Always lying

[Marigold2]

There is a young women whom I truly am very fond of. She has many wonderful qualities and one that is troubling me greatly.
I will call her Ann.
Ann lies all the time, makes things up, strange stories.
Said she has had cancer. Been molested. Has other numorous illnesses. Has taken courses that I know she hasn't. It goes on and on. Whenever she starts to tell you something like (the house I grew up in) she then goes on to a point where you know it's a lie. Part of it is true but then she starts on this other line of things that are so far fetched you know they are not true.
I understand her childhood was not perfect not many were. But she has a loving husband and many, many friends. I have heard her lie to them and me, telling different stories for the same thing and I am just so confused as to why this goes on and why she does this.
Any advice, should I say something? I am so lost here.

[Karen]

Has she ever gone to any counseling?

Is she maybe a Pathological Liar?

Here's a page that might help ... (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_can_you_tell_if_someone_is_a_pathological_liar )

[wombat2u2004]

Sounds like she has a decent dose of Attention Seeking Behaviour.

[Catlady711]

I'd have a very hard time being friends with someone who I knew was always lying or exaggerating things.:eek:

[Marigold2]

I don't believe she has ever had therapy. I never know what to believe and that is making it hard to stay close to her as much as I want to. I consider her family, so a solution can hopefully be found. I find myself not wanting to spend time with her or hubby or child because of this and it's very painful.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Have you spoken to her about this and asked why she feels the need to lie so much? Might make her take the first step towards the help she seems to need

[wombat2u2004]

Have you spoken to her about this and asked why she feels the need to lie so much? Might make her take the first step towards the help she seems to need

They just get embarrassed when ya do that.
Best just to go with the flow and put up with it.

[pomtzu]

Sounds like she has a decent dose of Attention Seeking Behaviour.

Exactly what I was thinking..........

[carole]

I think it depends on how much you value your friendship with her, as long as her lies don't cause you any problems, and she is harming no-one perhaps it is best left alone, ask yourself how much it bothers you? and if you can deal with it.
However i too had a friendship with someone like that when i was young, it was devastating, this person caused so many problems with her lies,that i ended the friendship for good, and i certainly would never go there again, just be cautious is my warning to you, good luck.

[Asiel]

Sounds like she has a decent dose of Attention Seeking Behaviour.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Probably has an inferiority complex along with that so the lies makes her feel important.
We have the same situation with one of the neighbours except it's a "he". The whoppers get bigger and bigger each time he relates a story. We just let him talk and get it out of his system , it does make us laugh sometimes. The funniest part is that if his wife is with the rest of us and he starts she just glares at him and tells him to get his story straight and stop lying....lol. And he actually does stop and gets back to normal.
If you value the friendship just ignore the lies, or you could try and trip her up once in a while so she recognizes the fact that you are on to her .

[catnapper]

I used to work with someone like that -- she had to one-up every conversation. I remember when I was talking to her about taking walks with Cameron and how he could go a whole city block by himself.... she SWORE she walked a two-year-old two miles... in the woods... uphills....in ten minutes.... backwards. :rolleyes: Backwards? seriously? She was dead serious.

It was all to get attention. She got it all right, but not the kind she craved. It turns out she has a pretty poor sense of self and miserable home life. She professed to have hte greatest husband and children in the world, but hte reality was far FAR from her tales of home life.

[chocolatepuppy]

I had a friend years ago who did that. She was okay when you first got together and the longer she talked, the more she, uh, exaggerated. :rolleyes: Everyone knew she did it and no one paid any mind. I believe it was attention seeking.;)

[Catty1]

This is kind of wordy, but good.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/compulsive-liar-symptoms.html

It makes me think that an 'intervention' sort of thing might work, as the liar would be aware that EVERYONE is on to this. As the article indicates, people can't even stop it after a while, and do need professional help to break the cycle.

