read this. I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

[beeniesmom]

In shock reading this. I am so sorry Isabel. My heart is with you.

[cyber-sibes]

How horrible!!! Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for you & your family, sending (((hugs))) and prayers.

[smokey the elder]

That's awful! I'm so sorry for your loss.

[pomtzu]

I was shocked to learn of this horrible act. Please accept my sincerest condolences at this most difficult time in your life. Prayers of comfort for you, your son, and all of the family.

[momcat]

It was a shock to hear about your husband. Take whatever time you need and know that you can count on your PT friends no matter what.

[[[[[HUGS]]]]] are sent for you and your children. Many prayers are being prayed.

[JenBKR]

Oh Isabel, I am so sorry to hear this. Please, if there is anything I can do, let me know. If you need money, baby items, or just to talk I'm here (all of PT is). We love you :love:

[Grace]

I'm so very sorry. Keeping your entire family in my prayers.

[Asiel]

I'm so sorry I didn't see your post before now. I'm left speechless , this is so hard to imagine. Please accept my sincere condolences , my thoughts and prayers will be with you through this terrible ordeal.

[Queen of Poop]

OMG I am so very, very sorry. Please accept my most sincere condolences. You and yours will be in my prayers. Cali and Diego send soft purrrrs. :love:

[happylabs]

I just saw this post. I am very sorry for your loss. How shocking. Thoughts and prayers with you.

[Anikaca77]

I'm so so sorry.

Please if there is anything I can do or anything at all please let me know.

My prays are with you and your family.

Melissa

[MoonandBean]

Major LES here. I am so sorry for you and your family. As all the others have said, we will all be here for you however we can be. :love:

[Bonny]

This is so very shocking. I am so sorry for you & your children. Sincere sympathy sent your way with lots of prayers for you & your family. ((HUGS))

[Karen]

Isabel, are there any news reports on this? If they're in Spanish, I can use Google translate, are there any suspects, do you know?

If there is anything we can do for you, please do let us all know.

[shais_mom]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my sympathy and prayers.

[caseysmom]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I read this last night.
You are in my prayers Isabel.

[Freedom]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I read this last night.
You are in my prayers Isabel.

Same here. I tossed and turned all night.

I shed a tear for you last night,
My heart was torn asunder
There are no words to make this right
Why God? This makes me wonder.

I said a prayer for you last night,
My PT on line friend
No kinder person on this earth
Please make her heart ache end.


Isabel, my thoughts and prayers are with you, your son, and your extended family.

[Husky_mom]

thank you all for your kindest words.. it really helps knowing I have people prayers for us.. thank you


that morning.. he was going to several banks to make payments.. I asked to go along as I wanted to check some stuff too.. he said he´d do it for me.. I insisted in going.. he again told me he´d do it.. so I took his offer up... he left with the biggest smile.. waved good bye and made a face at me (some kind of face we made to each other to say without words I love you)..

my BIL girlfriend told me she could not reach my BIL.. he wouldn´t pick up his phone.. I told her they were probably inside the bank as they had several ones to go to and that´s why he didn´t pick up..

I called hubby.. he didn´t picked up either.. so I waited.. after like 30-40 mins and no calling back... it got weird..

then we got a call... they just said there was some shooting involved but no one told us what happened or how they were.. I literally got mad and demanded and answer.. not really the one I wanted... they didn´t wanted to tell me because of my condition...

they both were ambushed as they were leaving one of the banks... they both tried to repell the assault with no luck.. thankfully they died instantly...

my heart breaks everytime I think about it.. and everytime I learn something new about the happenings... supossedly they caught several vehicles (at least 5 were involved, teh bank cameras caught it all on tape) but mostly all have been released as they are not quite the same.. perhaps same make/ model but wrong color or people, etc..

I wasn´t asked to recognize his body.. I would´ve certainly died there.. his casket was closed... didn´t need to see him.. imagining why would that be is enough to haunt me... I´d rather remember him as when we said goodbay that morning

he left and was honored in the way he would have liked.. all the courtship way the sirens were wailing.. he was escorted by uniformed men... I hold my head high.. he deserved all that and more...

I think he left too soon.. but God must´ve needed him more up there... and since he only chooses the best.. he took him along...

he had accomplished so many thing in his life.. many things other people never get or take double or triple the time to get them... I could see him satisfied and happy with that he had done so far... maybe his mission was accomplished here on earth...

life just got harder down here.. but I know he´ll be looking after us... and these two precious babies we have will help me keep going strong.. for them.. for him and for all we had..

I had always told him I dedicated the song "how do I live" to him...well.. it became a reality.. it sure will be the hardest thing to do.. but I have to keep it together for our children.. I know he wouldn´t like to see me sad.. but I can´t help it.. I love him so much...

