Ash's time has come.....

[carole]

With great sadness i have to tell you, that on saturday Ash is booked in at the vets 1pm, i will be having him Put to Sleep,unless by some miracle my ole fella does a turn around, this is why i have given him until then, hoping that it will happen, he has done this before, but this time is different, i know in my heart his time is up and it would be cruel of me to let him keep going as he is.

He made a sharp decline three days ago, and so far there is no improvement,I may even have to go sooner if things get worse.

Please keep us in your thoughts, this is the hardest decision i have ever had to make, and it hurts very much, I have had a long time to prepare myself, but still it is extremely hard to do. I dreaded even making the phone call for the appointment, and they were booked out, but made an exception, and it will be my favourite vet Gabe who knows Ash well, that helps, i was shaking making that call, and now i cannot stop those tears flowing, and that awful lump in your throat you get, i don't know how on earth i am going to manage on the day, i will be an emotional mess.

I know many of you have traveled this unpleasant and tough road, so will understand how i am feeling, sick to the stomach, would sum it up nicely, a few sleepless nights and unhappy days ahead for sure, but it is time for my ole fella to be at peace now.

[Catty1]

Carole, I am so so so sorry...you have stuck by Ash every bit of the way, and done everything you could.:love::love::love:

Prayers and good thoughts going to you and sweet Ash. You and he will always have the love you share.


{{{{hugs}}}}

You might want to crosspost this to Cat General, so others can support you here.

[carole]

Thank you for your kind words candace, I still am holding on to a bit of hope as you do, but i can see he has given up the battle, and i guess that is his way of telling me enough now mum, let me go,well i have to tell myself that anyhow,if only to help me feel a little better.

I am so dreading this weekend, it is gonna be so darn hard.

Could you please crosspost it for me, i have no idea how, and cannot think quite straight right now.

This is going to be very hard on my Melissa too, she adores Ash, they have quite a special bond, he has never ever scratched her, me plenty of times, and she was the one who brought him to me when she was about 8 yrs old,thanks to her and Ash i discovered i could tolerate kitties, even though i have an allergy to them, had missed out on the love of kitties for many years until Ash arrived and the rest his history.

She thinks he can keep going, but i know he can't.

[caseysmom]

I will pray that Ash will make a sharp turnaround and you can cancel your appointment, but if not you are doing the right thing.

[Medusa]

Praying for a miracle here, Carole. What you have to do is really tough but the right thing, as you know. Keep the faythe.

[carole]

Yes i know I have to do the right thing by him, it is not fair for him to suffer on , and i believe he is now suffering, he was not before,he has had enough i can tell, poor ole guy.

[Taz_Zoee]

I know exactly how you are feeling, as do many of us here. The lump in your throat, the ache in your heart. The doubt of if it is actually the right time and right thing to do. I still have those doubts about Taz and he's been gone for 7 months now. I know I did the right thing, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I am going through those emotions right now with you again. Tears, tight chest, shaking hands.

Hugs to you from this side of the world.

[caseysmom]

I felt that way about my RB gigi for a long long time, I guess its just natural to feel that way. In hindsight now I know I did the right thing.

[Marigold2]

I am so sorry for your worry and pain. Such a painful decision we have to make for those fur children who love. Sending hugs and hoping that you and Ash find peace together in your love for each other.

[Cataholic]

I am so sorry to hear this. Spend these days loving Ash, and remembering his special ways. Hugs to you.

[Catherinedana]

Praying for a miracle here, Carole.

We all are, Carole. But I think the miracle happened when you and Ash met and he became a part of your life. He will always be with you, you know that. And our hearts are with you too.

Much love,
Cathy

[Prairie Purrs]

I'm so sorry. I know that horrible knot in the stomach all too well. But when they're ready to say goodbye, we have to honor that, even when it breaks our hearts in pieces.

You and Ash will be in my thoughts.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm so sorry. :( I will keep you and your beloved cat Ash in my thoughts.

[phesina]

Oh Carole, I'm so sorry to read this.

