Mom still doesn't get it...and I keep winding up in tears...

[Catty1]

Part 1: Financial Situation - Self-employed. Not (yet) making enough to cover all my bills and pay anything on my large line of credit.

Line of credit was taken out when I needed to consolidate my start-up expenses last year; one condition is that they paid out my mortgage as well. I have small investments that pay something on it every 3 months...but at this rate I won't pay it off in my lifetime.

My idea - sell my present place which will wipe out the LOC, and leave me something over.

Part 2: related to the above - achieving a predictable and liveable income. This is why I am doing the sleep test etc and consulting with my doc and a life/career coach (a professional and friend who is working pro bono!) so I can GET to the point where I need less than 11 hours sleep and am not so dragged out.


Mom, for all her undergrad and Masters' degree, cannot see the link between my lack of sleep and not being able to pay attention on the job (as well as the memory gaps). She thinks I should stay where I am for 2 - 3 years, use part of my investments to make a hole in the LOC, and wait til my income is more to where I can afford another place. (Mobile home is affordable, and I will have my OWN laundry!)

Thank God I have a couple of friends who support me, but it is hard, as Mom is the only family I have left.

She wants to come over and help me 'organize' the place. I keep saying I am not ready - and I'm not. Not ready for any negativity. I want to wait until I start the CPAP machine on the 9th and hopefully gain some energy to deal with her and everything else.

I am venting, sort of...if anyone here can look at my financial plan and give me feedback, please PM me as I don't want to lay out details here.

Thanks. :(

[happylabs]

I am not real good with planning and figures but I can give you some moral support. I can totally relate to lack of sleep causing memory issues. Our brains and bodies are just like rechargeable batteries. If they do not get recharged, they do not work properly. It is tough when you have a parent or loved one that is into the negativity thing. My father was always like that. However, the more he told me I couldn't do something, the more I wanted to prove him wrong!

Hang in there. Hope things get better soon for you.

[Kirsten]

I'm with you on this one, Candace!

I'm afraid I cannot offer any helpful advice, but I know how hard life can be with a constant lack of energy. I'm in the same situation, unemployed even, and I don't see any perspective how I can ever do another job without being burned out again in no time!

We just have to hope that things will get better for us one day!

Kirsten

[Catty1]

Thanks, you two...

Kirsten, I don't know if you read my other posts. I had a sleep test and found out I have sleep apnea, which really saps energy. I stop breathing or brealy stop 15 times an hour!

Have you had a sleep study done? It just takes overnight. Might be worth checking out.

Also - any thoughts of using prints of your photos to raise funds for animal shelters and the like? They would love that!

[Queen of Poop]

Behind you 100% dear!! I'm here anytime you need to vent, a shoulder, anything. I'm not sure I'd be much help with your financial info right now, got enough of those troubles of my own right now.

[Catty1]

Thanks, Gayle...with my depression and ADD symptoms, which might also be aggravated by my sleep apnea, I am afraid to even TRY for a 'real job' as I have gone through about 11 of them since moving to Alberta some 10 years ago. :(

I hope I get this figured out.

[Kirsten]

Have you had a sleep study done? It just takes overnight. Might be worth checking out.

No, I haven't done it yet, and I think I would really have a problem with that because I could never sleep with other people watching me!

What did they suggest for you to do now once they've found out it's sleep apnoe?


Also - any thoughts of using prints of your photos to raise funds for animal shelters and the like? They would love that!

Yes, that may be worth a try. Once I'm feeling a bit better (I'm also dealing with depression for a couple of months now, and with constant nausea), I can try that... :)

[Catty1]

Kristen, I did a sleep study at home! You get instructions on how to hook yourself up...All I had was an oxygen sensor taped to my index finger, a wee microphone (small disc) on my throat just above the hollow of it, and the cannula in my nose....that is the thin tube with the wee prongs that you wear when you are getting oxygen in the hospital...except this one just measures your breathing.

Oh - and medical tape...the mic and thin tube on the face need a little help!:)

[Kirsten]

Kristen, I did a sleep study at home! You get instructions on how to hook yourself up...All I had was an oxygen sensor taped to my index finger, a wee microphone (small disc) on my throat just above the hollow of it, and the cannula in my nose....that is the thin tube with the wee prongs that you wear when you are getting oxygen in the hospital...except this one just measures your breathing.

Oh - and medical tape...the mic and thin tube on the face need a little help!:)

Interesting, that sounds much better, but as far as I know, they only do it in a hospital here, in a so-called sleep-lab, where they monitor everything. :(

[Catty1]

Well, Kirsten - all you can do is ask! :) One is allowed to use a sleep aid for the hospital test. But hopefully there is the other option.