I keep checking my phone to see if he has called or texted me.. :(.. I even have texted him..

-------------------------------------------------

yes Karen, there are tons of news about it... I´ll PM you the name and you can look it over.. I tried.. but it´s too much for me...

some people are even trying to stain his name.. and that has made me so angry and impotent... I don´t understand these people... he just died and they are saying bad things about him.. and worse.. untrue things...

------------------------

[Felicia's Mom]

I was shocked and saddened when I read your post. My thoughts and
prayers are with you during this difficult time.
God Bless.

[Lilith Cherry]

Lots of loving hugs to you and your family, Isabel! This is so very sad.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Isabel, I'm in shock and I'm so very very sorry for your loss.:( My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[AdoreMyDogs]

Isabel I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. You and your children will be in my prayers. :love: :(

[Randi]

Isabel, I'm so very sorry you have lost husband. :( :( I think I know what you're going though, since I lost John a little more than five years ago. It is so very hard in the beginning and I felt that I couldn't go on living without him, but in time it will be less painful. Little "weird" things you shared will mean a lot to you now - things that other people don't understand. ;) In your children you still have a little bit of him. :)

If there's anything you want to talk about, you're welcome to PM me.

Big (((hugs)))

[lvpets2002]

:( Same here Isabel.. I am just speechless too.. I am just in tears right now too.. Oh Sweet Isabel I hold you in my Heart with lots of Prayers & Huggss.. May your Husband Rest In Peace & God Rest His Soul..

Yes if there is anything I can do & or send you just let me know..


I shed tears as I read your post. I have no words. How terrible. I am so deeply saddened for you and your children. May the evil soul who did this to your husband be brought to justice.

You and your little ones are in my prayers.

:(

[Karen]

Here's the Google translate version of one article,
here (http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=es&u=http://www.durangoaldia.com/tag/rafael-isaac-nava-cordova/&ei=ftycTPLPBMP48Aa5-5g6&sa=X&oi=translate&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CCgQ7gEwAw&prev=/search%3Fq%3DIsaac%2BNava%2BCordova..%26hl%3Den%26 client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26prmd%3Do) - he and his brother were killed by members of an organized crime group. So sad.

http://www.durangoaldia.com/tag/rafael-isaac-nava-cordova/ is the original article.

[lizbud]

I am so sorry to hear this terrible news.:( You & your family will be in my
thoughts and prayers.

[lvpets2002]

:( Thank You Karen for Posting the Article.. So so very Sad & Heartbreaking for Isabel & Family..


Here's the Google translate version of one article,
here (http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=es&u=http://www.durangoaldia.com/tag/rafael-isaac-nava-cordova/&ei=ftycTPLPBMP48Aa5-5g6&sa=X&oi=translate&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CCgQ7gEwAw&prev=/search%3Fq%3DIsaac%2BNava%2BCordova..%26hl%3Den%26 client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26prmd%3Do) - he and his brother were killed by members of an organized crime group. So sad.

http://www.durangoaldia.com/tag/rafael-isaac-nava-cordova/ is the original article.

[prechrswife]

I am so very sorry. There are no words... Praying for you and your family.:(

[slick]

Oh my Lord Isabel, words escape me. :( There is nothing I can say to ease the pain but remember, your friends are here for you. May he RIP.

Love and prayers
slick :love:

[RICHARD]

Isabel.

I have no words that would ease you pain.

I am thinking about you and saying a prayer.

:(

[Freedom]

Article with his photo, from July of this year.

http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=es&u=http://www.durangoaldia.com/tag/rafael-isaac-nava-cordova/&ei=ftycTPLPBMP48Aa5-5g6&sa=X&oi=translate&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CCgQ7gEwAw&prev=/search%3Fq%3DIsaac%2BNava%2BCordova..%26hl%3Den%26 client%3Dsafari%26rls%3Den%26prmd%3Do

[Roxyluvsme13]

I'm so sorry, Isabel :(. You are in my thoughts. ***HUGS***

[*LabLoverKEB*]

Oh Isabel:( I am so very sorry... my thoughts and prayers are with you, you're children, and the rest of your family. ((((HUGS))))

[CountryWolf07]

I am shocked and so sad to read this. I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family. *HUGS*

[Taz_Zoee]

Isabel, I can't even begin to tell you anything to make this better. I have shed tears while reading through this.
As others have said, we are all here for you. Please let us know if we can help in any way.

I am so very sorry for your loss. :(

[Prairie Purrs]

Words are much too inadequate. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts during this horrible time.

[Alysser]

I am in shock at this post. I am so sorry, Isabel. Please accept my deepest condolences. :love: How anyone could do that to another person..and knowing the effects it would have on their family. I am so so sorry :( RIP, you were well loved.