You and Ash have been through so much together, shared so much life and love. I know you are cherishing the time you have together with him, as he is doing with you. May God grant you both peace and comfort.

Love and hugs to you and your family, Carole, and gentle pets to dearest Ash,
Pat

[Pinot's Mom]

Carole, I'm so sorry it's come to this decision. Prayers for the both of you.:love:

[kuhio98]

Carole ~ I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm praying for a miracle too.

But, if it's not to be and he has to leave us, I hope that it is a peaceful passing.

Gentle hugs to you all.

[carole]

Thank you. your kind and understanding words do bring me comfort, i had wondered whether to post now or after he went, but i knew in my heart i needed the love and support from you all, so i am glad i did post this thread now.

I am not sure Ash will make it to Saturday, i think i may well have to take him tomorrow,I am finding this very distressing,but i do know i have made the right decision, although the thought still nags at you all the same, but yes it would be cruel for me to let him linger on, and he would be suffering.

I think this is the hardest part and the day i take him, afterwards i probably will find the peace i need,so until then i just have to remember i am doing this because i love him so much.

[slick]

Decisions like this are the hardest ever but unfortunately it must be made. As I always recite "it's the quality of life that matters." Carole, I'm so sorry that your beloved Ash must make the trip - all too soon. I know what that feels like and for me, almost a month later, it's still very raw.

{{{hugs}}} Carole. We are here for you and are wrapping our thousands of arms and paws around you and Ash at this very difficult time. Please plant a kiss on that furry forehead from me.:love::love:

[Karen]

We love you and will be thinking of you, of Ash and Melissa, too.

[carole]

Done Slick, yep i am all for that too, it is about the quality and up to now Ash has had that, i just was not prepared for such a sudden decline, like in three days, although i have been prepared for almost 19mths now, it is still hard when the time comes..it came upon me so suddenly.

I know for one thing, Ash has had a good life with us,from being a dumped stray,and lived a lot longer than a lot of kitties, so that brings me comfort,even though it is only a little right now.

I am wondering how Lexie will be, she loved Ash, although he would not have a bar of it,he still had a bond with her,even if it was I am the boss and you better do as you are told, he never took to Nikki and Ellie, but then he has been with Lexie for over 8 yrs, and only 4 with the other two girls, i am sure in her own wee way Lexie will miss him too.

Thanks Karen, it is so good to be able to talk with everyone here how i am feeling, means so much, i have not told Melissa yet, she is not here at the moment, but i had a chat with her last night, she still felt he would be ok and i guess she has seen him do that many times before, but i know she probably just does not want to accept that he is going.

[Catlady711]

I know exactly how you're feeling. No matter how much you prepare, no matter how long you've known it was coming, it's always a hard decision filled with tears and a sad heavy heart even when you know it's the right thing to do and the right time to do it.

You've given Ash alot of love and caring that he would have never gotten if it had not been for you taking him in. He knows that an appreciates it I'm sure.

I'm sure my Dusty will be there to welcome him to the Bridge, along with alot of other PT pets, so he'll have good company until you see him again.

My thoughts are with you.

[RedHedd]

Gentle hugs and tears - it's so fresh for me too. The hardest decision and the last few days aren't easy either - I didn't sleep a wink Mitzi's last few days with me. Cry, scream, snuggle Ash and know you are doing the right thing even to the end. The hardest appointment to make and keep. My thoughts and prayers go out to you that his passage be peaceful :(

[3Catcondo]

Prayers being sent to Ash, you, Melissa and the other furbabes during this difficult time.

[kitten645]

:(LES here. It's still an open wound for me and I know those three days were the worse in my life. Hugs to you and Ash. It's so very hard to see them suffer. Hobbes is watching over him and will be there to greet him. :(
Claudia

[Taz_Zoee]

While I knew Taz's time was approaching, I couldn't schedule an appointment for "the time". When I took him in for his checkup and the doctor basically told me there's nothing more to be done, I decided then and there to let him go. The doc said I could take him home over the weekend (4th of July weekend), but that would have been WAY too hard.
Oh boy, tears are flowing again.............