[Queen of Poop]

The Cochrane Humane Society has an opening, if you weren't aware, it is:

We are hiring a part time Adoption Specialist.
The position is 10 hours per week, Friday 2:00 - 7:00pm & Saturday noon - 5:00pm, with the possibility of additional hours

Maybe something you'd be interested in.

[phesina]

Dear Candace, that must be nightmarish (if that's the right word under these circumstances), not being able to get sufficient sleep. That's a reason to be depressed and have attention deficits and no energy right there.

I have no financial expertise either.. but it sounds like you have ideas and plans and some expert advisers to help you make them work.

As for Mom, all I can think is: I am guessing she is from an earlier generation, before conditions such as depression and sleep apnea and ADD were well known and studied and treated. In my parents' day, the solution was to put on the Stiff Upper Lip and Get Busy .. Perhaps your mother's too?

If so, see if you can regard her in that light when she gets on you that way... Remember, she isn't saying these things to hurt you or punish you; she really thinks that's the way to solve the problem.

That's a hard one, no matter what, contending with all that. I am wishing for you the strength and peace of mind to deal with all this. And I lit a candle: http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=10105433

You are welcome to vent here any time you feel the need! You know you have loads of friends here who want nothing but the best for you.

Big loving good wishes to you and ~~~~~PURRS~~~~~ and {{{{{HUGS}}}}} :love::love::love::love::love::love:
from the cats and me.

[davidpizzica]

Candace, I may not be able to help you with your money problems, but I can give you moral support with the CPAP machine and the sleep apnea!

[Catty1]

Gayle, thanks - I didn't see that. Will go have a look. I did get a first interview for Admin Asst there last year, but not the second.

Will check it out. :)

Thanks, David...I am just getting the nasal mask, we'll see how it goes. I am determined to make it work, the results are worth it!

Pat - thank you for the candle. It is somewhat my mom's generation...but we are both elder daughters and that carries the attitude "Be reasonable - do it my way!" ;):D

ETA: Gayle, I looked at the job description and I am terrified. It is complicated, and one I would not consider until I am healthier. I can see me melting down...animal behaviour reports, dealing with surrenders and adoptions and people, emotional things. I am just not ready.

But THANK YOU for letting me know.

[Laura's Babies]

We have a very large guy on the boat who is next to impossible to wake up. In talking one day he says he has a sleep study done and had to have one of those C-PAC things and it made all the difference in the world in how he felt, able to get out of bed on time, full of energy, just changed his life and 100% improved it.. When I asked why he isn't using it, he said it broke and he can't afford to replace it..

This is a guy who takes his family to Disney world, plans week end getaways for him and his wife, buys big screen TV's, X-boxes, tons of games for them and all sorts of expensive "toys"... But he can't afford a machine that could someday save his LIFE? :eek:

It CAN and WILL make a difference in how you feel and your whole life could turn around as a result of that sleep study.

As for living in a mobile home.. I LOVE it! I know they all pretty much look the same outside but inside, they are so different and it is unbelievable how much they have improved since I lived in my first one. I could have afforded a bigger and better one than I have but my object was to get mine paid off asap. I had it financed for 7 years and paid it off in 5! Unless you have your own property, factor in lot rent. Once I move mine to where we will be permanently, I am adding a nice sized front porch and a room on the back for the washer/dryer and the girls litter boxes. I also hope to be able to put a roof over top of it..(I want a tin roof!)

I was talking to Rie Rie today about getting the water and sewage done NOW so when I get ready to move, all that I will have to do is move.

Keep to your plan. Everyone needs a plan. My life has been so much easier because I planned mine since I was 15 years old. Now I am planning for my retirement and that is when I will move onto private property and not have rent to pay, car notes or house payments, thanks to planning and sticking to the plan.

[Medusa]

Candace, you have my moral support, as always. As for financial advice, I'm hardly one to advise anyone. I do know how exhausting insomnia can be. Sleep has never been my friend and it's imperative for good mental health. I do hope that the CPAP machine helps. I saw something on TV today called "No Mask" if the CPAP turns out that you just don't like it. www.nomask.com

Prayers on the way. Keep the faythe. :love:

[Alysser]

Candace, I am so sorry you're having so much trouble with your mom. I will always be here to offer a shoulder. (((hugs))) I know things will work out for you both.