[phesina]

I am so very sorry for you and your family, Isabel. How shocking and heartbreaking.

Many prayers for you all,
Pat

[Tollers-n-Dobes]

:( Omg... I am so, so sorry, Isobel. I sincerely wish there was something I could say or do to help you. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts. (((hugs)))

[Cataholic]

My heart breaks for you and your family.

[Catty1]

Your husband and his brother worked for justice; you had and have every reason to hold your head high.

Their children will know that their father was a good, strong man who was very respected and very very loved.:love::love::love:

More prayers and hugs for you.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Words fail me! I am so very sorry. Prayers are on the way for you and your family. :love::love::love:
I lit a candle for you.

[robinh]

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[wolf_Q]

Oh Isabel, I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry for your loss. :( Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts. {{hugs}}

[Casper]

Oh my goodness. :( My heart is breaking for you and your family. There is nothing I can say that will help ease the pain, but I am truly sorry.
I will be keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

[Daisy and Delilah]

I'm so sorry, Isabel. I am just speechless. I will pray for you and your children to find the strength to get through this. :( :( :(

{{{{{{{MEGA HUGS}}}}}}}:(

[Karen]

Anyone who wants to send a card, you can PM me for the address where she is now.

[Karen]

Isabel, don't listen to anyone who says bad things about him, you knew him better than anyone, and can be proud of the work he did, and of the beautiful son you have raised together and the baby to come.

[sana]

Dear Isabel and her kids,
God give you enough patience and strength to go through all this. Isabel, do know that no matter where you are, you will always be in our prayers. We live on the opposite ends of the worlds but you won't leave my thoughts. I hope you are doing fine now and I hope you kids are too. I feel very sad and sorry for you. Do know we are all like best friends and we will never leave another PT's side.
Bye, Sana

[RobiLee]

I thought of you all day, Isabel. I just can't find the words to express how sorry I am. You are in my thoughts and prayers. {{{HUGS}}}

[gini]

Isabel, this just cannot be happening to you - but yet, it is. My heart is very heavy thinking of you and all you need to deal with. You have my heartfelt prayers and love and I know all pet talkers who know you feel the same.

We all care and will be here for you anytime - just tell us what you need.

[Lillycat]

......prayers go out to you and your family.....

[wombat2u2004]

OMG....I've been off for a couple of days and return to read this terrible news.
Isabel, please accept my deepest sympathies for what has happened to you and your family.
Prayers will be sent to you from Downunder....MANY MANY of them.
And as has been said......lean on us here in PT Isabel.....we are here for you always.
Wom

[Moesha]

What a tragedy! You are definitely a strong person. Take advantage of all the areas of support that are available to you, including your family here at Pet Talk. You are certainly in my thoughts and prayers.

[kuhio98]

I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your entire family.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

[wanwan1007]

You see a title to a thread like this and you expect to hear bad news but nothing like this. Never would I have expected to find out that a husband was murdered. If it was a shock to me I can't imagine what it was to you Isabel to actually receive such news. Death is always hard, even when it's expected. Unexpected death is even worse because you have no time to prepare yourself for it. We have all posted because we want you to know that you are loved and cared about. Your grief is of concern to us. As much as we care about you God cares and loves you even more. We are going to be praying for his peace, strength and help for you, your children and your BIL family during this very difficult time.

[ramanth]

Dearest Isabel... I'm so sorry I didn't see this sooner. I am absolutely heartbroken for you. :(:(:( You are so very very kind and this is not fair that this has happened to you and your family. You are all in my thoughts. *HUGS*

[Barbara]

Isabel- I am so so sorry. This is just too much.
All our best thoughts are with you and your family. I am at a loss of words.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Just saw this today:eek:.........

Oh goodness dear Isabel, what a tragedy............:(:(:(
I cannot find the words, cannot find the words to express my sorrow........
I can only say that you have my deepest sympathy is this tragedy.........

OMG, this must be so extremely hard to take.......

[Marigold2]

Dearest Isabel and family,
I am so sorry........... You are in our thoughts and prayers. Life is so fragil, but love is not. It is strong and the happy moments, wonderful times and loving gestures you shared will always be part of who you are.
Hugs.

[3Catcondo]

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm in shock, I just saw this post. I never imagined that it would be this type of news. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Amy

[captain]

Isabel,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family ..... if I could simply be there to give you a hug ..... I would.

{{{{hugs}}}
Michelle

[karlyb]

Oh Isabel, this is so very horrible. I wish there were words to help you get through this but it is path each must walk alone. I read the newspaper articles and you can be proud of your husband. He was a good man.

[ChrisH]

Beyond tragic. I am so, so sorry for your loss, Isabel.

