cheating

[Marigold2]

I just got home at 11:00 pm. Went to work this morning and noticed a voice mail on my phone. A dear friend of mine a young girl in her early 20’s caught her husband cheating again. He is rather a stud I am afraid.
Can we get together to talk she asks, of course I say I will meet you at 7pm at the mall. I race home after work and change cloths.
I meet her for dinner and she told me the whole story, it was just over the phone, they did not meet in person but he has been doing this for 6 months and she does not trust him any more. He says he is sorry but how can she trust him? They have a young child together and if he cheats again she will leave him and take the child with her. We eat and talk and then walk around the restaurant grounds for a half an hour.
Then we drive to her house which is 15 minutes away so I can talk to hubby. I tell him we are going outside for a walk; he knows what is up but bravely walks out with me into the dark warm night. We walk for an hour and he pours his heart out, he is so sorry, knows he messed up. He loves the wife and child, knows he hurt her deeply, won’t do it again. I tell him that I am not angry, that I love them both and he can always call me and talk to me. I tell him this is a sign of a bigger problem and they should go to marriage consuling to find out what is behind his cheating and anger. He listens but will he take my advice, I don’t know?
They have both agreed not to tell her parents, she cannot confide in her mom or dad because then they will make sure the marriage is broken up and husband is never allowed back into the family. I find that so sad. Monica she says I can only confide in you because I know you won’t judge, and of course I won’t. Mistakes happen. I am not mad at either one, just sad that there is so much pain. I love them both and hope they can work this out but certainly understand if she decides to leave him if he cheats again.
As hubby and I are walking (my feet are killing me in these damn heels) his phone rings, it’s the wife. Their precious child requests my presence for a story and a tuck in, we head home.
Child taken care off. I speak to the couple together for a few minutes, give them both my love, remind them of how sorry he is, how good and loving she is and how lucky they are to have each other and to work it out and be happy and to call me if they need me for anything.
I head home, feet aching, heart aching, hoping for the best.
I truly wish that young people would wait till they are older to get married and have more life experience, education, common sense on their side. Getting married at 21 or 22 or 23 or 24 is just too young for most. What is the rush?
Time for bed, thankfully tomorrow is my day off. I already have plans with two friends and am hoping to really enjoy the day. Am also getting my hair cut into a new style and looking forward to that. Small improvement but after today I need a lift.
Good night all.....................

[Taz_Zoee]

That's very nice of you to be a friend for her when she can't talk to her own family. What has me concerned is you say he cheated "again" and she's going to give him one more chance. Is this a three strikes you're out? If this is the second time he's done this why is she giving him another chance?
I don't know the whole story, maybe the word again was a mistake (I hope).
I do happen to know a couple that had this same problem. He cheated and even had another child with the other woman. They got back together eventually. No clue if they are still together now, but it can happen. He needs to gain her trust again and that is not an easy thing to do.

[pomtzu]

My advise would be for Marigold to stay out of other people's marriage problems, even if they see fit to pour their hearts out to her.

They obviously need a professional's help here, and somehow I don't believe that Marigold is qualified as a marriage counselor, and could do more harm than help, by getting involved.

[Bonny]

What do you mean pomtzu.:rolleyes: Marigold did tell them to go seek marriage councelling. Confiding in a friend outside your family realm when having marriage diffiuculties brings fairness to both sides in this case. :)

[Cataholic]

My advise would be for Marigold to stay out of other people's marriage problems, even if they see fit to pour their hearts out to her.

They obviously need a professional's help here, and somehow I don't believe that Marigold is qualified as a marriage counselor, and could do more harm than help, by getting involved.

I could not agree more! It sounds very odd.

[Whisk_Luva]

My advise would be for Marigold to stay out of other people's marriage problems, even if they see fit to pour their hearts out to her.

They obviously need a professional's help here, and somehow I don't believe that Marigold is qualified as a marriage counselor, and could do more harm than help, by getting involved.

I could not agree more! It sounds very odd.

Wait? So Monica should just ignore them when they ask for her advice? I don't understand. What was she meant to do? They asked her to meet up and talk, and Monica being a good friend agreed. Listening to friends problems and helping them out is what part of being a friend is about.

And since when has telling a friend something been odd?

Monica, I am sorry to hear about the whole situation.. sounds very sad. I hope everything works out in the end. You are a great friend and I am sure they are very thankful for you being there for them.

