How far do you live from your parents?

[sumbirdy]

Right now I live WITH my parents. However I was offered a job that pays more than my current one and next February I will be moving 4 hours away to take it. My boyfriend lives 7 hours from the place I am moving to and hopefully one day I will be living up there with him where there will be 2 benefits. A) The guy I adore and B) Even BETTER jobs and a great college. Well maybe that's 3 benefits. My problem is...my mother thinks because I'm moving away that I don't love her and don't want to be around her. That's not true...but I do want independence and a life, and I do want to go somewhere where I'm able to survive on my own (here I have to live with my parents because I don't even make enough to be able to afford my own place) Plus my best friend lives where I'm moving to, so I'll have someone I know there. I can't seem to make her see my reasoning. Anyway she tried to tell me that the majority of people live close to their parents, so it got me thinking, how far do YOU live from your parents? If you moved far away how did it go over with them? What made you decide to stay close or move away?

[chocolatepuppy]

I'm only 10 miles from my parents. I did however live 1,000 miles away for five years. Luckily we did get to visit as my parents could afford the trip. My parents were happy about the move as my husband and I couldn't find suitable work here at the time.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

Four hours isn't too far away- it's close enough to come home on the weekends if you want to! Do you think you will room with your friend?

My mom lives 800 miles away and my dad lives over 1,000 miles away. At first I missed my mom quite a bit, but now I am used to it (we have lived here 3.5 years). I still get to see my mom at least 4 times a year and my dad probably once a year.

Good luck! :)

[sumbirdy]

I'll probably be staying with my friend until I can find a place of my own. And I'll be useful there. Her husband just died about 6 months ago and she's trying to raise her little girl, so I'm sure I can find ways to be needed there.

[Karen]

We live 45 miles from my dad, and about 3 1/2 miles from Paul's mom. Distance has nothing to do with love, or with caring, tell your mom that, okay? You're an American - we are peripatetic folks! ;) It's not like it's 1809 and you'd have to rely on letters for communication! And she does want you to succeed in life, I am sure. Change is hard, some folks resist it with a lot of energy, but often it is a good thing!

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

We live 47 miles from my dad. I wish it was closerby, it takes us 50 minutes to get there! He will be 87 in January!

[Taz_Zoee]

I live about an hour and a half from my parents. I did live a little over two hours away for several years. Where we live is perfect. Go north an hour and a half and you're at my parents, go south the same distance and you're at Bruce's moms.
My sister lives over 8 hours away. But my parents have always been very supportive of what we choose to do in our lives. My brother and his family live right next door to my parents, so they always have family very close by. I go visit often and my sister comes down when she can.

Don't let your mom influence your decision too much. She might not like the arrangements at first, but you will all adjust after a while. Personally I think it might make the relationship even stronger. You'll cherish time spent together even more. Like Karen said, let her know you still love her. Moving away doesn't change that. :) Make plans to talk on the phone on a regular schedule. I talk to my mom on my way home from work twice a week (it was everyday but I run out of minutes on my phone, so we had to cut it down to twice a week). She even started watching some of the shows I watch so we have things to talk about. :p

[Queen of Poop]

I live and hour and a half away from my parents. One hour north, half hour west when you're driving the speed limit and the weather is favorable.

[moosmom]

Well, since both my parents are taking dirt naps, I'd say about 30 minutes away. Rose Hill Memorial Park is a beautiful place, peaceful and serene.

[aTailOf2Kitties]

I've never lived more than an hour from my parents, even when I was in college. I'm an only child so they miss me when I'm gone, LOL. Right now I'm about 15 minutes away.

[prechrswife]

I'm about a 13-14 hour drive away from my parents. I don't like being that far away, but it is a work-related thing for us. We're about 8 hours from my husband's mom.

[sparks19]

I live about 9-10 hours away from my parents and Brian lives about 16+ hours from his parents. so we are kind of in between both sets of parents.

Brians mom is very sad that they live so far away because she wants to be closer to Hannah of course all the grandparents feel that way.

My mom is very happy for me that I am living somewhere that I love and am very happy.

My dad is kind of like the OP's mom. he thinks that my number one priority should always be them. he doesn't really get that I have my own little family now. not that he isn't a part of it... he is. but getting up there for every single event and holiday is just not possible and he guilts me all the time about it and it really puts a damper on the time I do spend with him or when I talk to him. I'd like to enjoy my time visiting but half of the time is spent complaining that I don't get up there enough and he takes it personally when we go visit Brians parents in stead of coming up there like his parents don't matter and don't deserve to see us. but I am the only child that lives more than an hour away and two of which live just down the street. so he just can't really understand why I live far away.

[cassiesmom]

How far do YOU live from your parents? If you moved far away how did it go over with them? What made you decide to stay close or move away?

8 miles. About a 20-minute drive, but I can do it in 15 in a pinch. But less than a mile from my brother and his family. I chose the neighborhood where I live now because it's close to my brother and family and to my sister and family. I had an opportunity to live in downtown Chicago when I worked at RIC, which I didn't take, but I should have jumped at the chance.