Although a long time ago I lost a husband too and can empathise to a degree I still could not come close to knowing the pain & heartbreak you are going though in losing your man in such a sudden and awful way.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[boomersooner]

Prayers for you all.....I'm so sorry....

[Husky_mom]

thank you all for your kindest words and prayers.. they are so much needed..

sometimes I feel like I´m going crazy.. sometimes I feel like I´m sleep with my eyes open.. so unmotivated.. don´t even wanna eat... it´s been hard to sleep... my eyes are popping out.. but I try get together and fix things as soon as I can.. I can´t keep my kid out of school for so long..

next week we are going to see some and see if we can get a scholarship or something...

all credit cards will be sent out the papers around next week to get them cancelled.. and still need to find out if he had any life insurance.. and if they are willing to pay if there was one..

things have been hard on me.. thankfully at my parents I´ve been having a couple things less to worry about.. such as food and shelter.. I mean I do have my place here.. but all my stuff hasn´t been moved over so it´s just an empty house..

once my stuff is here I´ll do some sort of sale.. esp the car.. I don´t need such fancy car... and besides if I´m left with a lil extra $ from it, that would help a lot...

next thing I need to do is find a job... tough.. as I need to be on my own and something I can do from home.. I cannot work for someone.. being I´ll be leaving in two months when baby arrives... but I need to get an income because by then we´ll be 3.. and I don´t wanna add that to my parents burden...

I also started a blog.. have been having the idea for so long, just didn´t knew about what.. and I think doing this will help me to vent, cry and such.. as well as keep a memory of how days go by.. maybe years from now I´ll show it to my kids..

http://notes-to-my-husband.blogspot.com/2010/09/sept-20th-2010.html?spref=fb (http://notes-to-my-husband.blogspot.com/)

[anna_66]

Isabel, what a terrible tragedy for you and your family. I can read the heartbreak in your posts:(
I have a friend that's going through something very similar and lost her husband. She has twins. It's been hard for her but with family & friends she's getting through it and I know you will too.
Please know that I'm here for you if you need to talk. Call me any time.

Stay strong

Many (((HUGS)))
Anna

[caseysmom]

Isabel, here in the states if something like this happens the kids get social security until they are 18, is there anything like that in Mexico?

Please eat, you and the baby need the nourishment. I am sure your parents don't mind you being there, especially during this time, give yourself time to mourn and worry about the rest of the stuff later.

[Kfamr]

Hugs to you and the kids, I cant even imagine. :love: :love: :love:

[kitten645]

I am so very sorry. Can you set up a fund at a bank we might be able to contribute to? Take advantage of the press to ask for donations to help you out. I think blogging/journaling is a help for many. Please take care of yourself for your kids. Loving thoughts to you and your family. :(

[Kater]

I have no words....what a horrible tragedy. Please know that I am holding you and your sweet family in my prayers. Please take care of yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. :love:

[Karen]

Isabel, you are still in our thoughts and prayers, remember you and your little boy and girl-to-be are loved, so you need to take care of yourself, okay?

[Lilith Cherry]

Still sending loving thoughts and thinking of you,Isabel. Let us know if we can help in anyway at all:love:

[k9krazee]

Isabel, I am just now seeing this. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. You and your family will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. Your blog is a very touching and sweet idea ((((hugs)))))

[K9karen]

Sweet Isabelle, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. I wish I could be there to comfort you in whatever way I can. My prayers are with you and your family.

[Vermontcat]

Isabel, I am so sorry that I haven't seen this thread until now. I have had a busy week and didn't have time to log in to Pet Talk until now.
I am shocked and it's really hard to find the right words, just know that you have a lot of people here at Pet Talk who care about you and are willing to help you with whatever you need.
I am so sorry that you lost your husband so suddenly, it is such a tragedy.:(
Sending hugs to you and your family, Milly & Izzy send comforting purrs.

[jennielynn1970]

Oh Isabel... I'm so sorry to be reading this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope they get the guys who did this.

[gini]

Isabel, just sending you some prayers and hugs. You will not be forgotten on this site - we are all here for you.

[lvpets2002]

:love: Isabel me & the furr purr babies are sending lots more Prayers & Huggss.. You will always be in my Heart & Thoughts.. The Blog you wrote to your Dear Husband was so Touching & such a Great Tribute to Him.. God Bless You & the Babies..

[Husky_mom]

THANK YOU!!.. it´s really great to have people like you in my life.. even virtually..

the pain is a bit more manageable.. but I think it´s because I´ve been focusing in getting things that need be done done and all that... but it still hurts.. badly...

I think I´ve found the school for my kid.. just need to consult with the hubs.. to see if it´s right..

I did went to the doctor last friday.. everything is fine with me and baby... she´s growing really nicely.. about a week ahead.. hope she doesn´t grows too much while still inside..