[pomtzu]

What do you mean pomtzu.:rolleyes: Marigold did tell them to go seek marriage councelling. Confiding in a friend outside your family realm when having marriage diffiuculties brings fairness to both sides in this case. :)

Yes - she did tell them to seek counseling - and that should have been the only thing she told them.
She talks with the wife over dinner, and then with the husband on an hour walk??? Lord knows (and I don't care), what "advise" was given in those time frames. :eek:
Listen as a friend??? - yes - but keep your "advise" to yourself. That would be the nicest thing she could do to help!

[Whisk_Luva]

Yes - she did tell them to seek counseling - and that should have been the only thing she told them.
She talks with the wife over dinner, and then with the husband on an hour walk??? Lord knows (and I don't care), what "advise" was given in those time frames. :eek:
Listen as a friend??? - yes - but keep your "advise" to yourself. That would be the nicest thing she could do to help!

I have to disagree. Sometimes people turn to friends for advice. Sometimes they just need to find out someone elses opinion on the situation. Maybe that advice will help make the decision final, or see another option. Just because Monica advised them, doesn't mean they have to or will listen. In the end it is up to them. Monica was just doing her best to help them as much as possible and I admire her for that.

[pomtzu]

I have to disagree. Sometimes people turn to friends for advice. Sometimes they just need to find out someone elses opinion on the situation. Maybe that advice will help make the decision final, or see another option. Just because Monica advised them, doesn't mean they have to or will listen. In the end it is up to them. Monica was just doing her best to help them as much as possible and I admire her for that.

Other's marriage issues is one thing to keep your nose out of - even if asked. Sooner or later, more than likely, you'll find that you are "taking sides", and it could more likely than not, end the friendship. I've seen it happen, and for someone to think it will never happen to them - well then they need to take the blinders off. I don't claim to be an expert, but at my age, I draw a lot from years of "life's issues". Nuff said..........

[Marigold2]

The wife called me and said "I need to talk to you I can't talk to my mom"
She needed to vent, she needed cry and she needed support.
I as an older married women acted as a mom in this case since she could not go to her own family and had no one else to turn to.
She asked me to talk to hubby. I did. He opened up to me, he also needed to vent and talk and he was the one who kept walking and talking, my feet were killing me in those heels but I didn't say anything, I could tell he needed to talk to someone. Both know I will NOT take sides, both know I will NOT pass judgement. I was there to listen and love and give support, to remind them that they are both beautiful and good, smart, funny, kind and intelligent and as people especially people so young mistakes happen. Yes he has done this before and yes she has forgiven him but she will not forgive next time. That is her choice.
I advised both to see professional help, that does not mean they will.
I love them both very much and they have sought my advice many times in the past and both knew they coud trust me and call me whenever they need a hug or a shoulder to cry on.
I do not understand why I am being picked on for helping two people who ASKED me for help, who needed support. If you don't have family that you can go to for advice and support then you go to a friend, they would not have spoken to me if they did not value my advice or know that I had their interests at heart.
Get off my back Pomtzu, you are very wrong here.
Thank you Ellie for sticking up for me. You are such a sweetheart and no one here should say one mean thing to this young lady.

[Whisk_Luva]

Pomtzu, as Monica said, these people came to her for advice. If they trust her, and will listen to her advice without getting offended, what's the harm? Not everyone is going to think people are taking sides for offering advice, some people will just be happy to have someone who cares enough about them to help them with their issues.

[pomtzu]

Whatever.............:rolleyes:

Hopefully it won't backfire on any of the parties involved. :(

[Prairie Purrs]

One major advantage of confiding in a marriage counselor rather than a friend is that a marriage counselor is ethically obligated to keep the information confidential and not post the details of the situation on the Internet. If I were Monica, I wouldn't be too happy to know that my dirty laundry was being aired in public for total strangers to comment on.

[happylabs]

I have to agree with Pomtzu on this one. It is okay to listen and let your friend vent. However, I would steer clear of giving advice. And I also think it was not appropriate to spend an hour talking with the husband. Why didn't the couple sit down and talk it over between themselves? I have always thought honesty was the best policy between couples, and, that friends should stay out of it. Counseling sounds like the best idea. I hate to say this, but in all likelihood, these two will split up. If he cheated once, he will do it again. The statistics are against them sadly.