[Pinot's Mom]

Candace, I don't how old you are (or your Mother), but I can sympathize with Mom issues. My Mother and I were oil and water from when I can remember until long into my adult life. Things were awful for many, many years. At some point, however, I decided my Mother was from a different generation, a different place, a different perspective, and she could not mess with my head any more. It was very freeing. I dealt with her with humor as much as possible and it served me well. You have to get to that place where you can deal with her, and you'll be much better off for it; it's up to you, though. Mother's been gone for 10 years, and I thank God for that difference in our relationship.

Good luck, and Peace. Let me know if I can help.

Maggie

[DJFyrewolf36]

Im here for you! Im not great with financial matters however I am a good listener. :D Ive been where you are, feeling too cruddy to focus. Getting you taken care of is the most important thing, you cant do much for anyone else if you're out of comission. *Hugs* and prayers on the way!

[wombat2u2004]

No, I haven't done it yet, and I think I would really have a problem with that because I could never sleep with other people watching me!
What did they suggest for you to do now once they've found out it's sleep apnoe?

A hospital test is no big deal Kirsten, you get your own room that is soundproofed.....you get wired up to a computer that is away in another room. They fit you with the machine and mask, and leave you to go to sleep.
Nobody is there with you, and nobody watches you.
In the morning they unplug you, and let you know what the results were (the nurses sort of give you a general rundown)........then off you go to the Sleep Specialist who will tell you exactly what the story is.

As for remedies, that depends on certain circumstances.
1) If you smoke, then you are going to have to give that up.
2) If you are overweight, then you are going to have to diet and lose weight.
Providing that the problem is linked to those two conditions (and it is in a lot of cases), then you will be tested again at a later date to monitor whether the stop smoking or diet has helped you sufficiently to allow your body to get the oxygen it needs when you sleep.
3) The specialist may suggest that you immediately use a CPAP machine, especially if your computer readings are not satisfactory, and that sometimes has to do with your body anatomy. The most common anatomical cause (and there are others) I refer to is your tongue. It was explained to me by my specialist that a great percentage of peoples tongues sit a little further back in there mouths than what they should. I am in that category, there are many people in that category, we are born that way.
What happens during sleep, is that your tongue becomes as soft as jelly, and it slides backwards and actually blocks off your air passages. Your body reacts to that, you partly wake and gasp for breath, the tongue moves forward again so that you can breathe properly......that is an Apnea !!!!
Some people have only a few a night, others have many more. When I was tested, I was having Apnea's a few times a minute.....that's how serious my condition was.

CPAP machines take a little getting used to....took me about 2 or 3 months to actually get used to this bothersome mask on my face all night. but hang in there, put up with the bother, and in no time you will be so used to it, that you won't even think about it....and you won't want to sleep without it.
You will wake refreshed, you will not require as much sleep, and you will feel much better during the day, more motivated and healthy, as your body will respond to that correct amount of oxygen you get whilst you sleep.
It's well worth it mate.....I have been on one now for a long while, and I just don't know what life would be like without it.

Also, there are a number of masks available, all quite differently shaped. Ask the nurses when you do your test if you can try a few just for comforts sake.
That's what I did, and I found one perfect for myself.....so just don't take what they give you......after all.....it's your sleep....make it comfortable as you can for yourself.
Best of luck with that.......
Wom

[wombat2u2004]

Kirsten, I don't know if you read my other posts. I had a sleep test and found out I have sleep apnea, which really saps energy. I stop breathing or brealy stop 15 times an hour!

Candace, if you don't have the CPAP machine yet, I have a suggestion that may help you until you do get the machine.
Sleep on your side with your head hanging slightly over the edge of the bed.
It keeps your air passages open. It may be a little uncomfortable to stay that way all night, but perhaps you could wake and swap sides from time to time. That's what I was told to do by my specialist whilst waiting for my machine to arrive.
Hope that helps.

As for your financial position......don't ask me mate, I'm bloody useless with money....LOLOL. But I hope it will all work out well for you.

Wom

[Puckstop31]

I'm not an expert on sleep issues as I am blessed to sleep like a rock and I fall asleep fast.

But one of the other owners of our company, the founder and BIG brain, had sleep apnea issues. He went and had the test done. The result being they performed a "minor" procedure on his sinuses. It RADICALLY changed his life for the better.

Not being able to sleep can REALLY mess you up. Big time prayers on the way for ya. On top of that, don't let the ADD/Depression win. I 'suffered' from both for a time. I reckon I still have a touch of ADD, but in a way its a good thing for a geek to have. Ya know? I can stay SUPER focused on the task at hand when I have a foreseeable goal. Its the multitasking that suffers at times. LOL

[Catty1]

Thanks, all. Update here, not that it is a big deal.