[katladyd]

We never forget them or stop loving them. That is mostly good, but at times it hurts like H*ll! I am thinking of you and Ash and wishing you an easy time with your decision. If Ash rebounds, I will be soo happy for you, but I know you know better than I when the time has come. Give Ash kisses from me. He will be missed.:(

[trayi52]

Carole, Ash is a blessing to you, and yes I know that feeling too. I lost Buffy last summer, and I am still grieving over her. I just hate to see you go through this now. Just know that you are in all of our thoughts.

Willie:(

[krazyaboutkatz]

Carole, I'm so sorry to hear that Ash isn't doing well and that his time may be up.:( I know all to well how hard it is to put a beloved animal down even though you know that you're doing the right thing. I'll keep you and Ash in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care. (((HUGS)))

[Scooter's Mom]

I am so sorry to hear this about dear Ash. Sending prayers for you.

[Queen of Poop]

Praying for a miracle. Failing the miracle, praying for a peaceful trip to the Bridge for dear Ash. It is the most difficult decision ever. Hugs for you to help get you thru it. Please give Ash a kiss from me. :love:

[catmandu]

That has to be thaehardest thingto do, to make that decision to have your Fur Companion PTS when you are hoping against hope that they will have more time.
My Bo Bo was sadly like that nad My Vet said that there was little that could be done for her, except to try her on different meds.
She was ailing and I was going to take her in, when she vanished and I found her cold under the steps.
I felt badly that she died in dirt:(
We are all sending prayers for Ash and you will have a few days to show Ash how much he meant to you, and you can get some spoiling in.
God Bless You in this difficult time :love:

[Anikaca77]

I am so sorry to hear about sweet Ash. My prays for you and Ash.

Melissa

[Randi]

Carole, I'm so very sorry you are facing this. :( I know it hurts badly, but you are doing it for Ash. I am sure he can feel your love and he will want you to let him go, if he is suffering and nothing can be done. It is one of hardest things to say goodbye to a loved one :(

My thoughts are with you, and I hope Ash will have a peaceful passing. :love:

((((hugs))))

[momcat]

Carole,
Even when we know time is running out, I'm not sure we can prepare ourselves for such a loss. Like your other PT friends, I too am praying for that miracle. If that's not to be, take comfort in knowing that because of you Ash knew nothing but unconditional love and the life that every kitty deserves. Keep him in your heart always.

Sending gentle lovies to sweet Ash and many [[[[[HUGS]]]]] to you.

[astrid]

I'm so sorry for the sad news :(
It's so sad for us, humans, to let our babies go but that's what's best for them since they're suffering.
Ash has had a beautiful life, full of love and joy thanks to you and he knows it, he'll always remember that and he'll always be watching over you.

Big hugs to you and my best wishes for a peaceful passing for little Ash.

[carole]

coming here has helped me so much, i knew here i would have the support and understanding i so much need right now, every time i read your posts i cry ,but they are good tears if you know what i mean.

Did not sleep well last night, got up at 1.20 am to check on Ash, he had moved off the couch and was sitting awake on the floor, i gave him pats and tried with food, but alas no luck ,he ate nothing yesterday, and today is the same, but damn it ,i won't give up trying, i hate bothering him, he just wants to be left alone, but i have to at least try, he did drink though,his spirit is broken, i can just tell, he has not much fight left in him now.

I was regretting getting up because then he started pacing up and down the room wanting outside, however after about 5mins he went over to the litter box and did a big pee, i was so proud of my ole fella, you see Ash is not accustomed to using litter boxes, but he was so good, and also i thought well he cannot be too de-hydrated, that was the only one he did.

Today he just wants to sit in the driveway, he really does not like me giving him attention, he just cannot be bothered with pats and loves, but i do my best and try to give him some when he will tolerate it, i know it is his mouth that is the problem, and i know it is because of the kidney failure, i felt long time ago, it would be his mouth that would take him out before the kidney failure,if you know what i mean.