[Queen of Poop]

I thank you for taking the time to be a calming force for the two people embroiled in an emotional nightmare. You may have helped them save their marriage, maybe not, it does not matter. You were there for them when they needed support and that's what counts. Hopefully they will take your advice and seek counselling, they will need it to keep their marriage together or to go their separate ways.

What I would have given to have had someone to talk to the first, second or third times he hit me. Maybe it wouldn't have gone on for 8 years. Who knows. But to have had someone I could talk to might have made all the difference for me.

I applaud your efforts.

[lizbud]

This "story" sounds like it was lifted straight out of one of those old
romance story magazines, or paperbacks.:D

[Marigold2]

How dumb of me to think that I could honestly post my emotions here and my thoughts and some heartbreak. And perhaps get some support for this, it is hard on me as well to see two young people I truly love in agony and a child's life hanging in the balance.
I don't understand Lizbud why you would be so mean. These people are in pain........................
Shame on you for mocking this very painful time.
I am glad they came to me, if I could give them a moments love and support it is worth it.
As for advice if they didn't trust me and respect my advice they would not have asked.




This "story" sounds like it was lifted straight out of one of those old
romance story magazines, or paperbacks.:D

[carole]

Monica from what i read you have done nothing wrong, there is nothing odd about it at all, obviously these young people trust and love you and since they are unable to turn to their parents have turned to you, you also gave them the right advice to seek counselling, IMO not all professionals know everything, life experiences count for alot.

Yes sometimes people just need someone else to talk to, a problem shared can be a problem halved in some cases, a good example is what Queen of Poop had to say, if only someone had been there for her in her time of need, and most of us know what Gail went through, it was not nice.,and she is still paying the price.

Monica i would not get too upset about the negative comments towards you, you know in your heart what you did was right and that is all that matters, and plenty here agree with you.

I hope that your dear young friends, work things out and can stay together and have a happy life together in the future.

[carole]

Monica from what i read you have done nothing wrong, there is nothing odd about it at all, obviously these young people trust and love you and since they are unable to turn to their parents have turned to you, you also gave them the right advice to seek counselling, IMO not all professionals know everything, life experiences count for alot.

Yes sometimes people just need someone else to talk to, a problem shared can be a problem halved in some cases, a good example is what Queen of Poop had to say, if only someone had been there for her in her time of need, and most of us know what Gail went through, it was not nice.,and she is still paying the price.

Monica i would not get too upset about the negative comments towards you, you know in your heart what you did was right and that is all that matters, and plenty here agree with you.

I hope that your dear young friends, work things out and can stay together and have a happy life together in the future.

[Daisy and Delilah]

I don't understand Lizbud why you would be so mean. These people are in pain........................
Shame on you for mocking this very painful time.
I am glad they came to me, if I could give them a moments love and support it is worth it.
As for advice if they didn't trust me and respect my advice they would not have asked.


I have to ask; is this anything like disrespecting Gary Coleman's family in the other thread? I'm pretty sure his family is in serious pain and suffering over his death.
However, it's okay to laugh at his family but not okay for anyone here to comment on the content of this thread??:confused: :confused: :confused:

For the record: I'm not criticizing the fact that you helped someone that needed help, Marigold. I just don't get your double standard here.:(

[pomtzu]

This "story" sounds like it was lifted straight out of one of those old
romance story magazines, or paperbacks.:D

I was thinking along the same line - that the OP's posts read like a badly written soap opera. They are all so dramatic, and get more so as time goes by. And since we are only the readers of this soap, we know nothing of what was said between the 3 of them, and I for one, don't care. It might have been helpful to this couple, but then again, maybe not. And since this young couple appears to be very green regarding the ups and downs of marriage, they might be getting advice from an "older/more experienced" person, that they think sounds right. It must be - right??? - afterall - she's been married for a long time, so that must mean she knows what she's talking about. :rolleyes:

Marigold - please stay out of it and leave the advice to the experts. And I'm not picking on you, and I would advise anyone on here - friend or foe - to do the same thing.

[Catty1]

The OP told them to seek professional advice.

[Marigold2]

The diference is Coleman is dead and cannot be hurt by what we say. And as far as I know no one hear knows him personally, they are not a loved one.

These people are alive and suffering...........I love these people very much and they love me.