[*LabLoverKEB*]

Oh, you know, right down the hall. :)

[gemini9961]

About 20 minutes away from my parents and 10 minutes from the in-laws. All of my family lives pretty close to each other, the furthest away is an hour.

[krazyaboutkatz]

I live about 20 minutes away from my parents. My two brothers live much farther away. One lives in Texas and the other one lives in San Diego which would be 8-10 hours away I think. They do have another home in San Clemete which is about 45 minutes from my brother in San Diego. When my parents are in town, I have dinner with them every Sunday.

[Genny]

I live w/ my parents. Or my mom I mean. My dad lives about 20 min. away. I live w/ my mom cause I have no reason not to...I don't have a husband or any kids...I help my mom out w/ payments sometimes...and she doesn't mind it so it just works out for us :) I dunno when I'll ever move out...guess when I get married and have to lol.

But I don't think just because you're moving it means you love your mom any less. I bet she's just gonna miss you a bunch and the thought of her daughter being 4 hours away might be a little scary or somethin! She'll get use to it, don't feel bad.

[finn's mom]

16 hours. :( 1000 miles. :( :( We are in Fort Worth, Texas and my parents are in Columbia, South Carolina. David's parents are in Leesville, Louisiana, about 5 hours from us.

[finn's mom]

As for why I moved, it was to be with my husband (we started dating in 2006, and I moved to Texas to be with him). My mother was saddened by my leaving, as was I. But, she is and always been very supportive and encouraging in me creating my own family. And, sometimes that means being apart from them. In a perfect world, we'd all live within an hour of each other. David would be fine with moving to the Carolinas but the work just isnt there for him.

[Miranda_Rae]

Right now i live in their basement (gosh that sounds HORRIBLE:p) but in three months I'll be moving 3 hours away from them, and closer to the inlaws. oh for joy!

[Donnaj4962]

My folks CHOSE to move AWAY from their kids! They retired from Indiana to Florida! So, we are about 18 hours away by car.... but only about 3 hours by plane! We always try to visit when we can, and they ALWAYS come to Indiana for a wedding, Christmas, and usually once a summer. We miss one another, but as others have said, fortunately we live in the age of technology, and we are only a phone call/email away from one another. I talk to my folks probably 3 or 4 times a week, and the emails can be even more frequent.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I only live a little over an our from both my parents and my husband's parents. We don't live here because of our parents though, we live here because this is where my husband's job is.

My husband has 2 sisters, one is a 9 hour drive away, and the other is a 24 or so hour drive away. The one that lives 9 hours away visits a few times a year, the other visits for a couple weeks every summer (she and her son fly down). My in-laws also visit each of their daughters a couple times a year.

[anna_66]

I wish I was only 4 hours from my parents, that would be awesome!

They live in South Carolina which is about 530 miles from here. It is of course better than the 1050 miles we used to live from them.

[sumbirdy]

Thank you all for your responses!

Mom is still acting like I am deserting her. I don't want to NOT take this opportunity and look back and regret it. I think it's a great way for me to get started on my own and it's something I really want to do. It just puts a damper on things I guess that she's so unhappy about it and looks at it like I'm betraying her and that I don't care.

[kokopup]

My parents are no longer alive. When i was younger I had several jobs that
took me thousands of miles away and then there were periods where they
lived just down the street. When my father died we lived very close by and
in fact planned to go out for my Birthday when news came to me at work that he had died. When my mother died we lived very close and I was seeing her quite often since he suffered from dementia and we knew her days were numbered.

Now the role is reversed and my son has lived thousands of mile away for
a about 20 years. There was a short period while I lived in the Netherlands
he was stationed in Germany so I saw him all the time. We had 2 Christmas
over there and I was able to rent places in Austrian Alps so we could have Christmas together.

My son just a year ago moved to Alabama from Arizona, and now is my next
door neighbor.

[Trinityagain]

I am about an hour (on a bad) from both my mom and my in-laws, so not too bad.

[Karen]

Thank you all for your responses!

Mom is still acting like I am deserting her. I don't want to NOT take this opportunity and look back and regret it. I think it's a great way for me to get started on my own and it's something I really want to do. It just puts a damper on things I guess that she's so unhappy about it and looks at it like I'm betraying her and that I don't care.

Tell her:

I am your daughter, and always will be
Nothing can change that;
Not miles, not years, nor physical distance
All you have taught me,
Intentionally or not
By lesson, or example
Will always be part of me
As will the undeniable physical things
The curve of my jaw, the way that I laugh
All the things that I see in the mirror
That I see when I look at you
Will always be a part of me.
I am your daughter, and always will be
For better or worse, nothing can change that
Nor would I want it to.
But like a baby bird, my time has come
To leave the nest and try out my wings
To fly, on my own, and see what life brings
But no matter what,
I am your daughter
And always will be.

(adapted of course, if you got your jawline from your Dad's side, etc!
I got Dad's chin/jawline, but Ma's laugh and hair!)

