Annoying habit

[pomtzu]

Maybe I'm being too picky, but this really annoys the devil out of me, and I'd like to know what others think.

My son's wife is a very nice person. She of course loves my son to death - as it should be - so maybe I should overlook this:

When I say something to her - in the form of a statement - not a question - in probably 95% of the time, I never get an acknowledgment. I have to end up saying "did you hear what I said?" - then I get acknowledged. Is it too much to expect a person to at least say "uh-huh" or "yup", or whatever befits the subject??:confused: She has been part of this family for 4 years now - you'd think she would get the hint by now. I try to make light of it with her tho, since she can go from "fair to foul" at the drop of a hat! :eek: I would no more think of ignoring a person that was speaking to me in a friendly, sociable, manner, than I would think about jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge. Where have the manners and common courtesy gone for some people???

She also refuses to call me "Mom", but I don't have a problem with that and can understand too, even tho my son's ex-wife always called me that, and still does to this day - and they have be divorced for 15 years!

What does anyone else think?

[Queen of Poop]

Not acknowledging someone when they've spoken to you is indeed very annoying.

I never addressed either of my 2 mother in laws as mom. It just didn't fit with either of the relationships. Guess that's why I'm getting divorced the second time. Nothing really felt right.

[Cataholic]

I have one mom. Anyone else gets called something else.

I wasn't aware someone had to parrot a reply to everything I ever said! I would presume if someone is speaking to me, and I utter a sentence not requiring a responsive answer, that they heard me. I can't imagine affirming everything I was told in a day. LOL.

IMO, requiring a response suggests I am having qualms about my own sense of self.

ETA in a joking manner, maybe after 4 years, you need to get the hint?

[pomtzu]

If you don't want to open your mouth to emit even so much of a grunt in response, then a nod of the head would suffice.

I have no problem with "my sense of self". i would just prefer an acknowledgment, no matter how slight, so that the person I am speaking to won't come back later and say "you never said/told me that", especially if it had any importance, and not just chit-chat.

[kokopup]

I know that sometimes we expect someone to acknowledge that we have spoken to them. The only time I feel I need to be acknowledged is if I'm in an environment that may make it hard to be understood. If you are competing with other dialog or it is noisy then I will expect at least a nod. Maybe you are
being a little over sensitive to what may be someone that is not that comfortable in social situations. I have also known people that ignore you when
you ask a direct question. There are sometimes conflicts of this kind when backgrounds are totally different, since it is sometime hard to get on the same page.

I never called my first mother-in-law 'Mom' and it was never a problem. I would not have felt comfortable calling her Mom because of the way she was. My
present mother-in-law has a nick name of Grams and that is what I call her. Before the Kids came up with Grams I called her by her first name. I
am close enough to her that I would call her Mom if you ask me to.

[Pinot's Mom]

Ellie, maybe she just doesn't do that; it's possible her family only acknowleges when an answer is required. Maybe you should just say something along the lines of, "I just thought I'd ask, and maybe I'm being a bit overreactive, but when I tell you something, could you acknowledge it in some small way, just to let me know you heard me?" It's possible she really doesn't think it's a problem.

The "Mom" thing...I called my mother in law "Helen". I didn't even call my own Mother "Mom"!

[Freedom]

What does she do, I mean as in type of work?

I only ask because, I come from a family where we always acknowledged stuff. Got into my career and was told it was a darn nuisance and to quit saying "yes," "I see" etc. everytime someone said something! :rolleyes: So I had to learn to NOT do that. Now I often get in trouble "with the family" because I am not nodding, acknowledging, etc all through a conversation.

Never been married, no comment on the MIL title.

[lizbud]

Ellie, maybe she just doesn't do that; it's possible her family only acknowleges when an answer is required. Maybe you should just say something along the lines of, "I just thought I'd ask, and maybe I'm being a bit overreactive, but when I tell you something, could you acknowledge it in some small way, just to let me know you heard me?" It's possible she really doesn't think it's a problem.