She could not go to her parents, I understand why.
And for him, his mom did nothing but yell and make him feel worthless and as if he was a failure.
He is not, he made a mistake, he is young and these things happen.
I just gave them someone to vent to without the fear of being yelled at or told how wrong or how bad he is or who was to blame.
Everyone needs a person they can trust, someone who will support and love them regardless of the situation, in good and bad times in happy and bad time times. Not everyone has a family that they can go to or trust to understand and not judge. For some it's a neighbor or school teacher, a co-worker or pastor or a friend one has meet in life. Trust is a funny thing, you earn it without even knowing it, just by being you.
There are scores of people who feel alone and afraid in this world. Queen of Poop I am so sorry for your heartache. Hugs to you and I am hoping your life is a million times better now.
People sometimes feel they have no one to turn to, that no one will understand or be willig to help. In a world of billions of people when we are with people all day long, married, have parents and friends some still feel totally alone . Sometimes the person you trust and speak to is almost a stranger but in them you find some kindness or understanding that makes it ok to trust them.
If I have helped these young people and I know I have all the mean words and cutting remarks don't mean a thing.
Their happiness is what counts.



I have to ask; is this anything like disrespecting Gary Coleman's family in the other thread? I'm pretty sure his family is in serious pain and suffering over his death.
However, it's okay to laugh at his family but not okay for anyone here to comment on the content of this thread??:confused: :confused: :confused:

For the record: I'm not criticizing the fact that you helped someone that needed help, Marigold. I just don't get your double standard here.:(

[pomtzu]

The OP told them to seek professional advice.

I'm aware of that - as acknowledged in a previous post. :rolleyes:

[Marigold2]

Perhaps some day you will need a friend to listen to your woes, to support you and to just listen and give love. With your attitude I hope you find someome. Or perhaps when you are crying in someones arms they will say, "sorry can't help you go to the pros"
I was thinking along the same line - that the OP's posts read like a badly written soap opera. They are all so dramatic, and get more so as time goes by. And since we are only the readers of this soap, we know nothing of what was said between the 3 of them, and I for one, don't care. It might have been helpful to this couple, but then again, maybe not. And since this young couple appears to be very green regarding the ups and downs of marriage, they might be getting advice from an "older/more experienced" person, that they think sounds right. It must be - right??? - afterall - she's been married for a long time, so that must mean she knows what she's talking about. :rolleyes:

Marigold - please stay out of it and leave the advice to the experts. And I'm not picking on you, and I would advise anyone on here - friend or foe - to do the same thing.

[Catty1]

Marigold, I'm with you. Sometime parents aren't cruel - but are just emotionally unavailable.

For the last few years of my sister's life, my mom was involved with her, and necessarily so. I didn't resent that, but needed someone to talk to at times. Thank God I had a mom-figure at work!

[Taz_Zoee]

He is not, he made a mistake, he is young and these things happen.



He's made this "mistake" TWICE now. How many is enough? The next time he does this (and I'm pretty sure it will happen again) she will probably give him "one more chance". I just hope she's not staying with him because of the child. Because that does more harm than good in the long run.
I'm not saying you shouldn't be there for them, but I am just seeing it from the outside and this poor girl is naive to the situation. This is normal for her. It's very sad.

[pomtzu]

Clarification post - and the final post from me. I know there will be a sigh of relief at that thought!! :rolleyes: Was that meant to be sarcastic??? - but of course. We Aries are well known for that trait! :p

First of all, let me say one more time, that I am not picking on Marigold. It doesn't matter who the OP is, if the issue was the same, I would say the same to whoever it was.

I also never said anything about having a friend to confide in. We all have them I would hope (yes Marigold, I do, believe it or not) - providing a shoulder to cry on, a sympathetic ear to listen - but also smart enough to know when to keep quiet in certain areas. Marriage advice is not something to be given or taken lightly, and it should be left to the "pros".

I think Marigold was right for being there for her "friends" - to listen and not judge. What advice she offered (other than to seek professional help), is something that only she and the other 2 parties know for certain. Any other advice she may have given in regards to their marriage problems should definitely be a no-no - even if she was asked. What's right for one marriage, could be totally wrong for another. And as I mentioned before, I have seen friendships end over well intentioned advice (of various kinds) - even when it was asked for..

So since my well intentioned post wasn't asked for - I will leave! :)

[Daisy and Delilah]

Marigold, I have no problem with you helping a friend. That was a very nice thing to do and I think alot of us feel that way. A wonderful gesture.
I know Gary Coleman is dead. His family isn't dead. I don't expect any of the Coleman family to be members of this board and I'm sure they haven't seen the other thread. That is not my point.