I´ve been eating.. don´t worry.. it´s just that sometimes I feel so blah about it..

as someone mentioned to me on PM.. you´re right, it really doesn´t seem right or fair to keep going... I don´t wanna move on... but there are thing that need me to...

-------------

now a lil vent....

I read somewhere they were associating my husband with certain people he had NOTHING to do with.. absolutely nothing.. and saying he was like their protegee or something.. anything FAR from that.. it made me so mad..as a matter of fact that´s one of the reasons we left in the first place.. tehy could not give him his allowed 6 months license while other people way way below him had over a year in license... anyway he moved onto better things..

antother thing.. is that in some news, someone posted "I hope they catch the ones that did this and release them.. so that his family suffers what many suffer with his "system""... WTF??!!.. thank you for your good thoughts.. and besides it was NOT HIS system.. he just worked for it.. yeah it has it´s flaws but it´s not his fault nor ours for them to wish us that suffering..

so not worth it, but it made my blood boil

vent over...
--------------------

thank you for being here ((hugs back))

[carole]

Dearest Isabel, i gasped in horror when i read your post, i just cannot believe it, this is so sad, so awful that this could happen to such a sweet couple as yourselves, you are such a brave young woman to come here and tell us, just know you are amongst people who love you and care and will be here to help you in anyway possible.

To read that nonsense regarding your husband must be so hurtful, just know it is not true and they are not worth it, that is just terrible to put you through anymore pain than you are already in.

As i go about my daily chores, i am thinking of you, and hoping that your heart will heal in time and that you will have the strength to get through this with the love and help of family, friends and PT friends here, my heart goes out to you at this incredibly difficult, sad and painful time,much love to you and your beautiful children, please take care of yourself,GIANT HUGS.:love::love::love::love:

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you and your family every day, Isabel. I hope you are able to take things one day at a time. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you. I know a lot of us on PT would like to help if we can.

[Alysser]

Once again, Isabel, I am so sorry about your husband. I will be thinking of you, like I have been each day! :love:

[K9karen]

Isabelle, I'm always thinking about you. I want you to know that I love you very much. I'm sorry people are saying negative things about your husband since he worked for the government. I know it makes you angry, but you and others know the truth. Believe me, I read the same trash in our papers.

I'm glad you saw your doctor and the baby is well.

Please take care of yourself and know you are dearly loved.

[sana]

Some people speak up without proof, just wanna reach out and twist their necks! :mad:

[Scooter's Mom]

I just wanted you to know I'm still thinking of and praying for you all. Glad to hear the baby is doing well.

All my best,
Crystal

[carole]

Just wanted you to know i am also thinking of you, since reading your post i just cannot stop thinking about you and the terrible tragedy that has happened to you and your husbands family, life is so unfair, so unjust, please do let us know here at PT if we can help in any way, be it small or big, everyone here will bend over backwards to help in anyway they can, and yes you are loved by many here, and we all care about you and feel for you in this awful time in your life, i am so happy the baby is doing well,please take care of yourself too, i wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all go away for you with all my heart, blessings to you and everyone, thinking of you, lots of love from across the other side of the world.:love::love::love::love:

[Reachoutrescue]

Isabel - just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you a lot and hope you and your babies are doing as best as you can. If there is anything we can do, please let us know. I am so very sorry again.....

Sending lots of prayers, love, and (((HUGS))) your way......

Tracy-

[Sonia59]

Still thinking about you and sending good thoughts for you and your family.

[ramanth]

You are still in my thoughts Isabel. *HUGS* :(:love::(

[Lillycat]

sending positive vibes and strength to you to do what you need to move forward.....

[Husky_mom]

so far so good...

I admit I feel guilty as I haven´t allowed myself to cry.. really really cry... I´ve always been a tough gal.. but it seems I´ve got stuff to settle and that has kept me for let it loose...

I have thought as if it he were on a trip... daydreaming, I know.. but it kinda feels that way sometimes.. it just can´t be real.. just not yet...

yesterday we were out with my mom to pay the house and some other stuff.. I wasn´t crying at the time but needed a tissue.. I asked my kid, who was on the back, if he saw any tissue box or something back there.. he said in such a calmed way : "no... just the one you gave me when my dad died"... needless to say I choked right there and now needed more tissues..

and later that night.. he was playing with the phone as if people were calling and he was taking the calls and such.. he picked up the phone.. talked a bit.. then handed it over to me saying: "you´ve got a call.. it´s my dad calling you from heaven"... I broke down...

it´s really hard knowing he is not here and won´t be anymore.. I´ve said it many many times.. but it really is.. it´s awful...

I really appreciate all your kind words and prayers.. :)

[gini]

Isabel, this is just a thought -I hope that Corinna has
gone to your husband and introduced herself.