I was not keen to pill him last night, as i thought i should just leave him in peace, it has always been a struggle and stress for him and us, but my husband convinced me we should, luckily it went well, i know how sick he is because he did not put up much of a fight, they must be helping him somewhat though as he was not near as weak today in his back legs, considering his lack of food and condition.

I have tried everything possible, all cat food ,biscuits, baby food,cat milk, mince ,chicken,even some smoked snapper, but he just sniffs and walks away,i have always found feeding him a challenge over the last 19mths, but stuck with it, doing anything to get him to eat, and it paid off,but this time is different and i know that, sadly there is not going to be a miracle, i know that.

I was amazed at him this morning though i brought him inside as i do everytime my daughter and husband leave in the car as he has been a bit slack at getting out of the way for some time now,and i had shut him in,but the middle door got opened and he still could not get outside, except he went into the bathroom window and jumped out, and it is quite a height, was worried he would hurt himself, but he is fine, could not believe he had enough energy to even do that,he is a strong ole boy for sure.

Yes i hope the passing will be peaceful, i am concerned because when i went with my friend Jane for her kitty, they had trouble getting the needle in, it was very distressing, i could not bear that , if it happened again and to my Ash, i would want to run away and take him home again.

I had always planned to have a nice box all ready for Ash, but had not done it yet, as it felt wrong to do with him still going so strong, now i have nothing prepared, i guess i will find something, but i want it to be special for my ole guy,Ash will always be with me, i have his pic on my mobile, and will treasure it forever, i have a nice place picked out for him under the a pretty bush in the garden, he often used to sit there, and i see it every time i go outside,feels weird talking about this with him still here, but one just feels the need to share.

It is going to be another tough day ahead and tomorrow will be even worse, i think this is the worst part of it all, i am sure when Ash has passed there will be sadness but relief too , i am sure you know what i mean by that.

Again thanks for your kindness, it means the world to me right now.

Here are two pics of my lovely ole boy, taking just two days ago, the pics do him justice, he is half the kitty he used to be, but at least in these pics he does not look too bad,although if you look in my siggy you will see what Ash used to look like a big healthy rotund pussy cat, sad to see him waste away like this, but that is the damn nature of this illness.

[ChrisH]

Oh, Carole, lots of les here. Such a sad and hard time for you. Prayers and love going out for you both.

[slick]

Oh Carole, I really hate to say this but in those pictures, he looks like he's given up. I don't see any will to live. I know it's going to hurt you to read that but I saw this all too well in Max in the days before I helped him to the Bridge. I found that even before Max left me, I was browsing Petfinder just to see....and I felt guilty for doing that. Don't feel bad for getting your "ducks in a row". Preparation is necessary and oh so hard to do. I'm glad you've picked out a nice spot for him - I'm sure he will be very happy there and will watch over you. When he gets to the Bridge he will be whole again - his tired old, weak body will be restored to the Ash you knew before.

I was right where you are now and I hurts more than words can say.:(:( I feel your pain and taste your tears. Cry, cry and cry some more if you must but take comfort in knowing that we are here and understand and we "get it." You are putting Ash first and are doing what's best for him. He knows you love him. :love:

{{{big hugs}}} slick xoxo:love:

[lizbud]

I am so sorry this is happening with your boy Ash.:( Being so close
emotionaly with our pets, we can tell when the light goes off in their
eyes. :( You know they are in pain.:( I truly believe it is the last kindness
we can ever do for them is to help them to pass peacefully. Will keep you
and Ash in my prayers at this sad time.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

My heart aches for you. I know how yours is being ripped out right now. Letting Leonardo go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it was best for him.
Prayers for you both. :love: :love:

[jennielynn1970]

Oh Carole, I'm so sorry to be reading that it will soon be Ash's time to go to the Bridge. He looks like such a sweet old soul. I will be thinking of the both of you. HUGS and give Ash some pats and lovies for me.