[Alysser]

I live in my parents house, I can't legally move out yet. I say I can't wait till I move out but I don't know about that. I don't wanna go to a dorm or apartment just yet, We'll play it by ear. I love my parents so I cannot see myself moving to far away but I do wanna move out of Jersey, I want to go out west - preferably the northwest region. But I could settle for New England or NYC - love the city with all my heart too lol.

[pomtzu]

My first move from home took me 3000 miles across the country - from RI to CA. I married a military man, so we went where Uncle Sam directed us.

I only lived in CA for about 6 months, and then Uncle Sam decided we should move to VA, and we were there for about 2 years before my ex's enlistment was up. I talked him out of being a career man like his father and brother, since I hated not having roots anywhere. We then moved to MD for a few years, and then eventually to here in DE.

I would get back home to RI a couple of times a year, and my parents would come to visit us also. After my dad passed away, my mother moved to DE since she was a semi invalid and could not live by herself. When she passed away, she was buried next to my father in RI, and I haven't been back there since (about 25 yrs ago). :(

[Pinot's Mom]

I have not lived close to my parents for most of my life. When I was sixteen I moved from RI to MD, moved back for a short time with them (maybe 6 months) after high school, then out for good. I travelled back to Maryland after a couple of years and have been here ever since. My Mother passed on 10 years ago; my Father lives in Florida, happily with his "girlfriend" (they're over 80 - that just sounds funny) in separate houses. He comes here every Christmas; each of his kids visit him once a year in warmer weather.

My husband, on the other hand, had always lived near his parents (same town, he moved out at 18, though). They have both passed on as well.

[Seravieve]

I live about 15 minutes from my mom, 25 min from my dad. J's mom is about 20 min away and her dad is... 2 days of driving.. MO to AZ. He would have been 5 seconds away before they moved to AZ.

I was 3 hours away from here when I went to college. It was nice, but then it wasn't. I'm really close to my mom, so wanting to come home for things didnt happen as often because 6 hours of driving total usually outweighed whatever was happening.

It's hard to decide to move away from the family... J and I were considering moving to CO about a year and half ago. It would have been really hard on me to not see my mom as much, I think. It's all up to you though. Don't stay for her... you'll regret it later. And if you do move, I'm sure she'd realize it's not because of her that you're moving. Even if it does take a while, I'm sure she'd figure it out.

[emily_the_spoiled]

We never had much choice but to move away when we finished high school. The closest university was 1.5 hours away from my parents, then when I graduated there were no jobs in either city, so I ended up moving 6 hours away. Since that time I have immigrated to a different country and we now measure our distance by time zones and not miles. To do the drive it is 12 hours a day for 3 days or you can fly but it still take a full day.

There are advantages and disadvantages to this, but I guess it depends on what you are looking for :)

[popcornbird]

I live just about a mile and a half from my parents. I love being close to them, and wouldn't 'choose' to live far unless I absolutely had to. My brother also lives nearby. I personally feel that being near the family is a huge blessing. My mom has completely gone out of her way to help me throughout my pregnancy, and it has been a huge help.

My husband's parents, on the other hand live on the other side of the world. Unfortunately, its hard to visit frequently because tickets to go that far are expensive, but luckily, they were able to come for our wedding nearly 4 years ago, and we were able to visit them two times since then. They're planning on coming to see us a few months after the baby is born, and will probably stay with us for a couple of months. It will be their chance to spend some time with their grandchild in his infancy, so it will be nice.

[Felicia's Mom]

My parents are no longer living.

[K9karen]

Oh Geesh. You're getting the same guilt trip stuff my mom gave me and my brother all the time and we were older than you.
My brother (4 yrs older) got a lovely studio in downtown Philly, to be closer to work, about 10 years ago, furnished it etc. He mentioned coming home to do wash and sometimes eat, because he can't boil water. Mom told him that once he's out, he's out for good and don't come back if he didn't like the way we live. Holy Cow! She did the same to me too many years ago. Fortunately for her, my dad started getting ill and it spazed her out, so we both gave up and stayed home.

In reality, though, we always had it good. No curfews, lots of freedom etc. Only when we both had great jobs did she ask for money, Before that, she refused it, wanting us to save for our futures. I admit we had a great time together. I always hate saying my mom was my best friend, but she was. The best shopper, so much fun and great to talk to. Not to take credit away from my awesome dad, but a girl's relationship with her mom is different. I don't think my dad cared if we stayed or went. He just hated for us to spend unneccessary money when we had it so good at home. Now it's my house anyway.

They're both gone now, but live within me. Can't get much closer than that. (and still no curfew!!! :p)

[KYS]

I think whether you live close or far away it has nothing to do with how
much you love your family. Sometimes for financial reason or others reasons it just not possible to live near your family.

I have a very close family. All of my sisters and I live no more than 6 miles from each-other.
When we married we all rented or bought homes as close to our parents as possible.
For us it works and we try to get together every Sunday for Brunch.
As for my neices and nephews, they live near school or closer to where their job is, but none of them live more than an hour away. (If they had to live further to get a job or go to school they would.)