The point I was trying to make is this; you seem to think it's ok to do whatever you feel like doing whenever you feel like doing it.
When a person posts something in response that you don't like, you always act like certain people are against you.
Is everyone required to back you 100% no matter what. However, it's not okay for us to make our comments if we choose to do so?
I was merely pointing out the double standard you have presented on this board many many times.

[snakemama]

As a newlywed, I sometimes seek the advice of couples who have been married for a long time when I'm unsure what to do, so this doesn't strike me as strange or inappropriate at all.

I think she was 100% right not to go to her mother...one piece of advice I got early on that makes complete sense to me is not to go to family with your marital problems. They love you dearly, and their vision of your s/o will forever be tainted by whatever it is you told them. You may forgive, because you are there every day to have the conversations, visit the counselor, etc., but your family only sees the picture you paint for them.

As a reformed cheater (Not on my DH, but in past relationships...) I hope her hubby has his head on straight and deserves this third chance he's getting.

[Marigold2]

It is NOT my decision on how many chances she will give him. It is there's and there's alone. It is my job to give love, support, forgiveness, understanding, a shoulder to cry on, a joke to share and maybe to babysit from time to time so they can go out and have some private time alone.
I consider that to be my jobs. Enough said.

[blue]

Marigold, from what I read, you did what any friend would. BTDT.

[Taz_Zoee]

It is NOT my decision on how many chances she will give him. It is there's and there's alone. It is my job to give love, support, forgiveness, understanding, a shoulder to cry on, a joke to share and maybe to babysit from time to time so they can go out and have some private time alone.
I consider that to be my jobs. Enough said.

I know that. I wasn't saying you should have said anything about it. I was just stating my opinion. You know everyone has one. I'm not attacking you. Calm down.

[carole]

I so disagree that everything should be left to the professionals,so every time one has a problem do you go seek professional advice, i think not, usually you ask advice from those closest to you, whether they be family or friends, and you may even come here to PT or another board you belong to,as i said before life experiences mean a whole lot to me.

And as for Marigold being picked on, personally that is what i do see in nearly every thread she posts by the same people, anyhow that is how i see it,end of.

Monica you and you alone are the only one here who knows your two friends,if you are comfortable with what you have said and being there for them,then that is all that really matters, i wish them well, and i think it is good that they have someone who loves them as much as you do.

[Catty1]

Amen, Carole!

[blue]

I guess some of the posters in this thread would plug their ears and run away anytime their "friends" want to vent about anything troubling them, and yelling at them to "seek professional help and dont bother me with your problems!"

[snakemama]

I guess some of the posters in this thread would plug their ears and run away anytime their "friends" want to vent about anything troubling them, and yelling at them to "seek professional help and dont bother me with your problems!"

Holy smokes, I agree with you on something! Never thought I'd see the day... ;)

[blue]

Holy smokes, I agree with you on something! Never thought I'd see the day... ;)

:cool:

[Marigold2]

Thanks guys for your support, it means a lot. When we love someone dearly we carry their pain with us in our hearts as well. I of course worry about them now, where once was a happy marriage is now a dreadful painful mess.
I just needed to share my feelings with my friends here. I needed a shoulder I guess and I did get that along with a couple of kicks but I guess that is the risk you take when you open your heart up.

[Queen of Poop]

Marigold, I still stand by my previous comment, I applaud you for being a friend to these people.

For the record, I am seeing a professional psychologist for help with what has been done to me over the last 8 years. She is a wonderful, caring, compassionate woman who I believe will help me survive and thrive. Her biggest thing for me, find more friends, build a better support system. Have others to be with, to care about, who will care about me and help me build back my confidence that has been so shattered. Friends she says will help me get back to me faster.

Marigold, I wish you were closer cause I'd truly want you to be one of my friends.

I need friends to help me thru this. Any takers?

[Marigold2]

Well I would be honored to be your friend. I posted on the other tread before reading this. I will PM you.

[Whisk_Luva]

I need friends to help me thru this. Any takers?

If you ever want a friend I am here :love::)

[Karen]

Marigold, I still stand by my previous comment, I applaud you for being a friend to these people.

For the record, I am seeing a professional psychologist for help with what has been done to me over the last 8 years. She is a wonderful, caring, compassionate woman who I believe will help me survive and thrive. Her biggest thing for me, find more friends, build a better support system. Have others to be with, to care about, who will care about me and help me build back my confidence that has been so shattered. Friends she says will help me get back to me faster.