[carole]

Thank you, i know i have made the right call now, it has been going on in my mind, should I , should I not, but I know it is time to let my ole guy go peacefully,he deserves to leave earth in peace and with dignity, and that is the way i want it to be.

I am going to find it so weird without him, he has taken up so much of my time, looking after him, time that i had, and gave with love,it is hard looking after a terminally ill kitty,such a rollercoaster ride, and full of emotions,sadness, anger,impatience , you name it, i have felt it,but i don't regret one bit of it, and I am gonna miss him so much, thank goodness i have three other furbabies to help me through it all,and of course all my dear PT friends,my husband Steve who has helped me with everything.,and been there when i have needed a shoulder to cry on.,guess i am going to be needing his shoulder big time on Saturday.

Slick i understand exactly what you are saying, yes i too see that his spirit has broken, he has given up,and i have no qualms about my decision now, and that makes it just a little more bearable, yes i have cried buckets already, i went for my shower and howled and howled, i had to stop i was feeling dizzy,but there are still more to come for sure, but hopefully when he has passed i will get peace too, i am sure i will,I have to say Slick i am so sorry you lost Max, i somehow missed that thread, i knew he was not doing well, and had been responding to you, but somehow i missed that, i feel awful, please accept my condolences, i know how much it has hurt you, and it is still very painful for you, HUGS to you and healing times ahead.

People who do not know the love of animals, are so missing out, i look at my little furbabies and it amazes me how we humans can love them so much, but hey how could we not,those who don't are missing out big time in their lives for sure.

But then comes this time and it hurts like you know what,but even so i would not have missed out on all those ten years or so of experiencing that love with my Ash.

I found this on Tanyas UK feline chronic renal failure site, it sums it up so well for me.

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives

even more temporary than our own

live within a fragile circle,

easily and often breached.

Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.

We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,

never fully understanding the necessary plan."

Irving Townsend "The Once Again Prince"

[katladyd]

Prayers for you and Ash. Yes, he does look very tired. He wants to play again and run again...and you can help him do just that. He will love you forever for that.:love:

[Momto4FemaleFelines]

Carole, my thoughts are with you. I'm sorry you are losing your beloved Ash.

[carole]

Well today is the day, and i am a bunch of nerves as you can imagine, did not sleep very well, and feeling sick to the stomach, but i did manage to eat something, surprisingly enough, headache from hell, all the usual things that go along with this terrible ordeal ahead.

I managed to get Ash to eat two tiny morsels of mince last night, i could not believe that he ate it, but in two days that is not enough to keep him going, he is still drinking though and peeing, just once a day and in the litter box, my sweet boy he is.

Last night he amazed me again, as weak as he must be feeling he ran upstairs to be with Melissa, he often used to go up with her and sleep on her bed, and that is what he did for part of the night, Melissa was very upset last night,she had her young man over and he is also a great animal lover having two dogs and three kitties at home, so understands, i was glad of the extra support for her, i did not pill Ash last night as i did not have the heart to bring him down and away from Melissa, it was the first time he had purred in three days,and he was all snuggled into her legs, and they were both asleep,he did come down not long after that my husband said and had a drink.

I still felt torn between whether to go ahead, especially as he is still so aware of everything going on around him, he looks up at me when i call his name, but does not come to me anymore, and he is not as weak in his back legs as two days ago, but i think that day he must have been de-hydrated as he was not drinking,however i know that he is slowly starving to death, and i cannot let him do that,i still think it is for his best to let him go today, and 99 per cent sure i will be doing that.

Please be with me in spirit, i am going to be an absolute mess,hardest thing i have ever had to do, and worst day in my life.

[Barbara]

Carole, my heart aches for you and Ash- and even more for you.
I am sure you will know what is the right thing to do but it is so heartbreaking to do it.

[carole]

Yes it is a difficult day indeed, i think having three days to think about it, only makes it worse, i have gone through it in my head so many times,how it will be etc, etc,wish i could think about something else, but i cannot.