This deals more with what the OP mentioned:

http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-family-people/compulsive-liar-55878.html


The only immediate thing I can think of is paying attention to her when she is speaking about a regular thing, and turning away and ignoring her when she starts the lying. 'tell the truth, you get attention - lie, and you're on your own.'

That's a real toughie. Prayers for her!

ETA: interesting... http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/liars-anonymous

Chronic lying can also be part of Borderline Personality Disorder, which I understand is treatable.

[carole]

I think it is a mistake to say that someone with an inferior complex would be a liar such as this person,i would say that is an incorrect statement, i know someone who has an inferior complex and they are quite the opposite, hate attention of any kind,and certainly not liars.,infact i would say they are too honest for their own good if you know what i mean.

[Cataholic]

There are 24 hours in a day. I could not even begin to think I would befriend, remain friends or even dwell on this type of situation for any length of time. If it were my sibling, maybe.....someone not related to me? No way. Life is just too short.

[Karen]

Chronic lying can also be part of Borderline Personality Disorder, which I understand is treatable.

BPD is difficult to diagnose and very difficult to treat. Yes, it is treatable, but only with a strong commitment from both patient and doctor.

[wombat2u2004]

I think it is a mistake to say that someone with an inferior complex would be a liar such as this person,i would say that is an incorrect statement, i know someone who has an inferior complex and they are quite the opposite, hate attention of any kind,and certainly not liars.,infact i would say they are too honest for their own good if you know what i mean.

Thing is Carole, an inferior complex manifests in so many different ways.
People on one hand can be very withdrawn and shy and not mix socially with other people, because they realise that they can't perhaps hold a proper discussion with others. They feel as though they can fail in a discussion, whereas they may be intelligent enough to carry out a normal discussion, but their fears prevent them from doing that.

On the other hand, people who feel inferior may also try to take over the reigns in a discussion, to make themselves look good. They expand stories to get attention, they butt in to conversations, and also try to belittle the people they are talking to.
These are all pyschological defence mechanisms at work, making them feel superior, when in fact all they are trying to do is cover up and mask their feelings of inferiority.

Now, I have to go find my security blanket. Hee hee :D

[carole]

I stand corrected Wom, i never knew that,you learn something new everyday thanks for that.

[Vette]

Ive had a friends who lied all the time too,, though not to that extent but it may of very well gotten there eventually. i tried to talk to them to show that i wasnt believing it,, an they still kept at it. but ive learned that talking to them about it just doesnt work. it makes them more determined to convince you that theyre telling the truth. at least thats the experiences ive had.

it might best to say something to the husband an kids if you decide to say anything to anyone about it. if you tell her she may just open her drama spout even more an act all hurt an shit. :rolleyes:

i feel bad for you an the husband an kids though. it is a very hurtful/sad/tiring an annoying situation to go through when people are like that.
best to luck to you an the family

[Marigold2]

Yes my concern is for the child, what kind of example she is showing her?
Mommy lies and even though she is a tiny thing now, as she grows older she will realize and have to suffer with this. It is very sad, I look at it now as an illness and I thank all of you for your advice and support.

[*LabLoverKEB*]

I know someone exactly like the person you have described.... I have no advice, but I can say that I know exactly how you feel. Because of the woman I know, she has many people (including myself) not want to be around her and listen to her constant lies/exaggerations. :(

[Vette]

Yes my concern is for the child, what kind of example she is showing her?
Mommy lies and even though she is a tiny thing now, as she grows older she will realize and have to suffer with this. It is very sad, I look at it now as an illness and I thank all of you for your advice and support.

Yeah i agree. its terrible example. :(

perhaps if you talk to the husband about it you two could later then come up with some plans of showing or explaining to the child that moms sick an that lying is bad. that it does no good for anyone including the one lying an to not follow her lead.


that is if it even goes down like that. who knows how the husband an child will react an such. so i know its definitely easier said then done. but whatever you decide to do,, if you go the the husband or to her about it,, at least you know you tried something.