Marigold, I wish you were closer cause I'd truly want you to be one of my friends.

I need friends to help me thru this. Any takers?

Of course you can count on me to be a friend. We needn't be geographically close to count, do we?

[pomtzu]

Selective reading always changes the way people see things.

I was talking "professional" help forMARRIAGE issues - not for every little problem that pops up in your life. I believe that was the problem that was originally addressed, wasn't it???? When did it change???

Anyway - have valuable and trusted friends to talk things over with, to ask opinions and advice, and all the other things mentioned here - just not marriage. Marriage advice was the only thing that I was referencinng!!!!!!!!!

[Catty1]

Gayle - yes! Let's meet up again. If you need a Sunday break, there are lovely red shale paths here to walk by the Bow River...and a couple of funky coffee/lunch places!

Call when you want to come out!

[NicoleLJ]

Add me too. I may be 3 hours away but at some point I should hit Calgary and would love to meet up.

And sorry but I totally diagree, Pom. If it was not for Candaces suport and marrital advice then I would not have had the strength when I needed it or any clue as to what to do because as my therapist said I was in survival thinking. That is why they tell you to get a healthy support system of friends and family. Sorry I will listen to the proffessional on this one when it comes to leaning on your friends no matter what the issue.

[pomtzu]

Add me too. I may be 3 hours away but at some point I should hit Calgary and would love to meet up.

And sorry but I totally diagree, Pom. If it was not for Candaces suport and marrital advice then I would not have had the strength when I needed it or any clue as to what to do because as my therapist said I was in survival thinking. That is why they tell you to get a healthy support system of friends and family. Sorry I will listen to the proffessional on this one when it comes to leaning on your friends no matter what the issue.

Glad it worked for you. Everyone should be so fortunate..........

[Asiel]

Selective reading always changes the way people see things.

I was talking "professional" help forMARRIAGE issues - not for every little problem that pops up in your life. I believe that was the problem that was originally addressed, wasn't it???? When did it change???

Anyway - have valuable and trusted friends to talk things over with, to ask opinions and advice, and all the other things mentioned here - just not marriage. Marriage advice was the only thing that I was referencinng!!!!!!!!!



Just finished reading the whole thread and I think I'll have to stick with you on this one. I've seen too many so called "friends" drool at the mouth by listening to another person's woes on marital problems and of course they are always so full of advice. My friends know they can count on me for any kind of problem they might be facing but marital problems is not one of them. I've seen tis kind of stuff lead to disastrous results, Marriage is a private issue between a couple and if problems arise they should seek counselling together. The last thing a couple in trouble needs is a third party relishing the details . As for coming on a dog forum and discussing private issues because you think someone might be a great friend I would bare my soul to the devil first.
Marigold, you go on and on about all the love you have for this young couple...does this poor couple even know you are using their story on a dog forum? If you spread the story here why would we think you won't be talking to others as well? This lady confided in you in private and I'm sure she didn't expect her story to be read by hundreds or more on a dog forum and who knows where else? How would you know if someone who also knows this couple isn't on the forum and will recognize them, your own neighbour could be on the forum and you would never know it.
Not long ago you were ready to put your own child (veggie salad you called it) away and not have anything to do with it but now your heart bleeds for strangers? Seems the priorities are mixed up a bit. I would prefer to give my compassion to my children (veggie salads or not) .

[carole]

Maybe Marigold needed some support and advice herself, or just some comforting words, so that is why she shared it with us all, i don't see any harm done, she has not mentioned names here, and the chances they are going to see it are not that high are they? and maybe they would not even mind, only Marigold and they can answer that question i guess?

I don't see that marriage problems necessarily need professional advice more than any other problem, gosh if every time my husband and I did not see eye to eye we went for professional help, they sure would be making some good money out of us,money we don't have,not everyone can afford such a luxury for one thing.

I actually did seek professional help once in our marriage and it was a disaster, so you really do have to get the right person,so IMO professional help is not always the best thing.

We have weathered the storms and we are still together after 19 yrs coming up in August, not that affairs or abuse have been something we have had to deal with thank goodness.

I am not saying you should not seek professional advice, but sometimes it is not the only thing that can help and sometimes it can do the opposite ,create more problems than were initially there in the first place.

I have never seen the thread regarding Marigold going to send her children away, so i can not comment, i can only say, each circumstance is different .,i am sure she has just as much compassion for her own as her friends, some people can do both,anyhow just my 2 cents worth.

P.S. Gayle i too would be more than honoured to be considered your friend as well, even though i live across the other side of the world.

[Queen of Poop]

Thank you Carole, you're in the same part of the world as a high school friend of mine. So glad to have another friend.

Let's remember, she offered her advice, included in that advice was a recommendation to seek professional help.

She came here to seek our support when she was emotionally drained by trying to help some young people who seriously needed someone's help.

Do you wonder why I am afraid to come here and ask for help? Do you all know that I struggle on Sundays because I have no one to talk to, I've gotten all my chores done on Saturday and I just sit here and think about things.

But this isn't about me. It's about Marigold and what she did to support a couple of youngsters. She did what all of us have done right here on this board at one time or another, shown support to someone in need. :love:

[Asiel]

Nobody's marriage is perfect and at one time or another problems arise. Most mature couples can sit down and discuss the options. Even the best marriages take hard work to keep them going. Going to a stranger causes more problems than the original problem.

If someone can't take the heat then they should stay out of the kitchen and not jump on a dog forum.

[carole]

Asiel i am a little confused,, you say going to a stranger causes more problems than the original problems, so are you saying that seeking professional help causes more problems, because they are usually strangers, or am i reading your comment wrong.

I will say it again, professional help can be a good option for some, but it is not for everyone, and it does not always work.,sometimes sharing it with someone close to you a special friend can indeed be all that is needed, i have done that myself and it has helped me a great deal,all marriages take hard work and committment for sure.

As for not being able to take the heat in here, i think Marigold handles herself rather well considering.

Gayle, i agree with your post 100 per cent, and hey don't be feeling alone on sundays, we are all here for ya.

[Asiel]

I don't consider a trained marriage counsellor the same as someone on a dog forum with hundreds of people reading about personal problems. One big difference is that the professionals follow a strict code of conduct and privacy between a patient and themselves is one of them. If you can't see the difference then go ahead and open up to anyone who will listen and share the story with other gossipers.

[phesina]

Love to you, Gayle, from my five kitties and me. You are not alone!

[Marigold2]

No one on this forum knows this couple nor do they go on this website.
Many of us have posted private things about ourselves and our family and friends here.
We post our health issues both good and bad.
Our private thoughts on sensitive issues.
We post about our marriage, death, birth, miscarriages, children being in trouble, depression.
We post it all. Why, because we should feel safe here amoung friends and regardless of our feelings on certain issues there should always be respect and support. There is such a varied group here different ages, different parts of the world, gay, straight, single, married, child, senior we have it all.
But in a crazy way we are a family.
I did not butt my nose into these peoples lives, they came to me and asked me for help and advice first the girl and then the husband.
I gave them love and support that is what a friend does in my book.
I don't feel I have to explain myself to anyone about this issue I just posted because I was mentally drained from the pain of it all and I needed a PT hug.


I don't consider a trained marriage counsellor the same as someone on a dog forum with hundreds of people reading about personal problems. One big difference is that the professionals follow a strict code of conduct and privacy between a patient and themselves is one of them. If you can't see the difference then go ahead and open up to anyone who will listen and share the story with other gossipers.

[NicoleLJ]

(((hugs)))

[carole]

Thank you for explaining Asiel, i mis-understood what you were saying, however you did not have to be so narky about it, i was simply asking you to do that, end of.


Marigold, i agree with you, i have seen many things of a very personal nature on here , that i would not even think about posting, and as long as the poster is comfortable with it, well who am i to judge them for their posts.

Again you have stated they are highly unlikely to come here and read these threads,no names have been mentioned, i see no harm done, and i understand where you were coming from on this issue,it is good to share with others when things are worrying you, or getting you down, or just simply to get it off one's chest, i see that is all you were doing, there have been many posts similar to your's over the year's and no-one seems to have taken such offense as they have to this one,strange that, that said, again i wish you and your friends well.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I needed a PT hug

((hug))

[phesina]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} and ~~~~~PURRS~~~~~, Marigold,
from Pat and cats

[Catty1]

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Bonny]

(((HUGS))) Marigold, Everyone has their opinions & I think we have heard them all. Be they what we want to hear or don't want to hear. Your a good friend to this couple & I bet if they go get professional help they will have a good chance to mend their marriage. :)