He is under the car at the moment, that is where he goes now, i guess he likes it there because i cannot bother him anymore, he just wants to be left in peace, and i don't blame him, i have been trying to offer him food continuously all day in the hope he will eat, and he gets fed up of it, but i just can't give up on him, i know he has given up, and i almost feel the same way, but i just have to keep trying without infringing on his need to be left alone, but is a tad hard to do that.

[phesina]

Love to you and Ash and your family, Carole.

We are with you.

[caseysmom]

{{hugs}}

[RICHARD]

Carole,

I am sorry to hear the news.

Sending you best wishes and thoughts across the miles.

:(

[RedHedd]

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} we are with you

[dehlers43]

Carole, my heart goes out to you......my vet told me that when the kidneys start to fail the kitty gets a really bad taste in its mouth which makes food taste so bad it doesn't want to eat....that's what happened with my Charles. He was still perky mentally (considering he was almost 18 yrs old) and still responded to being loved up but I too knew it was time to say goodby.....
Sending all of you warm fuzzy thoughts......

[carole]

Ash wanted to be outside, but even though it is warm today, there is a real strong wind, i just could not let him stay out there, he did not put up any fight and is asleep on the couch right now,he is too weak to do anything much now,he still responds to his name, i took one last pic on my phone, and it is a good one, but you can see the sadness in his eyes,i have one pic of him already on my start up on the phone when he was much better and you can certainly see the difference.

I have questioned whether i was doing the right thing, especially when he ran upstairs last night, but today i have no doubts it is his time, it is paining me to have to wait until 1pm, one part of me wants to have him here for much longer, the other wants me to be able to put him out of his misery now,horrible feeling, my stomach feels so sick right now.

I made up his little box to bury him in, it is not much, just a cardboard box with some decorations i found, mostly xmas angels and the like,i may post some pics later when i feel i can. Thanks again everyone, i know you are with me at this sad time in my life and i appreciate your love and concern very much.

[slick]

I made up his little box to bury him in, it is not much, just a cardboard box with some decorations i found, mostly xmas angels and the like,i may post some pics later when i feel i can. LES LES ALERT :(
We are all with you Carole. When the time comes, close your eyes and feel a milliion and one arms around you..........

You are doing the right thing. Don't question that - the last act of love you can do for him.

[RedHedd]

Fly quickly to the Bridge, sweet Ash. May your passing be peaceful. LES here too

[moosmom]

Carole, you and ash Ash are in my prayers. After lighting a candle for MooShoo, I also lit one for Ash. I will keep them going.

Know that you are loved by everyone here and feel your pain. I certainly do.

:love::love:

Donna

[carole]

Ash passed very peacefully today, it was the hardest moment in my life, when i came home with him i felt an inner peace, but that did not last,again i feel sad and i feel empty like this huge hole left in my life,he is with me now in his little box, i have pics but just not up to posting at the moment,he looks very cute and at peace, hubby has dug a hole under the bush in the garden and we shall bury him tomorrow, just one more night with my sweet boy, i give him pats and talk to him, i know he cannot hear me no more, but it helps me with my grief.

We had to go out to get some things from the supermarket and coming home was so sad, he was always there to greet us, it just isn't the same without Ash.

One thing that did make me smile was Ellie, when steve had dug Ashes grave, she goes over there has a sniff and pops inside it sitting up, i took a pic of her on my mobile, as it was so cute, i told her you don't want to be going in there sweetie.

He only weighed 3.7 kilos at the vets, this was my big fella who used to weigh 6.7 kilos, he was just wasting away.

It has been a very tough day, i am emotionally drained, think i will have an early night, thanks again everyone, and i tell you all the way in the car to the vets i was finding it so hard, i just kept saying to myself all your PT friends are with you, be strong, and it helped me to compose myself, i was scaring Ash i think, and i just had to stop for his sake.

Goodnight all from me and Aships a brave kitty to the end.

One last thing if anyone could make me a memoriam up i would be ever so grateful,just a pic of him with some nice words,something i can keep for my treasured memories.

[cassiesmom]

Carole, I am thinking and praying for you today. (((HUGS))) --- elyse