Some prayers are being offered for you today - and go ahead and have a good cry whenever you feel like it. Grief is real - and your son will understand and it may help him too with his own feelings.

xxoo

[Catty1]

Isabel - if someone here or you can PM me your email address, there is something I would like to send you.

{{{hugs}}}:love::love::love:

[DJFyrewolf36]

I am so sorry to hear this...It is awful that someone would do this to your family and then on top of it people being disrespectful. :(

*HUGS* and prayers sent your way. I wish I knew what else to say.

[Kirsten]

OMG, I didn't see this until now!! I have no words to tell you how sorry I am!!! You and your kids are in my thoughts. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family!!

(((HUGS)))

Kirsten

[emily_the_spoiled]

I am so sorry that I did not see this thread until now. I can't even begin to understand what you are going through right now, but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Marigold2]

Just wanted to know that so many of us think of you every day and are sending you the best wishes. You are still in shock and will be for a while.
Give yourself time. Don't worry about the tears, they will come when they need to and at unexpected times. Know that you and your children are loved and cared for and good things will once again come your way.
You will laugh again, hope again, trust again, dream again.
This bad time will seem endless but it will pass and the love you shared with your husband will always remain the pain will fade slowly the love never.

[Husky_mom]

http://ofsubstance.gov/blogs/pushing_back/archive/2010/10/01/51633.aspx

it´s good to hear good things about him.. as he was anything but good...

I´ve received many emails from people around the globe that knew him... good to know he was appreciated as a person and as an honorable worker..

my love for him will never end.. and the love for our children will keep me going.. and the amazing support, kind words and prayers from all of you really have help me stay together.. thank you :)

[Karen]

What a nice article. You'll have to print that out for a keepsake for your children.

[Catty1]

He was also a very brave man. He knew what the drug cartel members could do - but he went ahead and did the right thing.

You and your children can be very proud.:love:

[Marigold2]

A true hero. He made this world a better place.

[Lillycat]

......always thinking of you and your family.....

[gini]

Sending you some healing prayers.:love:

[cyber-sibes]

Very high praise in that article. You can be very proud of what he accomplished - sounds like he was a real innovator, starting treatment programs for drug users' rehabilitation - very wise. He worked towards improving conditions and making his world a better place, that's a noble goal.

[Laura's Babies]

You are still in my thoughts. I think about you often..

[K9soul]

Isabel,

I'm late in seeing this as I don't browse the forums as often as I used to. I am so very shocked and saddened, I just don't have any adequate words to express to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You must feel trapped in a nightmare. You have always been such a source of kindness and compassion for others on PT. It seems unthinkable such a tragedy could strike your family. He sounds like a remarkable man and I know he's proud of you and your boy, watching over you. It is obvious you shared, and still share, a very special bond with him, and nothing can ever take that away. My thoughts are with you ((hugs)).

[Husky_mom]

he was indeed a very hard working man.. and always looked forward to leave a "seed" in his work.. and get things better.. he wanted to be part of the change..

and I think he did plenty of that.. that´s why he escalated positions so fast... he had way many stuff to look forward too and doors just seemed to open to him.. no wonder about that.. with all he had accomplished... he was a great man

he many too often did jobs for his superiors to take credit from.. he was the one they asked "how do I solve this" "how can i fix this", etc.. he also made some law proposals that without questioning got through.. too bad he was never credited for them.. but he didn´t care.. he knew and I knew.. and it made us very proud..

he did so many for so many people.. and I think he never got back what he gave.. he so much deserved more..

boy, how do I miss him :( .... I´ve been a lil better.... still haven´t cried a lot.. but my heart still aches... it´s kind of weird as I realize I haven´t really accepted he´s gone... I still wanna see him walking back in.. like if he was on vacation or something.. that´s how I feel...

I cannot thank you enough for your support through this tough times.. it´s really nice to come here where one feels like family... thank you so much ((hugs))

this are some of our last pics together..
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/Husky_mom/photos%202010/vacations%202010/IMG_0876.jpg

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a95/Husky_mom/photos%202010/vacations%202010/IMG_0840.jpg

[Karen]

Fun pictures, and ones to cherish! Hang in there, ISabel, we're all thinking of you!

[cyber-sibes]

Beautiful pics of you together, Isabel - looks like a fun day to remember.
Is your son getting excited about becoming a big brother? How long till your little girl arrives?

[lvpets2002]

:love: Great Pics of the Three of You.. Also Great Write Up on your Husband.. He was a great man.. Your also a great woman & great children.. Hang in there Isabel.. Sending Lots More Huggss & Prayers..