I agree. Her upbringing may be quite different than yours. Maybe
her family didn't think it necessary to respond, unless they heard a question .

I never called my MIL Mom. My kids called her Nana & I did too.:)

[Taz_Zoee]

Sure, it'd be nice to know the person heard you. I mean, if she's watching TV or reading and you're talking to her, just eye contact would be enough to let you know she was listening.

I refer to Bruce's mom (we are not married) as Mom on cards and such. But I have never called her mom to her face. I could. But I just haven't.
She even refers to herself in cards and emails to me as Mom #2. :)

[Karen]

I don't call Paul's mother Mom, never have. Love her, and the reverse is true, what we call each other has nothing to do with that.

I agree with those who said the acknowledgment of someone speaking to you is an upbringing things, so just gently remind her from time to time, and don't make a big deal out of it, okay? I am sure she means no disrespect.

[Asiel]

I never called my mother-in-law mom either because non of the other married in laws did. Had she asked me to I would have had no trouble doing it.

I'm used to responding if spoken to so I really don't understand someone who doesn't acknowledge something you say to them. Maybe next time you could just ask if she heard you, could she be hard of hearing and you didn't notice? If she says she heard you I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask in a joking way why she doesn't respond when you tell her something so you'll know she did hear.
Could be just a habit of hers.
Just make sure you keep her fair and not foul :D

[Medusa]

You'd probably become annoyed w/me, too, Ellie, b/c I don't comment either when someone says something to me unless I'm asked a question, even when speaking on the phone. As a matter of fact, when someone keeps saying "Uh huh" while I'm talking, that annoys me. The only time I would ask "Did you hear what I said?" would be if I could clearly see that the person was preoccupied and probably didn't hear me. And I never called my MILs "mom". I had one mom, she's gone and that's it. One to a customer. (for me, that is) :)

[Laura's Babies]

I don't think it is done in disrespect either... it is all how we were brought up. Some would look at someone who responds to everything a person said to them as having to have the last word.. You just never know... it is all in how we are brought up.

Never called a mother in law Mom either, my daughter in law don't call me Mom.. my feeling are not hurt, she has a mother is how I see it. She does address card and stuff to "Mom" and I sign the stuff I send her as "Mom". She talks to me about stuff she could never talk to her own Mom about and that makes me feel better than her ever calling me "Mom"..

Here's a funny for you. When I first came to Louisiana and married, my mother in law hugged me the first time we met.. I was horrified! What was that woman doing hugging me?! She did it every time we saw each other and it took me YEARS to be comfortable with it.... it is a southern thing, nothing I was brought up doing. After awhile, I came to love those hugs from her and other southern people and now I am the one that hugs everybody first!

Really, it is just what you are brought up to do or not do.

[Twisterdog]

I will never call my MIL "Mom" ... she's not my mom. I only have one mom, who raised me. No one else earned that title.

I agree with others ... I would find it incredibly annoying if someone acknowledged every sentence I said. If you are having a two-way conversation and making eye contact, I take that to mean the other person is listening.

And if you are speaking paragraphs, and getting no response, then it's really not a conversation anyway. I would take that to mean the other person isn't interested in what I am talking about.

[Seravieve]

I totally understand the lack of response being frustrating, but like others said, it could be her upbringing. My family ALWAYS responds with something. I'd probably call her out on it. If its that frustrating, it'd drive me nuts till I found out the reasoning behind it.

I would never call my MIL 'mom' either. I won't even call my dad's 2nd wife my 'stepmom'. Since they divorced when I was 16 and he didnt remarry until a couple years later, she's never been a mother figure to me. Maybe if my mom wasn't such a big part of my life, and my MIL was a mother figure to me, then I'd consider it.

[carole]

Personally i think it is rude when a person does not even acknowledge you spoke, simply to say nothing is rudeness. Even a simple nod just to let the other person know you are listening or heard them is better than nothing.

As for being called Mom, i understand that, i never felt comfortable calling my MIL Mum when she was alive either, i already have a mother,.so i would not worry on that one too much.

[Daisy and Delilah]

One of my dearest friends is like that. She rarely answers unless it's a subject she wants to talk about. It used to make me so mad. Eventually I had to understand that she just has nothing to say. That's what she told me. Her Mom is the same way so I can see where she gets it. Neither of them like to talk unless it's a conversation about their interests. This does appear to be arrogant and rude but it's the way they are.

I suppose some people are shy and don't feel comfortable speaking around other people too.

I am the opposite. I talk all the time and answer everyone's questions. If someone doesn't answer, I might answer for them. I wish I could minimize the yakking habit I have. I would feel terrible if I didn't answer someone's comment or question to me. I never fail to answer someone unless I'm mad at them and that hasn't happened since my 2nd marriage. If anybody ever wants to talk, I'm your person.:)

[wombat2u2004]

I'm with Carole on this one.........100%

"Personally i think it is rude when a person does not even acknowledge you spoke, simply to say nothing is rudeness. Even a simple nod just to let the other person know you are listening or heard them is better than nothing."

Guess it could just be one of those downunder things.

If I had a wife that treated my mother like that, I'd probably bop her.
Maybe you should talk to your son, and see what he says. Maybe then he can have a word with her on the side.;)

As for MIL's, some people say mum, others call them by their first names, others have pet names for them. It's really what both are comfortable with I guess.

[pomtzu]

Interesting comments. Thanks all for your input.

I guess my views are because of my old fashioned New England/Italian upbringing. Acknowledging a person when they speak to you, was always as important as a please or thank you. With this fast paced world, these most basic responses, seem to be left behind all too often. :( Not expecting (or wanting) a response to every sentence, but a simple acknowledgment at the end is all that's needed.

With my DIL - maybe it's just a carryover from her life when she was growing up. She despised her stepmother (still does), and ignored her whenever possible, from what she has told me. I have also brought up her lack of response to me in a lighthearted manner, but it still continues, so I suppose I might just as well get used to it.

The "Mom" thing is really no big deal - I just threw that in to see what others did. I was closer to my best friend's mother, than I was to my own, and I called her Mom E. till the day she passed away at 95.

[wombat2u2004]

I guess my views are because of my old fashioned New England/Italian upbringing.

Common courtesy isn't old fashioned, it's swept under the carpet by those who don't remember the importance of it.

[pomtzu]

Common courtesy isn't old fashioned, it's swept under the carpet by those who don't remember the importance of it.

Or maybe were never taught. :(

Amen!! :)

[RICHARD]

I would love to see how long she would last if you did the same thing to her?


Just work around her. (I bet you would hear about it in no time.:rolleyes:)

[pomtzu]

I would love to see how long she would last if you did the same thing to her?


Just work around her. (I bet you would hear about it in no time.:rolleyes:)

I just can't be that way - it's just not the way I am...........

Hey - she makes my son happy - so that's what counts when all is said and done. Afterall - she married him - not me. I just came along with the deal as an accessory at no charge! :eek::D

[catnapper]

I called my mother in law "Nan", which is what the kids called her. I call my father in law what the kids call him too. I never felt comofrtable calling them mom or dad. So I wouldn't be insulted over not being called "mom" myself, just so long as whatever name used is said with respect.

As for not acknowledging my statements, I'd find it annoying, but if its consistent, I wouldn't worry about it. My own dad doesn't acknowledge what's said too often, so I guess I'm used to it. I'll tell you what's annoying is when you ask him a question and you don't get an answer until 5 minutes later! :p The question could be as simple as "Are you hungry?" and you wait and wait, til you give up and start doing something else, then the answer "nah, I ate sonething a little while ago" He is what he is! :D

[wombat2u2004]

I just can't be that way - it's just not the way I am...........

Hey - she makes my son happy - so that's what counts when all is said and done. Afterall - she married him - not me. I just came along with the deal as an accessory at no charge! :eek::D

You could learn to speak like Donald Duck. That'd really get on her nerves...:p