After exchanging a couple of emails with my financial advisor, it occurred to me that one way through was to stay where I was for about a year, to give myself time to go through the whole regaining-health-and-employment process.

It occurred to me that that might have been what Mom was trying to get across. It was...but she just didn't put it the same way.

Also...things are edging ever so slowly towards 'the mother becomes the daughter'...so with an aging mom and my brain under stress and not-great sleep, it's a great breeding ground for confusion.

I do pray that I am able to support myself - even on a form of disability while working part time. I am willing to work. I am. Lessening my leaning on mom is becoming more and more important.

Thanks, everyone.:love:

[wombat2u2004]

But one of the other owners of our company, the founder and BIG brain, had sleep apnea issues. He went and had the test done. The result being they performed a "minor" procedure on his sinuses. It RADICALLY changed his life for the better.

Yes Puck, surgery is an option, and I'm glad they could cure your boss.
Thing is tho, that there are many problems associated, and not all surgical procedures are that simple. Some procedures are actually very involved, and can cause the patient many months of pain after the op. As I explained previously, the tongue sitting back in the mouth more than what it should in a lot of people, prompts the specialists to advise the use of a CPAP unit, as I'm sure that surgery for that particular condition would not be simple, probably cost mega-bucks, and be very painful indeed.
Wom

[cassiesmom]

depression and sleep apnea

Catty1, I have both and I have a CPAP for the sleep apnea. Are you taking an SSRI or an SNRI? You don't have to answer that question in a post, but if you are, did you know this class of meds suppresses REM sleep? So that might be contributing to your sleep issues.

Can you get the CPAP any sooner than the 9th? I can tell you from firsthand experience that you will sleep better with it. I don't know about other CPAP users on Pet Talk but I use the humidifier every night, summer and winter. I get dry mouth and nose in the morning from the pressurized air without the humidity. Even my eyes get dry. Gotta have the humidity.

HUGS from me and PURRS from Cassie,
Elyse

[wombat2u2004]

Catty1, I have both and I have a CPAP for the sleep apnea. Are you taking an SSRI or an SNRI? You don't have to answer that question in a post, but if you are, did you know this class of meds suppresses REM sleep? So that might be contributing to your sleep issues.

Can you get the CPAP any sooner than the 9th? I can tell you from firsthand experience that you will sleep better with it. I don't know about other CPAP users on Pet Talk but I use the humidifier every night, summer and winter. I get dry mouth and nose in the morning from the pressurized air without the humidity. Even my eyes get dry. Gotta have the humidity.

HUGS from me and PURRS from Cassie,
Elyse

The humidifier is a must Elyse........I ran out of water in one night and had to get up in the middle of the night to have a drink of something.

[Catty1]

cassiesmom and Wom - first, the SSRI was seen as one factor in my daytime fatigue in addition to the apnea; it is a sedating one. My doc and I will look at that once we get the CPAP under way.

I will certainly ask the tech about humidifier - apparently I need only the nasal mask, so not sure what difference that will make.

Looking forward to this for sure! It's less than a week away.

How to pay for it?....hmmm...hold a benefit concert and I will play and sing! LOL

[Anikaca77]

Candace-

I'm so sorry to hear about all the troubles you've been going through. I had a sleep test done a few years ago and I didn't like it. They all these wires hooked up into my hair and made my hair all messy. Overall though I passed. There was only one small amt. that I stopped breathing but it wasn't really a big deal. They couldn't hear me snoring I guess or grinding my teeth but I don't think they were really listening because when I woke up and had to pee they couldn't hear me.

I'm glad you got to do yours at home.

I'm not good with any advice on money sorry. I'll be here for support though.

Melissa

[wombat2u2004]

Candace,
Actually the humidifier is an integral part of the small machine that pumps the air into your mask. The machine has a small reservior in it, that needs to be filled with water. What happens is, the air blows over the water, thus creating damp air.....so the air you are breathing isn't dry. There are settings on the machine to adjust the humidity level, you will work that one out and set it to your own particular comfort level.
But always check that reservior, the water lasts a few days, and if the water runs out, you will wake with a parched mouth, and need to get up out of bed for a drink.....so keep the water level topped up.
Also, the machine comes with a very small heating plate that sits underneath the reservior, it will ensure that when you put the mask on, the air that you breathe in is not really cold. So the right thing to do, is switch on the machine a half hour before sleep, the thermostat will cut in, and when you put the mask on, the air will be kind of warm for you.

Now because of all of this great sleep you will be getting, and all this advice you are getting from us, we require more input into PT by you.....hee hee