[Marigold2]

Those pictures are so precious...............I am at a loss for words

[carole]

Isabel just remember that your husband really did make a difference in this world, those pictures really brought tears to my eyes, you are such a beautiful couple and your son is so handsome,I can only imagine how you must be feeling, and when the time is right the tears will flow.

I may be on the other side of the world, but i think about you daily, and hope that as each day passes, you find the courage to get through each day, take good care of yourself,sending you a ton of love and hugs.:love::love::love::love:

[cassiesmom]

Dear Isabel and family, I just wanted to say I am thinking and praying for you again today.

[JenBKR]

Isabel, I just wanted to let you know that I am still thinking about you and praying for you every day. Those pictures brought tears to my eyes. What a special day to remember.

[Husky_mom]

Is your son getting excited about becoming a big brother? How long till your little girl arrives?

he is now.. he really wasn´t when we found out it was a girl.. but now he can´t wait to see her :)... she should be here around nov 20-22..

thank you for all your prayers.. they are much appreciated and needed((hugs to all))

those pics do bring great fun memories.. those were our last vacations this past july.. I was kind of smiling, laughing and crying as I browsed them and remembered all that had happened back then.. we all enjoyed them so much.. we did had a great family time.. just the four of us.. :) just wish we could have more of that :(

[Miss Z]

I'm so sorry I didn't have chance to respond to this before. I first read about this via facebook and came here to the shock of this thread.

My heart goes out to you, Isabel. :( :( You are coping so very well, and your PT family is always here as a shoulder to cry on. I fear my condolences are so insignificant at the scale of this tragic loss of someone so special to you, but I offer them whole-heartedly.

[Sonia59]

I can't do anything but I am often thinking about you.

[wombat2u2004]

Just look after yourself Isabel, that is so important now.
As always, prayers are sent daily your way from downunder ;)

[ramanth]

Such wonderful pictures and memories. *hugs* You are still in my thoughts and prayers Isabel.

[Husky_mom]

I wanna thank Anna_66... thank you for the lovely card :) thank you so much..

also I got a lil wall hanging "poem" from a relative.. posted it on the blog..

today I did have a nice cry... reading both of these made me "let it out" some.. thanks..

[momcat]

I'm still thinking of you and the prayers continue to be prayed. You have shown extraordinary strength, courage, and dignity through this unspeakable ordeal.

If I can make a suggestion here for your children. After my husband died I held back several personal things of his and put them in a box for our son. Mike takes a lot of comfort in that box and it gives him a sense of connection with his father. Maybe this could do the same for your children.

[RobiLee]

Always thinking of you, Isabel. You are always in my prayers.

[cassiesmom]

Thinking of you and your family again today, dear Isabel, and prayers said.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

Those pictures are really special. I hope you are still coping with everything, I'm still thinking about you and sending good thoughts everyday.

[phesina]

Prayers and hugs and sweet thoughts to you and your children every day, Isabel.

[anna_66]

I wanna thank Anna_66... thank you for the lovely card :) thank you so much..

also I got a lil wall hanging "poem" from a relative.. posted it on the blog..

today I did have a nice cry... reading both of these made me "let it out" some.. thanks..

You are so very welcome. I'm glad to have helped even just a bit.
(((HUGS)))

[wanwan1007]

Isabel,

Sending much love and prayers your way. Have you picked a name for your daughter?

[Husky_mom]

thanks to Pembroke_corgi... we got a lovely package with baby stuff.. will post pics once I take/upload some.. thank you so much also for the card.. ((hugs))...

I´ve been ok... having ups and downs.. especially while in the shower.. not sure why.. but I´ve managed to get by one day at a time... still have a lot on my plate to sort out.. but things are coming along... it´s really tough having to deal with this and still have to do tons of paperwork and whatnot.. what a hassle...

I did got the PT book in with the rest of my stuff.. they shipped it over.. I still have a few things to add.. sorry if it´s taking me long.. and it will take an extra 2 weeks to get to whomever goes next (still need the address of who´s next too)..

in regards of my baby´s name.. I think I´ve settled for one name.. I even dreamed about it.. actually dreamed of hubby telling me it was ok... but not sure if it was my subconscious or what..

I would´ve settled for Jordan Ariel.. but he didn´t liked much the Jordan part and i think it wouldn´t be fair to make my will now that he´s gone... so I was debating between Ariel Elizabeth and Ariel Reneé... and was thinking which ones of the list i made would´ve he liked the most...then I had this dream.. and now I´m 98% sure it will be Ariel Samantha... he really liked the name Samantha but we never really agreed on that one.. and being this way.. our baby will have a name we both agreed on and one he really liked... I do like the name Samantha but i didn´t wanted to have our baby named after someone we knew before.. but since the only one we "knew" we never even met and will never will made me go for it a bit stronger... the 2% remaining is because _I´m not sure which should go first.. although I don´t want the names to end/start with the same letter as it would be if Samantha went first..

[sana]

Samantha Ariel is a pretty name and Ariel Rene`e is LOOOVELY! :love::love::love: I hope everything goes perfectly fine.

[Karen]

Ariel Samantha is pretty, and I am glad you did get the book amidst all you things! I'll prompt Richard to PM you the address of "who's next" in case he doesn't see this!

[Husky_mom]

I think I´m having some sort of postpartum depression.. only this one is prepartum.. or something like that...

I´m excited about our baby.. but I just don´t feel "as" excited... whenever I see something cute.. or even think about her.. I think about what the hubs might think and cry...and obviously get sad...

I miss his hand rubbing my belly.. and I´m starting to hate people rubbing it.. it´s got to the point it makes me feel uncomfortable...

I also hate when my mom rubs my hand or wants to hug me.. (I know she means good, and while I´ve never been too keen or tolerant to touching, lately it´s started to irritate me even more)...

I´ve lost interest in certain things.. like "why should i bother doing this or that... hubby is no longer here" (gross example.. shaving my legs.. and some other meaningless stuff)..

the kids have been a huge motivator.. but it´s hard not having him around..

and I really thank you all for still being here and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers...believe me you´ve helped me so much already..

[Karen]

Isabel, love, maybe you should find a professional counselor to talk to, someone not related, to help you through this. Hopefully someone you could see while your son is at school, even a clergy person might be helpful, just someone to talk about everything. Your situation is just about as stressful as could be, so getting some help is nothing to be ashamed of.

[dukedogsmom]

I'm so sorry! I haven't been here in a while and am just seeing this. I can't imagine your pain. But you also have a blessing, as well. I agree with Karen. Don't be afraid/ashamed to get some help. You've been through a lot. Would you please PM me with your address? I'd love to make you a card. I'm at a loss as to what else to say because words can only help so much. Just know we're here for you.

[lvpets2002]

:love: I so aggree with Karen.. Honey please do talk to your preist or a professional counselor.. I so wish I could just hugg you & sit with you to listen too.. If I could I would be there in a minute.. Yes can you send PM me your current address so I can send you something.. Also give me your phone # & I can call only if you wish.. Sending Lots more Huggss & Prayers Isabel.. Now just take it all slow & easy..


Isabel, love, maybe you should find a professional counselor to talk to, someone not related, to help you through this. Hopefully someone you could see while your son is at school, even a clergy person might be helpful, just someone to talk about everything. Your situation is just about as stressful as could be, so getting some help is nothing to be ashamed of.

[Freedom]

Isabel, I wish I could just reach through the monitor and across space and give you a heart - felt hug! OH, no wait, you aren't really enjoying being touched and hugged just now, oops, sorry!

I suspect that everything you are feeling is quite appropriate and normal just now. You are in the midst of a hug emotional turmoil, a roller coaster of feelings. And I agree with the others, you may want to consider talking with someone. Having a new baby on thee way, which both of you were so excited about, can only be entwined with the grief. I continue to keep you in my prayers.

[Lilith Cherry]

Lots of love Isabel but no touchy feely stuff until you feel able to stand it ! I am sure it is normal to feel the way you do right now but I also think talking to someone outside your family circle could probnably help relieve some of the stress. You and the the kids are always in our hearts:love:

[Husky_mom]

today marks a month of his passing.. and it ain´t got any easier..

my heart aches just as the first day... I just love him so much... I know he´s in a much better place now.. worry free and pain free...

I´m still on a denial state.. I think.. I just don´t want to make it real.. it just hurts so much as it is...

it´s worse when it´s not expected IMO... we had so much ahead of us.. and now it´s just me... now i have to keep on for our kids.. and it´s no piece of cake..

*can´t type more...can´t see anything anyway.. bbl..*

[Pinot's Mom]

Thoughts and prayer from here, Isabel. :love:

[Karen]

We love you, Isabel. Cry when you must, and know that we will be thinking of you! We are all pulling for you, and the kids!

[phesina]

Love and prayers for you and your family, Isabel.

[carole]

Aww Honey my heart just goes out to you, a month is no time at all, you must cry as much as you want to, i so wish i could help you through this, it must be the most difficult and unkind thing to happen to anyone, and you don't deserve all this heartache and pain, I hope coming here and sharing with us, helps to comfort you a little and let it all out, that is what your PT family is here for, just know we are all here for you anytime,much love and hugs.

[dukedogsmom]

*Hugs* One month is not near enough time for your grief. I can't imagine the sorrow your heart feels. I wish there were words we could say to make it all better. Just know we're here for you to lean on.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Haven't been around for a while but I went cold when I read your post. I am so very, very sorry that this has happened. Sending all the love in the world to you and your little ones :love::love: